Wine, Women, and Weddings
My youngest son was married last Saturday in San Diego. It was a big wedding; a stressful wedding; and a wedding that was not without its minor incidents. The bride (4-foot, 11 inches in heels) took her wedding vows atop a box standing beside my six-foot, four-inch son. She is Jewish. He is Catholic. The official was a former California Supreme Court Judge. The ceremony was your typical Judeo-Christian confusion. In his nervous confusion, my son even forgot to stomp on the glass. In retrospect now, I can say it was a very nice wedding and a good life send-off for my son and new daughter-in-law. They are now on their honeymoon in Kauai.
As the father of the groom, my responsibility was to pay for the rehearsal dinner for about 50 people. The father of the bride paid the bulk of the wedding tab for the 200 or so guests. I know what I had to shell out, but I can only imagine HIS Visa bill next month. Most of the guests were friends and relatives of the bride. There were even some surprise guests, including my wife's first husband and his third wife who spent the night explaining their somewhat distant relationship to my son. Our extended family is so confusing that I once had to make a chart for my puzzled granddaughter who couldn't figure out all of these uncles, aunts, and grandfathers. All of them loved her, so that is all that really mattered.
It is amazing how much booze people can consume when they don't have to pay for it. Personally, I do not drink alcohol. My choice not to drink is not religious or even health-related. I just do not like the taste or the effects of alcohol. Why is it when you refuse to drink alcohol some assume you are a recovering alcoholic? I don't go out and kill people either, but that doesn't mean I am a recovering murderer. I am actually pretty boring when it comes to substances or adult beverages. I never did drugs (even in the 60s), never drank, and never smoked. I am far from Sainthood, but booze is not my vice of choice. If you take me to a good sushi restaurant, you will see a true addict of sorts. I consider myself a "sushitute". Sorry, I am digressing a bit on the topic.
My wife loves wine, but she has to drink it with a guy who prefers diet soda (or water). One of my neighbors has a private winery; our best friends are members of a wine co-op. We live in wine country and yet I do not care for the taste of wine. At the wedding reception, the wine and alcohol was flowing. The DJ played music at a rock concert sound level that played havoc with my tinnitus. He played such timeless wedding classics as "I Like Big Butts". There were no Slovakian polkas or Appalachian clogging from my Pennsylvania hillbilly days. No chicken dance or hokey-pokey. Not that I really care, because I do not like to dance, either. I did my obligatory dances, of course, but I was not particularly comfortable with my awkward, 3rd grade skill level. Our five adult children and wife love to dance. As a matter of fact, our middle son, Benjamin, was responsible for the first injury of the night. And, yes, alcohol was involved. This is another reason why I don't drink -- it could lead to dancing.
During a particularly lively dance number, Benjamin tried to impress the single women with his Fred Astairian dance moves, one of which included jumping over another one of our sons, Alex. Alex tips the scale at well over 200 and, unfortunately, Benjamin did not complete his leap. He landed on his right elbow, sustaining a fracture of this proximal right radius. Since my newly-married son is an ER Nurse, he was the one who took him to the hospital the following morning.
I accompanied Ben and his long arm cast home last night. We did get to pre-board the plane, which is nice on Southwest Airlines. Benjamin had broken BOTH of his arms when he was ten when he tripped during another pseudo-athletic event. This time he has a free left hand, which I find comforting. When you have a son with casts on both arms, you have some logistical disabilities when it comes to using the toilet --a six-week butt-wiping nightmare. Benjamin is becoming a nursing home administrator. I suspect that when I am a frail elder some day, I may be collecting on that debt...tenfold.
Related Topics: The Perfect Bridal Beauty Guide, The Dos and Don'ts of Wedding Weight Loss
Technorati Tags: wedding, stress, honeymoon, alcohol
As the father of the groom, my responsibility was to pay for the rehearsal dinner for about 50 people. The father of the bride paid the bulk of the wedding tab for the 200 or so guests. I know what I had to shell out, but I can only imagine HIS Visa bill next month. Most of the guests were friends and relatives of the bride. There were even some surprise guests, including my wife's first husband and his third wife who spent the night explaining their somewhat distant relationship to my son. Our extended family is so confusing that I once had to make a chart for my puzzled granddaughter who couldn't figure out all of these uncles, aunts, and grandfathers. All of them loved her, so that is all that really mattered.
It is amazing how much booze people can consume when they don't have to pay for it. Personally, I do not drink alcohol. My choice not to drink is not religious or even health-related. I just do not like the taste or the effects of alcohol. Why is it when you refuse to drink alcohol some assume you are a recovering alcoholic? I don't go out and kill people either, but that doesn't mean I am a recovering murderer. I am actually pretty boring when it comes to substances or adult beverages. I never did drugs (even in the 60s), never drank, and never smoked. I am far from Sainthood, but booze is not my vice of choice. If you take me to a good sushi restaurant, you will see a true addict of sorts. I consider myself a "sushitute". Sorry, I am digressing a bit on the topic.
My wife loves wine, but she has to drink it with a guy who prefers diet soda (or water). One of my neighbors has a private winery; our best friends are members of a wine co-op. We live in wine country and yet I do not care for the taste of wine. At the wedding reception, the wine and alcohol was flowing. The DJ played music at a rock concert sound level that played havoc with my tinnitus. He played such timeless wedding classics as "I Like Big Butts". There were no Slovakian polkas or Appalachian clogging from my Pennsylvania hillbilly days. No chicken dance or hokey-pokey. Not that I really care, because I do not like to dance, either. I did my obligatory dances, of course, but I was not particularly comfortable with my awkward, 3rd grade skill level. Our five adult children and wife love to dance. As a matter of fact, our middle son, Benjamin, was responsible for the first injury of the night. And, yes, alcohol was involved. This is another reason why I don't drink -- it could lead to dancing.
During a particularly lively dance number, Benjamin tried to impress the single women with his Fred Astairian dance moves, one of which included jumping over another one of our sons, Alex. Alex tips the scale at well over 200 and, unfortunately, Benjamin did not complete his leap. He landed on his right elbow, sustaining a fracture of this proximal right radius. Since my newly-married son is an ER Nurse, he was the one who took him to the hospital the following morning.
I accompanied Ben and his long arm cast home last night. We did get to pre-board the plane, which is nice on Southwest Airlines. Benjamin had broken BOTH of his arms when he was ten when he tripped during another pseudo-athletic event. This time he has a free left hand, which I find comforting. When you have a son with casts on both arms, you have some logistical disabilities when it comes to using the toilet --a six-week butt-wiping nightmare. Benjamin is becoming a nursing home administrator. I suspect that when I am a frail elder some day, I may be collecting on that debt...tenfold.
Related Topics: The Perfect Bridal Beauty Guide, The Dos and Don'ts of Wedding Weight Loss
Technorati Tags: wedding, stress, honeymoon, alcohol
4 Comments:
I really like your blogs. I find them interesting and your sense of humour is similar to most, which I prefer coming from a medical family whose jokes can seem a bit callous. That said, a quick correction: The song you referred to as "I like big butts" is actually called "Baby got back." Look forward to reading more :)
Great story and I related on many counts! I'm a short non-drinking Jewish girl who's worked in the medical field most of my life. I married a tall Catholic guy. Our mishap was on our honeymoon, involving an ankle spraining incident for my groom. My MIL cracked up at us when we returned from our honeymoon, me pushing him in the airport wheelchair while trying to pull all the luggage. I'm sunburned and swollen with bug bites! Good news - our 18th anniversary is in 3 weeks!
They say laughter is good for your immune system. Well Dr. Rod, you certainly are responsible for my good health! Time after time I read your blogs, sitting by myself at my computer, just laughing away and sometimes, like today, laughing just a little too much for my family to understand from the other room!!!! I just had to jump on here today and say thank you so much for your "analysis" of life, from airplane toilet seats to the fact that drinking might lead to dancing!!!!!! You're just too funny!!!
and p.s. to previous post.......please don't squelch the good Dr.'s creativity.....don't you think "I like big butts" is more hillarious than the real title? I'm still laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great story that can only be true. It is the kind of lifetime experience that one only thinks it happens to them. Thanks for making us laugh. We can really appreciate the humor in all the conflicting points of the story. Thanks
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