Dirty Places, Part 11: Schools

My 6th grade teacher was a real stickler for hygiene. She would rightfully come down on us for openly sneezing, coughing, or nose-picking. There is nothing like being singled out among your peers for having a finger in your nose.

Not wanting to be publicly humiliated, we were very careful about those things. Have you ever experienced one of those sudden, unexpected coughs where a little ball of mucous flies out of your mouth? Well, it happened to me. I was sitting about three seats back from her desk.

Mrs. Sturgeon had her head down writing something. All of a sudden, I coughed. Much to my horror, a loogie went sailing toward my strict teacher. My heart stopped in mid-beat as I watched it land on her desk pad. God must have been watching me that day, because she didn't notice the Mother of All Breaches in Hygiene. I had truly escaped death that day.

Any gathering of children is a place of questionable hygiene. In those days (the 50's) we had full-time janitors that actually cleaned our restrooms and floors. They were respected men with wheeled buckets and mops who always talked to us. Our beloved janitor was Cleat (probably short for Cletus, a common Appalachian name). Our restrooms were clean, or at least I didn't notice they were dirty. I can't say the same for schools today.

I know that I have harped about public restrooms in Dirty Places, Number 1, but I feel that school restrooms deserve special recognition. Parents rarely have the opportunity to randomly visit school restrooms, but you should. Be prepared for a shock. Several years ago while attending one of our kids' school performances, my PA wife used the girls' restroom with some of the other mothers in attendance. Not only was it filthy (I had the mistaken belief that girls restrooms were basically cleaner - certainly cleaner than the boys' restroom), but there were no doors on the stalls.

The mothers were not pleased. There was no soap. No paper towels; newspaper quality toilet tissue. No seat covers. My wife, a self-proclaimed activist from the '60s, decided to do something about it. She wanted to organize a group of appalled parents to reattach those doors, paint the graffiti, and clean that place top to bottom.

No deal. The custodians' labor union would not permit it. When we visited our Japanese exchange students in Tokyo, we were absolutely shocked to find that the children themselves cleaned their own school, including toilets and mopping floors - yet another lesson we can learn from other cultures.

Several times per month, I deal with a little person who has a urinary tract infection. It is not uncommon for me to find a school-related factor for this potentially-serious health disorder. One factor in the development of urinary infections is "holding it", so my first question to the children is the bathroom policy. Can they use the restroom anytime that they want? If the answer is no, then I inquire further. Some teachers have strict policies (and penalties, such as no recess) for kids raising their hands all day, traipsing off to the bathroom. I know random (and "infectious") bathroom trips can be very disruptive to the educational experience, but these are kids!

Recess is the most important part of their day (next to lunch) and to give up recess in order to pee is not a price many kids are willing to pay. Yes, they should use the potty during recess, but maybe the lines were too long, or the intense desire to play with friends too strong, but the reality is "when you gotta go, you gotta go".

There is another factor, too: Dirty restrooms. Children from families that practice cleanliness and hygiene in their homes are not used to the shock of a public school restroom. Girls are taught later in life to "hover" (not sit on the seat), but little legs can't do that.

Many school restrooms do not have seat covers. Some kids fail to flush; so rather than flush it when they see it, the stall is simply abandoned for the rest of day creating a long line at the remaining flushed toilets. The boys' room is worse. Little boys use the stall so no one will see their weenies. Making sure that no one is behind them or sudden open the door, their urinary aim is extra-poor, hitting mostly the unlifted seat. For the rest of the day, there is not one boy who will sit on it. Many would rather have poop build up to their eyeballs than sit on a sticky seat.

So, basically yellow-eyed kids "hold it" when they should be peeing and they don't poop when nature is knocking on that anal verge. The result is that I have to see urinary tract infections and constipation in my clinic. In the immortal lyrics of Lennon and McCartney (with slight personal modification):

"Speaking words of wisdom, let 'em pee. And in my hour of darkness, she is standing right in front of me Speaking words of wisdom. Let me pee."

Now, that song is going to become one of those ear worms and be in your head for the rest of day...

Related Topics: WebMD Video: Surviving Kids' Germs, WebMD Video: Back to School Booster Shots