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Holiday Stress Affects Santa, Too
For some, Holidays are a time of joy and excitement, but for others, Holidays are a time of endless stress. Stress can affect anyone, but when Santa is starting to feel it, we all should take notice.A few weeks ago, I was cleaning out my garage and came upon a saved letter that my youngest son had written to Santa about 20 years ago. One statement caught my eye: "Santa, you have been doing this for a long time. You should be proud of yourself."
Endless Letters
My wife is really into catalog shopping. I can hardly open our mailbox sometimes because of the glut of catalogs and sale announcements. Can you imagine Santa's mailbox? Millions of letters are pouring in, written by children and written in a few hundred different languages. More and more kids are choosing to e-mail him now. With e-mail comes spam.
Santa is much too busy to sort through Viagra offers. Additionally, the increasing demand for high-end gifts and intangible requests, like Peace on Earth, must get to him. We would all like that Peace on Earth one.
Labor Relations
I am not sure what elves are paid, but I bet it hovers around minimum wage. Unless you have some highly-skilled elves, whipping out those X Box 360s and iPods are going to be difficult, especially in light of copyright infringement. Santa is most likely facing some stiff competition from foreign elf subcontractors, including a large contingency of prison labor elves. I am not sure where Santa is getting his financial resources, but I bet the IRS is watching him.
Delivery Problems
Santa has obligations to children from all over the world; children in war-torn areas; children in unsafe, high crime neighborhoods. If pizza delivery boys get robbed and shot at, you can understand Santa's reluctance in visiting Los Angeles. There are some neighborhoods that wearing red is just not cool.
With Homeland Security Issues, I am sure Santa is a bit anxious when he crosses over from the Canadian side. Can you imagine a Customs Officer saying, "What's in that bag?" In our area, new homes are not being built with wood-burning stoves due to Clean Air Standards. Even Santa, with all of his magic, is not going to be able to negotiate a fake fireplace, or thwart modern security systems.
Animal Rights Activists
Santa has always used reindeer. They actually have a pretty cushy job, working only one day a year; dragging a fat guy and a bunch of toys around. He is good to 'em and has had the same eight or nine loyal reindeer for as long as anyone can remember. If things were that bad, they would be seeking other employment hauling around Easter Eggs or teeth for the Tooth Fairy. For the last several years, Santa has been under fire for his use of animals in this manner.
Nuisance Lawsuits
Any guy that slides down a chimney is bound to track some soot on a nice carpet, or knock over a lamp. Things happen and people should accept a certain amount of shared responsibility when it comes to collateral damage. To be sued for carpet cleaning or damage to a roof solar panel is really uncalled-for. Sure, lawyers gotta eat, too, but let's get Santa out of Small Claims Court.
Sexual Harassment
Sitting on Santa's lap is sort of expected, but he better keep his hands in full view at all times. It's going to take just one "Santa touched my butt" comment and you are going to see him on the 11 o'clock news. Santa loves children and would never hurt them, but when it comes to sexual abuse charges, the media will consider Santa guilty until proven otherwise - a public relations nightmare.
Infectious Disease Exposure
Kids are the vectors for many community-acquired illnesses. I deal with hundreds of ill children every week in my clinic, but I am prepared. I know they are sick and I can take the proper precautions. Santa is clueless. When was the last time you saw Santa wash his hands between kids? Granted, he wears gloves, but he isn't changing gloves! Kids wipe snot on your clothes, sneeze in your face, cough on you, and occasionally leave a "lap gift". Because of his advanced age and lack of basic hygiene, Santa has got to be a risk, both to himself and spreading it around. It took a year and a half for influenza to spread around the globe during the 1918 Flu Pandemic. Santa certainly has the potential of causing a world-wide pandemic, unless he starts cleaning up his act.
Unhealthy Lifestyle
Santa does seem to work one day a year, but he doesn't. He delivers one day a year but he works the other 364 in a very demanding executive position. I am absolutely amazed that he is still married. Santa is clearly, hypertensive and pre-diabetic, if not an uncontrolled diabetic already. There is no way Santa is going to maintain his delivery schedule if he is using the toilet at everyone's house. He is wolfing down all of those high-fiber cookies, drinking whole milk, and doing a lot of sitting. He is going to be one unhappy, constipated Santa. Instead of Ho, Ho, Ho, we might start hearing, Oh, Oh, Oh!
So, next time that you complain about your job, or the incredible stress the Holiday is for you, think about Santa. I would not want to be in his boots.
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9 Comments:
My name is teresa and i think i have and inner ear infection b/c I am lossing my balance when standing and walking and I am having trouble judging distance. I run in to door ways at work and have trouble when I stand up because I feel like im going to fall backwards and on most occasions I do fall backward when I stand in one place I don't know whats wrong with me I think it might be my ears but I can't be for sure and how do you get rid of this horrible feeling?
Thank you
Teresa
Teresa...please repost your message on the Ear, Nose, and Throat BOARD (not the Blog). I will respond to your question in this forum.
I loved your article. Very witty and a bright spot in my day :) Thank you.
This was a fun one to read. I have had a stressful week at work and this made me laugh. I think more and more people need to take time for themselves so life is not so stressful. Today, I took the day of for the most part from work and sat down and started to read a good book. I feel better and not so stressed!
That was wonderful :)
I think he is right about one thing. The health aspects of real-life Santa's is not great for maintaining good health. Our shifts are often at odd times straddling normal meal times and we cant grab a snack when the nibbles attack.
We have hot uncomfortable suits and so we perspire a lot into the suits and need to regularly replenish our water intake - yet cant go to the toilet unless it is just before we start to get dressed or else at the end of a shift. The constant heat cannot be good for us, many a time I am working with perspiration beading on my brow, that cant be healthy.
We sit, a lot of sitting is in our roles. We might move our upper body but our lower body just stays in the one place and hardly moves. We lift in the worst possible way. Lifting up a child to our laps is very bad for our physical health the way that we do it. Our backs and shoulders take a beating, especially with children tending to obesity at an earlier age than used to be the case.
In spite of all that we are expected to keep happy and excessively smiling, boy do I have sore face and neck muscles after a shift :(
There are a lot of things that we do as Santa that other people just don't imagine we might go through. It isn't a healthy workplace but we all do it because we love it and the smiles of the kids just make it so much better that all the problems just fade in comparison.
A Merry Christmas / Happy Holidays to all.
Santa Ian in Australia
... If I didn't know better sir, I would think you were santa's little brother...
You are absolutely correct, Mate....Santa suits in Australia at this time of year.
Thanks for your comments, Ian. Have a warm Christmas Down Under.
Actually, that picture of Santa does look a bit like me. Last week, at our office Holiday party, there were many children. As I was talking to a 3 year old (he was sitting on my lap), I noticed that two more children were standing in line! I didn't realize that I was wearing a red shirt, too.
Oh, well, Santa needs all the help he can get.
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