My Late Wife
First, let me tell you that my wife is not dead, but she is perpetually late, at least for things that she perceives as not being important. It has always puzzled me why people refer to our dearly departed loved ones as "late". Late for what? Personally, I don't think they will be showing up at all. With that morbid observation out of the way, let's get back to lateness.
Tonight is the annual holiday formal for our medical group. It is a nice affair; good food; music too loud; people that you work with every day dressed to the hilt walking around carrying their wine glasses; and of course, dancing. My wife really hates to go. I am neutral about it, but go anyway since I believe it is the right thing to do. It starts at 6:30 PM, or 6ish...or 7ish...or 8ish in my wife's liberal timeline.
She has known about this annual affair for several months and already has her dress, however, it was only yesterday that she remembered to adjust her patient schedule so that she will have ample time to finish her charts, change into her dress, and meet me ON TIME, so that we can arrive at this event ON TIME. Her last patient will be at 3 PM and she has agreed to meet me at 6 PM at Borders, twenty minutes from her office. I selected Borders bookstore so that I can browse around, have coffee, etc. while I am waiting.
She already knows she will be late. I know she will be late. She is already anticipating that I will be ticked off about it (true), so this morning, she decided to mount a preemptive argument about the fact that she will be late. Perhaps, if I am confrontational, she will simply announce that she will not go. She has done this before, and I have gone to a formal affair by myself; constantly explaining why she isn't with me. I just told everyone that she was late. Tonight, if she does show up on time tonight, she will be sarcastic about it.
Being selectively late is not a rare trait for my wife. She is chronically late for most things; usually the things that involve me. I have to lie to her about movie start times, so that I can see a movie from the beginning and not sit in the front. When we are flying somewhere, I have to fudge a bit on our take-off time or else we will be bumped from our flight. I say "most things", since she does have the capability of being on time if she desires. For instance, if she has to be at a school to watch a theatrical performance of one of the grandchildren, she will be on time, in front, video camera warming up. She is not late for hair appointments, her sewing classes, mammograms, or dental appointments.
I can give you hundreds of examples of her lateness, but I think you get the idea. I don't know why she even has a watch. I am her exact opposite when it comes to being ON TIME. As a matter of fact, I am usually early for most of my appointments, so that I will NEVER be late. I allow for traffic, weather patterns, terrorist attacks, engine trouble, flat-tires, and parking difficulties. I look up the addresses and often get a computer-generated map. I cannot remember a time when I was late for an appointment. As a matter of fact, I can drive 700 miles, navigating traffic in Southern California, and get to an appointment ON TIME. The answer is planning.
Punctuality may be genetic, since my brother has the same issues with his wife. When he was dating his first wife in college, he used to call over to the sorority house and have them tell her that he was downstairs waiting. He would then take a shower, get dressed, and drive over. When my brother and I take road trips, he has his GPS. I can guarantee that we are ON TIME anyplace we need to be.
Every day in the clinic, I am faced with patients that are late for their appointments. I work in pediatrics, so I will see any ill child, whether the parents are late or not. Kids don't drive, so it is not their fault. I love hearing the excuses, too. Of course, they are very grateful that I did not turn them away at the door. Some of the doctors in our practice have a 15 minute rule--if you are fifteen minutes late, you will have to be rescheduled.
I know that a mother's day is hectic, especially when you have a sick child, so I have no intention of making a bad day worse. I do have chronic abuses of my lax late policy, however. These are the people that never show up at all, and don't call to cancel. These are the notorious NO SHOW people. We mark their charts when a big, red NO SHOW stamp.
The clinic has a series of escalating, nasty letters that are sent to the NO SHOW people. At first, the letters are nice reminders. Later, the letters will threaten dismissal from the practice. The last letter IS a dismissal from the practice. I don't use these letters. It is terribly disrespectful to be late, or not show up for an appointment. I suspect that most of these NO SHOWS are really just late, and are too embarrassed to show up.
Back to my wife...As much as I would like to be a nice guy about her chronic lateness, it does tick me off. I feel that it is disrespectful to me - her husband - the guy that married her and loves her. Why can't (or won't) she be on time? Is it an overt, passive-aggressive action? Is lateness genetic, too? Maybe her mother or father was always late and she cannot biologically help it? Maybe her internal clock a cheap Timex? I would absolutely love to be purposely late for some important event of hers, but the last time I tried it, I became so anxious that I was on-time, as usual. Damn. I can't even purposely be late.
Is it wrong to always be on time? Am I wrong to be upset because my wife is chronically late; or even anticipates that she will be late a day or more BEFORE she is actually late?
I suspect my wife will outlive me. Then, and only then, can she refer to me as her "late husband". She, of course, will be late for my funeral. Finally, a good excuse.
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Technorati Tags: relationships, couples, holidays, procrastination
Tonight is the annual holiday formal for our medical group. It is a nice affair; good food; music too loud; people that you work with every day dressed to the hilt walking around carrying their wine glasses; and of course, dancing. My wife really hates to go. I am neutral about it, but go anyway since I believe it is the right thing to do. It starts at 6:30 PM, or 6ish...or 7ish...or 8ish in my wife's liberal timeline.She has known about this annual affair for several months and already has her dress, however, it was only yesterday that she remembered to adjust her patient schedule so that she will have ample time to finish her charts, change into her dress, and meet me ON TIME, so that we can arrive at this event ON TIME. Her last patient will be at 3 PM and she has agreed to meet me at 6 PM at Borders, twenty minutes from her office. I selected Borders bookstore so that I can browse around, have coffee, etc. while I am waiting.
She already knows she will be late. I know she will be late. She is already anticipating that I will be ticked off about it (true), so this morning, she decided to mount a preemptive argument about the fact that she will be late. Perhaps, if I am confrontational, she will simply announce that she will not go. She has done this before, and I have gone to a formal affair by myself; constantly explaining why she isn't with me. I just told everyone that she was late. Tonight, if she does show up on time tonight, she will be sarcastic about it.
Being selectively late is not a rare trait for my wife. She is chronically late for most things; usually the things that involve me. I have to lie to her about movie start times, so that I can see a movie from the beginning and not sit in the front. When we are flying somewhere, I have to fudge a bit on our take-off time or else we will be bumped from our flight. I say "most things", since she does have the capability of being on time if she desires. For instance, if she has to be at a school to watch a theatrical performance of one of the grandchildren, she will be on time, in front, video camera warming up. She is not late for hair appointments, her sewing classes, mammograms, or dental appointments.
I can give you hundreds of examples of her lateness, but I think you get the idea. I don't know why she even has a watch. I am her exact opposite when it comes to being ON TIME. As a matter of fact, I am usually early for most of my appointments, so that I will NEVER be late. I allow for traffic, weather patterns, terrorist attacks, engine trouble, flat-tires, and parking difficulties. I look up the addresses and often get a computer-generated map. I cannot remember a time when I was late for an appointment. As a matter of fact, I can drive 700 miles, navigating traffic in Southern California, and get to an appointment ON TIME. The answer is planning.
Punctuality may be genetic, since my brother has the same issues with his wife. When he was dating his first wife in college, he used to call over to the sorority house and have them tell her that he was downstairs waiting. He would then take a shower, get dressed, and drive over. When my brother and I take road trips, he has his GPS. I can guarantee that we are ON TIME anyplace we need to be.
Every day in the clinic, I am faced with patients that are late for their appointments. I work in pediatrics, so I will see any ill child, whether the parents are late or not. Kids don't drive, so it is not their fault. I love hearing the excuses, too. Of course, they are very grateful that I did not turn them away at the door. Some of the doctors in our practice have a 15 minute rule--if you are fifteen minutes late, you will have to be rescheduled.
I know that a mother's day is hectic, especially when you have a sick child, so I have no intention of making a bad day worse. I do have chronic abuses of my lax late policy, however. These are the people that never show up at all, and don't call to cancel. These are the notorious NO SHOW people. We mark their charts when a big, red NO SHOW stamp.
The clinic has a series of escalating, nasty letters that are sent to the NO SHOW people. At first, the letters are nice reminders. Later, the letters will threaten dismissal from the practice. The last letter IS a dismissal from the practice. I don't use these letters. It is terribly disrespectful to be late, or not show up for an appointment. I suspect that most of these NO SHOWS are really just late, and are too embarrassed to show up.
Back to my wife...As much as I would like to be a nice guy about her chronic lateness, it does tick me off. I feel that it is disrespectful to me - her husband - the guy that married her and loves her. Why can't (or won't) she be on time? Is it an overt, passive-aggressive action? Is lateness genetic, too? Maybe her mother or father was always late and she cannot biologically help it? Maybe her internal clock a cheap Timex? I would absolutely love to be purposely late for some important event of hers, but the last time I tried it, I became so anxious that I was on-time, as usual. Damn. I can't even purposely be late.
Is it wrong to always be on time? Am I wrong to be upset because my wife is chronically late; or even anticipates that she will be late a day or more BEFORE she is actually late?
I suspect my wife will outlive me. Then, and only then, can she refer to me as her "late husband". She, of course, will be late for my funeral. Finally, a good excuse.
Related Topics:
Technorati Tags: relationships, couples, holidays, procrastination
13 Comments:
UPDATE: My wife did not show up last night for the black-tie affair. I sat with friends with an empty chair at my side. I left as soon as the meal was completed. To make matters worse, I won the beautiful floral centerpiece at our table. I gave it to someone else.
Ugh, sorry to hear that. Something tells me there's a winter in Northern California today that maybe wasn't reported on the news last night.
I hope she had a good excuse...um... reason.
So sorry your wife did not show up. Maybe she does not realize there are many wives out there who would love to have a husband who includes them in black-tie affairs. Or maybe just ANY kind of husband. LOL
You should have an open communication with your wife. Tell her how you feel!!
My brother is late for every thing! No matter what it is. A few years ago my sister was getting married and he was to walk her down the aisle. We were at rehearsal and the bridesmaids, bride and my brother were at the back of the church waiting to proceed forward, when one of the bridesmaids asked when we had to be at church for pictures the next day. We all were silent, and my brother pipes up and says "must be 11:30am because they told me 10:30". We all just rolled, because we indeed had lied to him so he would be on time and no one wanted to say any thing.
It's too bad your wife is always late, hope it defrosts in California soon.
My friends are always late. When we go out for a girls not out i always end up driving so I know we will be on time. If you say to them 6:00 then they will arrive at my house to pick me up at 7. It drives me crazy.
It seems that the people that are always late never see it as a problem. My wife has the same issue as yours. It comes from her upbringing. At any given family event, everyone in her immediate family will be 20 to 45 minuets late, but if it is a golf engagement every one of them will be a half an hour early. It proves that lateness is a matter of choice. The offenders don't believe it to be a problem, but if you made them wait as much as they did you it would be war.
I have also tried to be late for her events, but I can never do it. I guess opposites really do attract!
I am not sure that lateness is related to upbringing. Before I had children, I was always on time or early. I hated being late. My best friend in High School was always late. It drove me crazy.
However, now it seems that I can never get anywhere early but sometimes I can be on-time. Most of the time I blame it on all the things I have to do before I leave the house. It seems to be my responsibility to make sure the lights are turned off, the doors are locked, the animals are fed, the kids are dressed appropriately, etc... All my husband does is get himself ready.
My kids are now teenagers, so they can dress themselves but it seems I still have to lock the doors, turn out the lights and feed the animals.
I am guessing when I am an empty nester, I will be an early person again.
My parents are chronically late. Sometimes it's mom, sometimes it's dad. They've been late for everyone's wedding except mine and one other sister's (there are 7 of us). I lied to them about what time they needed to be at the church. My brother-in-law invited them to a pre-wedding breakfast so they could be late for that instead of his wedding.
Personally, I'm planning to be late for my funeral. I'm not sure how I'll arrange that, but I don't suppose I can manage a no-show for that event.
Thank you, everyone, for your support. Us "On-Time" people need to stick together to goose-up the tardy of our species.
I have been out of town for a few days as an expert witness for a meningitis case...very stressful for me. I defended the child who was harmed due to a delay in diagnosis by a provider who was just "too quick". We have all had dealings with these these "treat 'em and street 'em" people.
I made all of my flights; all of the meetings; and showed up on time for court.
We should not have to defend punctuality. Yes, there are good reasons to be late: Yesterday, I ran over a huge hunk of metal in the freeway that I could not safely avoid. It blew out my back tires and nearly caused me to roll over. An hour later, after the tire was changed and I was on my way to work; a woman in a big SUV...on a cell phone did an abrupt lane change when the person in front of them stopped for a yellow light (she assumed he would run it...as was her intention). I laid about 40 feet of tire rubber to avoid hitting her! Two close calls in one hour...not good odds. I was, indeed, an hour late for work...with a good excuse. My patients chose to wait, were very understanding, and felt I deserved the courtesy. For many of them, I saw them in the past when THEY were late!
I hate when people are late. Last night I went to a concert to see Mannheim Steamroller. Most of the audience was a lot older than I. You would not believe the amount of people who arrived late. I am not talking 15 minutes late. It was more like an hour late. It was unbelievable and irritating at the same time. I went with my parents and I purposly got there early so we would not be one of the ones walking in late. I feel that if you are going someplace that starts at a certain time especially a concert you should have the common courtesy to arrive on time!
Wanted to know how that story about your late wife had to do with passive aggressive lol. Although it was a good story I kinda have a smiliar problem at hand, Husband late for anything we do together but he is late for anything else thats important to him of course but then again mind you you cant say that to him cause he will reject it and say thats not true and turn the story around on you. I find that passive aggressive also know as PA is a HUGE game for people like that. I dont know how to fix this problem therpy doesnt work of course he would have to be the one confront himself and say " yess im PA " " I need to fix it before my wife and kids live". But it hasnt gotton that far yet! He seems to think that he hasnt any problems we went to therpy one time and the therpist said he need to see one on his own, he choose not to of course and well life went on lol. So what do u think? Anyone out there have any suggestions or someone in the same boat as I am!
I am speechless about this topic only because my blood pressure rises and I pass out from the frustration. My wife is always later as well. If I bring it up, she gets upset and the whole night is ruined. I have talked and talked to her about it at times and she just dismisses it.
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