The Naughty List
As a devout, Santa-believing child, my biggest fear was being on that infamous Naughty list. As a matter of fact, my very religious Aunt Norine (now 92 years old), told me that God also keeps a detailed list of the bad things that I had done. My first-grade teacher also kept a list, writes my name on the blackboard periodically so that others know of my misdeeds, and of course, sends home an occasional note to my mother, so she can be informed as well. She didn't really keep a list, but certainly remembered my all of my discretions. Basically, by the time I was five years old, I was screwed. My name seemed to be on every list, except maybe, the CIA or McCarthy's Un-American Activities List.
My Aunt interpreted the Bible literally, but freely added her own version, not unlike the early religious leaders. I believed with all of my heart, the God opens a huge book, goes to the "M's", runs his benevolent finger down the page until he gets to Rodney. He then whips out a red pencil and puts yet another check mark. Aunt Norine was never really clear if God had an eraser on that pencil, or has a Nice List (like Santa).
Without thinking and usually with good reason, I would chuck a rock at Billy Haines. No sooner than that rock left my hand, I would know that God's red pencil was out. "Sh--" I would exclaim, and then be double-horrified when I realized that this spontaneous profanity would earn me a second red mark. Not a good day.
I assumed that Santa would start a new Naughty/Nice book on December 26th, so there was always that clean slate you could count on. God forgave sins on a regular basis, but yelling, "Sorry, God", before the rock reached its apogee apparently is not a viable loophole in this belief. According to my Aunt, that type of forgiveness didn't count, so I gave Billy a quarter not to tell on me.
I don't think I was a particularly bad child, but I did get coal in my stocking one year. The coal, I was later to discover, was put there by my older brother, Larry. I was not amused as I threw the coal-filled stocking down the basement steps. I can still hear 'em laughing! Yeah, I probably deserved a little of that coal, but come on, Santa! It's Christmas!
Parents have always used all authority figures, like Santa, God, policemen, teachers and yes, even medical providers, in a negative manner. If you lie, Santa will put coal in your stocking, and God will simply send you to Hell - a double-jeopardy that kids do not appreciate. You do something bad in school, like kick some kid in the nuts, you may have to stand in the corner or in the cloak room (kids didn't even wear cloaks) and give up future recesses. To further complicate this random act of boyhood, a note is sent home, so your embarrassed mother will hopefully punish you as well. All of this takes place without a trial, legal representation, or even written statues that you could have reviewed. Kids are simply sentenced.
In my clinic, I hear parents tell a disruptive child that if they don't behave, I will give 'em a shot. When I hear that, I want to give the parents a shot. What a terrible thing to say. Kids are just being kids. I do not appreciate being the Executioner for bad parenting. Medical providers often have to perform uncomfortable procedures, so we have enough trouble shaking off our reputations as pain-givers.
In pediatrics, we keep an ample supply of stickers and sugar-free lollipops. As a matter of fact, we spend thousands of dollars per year on these little rewards - rewards of GOOD behavior. I try to be an example of positive parenting during all of my visits. I must say a dozen times, how proud I am that they are cooperating and allowing me to examine them. Their little eyes beam when I take out the sucker jar and allow them to pick. Eating a well-deserved sucker is one of life's little pleasures. One of the pediatricians in our group refuses to give suckers. The other day, a parent dropped off a big box of candy for us to share as long as we didn't give any to Dr. Carl. No suckers. No candy. See how he likes it.
I have to say that a small contingency of my little patients are well-tuned, combative little brats. When they request a sucker at the end of the visit, I am faced with a dilemma. Do I reward this type of uncalled-for behavior? Not wanted to be a bad guy, I chose to give the sucker to the parent. I let THEM decide if the child deserves it or not. That'll teach 'em. I often tease the kids a bit and tell them that we have new lollipop flavors: tuna, earwax, dirt, and pig's feet, just to see their reactions. Some will simply select the tuna one and eat it. Others will be hesitant until I tell them this is a joke. For the brats, I really wish I had some tuna-flavored ones!
So, teachers... Santa... parents... and God, give up that Naughty List. It doesn't really work. In January, start a Nice List. Check it twice. You are gonna find out, that kids will wanna be nice.
Have a "Nice" Holiday.
Related Topics:Kids' Headaches: Link to Bad Behavior? Top 10 Parenting Pitfalls
Technorati Tags: Christmas, New Year, kids, pediatrics
My Aunt interpreted the Bible literally, but freely added her own version, not unlike the early religious leaders. I believed with all of my heart, the God opens a huge book, goes to the "M's", runs his benevolent finger down the page until he gets to Rodney. He then whips out a red pencil and puts yet another check mark. Aunt Norine was never really clear if God had an eraser on that pencil, or has a Nice List (like Santa).
Without thinking and usually with good reason, I would chuck a rock at Billy Haines. No sooner than that rock left my hand, I would know that God's red pencil was out. "Sh--" I would exclaim, and then be double-horrified when I realized that this spontaneous profanity would earn me a second red mark. Not a good day.
I assumed that Santa would start a new Naughty/Nice book on December 26th, so there was always that clean slate you could count on. God forgave sins on a regular basis, but yelling, "Sorry, God", before the rock reached its apogee apparently is not a viable loophole in this belief. According to my Aunt, that type of forgiveness didn't count, so I gave Billy a quarter not to tell on me.
I don't think I was a particularly bad child, but I did get coal in my stocking one year. The coal, I was later to discover, was put there by my older brother, Larry. I was not amused as I threw the coal-filled stocking down the basement steps. I can still hear 'em laughing! Yeah, I probably deserved a little of that coal, but come on, Santa! It's Christmas!
Parents have always used all authority figures, like Santa, God, policemen, teachers and yes, even medical providers, in a negative manner. If you lie, Santa will put coal in your stocking, and God will simply send you to Hell - a double-jeopardy that kids do not appreciate. You do something bad in school, like kick some kid in the nuts, you may have to stand in the corner or in the cloak room (kids didn't even wear cloaks) and give up future recesses. To further complicate this random act of boyhood, a note is sent home, so your embarrassed mother will hopefully punish you as well. All of this takes place without a trial, legal representation, or even written statues that you could have reviewed. Kids are simply sentenced.
In my clinic, I hear parents tell a disruptive child that if they don't behave, I will give 'em a shot. When I hear that, I want to give the parents a shot. What a terrible thing to say. Kids are just being kids. I do not appreciate being the Executioner for bad parenting. Medical providers often have to perform uncomfortable procedures, so we have enough trouble shaking off our reputations as pain-givers.
In pediatrics, we keep an ample supply of stickers and sugar-free lollipops. As a matter of fact, we spend thousands of dollars per year on these little rewards - rewards of GOOD behavior. I try to be an example of positive parenting during all of my visits. I must say a dozen times, how proud I am that they are cooperating and allowing me to examine them. Their little eyes beam when I take out the sucker jar and allow them to pick. Eating a well-deserved sucker is one of life's little pleasures. One of the pediatricians in our group refuses to give suckers. The other day, a parent dropped off a big box of candy for us to share as long as we didn't give any to Dr. Carl. No suckers. No candy. See how he likes it.
I have to say that a small contingency of my little patients are well-tuned, combative little brats. When they request a sucker at the end of the visit, I am faced with a dilemma. Do I reward this type of uncalled-for behavior? Not wanted to be a bad guy, I chose to give the sucker to the parent. I let THEM decide if the child deserves it or not. That'll teach 'em. I often tease the kids a bit and tell them that we have new lollipop flavors: tuna, earwax, dirt, and pig's feet, just to see their reactions. Some will simply select the tuna one and eat it. Others will be hesitant until I tell them this is a joke. For the brats, I really wish I had some tuna-flavored ones!
So, teachers... Santa... parents... and God, give up that Naughty List. It doesn't really work. In January, start a Nice List. Check it twice. You are gonna find out, that kids will wanna be nice.
Have a "Nice" Holiday.
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Technorati Tags: Christmas, New Year, kids, pediatrics
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