Rinse, Lather, and Repeat
I read the directions on the shampoo bottle. Why would you wash your hair, only to do it again? I assumed it was just a ploy so you would use twice as much shampoo, but now I know the real reason - memory. Have you ever wet your hair in preparation for washing it, only to be distracted? (Don't go there!) You finish your shower and prepare to dry off and then it hits you. Did I remember to wash my hair? As you comb and dry your hair you notice that it looks a bit like Martin Short's SNL character, Ed Grimley. You look for the remnants of shampoo suds on the shower door, and there are none. So, it's back in the shower... again. Thanks for the memory.Today, I couldn't find my car keys. They were not in their usual spot, so I assumed my wife took them by mistake (again) or moved them during one of her pre-holiday housecleaning marathons. Before searching the entire house, I called her at work and ask her to check her purse. Nothing. So, I searched the usual suspects - pants pockets, jacket pockets, briefcase, the car, fruit bowl - Nothing.
Finally, after an hour of being micturated-off (look it up), I found them in the recliner chair. I also found thirty-five cents in change and an old remote as a bonus. I have absolutely no idea how they got in the chair, since I have about twenty keys on there, like a janitor. I never put them in my front pants pocket. I once worried about this short-term memory problem, but was told it was most likely overload from multi-tasking, which I do. Apparently, it is not considered pathological when you lose your car keys. It is only pathological when you forget what your car keys are for!I have even written Blog topics in the past, only to be informed by WebMD that I did the same topic (written differently, of course) about a year ago. As a matter of fact, I had to check my files before writing this one.
I go in and see a patient and politely introduce myself... to my neighbor. My pocket is filled with To Do notes, including some that seemed to have my own phone number written on them. This mystery was solved several years ago, when I caught myself writing down my own phone number on the paper when the person on the phone asked for my number. Some days, I spend a considerable amount of time writing my daily To Do list, only to forget it at home. When I finally find it, I discover that I did not do any of those things.
Although I should, I do not make grocery lists. I find a list at the grocery store circumvents a man's right to impulse buy. When I happily return home with a can of smoked oysters, chili mix, Thai food, and light bulbs, I realize that I forgot the bread and milk - my original quest. A project in the workshop typically results in three, if not four, trips to the hardware store.
During my university-teaching days, I wrote my name on the board followed by my degrees: Rod Moser, PA, PhD, CRS. It didn't take very long for someone to ask me what CRS meant.
"It means, Can't Remember ----", I replied. "Any request that you make of my services must be in writing."
I routinely forget computer passwords, especially the ones in our clinic medical records that are required to change every other month. I am terrible at remembering names, but I am excellent at remembering diseases of the nameless people that I have seen. It is not unusual for me to be at a grocery store and run into a vertigo, or a chlamydia walking around. The vertigo will weave over and speak to me; the chlamydia nods and then slinks away.
Why is that we forget important things, like anniversaries or birthdays (including my own), but yet remember obscure facts? I still remember my mailbox combination at college, my grandmother's phone number from 1957, and address of a cousin in Chicago when I was ten years old. I remember obscure medical facts like a Jeopardy contestant and easily remember favorite recipes. Sadly, I remember every joke that I have every heard. I suspect that some day, I will be a patient in a nursing home, not remembering my name, but will happily entertain the staff with my endless repertoire of tasteless humor.
The brain is a mysterious organ, indeed.
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