Abbreviations Drive Me Crazy

Photo Credit: Martin

Before one can begin the practice of medicine, a provider must learn a new language. It used to be Latin, but now it is even more complicated...we just use Latin abbreviations! There is nothing like abbreviating a dead language to totally confuse your patients. Doctors and pharmacists used these codes for centuries so that patients would not know their "secret language." It was really not just for saving time, although writing BID for "twice per day" (Latin) is a lot faster.

We use a few unauthorized and derogatory abbreviations in medicine, too, such as FLK (funny-looking kid), or PIA (pain in the ass). I once inquired what "TM" meant on the corner of a patient chart at a private clinic. The doctor informed me that that meant "Trouble-Maker." This code was used for hostile or assertive patients that tried to sue him, wrote a nasty letter, or caused him personal grief. Rather than dismiss them from his practice, this was just a code to remind him to be extra nice. We routinely used the code "DS" on charts at an urgent care facility. This meant "Drug Seeker," and was a reminder NOT to prescribed narcotics or buy those stories that "my kid spilled my codeine down the sink," or "I am allergic to ibuprofen and acetaminophen. I can only take Vicodin."

No longer do people have colds; they have URIs (upper respiratory infections). If your patient has asthma and you don't want to label them with this perpetual diagnosis, you can call it RAD (reactive airway disease), or simply put SOB (not what you think!). SOB means "shortness of breath." So, when you read your chart and see that you are described as a "47-year-old woman with SOB," they are not referring to your husband who came along.

Everyone knows that MD means "Medical Doctor." When we deal with arrogant, know-it-all physicians, we say that means "Me, Doctor." I once saw a very young woman working in a dubious clinic with a name badge that had MD listed after her name.

"You are quite young to be a doctor," I asked.

"Oh, that stands for Medical Director. I am the clinic manager." I had to inform her that that misrepresenting yourself as a doctor is kind of against the law. Doing sports physicals at a local junior high, I had to spend extra time one day explaining to a young man that Dr. Martin Luther King was NOT a physician. He didn't believe me.

RN means "Registered Nurse," but it could also mean "Registered Nutritionist." MA means "Medical Assistant," but it is also Master of Arts. PA means "Physician Assistant," but it could also mean Public Accountant, or Poop Analyst, depending on what you are doing at the time. When I put PhD after my name, it tells the world that I have a doctorate. It also means "Piled Higher and Deeper."

The Internet is worse. When I first started working for WebMD on the Ear Disorders Board, someone would post LOL. I had no idea it meant "laughing out loud." In the medical world, it meant "little old lady." Every so often, someone will post an abbreviation that means absolutely nothing to me. Rather than seem stupid and ask for clarification, I simply ignore them. There are THOUSANDS of abbreviations that our text-messaging and chat room teenagers are using right under our noses, such as "P911" (Parents are in the room), or POTS (parents over the shoulder).

Several years ago, when my middle step-son was in college, he was heavily involved in the Human Powered Vehicle project - a high-tech bicycle used for competition. He proudly wore his HPV Team tee-shirt to a party. A girl came up to him and told him how proud she was that they have a support group. See, HPV is a major venereal disease - human papilloma virus. He didn't get a date that night.

Some chat slang codes are older, well-established ones, such as TGIF (Thank God, It's Friday), BYOB (Bring Your Own Bottle), or WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?). Others are more elusive and require a chat slang dictionary.

I must admit that I was born in 1951 and am considered an old fart now. We didn't use a GPS, PDAs, or MP3s. We didn't have DVDs, but we did have LPs, and our friends got VD. And, we drank RC and ate SPAM, instead of deleting it.

EOD (End of Discussion).

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