Sex Seminar at Disneyland
During the early days of my profession, it was important for us to form a cohesive organization. I am very proud to be the founding father of the California Academy of Physician Assistants, a very strong and viable professional organization that thrives to this day. We started with a handful of PAs and a few hundred dollars, and now have an organization with thousands of dues-paying members, thanks in part to our early, innovative, fund-raising efforts.
Forming an organization takes money. One way to get this money is to have medical seminars. It takes a year to plan a good one. You have to pick interesting topics, find the best speakers, and find the perfect venue. I had planned a few seminars in the past that had mediocre attendance for whatever reason. The one I planned a year in advance that ended up to be Super Bowl Sunday was bust. The one in Fresno, although centrally located, was also poorly attended. Apparently, no one goes to Fresno. I tried the seashore which increased attendance, but also decreased the number of people who sat in the conference room while others were goofing off at the beach. I needed the "perfect" seminar to fill the organization's coffers.
The topic? Sex. Everyone loves to learn about sex. The place? The Happiest Place on Earth. Disneyland. I will plan a sex seminar and hold it as Disneyland! So, I did. The attendance was the highest yet. We even had negotiated for discount coupons for a private night at Disneyland, along with another group - the Far West Ski Association. I need to add that Disneyland was not involved in this conference whatsoever. It was held at a hotel adjacent to Disneyland.
I hired two well-known experts on human sexuality. One was a physician who specialized in this area. His teaching partner was a woman who worked as a sexual surrogate (hands-on instructor, so to speak). She was completing her doctorate in human sexuality and writing her thesis - an illustrated book on the penis (I am NOT lying about this!).
The four-hour afternoon sex seminar was standing-room only. We had invited spouses and significant others as guests. We had the hotel crew bring in as many chairs at the room would hold. The sexual experts were previewing their videos for the session. Suddenly, the sound of chairs being moved stopped. When we turned on the lights, all of the hotel personnel were sitting in them, watching the movies!
Now, I am not a prude or a shy person when it comes to discussing sexual matters, but this seminar would have made a sailor blush. The first job of the sex experts (sexperts?) was to desensitize the audience. Not all patients will understand medical language when it comes to sexual matters. In other words, if you ask a person how often they have coitus, they may just stare at you. If you ask how often "he and the ol' lady get it on," he will understand. So, the audience was assigned to write down as many terms for the sexual act that we could come up with in fifteen minutes. We were encouraged to work in groups. The audience literally exploded with enthusiasm. The laughter was deafening. After fifteen minutes, our responses were passed up to the front were they were tallied. Duplicates were eliminated.
I have never been so proud of my profession, as I was at that moment. Our humble group of medical professionals came up with over TWO HUNDRED different names for the sexual act! Even the sexperts were impressed. Then someone (not me) asked them to read them out loud. They did. It was all I could do not to pee in my pants. Because I don't want my blog to be linked with a porno site, I won't list them here, but I can say that I was educated.
During the break, we discovered that a large portion of our audience had "accidentally" wandered in from the Far West Ski Association, and decided to stay. Apparently, our lectures were more interesting than skiing down moguls.
The group was then asked to review a variety of movies that showed people with physical disabilities, different sexual orientations, etc. doing the dirty deed. If you added some cheesy harmonica music and a sticky floor, this dignified medical seminar went downhill from there.
The final lecture was the sexual surrogate's slide show of penises. The purpose of her book was made clear. She states that she has female clients that have only seen a few penises in their entire life. This book was to demonstrate to the naive that penises come in all shapes, sizes, and colors (as if we didn't know that). She even asked if there were any volunteers that would like to include a picture of their penis in the book. Yes, there were volunteers. And, yes, there were jokes about fold out pages, etc. I have no idea if she subsequently published this book or not. I just can't see myself going into Borders and asking for it.
This year, I am one of the many speakers at the annual conference held in Palm Springs. My topic this year will be "Teenology - Issues in Adolescent Medicine." Hmmm...I wonder if I asked teenagers to list all of the names for the sexual act, if they could beat the record still held by California PAs. I think not.
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: sex, Disneyland, surrogate, penis, health and wellness
Forming an organization takes money. One way to get this money is to have medical seminars. It takes a year to plan a good one. You have to pick interesting topics, find the best speakers, and find the perfect venue. I had planned a few seminars in the past that had mediocre attendance for whatever reason. The one I planned a year in advance that ended up to be Super Bowl Sunday was bust. The one in Fresno, although centrally located, was also poorly attended. Apparently, no one goes to Fresno. I tried the seashore which increased attendance, but also decreased the number of people who sat in the conference room while others were goofing off at the beach. I needed the "perfect" seminar to fill the organization's coffers.
The topic? Sex. Everyone loves to learn about sex. The place? The Happiest Place on Earth. Disneyland. I will plan a sex seminar and hold it as Disneyland! So, I did. The attendance was the highest yet. We even had negotiated for discount coupons for a private night at Disneyland, along with another group - the Far West Ski Association. I need to add that Disneyland was not involved in this conference whatsoever. It was held at a hotel adjacent to Disneyland.
I hired two well-known experts on human sexuality. One was a physician who specialized in this area. His teaching partner was a woman who worked as a sexual surrogate (hands-on instructor, so to speak). She was completing her doctorate in human sexuality and writing her thesis - an illustrated book on the penis (I am NOT lying about this!).
The four-hour afternoon sex seminar was standing-room only. We had invited spouses and significant others as guests. We had the hotel crew bring in as many chairs at the room would hold. The sexual experts were previewing their videos for the session. Suddenly, the sound of chairs being moved stopped. When we turned on the lights, all of the hotel personnel were sitting in them, watching the movies!
Now, I am not a prude or a shy person when it comes to discussing sexual matters, but this seminar would have made a sailor blush. The first job of the sex experts (sexperts?) was to desensitize the audience. Not all patients will understand medical language when it comes to sexual matters. In other words, if you ask a person how often they have coitus, they may just stare at you. If you ask how often "he and the ol' lady get it on," he will understand. So, the audience was assigned to write down as many terms for the sexual act that we could come up with in fifteen minutes. We were encouraged to work in groups. The audience literally exploded with enthusiasm. The laughter was deafening. After fifteen minutes, our responses were passed up to the front were they were tallied. Duplicates were eliminated.
I have never been so proud of my profession, as I was at that moment. Our humble group of medical professionals came up with over TWO HUNDRED different names for the sexual act! Even the sexperts were impressed. Then someone (not me) asked them to read them out loud. They did. It was all I could do not to pee in my pants. Because I don't want my blog to be linked with a porno site, I won't list them here, but I can say that I was educated.
During the break, we discovered that a large portion of our audience had "accidentally" wandered in from the Far West Ski Association, and decided to stay. Apparently, our lectures were more interesting than skiing down moguls.
The group was then asked to review a variety of movies that showed people with physical disabilities, different sexual orientations, etc. doing the dirty deed. If you added some cheesy harmonica music and a sticky floor, this dignified medical seminar went downhill from there.
The final lecture was the sexual surrogate's slide show of penises. The purpose of her book was made clear. She states that she has female clients that have only seen a few penises in their entire life. This book was to demonstrate to the naive that penises come in all shapes, sizes, and colors (as if we didn't know that). She even asked if there were any volunteers that would like to include a picture of their penis in the book. Yes, there were volunteers. And, yes, there were jokes about fold out pages, etc. I have no idea if she subsequently published this book or not. I just can't see myself going into Borders and asking for it.
This year, I am one of the many speakers at the annual conference held in Palm Springs. My topic this year will be "Teenology - Issues in Adolescent Medicine." Hmmm...I wonder if I asked teenagers to list all of the names for the sexual act, if they could beat the record still held by California PAs. I think not.
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: sex, Disneyland, surrogate, penis, health and wellness
1 Comments:
After reading that post, the only thing I can think so say is:
...Hahahahaha!
Oh, and I'm almost a bit curious to see that list.
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