The Lost Art of Thank You Notes
There are many ways to express gratitude. Saying thank you at the time of the act is the most common, perhaps followed by a phone call. E-mail thank you notes or Internet-cards are other ways. However, nothing is as special as receiving a hand-written, taken-to-the-post office, stamped, good 'ol thank you note.
Our friends have four children. Over the years, we have received hundreds of thank you notes from them. Every birthday, Christmas, or graduation gift was followed by a prompt thank you note. We were told that the parents do not let the kids use the gift or spend a cent of a gift of money until the note is written and sent. The kids are now adults. They still send thank you notes.
Recently, my 13-year-old granddaughter's other grandparents paid for an $800 plane ticket to Texas for a visit. While in Texas for the week, they showered her with gifts, including a new iPod. I am sure she said thank you at the time the gift was presented, but did she send a thank you note for the gift and the trip? No. Did that hurt the feelings of her grandparents? Yes.
Granted, she is 13 years old and a typical teenager; a bit self-centered, and yes, a bit entitled. Perhaps her parents should have insisted, but they did not. As a matter of fact, they were surprised that a thank you note was even appropriate. As kids, we ALWAYS made our children write thank you notes. Why didn't it stick? Why wasn't this simple act of common courtesy continued? I don't have that answer.
In my clinic, I go out of my way to accommodate patients that are seriously late for their appointment, even showing up a day late. I am one of the few medical providers in our large office that will see walk-ins - patients that do not have an appointment, but are sick. I stay late to see sick children just to keep them out of the ER. While I do not expect thank you notes for each and every one of these extra acts, when I do get them, it warms my heart. I save them in a drawer.
I don't want you to get the impression that I am some kind of Saint. Sometimes, for whatever reason, I piss someone off. I tend to "tell it like it is", and some people do not like my bluntness. I thwart efforts from drug-seekers, be it requests for narcotics or antibiotics. If they don't need 'em, they ain't gonna get 'em. These people write notes, too. Over the years, I have received my share of nasty-grams. Many of these unhappy folks spend hours carefully wording a letter of complaint, threatening me with all kinds of horrible consequences. Why would someone spend hours writing a letter of complaint, but won't spend five minutes on an act of kindness?
The older I get, the more I appreciate the kindness that has been bestowed to me. There are days when I get a bit morose about events in the past, that cause me to write a few letters. Yes, I would rather call, or send an email, but I write that thank you letter. I should be writing more.
There are little acts of kindness happening to you every day. People hold the door open for you. Let you go first at a four-way stop. Let you go in front of them in the grocery store, even if you have more items. I would love to send them a thank you note, but these are strangers; kind strangers.
For those bigger acts of kindness, such as gifts, letters of recommendation, and others, thank you notes are mandatory. My neighbor is a Jack-of-All-Trades and goes out of his way to help me with my various plumbing, electrical, or automotive needs. Sometimes, he will accept payment for big jobs (with a substantial neighbor discount), but other times, he only wants a cold beer. I don't drink beer, but I keep an ample supply of cold Coors in the fridge just for him. And, he does get a thank you note, taped to a six-pack from time to time. The only thing I can offer him in trade is medical services, which he rarely needs. I did help out his brother a few times for an anxiety attack! I won't go into those details.
As you read this Blog, think of the many acts of kindness that you have received. Did you send a note? If not, get to it. And, don't wait for Thanksgiving. Thank a relative for loaning or giving you money when you were a starving student. Thank your parents for the million things they have done for you. Thank your neighbors for being good neighbors. Thank your doctor or medical provider for helping you get better.
To all of you, I would like to thank you for reading my Blogs and tolerating my random, often-controversial ramblings over the years. Your comments encourage me to keep writing. They help me be a better clinician, a better grandparent, and a better person.
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: thank you, gratitude, health and wellness
5 Comments:
Thank you, Dr Moser, for making me think about courtesy. I agree that there is something heartwarming about receiving a note, a letter, a thank you. Guess what? I get as much of a glow from writing a thank you note as from receiving one.
I do my best to practise what I consider to be "common courtesy" and intend to ensure that my daughters do to (the first time they said "thank you" with no prompting has stuck in my mind better than the first time they sat up or crawled...) although it's not always easy to explain things at their level (they're nearly 5) yet.
Yesterday, I found myself explaining the highway code as being a form of courtesy/politeness when telling them that when there isn't enough space for two cars in opposite directions to get past an obstacle, you let the other person through first (rather than having your wing mirror ripped off by theirs - lol). We'll talk about right of way at a later date.
Thank you for (indirectly) reminding me that their birthday is coming up and that I need to be sure that we have what we need to write the thank you notes!
When I was going through a real hard time and dealing with a possible diagnosis of ALS, I was communicating with my PCP quite often. She was very patient with me and always answered my questions. When we finally had it confirmed that I did not have ALS, I sent her a thank you card to let her know that I appreciated everything she did for me.
I want to give you a thank you note for all of the gifts of words you have given me. When I was a child, I always wrote thank you notes. When, I grew up, I did not write them anymore.
I want to thank you for the reminder. I will start again.
Anthing written: a thank you or note is more meaningful than a call, email, etc. Our techonolgy has made us lazy in the fine art of communication.
I was taught to write thank you notes when I was younger. I am 26 now and I am still writing them and I will teach my children to write them also. It bothers me when people don't write them. My cousin got married one year ago this month and I still have not recieved a thank you note for the gift. I also found out last week they have not even unwrapped all their gifts. They pretty much found all the checks and cashed them and left everything else. I will never see a thank you note I have decided!
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