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Embarrassing Medical Moments, Part I
Please don't use baby-talk when you interact with your baby.
A few years ago, I entered the examination room only to see a mother happily playing with her baby.
"Eees a coot 'lil boy. Looka es cootie toes. Mama tickle em? Es wanna a ba-wa?"
Huh? After a few minutes of this baby-babble, I thought I should say something. When babies hear baby-talk, they are more likely to imitate baby talk when they start to speak.
"You should not use baby-talk. It would be better for you to speak more clearly."
She responded with a puzzled look. "I no speeka baby-talk. I speeka good." Of course, I was not aware that the mother had a speech impediment.
Oh, I am so sorry. The last patient must have put a dirty diaper in the trash.
My wife, also a PA, entered a particularly stinky exam room. Immediately, she assumed that the previous patients, a new father with his two-year old, probably put a poopy diaper in the trash - a big no-no in medical office. Moms never do this; fathers on the other hand, do it all of the time.
She put on some gloves and began digging in the trash to find the offending diaper. After a few minutes, the embarrassed patient admitted to passing some unintended gas (She farted just before my wife came in).
Weren't you in jail?
I love teasing little children. One day, I saw a cute little guy, about four years old, peaking over the front desk in our waiting room. All I could see was his little hands and the top part of his head over the counter.
"Hey, I know you. I thought you were in jail."
He responded loudly, "No, I wasn't in jail. But, my Daddy is!"
The entire waiting room stopped reading their magazines and looked up.
You think I'm crazy?
We have quite a few deaf patients in our practice. Over the years, I have picked up a few American Sign Language signs that I will use. However, I found it is not good to try and make up my own.
While taking a particular difficult medical history (without a sign interpreter), I found myself talking louder, and of course, using some animated signs of my own.
I wanted to ask her if she was feeling dizzy, so as I enunciated the words (so she could read my lips in spite of my mustache), I used my index finger to create a series of circles around my ear. Apparently, that does not mean "dizzy".
"You think I'm crazy?" she responded.
In telling some of these embarrassing stories, one of our nurses told me one of hers.
You could use an extra hand.
She was a labor and delivery nurse in a large hospital. A woman had given birth to a set of triplets and was holding two of them. This nurse was holding the third baby. When the mother indicated she would like to hold all three, the nurse responded, "You could certainly use an extra hand."
The mother froze about the same time this nurse noted that she only had one hand.
The reason why I called this Blog, "Embarrassing Medical Moments, Part I" is because I am going to remember more of these special moments. And, I would like to hear some of yours, so please share your stories.
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: medicine, embarrassment, humor
18 Comments:
A baby was transported from a hospital about 2 hours away from mine. The baby was less than 2 hours old when the transport team arrived at the referring hospital and, since it was a relatively uncomplicated case, they didn't stay there long.
Within minutes after the baby arrived, a mid-40ish woman followed. I asked if she was the grandmother.
Nope. She was the mom. One of the few times I was able to make a quick recovery, I said, "You look too good to have just given birth!"
I'm not sure I fooled her, but she's a nurse, so she pretended very well.
I had a doctor ask my son one time how old he was when he was 14. I'm sure he meant something else but
we still laugh about this.
Gary
^ I don't get it. ??
My aunt made a return visit to the surgeon who operated on her for intestinal polyps. He announced to her that her chart was missing and that he didn't recognize "this end" of her.
Her quick retort was an offer to leave the room and then back in.
I had to read it three times....the Doctor asked, "How old were you when you were 14?"
Although today a hernia repair is an outpatient procedure, in 1961, when I was 18, I was in the hospital for eight days after a single-side hernia operation. On the second day a deaf man was moved into the next bed. With his one-on-one, 16 hours a day tutoring I quickly reached a proficiency to where I was even translating for the doctors and hospital staff when they came in to treat him. Then came the day when my mother came to visit. Eager to show off my new talent, I used ASL to introduce him to mom: I-WOULD-LIKE-YOU-TO-MEET-MY -MY-MOTHER. He threw his head back and banged his hand on the bed, howling with laughter. It seems that the sign for the word, "meet," is very close to the sign for a crude form of "have sexual intercourse with." I held my thumbs the wrong way. When mom asked what he said, I told her, "He's pleased to meet you, Maw."
I was having a tubal ligation and the doctor had already inserted the gas in my abdomen for the procedure. He said, "Here's your chance to see what you look like 5 month's pregnant." I answered. "I don't want to! That's why I'm here." The red started at his neckline and creeped up to his face. He was so embarrassed!
Bev
A new girl came into our medical transcription department and was asked to familiarize herself with our surgeons and their terminology in order to transcribe OR reports. She was given a sample dictation for a female patient. A common phrase used by surgeons is "The patient was prepped and draped in the usual manner." Our new person transcribed "The patient was prepped and ra... in the usual manner." Our boss was so happy it was a training record she almost cried.
Back in the 1970s in home care, our secretaries took information for new patient referrals over the phone, leading to some creative diagnoses. Ever hear of electric light disorder?
When I went to the doctor with stomach pains due to ulcers from stress, before the doctor decided on the ulcers he said "we can keep an eye on your galbladder since you've had so many problems in the past" He must have forgotten that I had it removed 3 years prior and I without thinking I said "If you want to try and find what the hospital did with it when it was removed you can keep an eye on it all you want." He turned bright red and quickly apologized.
A podiatrist I once worked for told me he was doing his residency in a Philidelphia clinic & asked the patient about her medical history with which she replied "I was told I have two buckets of locusts in my lungs". She actually had tuberculosis!!!!
I am a Paramedic and I have many, but just one for now. I had a call with a late 30's patient who called for abdominal pain. She was complaining of increased abdominal pain over the past week. She was out shopping with her friend when the friend suggested she call 911. Upon arrival I went through a full assessment to include medical and other pertinent history. The patient insisted that her friend stay with her in the back of the ambulance. Knowing that abdominal pain can be symptomatic of several things I interviewed the patient thoroughly. Not finding any definative answers, I asked if she was sexually active. She replied "Yes." I then asked her if it was possible that she may be pregnant. (Earlier questions re: her menses late by two weeks.) And she replied "My Husband has had a vasectomy!!!!" I replied, "Ma'am, with all due respect, that is not what I asked you." She looked at her friend in utter shock, then looked at me (as she turned very red), and said she had been having an affair. She had apparently confessed everything to her friend earlier in the day at lunch. We transported her to the hospital for other abdominal rule out, and indeed she was pregnant. Surprise!!
My 4 year old son had a sore throat and went to see his Pediatrician. The doctor had a tongue depressor in his hand and said "open up and let me have a pee in your mouth....I mean a PEEK in your mouth!" The doctor was mortified. Luckily my son didn't even catch the misspoken word and we just went along like nothing happened.
I WENT IN FOR A DOCTOR'S VISIT EXPERIENCING UPPER ABDOMEN PAIN ON MY RIGHT SIDE, MY FOUR YEAR OLD SON WAS IN THE EXAM ROOM WITH ME. THE DOCTORS PRESSED ON MY STOMACH AND I SHOWED SOME DISCOMFORT ON MY FACE. MY FOUR YEAR OLD SAID..."YOU BE OKAY MOMMY?" THE DOCTOR NOTICING HIS CONCERN SAID..."DON'T WORRY WE ARE GOING TO SCAN YOUR MOMMY'S CAT." WELL I BURST OUT IN LAUGHTER AND THE DOCTOR REALIZING WHAT HE HAD SAID QUICKLY FOLLOWED UP WITH..."I MEAN A CAT SCAN...AS HIS FACE WAS FLUSHED WITH RED... IT WAS HILARIOUS.
I am a Paramedic myself have have many of these stories but here is one. I had a call to a 22 YOF and she was having shortness of breath I felt we should transport her as he vitals were a little tacky. As we were on the way I placed the chart on her for one moment to grab some INT's and she was reading it and Told me I was an SOB! I could not understand where that came from till she told the doctor when we got there that I had written that she was an SOB but in medical abbreviations that means Shortness of Breathe.
The cosmetic surgeon my wife was going to for some reconstructive work on her hands was being interviewed by the doctor, who was obviously full of himself. I told him that I once knew a girl who had been born with her breasts on her back. His eyes widened as I had gotten his full attention. REALLY! I replied, yea, she wasn't much to look at but was a lot of fun to dance with. He didn't catch it immediately then the nurse attending snickered and left the room to laugh out loud.
A woman came repeatedly to the opd clinic with a nasty vag discharge despite 3 doses of pessaries...it didnt take long in finding the cause when she asked for for a cup of water to take the next prescription as she wasnt going home from clinic..
I worked in a hospital where a new medical transcriptionist came on board. Instead of typing 'sickle cell anemia,' she typed 'sick as hell anemia.' We all had a good laugh!
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