Oh, The Things We Do to Our Ears...

Since the Dawn of Time, people have messed with their ears. Primitive man (and primitive woman and primitive teenagers!) thought it was a good idea to adorn these convenient appendages with jewelry. The Africans took it to extremes by placing large objects, like bones, pretty stones, and carved pieces of wood into the fleshy part of their earlobes The bigger the bone, the more status, apparently. Some of the stretched lobes could hold a satellite dish.

Personally, I have no problems with most piercings, although I have never been tempted to get my own ears pierced. I grew up in a time and geographic area where these things were frowned upon. The only wild thing that I really did in my younger days is to grow a ponytail for a while. I had a good one - although it was grey. One day, one my elderly patients said, "Hey, Ponytail Boy, when are you going to cut that damn thing off?" Apparently, she grew up at a time and geographic area that frowned on grown men wearing ponytails. I cut if off. I still have it in my desk drawer. So much for my misdirected efforts in trying to be "cool".

I am not a big fan of the piercings through the tragus or cartilage, since they can develop some nasty infections, but those cute, conservative ones in the earlobe are fine. Yes, they can get infected or form some horrible-looking keloids (scars), but all in all, they are pretty. How people can stand to have earrings the size of Christmas tree ornaments, I don't know. As a matter of fact, one of our friends actually wore Christmas bulbs in her ears. She wasn't amused when I asked her if they lit up.

Those big loops get caught on things, such as sweaters, fingers, and other objects. Since metal is a bit stronger than human tissue, I have to suture an occasional rip, even in little children. Most heal beautifully if treated promptly.

Any bodily hole, whether natural or created by body modification, can become infected by those opportunistic bugs among us. The ears are no exception. Probably the most common complication of a pierced ear is a retained backing, or a localized infection. Cysts can also form behind the ears of lobe piercings. At least once a week, I am digging out a retained backing or even an entire earring, or lancing an infection.

Today, on the ENT board, I had two postings that are related to this subject. One person wanted to use an ear candle to cure her middle ear fluid; and another person admitted to rupturing his own eardrum with a Q-tip and wanted to know when it will heal.

I think ear candles are one of the most ridiculous quack practices out there. I even found videos of idiots on You Tube catching their hair on fire trying to use these wax cones. One site stated the ear candles were invented by the people of Atlantis which added to their credibility. I mean, if an advanced race used them, then they must be good. I guess when Atlantis blew up, the ear candles floated across the Atlantic, only to eventually end up in health food stores. Ear candles don't work, folks. There is absolutely no suction created by smoke, at least none that will pull wax and poisons out of your system. Yes, you can get a chunk of soot-covered earwax out of your ear canal, but there are better and safer ways of doing this.

Q-tips (not just the brand, of course), should not be inserted in the ear. We all know that, but most people tend to ignore the warning. Earwax has always has a bad reputation as being dirty. When it is visible by others, it reflects adversely on our personal hygiene, so people really want to get it out. In an effort to be thorough, they twist it around, pulling it in and out of the ear canal like some sort of piston; checking periodically for that yellow staining indicating success. More often than not, you push them in too far. First, comes the pain. Then, comes the blood. Congratulations, you have successfully ruptured your eardrum. Most traumatically ruptured eardrums heal in time, but some will require a surgical patch - a tympanoplasty. Eardrums are also ruptured by paper clips, pencils, and just about any object that fits in there, often done by seemingly intelligent people.

Finally, children love to stick things in bodily orifices. A significant part of my clinical practice in pediatrics is to dig 'em out. I remove beans and peanuts from little noses, and a variety of things from the ear canal: sponges, beads, toys, etc. I even removed an eyeball from the ear canal! A toy eyeball, of course, but it was interesting to look in an ear and see an eye looking back at me. One Christmas, many years ago, I pulled a little plastic baby out of a toddler's nose. It turned out to be a tiny baby Jesus that he took from a miniature Nativity set. Hallelujah! That would be a good holiday song: "Away in a nostril, no crib for his bed..."

As humans, we need to have a bit more respect for our ears. We need to stop sticking things in them, limit the number of holes we drill in them, and stop hanging so many decorations on the outside. And, we need to understand and appreciate the protective qualities of good ol' earwax. If God created humans in his own image, do you really think he intended for us to modify the unique anatomical appendage that is our ear? I think not.

Related Topics:

• WebMD Video: Repairing Damaged Earlobes
• Ear Infection Health Center

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