Turkeys!
Benjamin Franklin wanted the wild turkey to become our national symbol. I am sure glad we picked the noble bald eagle. While a wild turkey is a clever bird (the domestic ones are dumb), it does not imply the strength that should represent a nation. I can't imagine seeing a turkey on our coins or national emblems, and eating bald eagle on Thanksgiving.If you have been reading my blog for awhile, you know that I live in a rural area. We have a lot of turkeys here, and I am not referring to my neighbors (although one does meet the standards). For the last several weeks, we I went to mow my grass, I found that there was redwood bark from my planter areas all over the place. Initially, I thought one of the dogs was digging; perhaps looking for moles. But, no...it was turkeys. I spotted about a dozen of them yesterday, routing around the yard, scratching in the bark, and making a real mess. I chased them away, but I know they will return. My new little dog did chase them, but I suspect she will not be diligent enough to keep them at bay.
I used to own a turkey; two, in fact. When I worked in family practice about twenty or so years ago, I was given a pair of turkeys as a gift for making a house call on a disabled patient. To be honest, when the turkeys were offered, I just assumed they were frozen and ready-to-eat. Thanksgiving was only a few weeks away, so why not? Not to appear ungrateful for this unusual, live gift, I loaded them up in the back of the car and drove home. They were looking out of the windows, gobbling at startled drivers. Perhaps, they thought I was just taking them for ride. I knew my wife would be surprised when I put them in the back yard.
The person that gave me the turkeys could not kill them for food. They were more like pets to her. Of course, I assumed that I could fatten them up for the holidays and do the dirty deed. Besides, I grew up in Appalachia where we hunted turkeys. I actually shot one when I was about 16; pretty much the last time I went hunting. It wasn't very good. Too stringy, and not as tasty as those corn-fed, hormone-infused, big breasted birds from the grocery store. I really felt that I could eat these gift turkeys, but I couldn't. They became pets.
Tom and Tiki (their real names) lived in my back yard for about two years. I estimate that they ate several hundred dollars worth of turkey feed and unsold, several-day-old bread (their favorite). They got bigger and fatter. They also got more friendly. My two-year old son, at the time, was Tom's favorite. Tom was apparently a homosexual and interested in other species (like humans). I must say it was shocking to see a big 'ol turkey trying to mount your little boy. My son, now 29, informed me this year that he does not eat turkey. Perhaps, he is having some latent trauma from being sexually molested by one in his childhood. I don't know what we are going to feed him this year. We can't have ham, since his wife is Jewish.
When I moved, I couldn't take Tom and Tiki with me, so I gave them to my neighbor. He assured me that he would kill and eat them. Several years later, they were still happily residing in his backyard. Tiki eventually died, and Tom was donated to the Folsom Petting Zoo, where he secretly practiced his lust for humans. I wonder if they had a "Beware of Humping Turkey" sign?
We are going to have a traditional turkey meal this week using a store-bought bird, not those guys tearing up my garden. I am not going to deep fry it in oil, or cook it in a big metal garbage can like I saw on the news this morning. The turkey is just going to go in the oven. Last year, I cooked a goose (I bought it, if you must know). A goose is perhaps the worst-tasting bird on this planet; at least the way mine came out. I spent sixty bucks on that goose. I was the one that ended up getting goosed.
I like turkeys. I like them more on a plate, or as turkey sandwiches, rather than pets. In my humble opinion, they could be the National Symbol, unless of course, the vegetarians object.
Have a Wonderful Thanksgiving. Enjoy your bird.
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