Birthdays During the Holiday Season
Two of my children were born around Christmas: one on the 22nd and one on the 30th. I was thrilled that both were born before January 1st so that I could claim them on my income tax, however, this did create a future issue. Both children are adults now, and they still feel cheated because their birthdays have continued to be diluted.
When the kids are younger, birthday parties are the highlight of their year. Having their friends over to go crazy, playing games or having sleep-overs is next to impossible at Christmas. People often travel at this time and have many other commitments, so dragging them off for birthday parties are not high priorities for other parents. He tried having them anyway. It was usually cold or raining outside, so the kids ran amok in the house. One year, a little boy tried walking across an in-ground spa covered with a floating cover. He dropped like a rock, but never let go of his bag of candy.
We tried taking the kids to party places, but many were booked for holiday events, and of course, the attendance was down due to other family commitments. We tried taking all of the kids to the movies, but most of them had seen any appropriate movie by then. Hollywood always launches some kid blockbusters at this time. We tried taking them bowling, but they always ended up in the video arcade eating quarters like pigeons in a park. One of our friends had a sleep over for pack of screaming girls at a hotel that had an inside pool. He got them an adjacent adjoining room. After numerous complaints of noise, both from the pool area and from everyone within a half-block of their room, the parents realized that this was not a good idea.
The bottom line: We had to have a second birthday. We had one biological birthday around Christmas with one or two gifts, and then another "half-birthday" six months later when they could have a real (outside) party. This seemed to solve the dilemma in most cases.
Finding the right theme for a birthday party is important. We had Pete's Dragon parties, Star Wars parties, movie parties, and baseball parties...you name it. I can't say that any of our planned kid parties were unique. Parties at remote sites, like Chuck E. Cheese or Burger King, are really for the poor planners and unimaginative. We once hauled a bevy of boys to the snow for a day of sled riding, fort building, and snow ball fights. About eight of them, piled on an inner tube, nearly killed a Japanese guy trying to take a picture. He literally flew into the air a full 360; the kids never looked back as he limped to his car and quickly left. I pretended that they were not with me. The snow ball fights often ended with injuries, and at least one of kids would poop in their snowsuits.
Parents do seem to be having competitions about who can put on the best kid party. Now, parents are taking theme parties to new extremes. Locally, we have Music Mike who will come to the party and play fun songs for the kids. Of course, there are clowns making balloon animals, or magicians. A friend of ours had a Hippie Party where the kids all made tie-tied T-shirts, danced to 70's hits, and gave each other peace signs. Hopefully, they didn't smoke candy doobies or make anti-war protest signs. Somehow, this seems to be counter to the omnipresent holiday themes.
For enough money, Batman or Spiderman can make a guest appearance, either frightening the kids, or getting comments like, "Hey, you're not the real Spiderman!" We have someone in our area that brings reptiles, such as snakes or lizards for the kids to handle. There are traveling petting zoos with goats, miniature horses, and rabbits.
Parents often rent jump houses so the kids can bang into each other and higher velocities. I know...I end up suturing many of them, or putting on those casts. If parents are lucky that no one sustains a laceration or concussion, at least one or two of them will barf all over the jump house. After you hose it out (to avoid the cleaning fee), it remains wet and basically unappealing to the kids from that point on.
Related Topics:
- PROJECT GOOD HEART: Teaching Your Kids the True Spirit of the Holidays
- Parenting Tips for the Holidays
13 Comments:
My father's birthday (he's now in his late 70s) is on December 25th and I always felt bad for him because of that. So ever since I was a teen I make sure to give him a special card and present for just his birthday (something he always says is unnecessary but CLEARLY pleases the heck outta him), aside from ensuring I spend time with him all year round, just he and I. I've never splurged for a jump house for him, though.... ;-)
What a great idea, having that extra birthday celebration for your kids in the summer!
We just celebrated my youngest child's first birthday. She will be turning one on Dec 20th. I do feel bad that she is a Christmas baby and made an effort to keep her b-day festivities separate from Christmas- she got birthday decoration and not Christmas decoration, we will not be putting gifts under the tree or starting the 'countdown to Christmas' until after her birthday has passed. For the future I am considering hosting a 'b-day party' for her in May when it will be easier for school friends to attend- my oldest is born in April and my middle child in June so that would move her in line with the other birthdays. And NO combined Christmas/birthday presents- she will get her own birthday gifts just like the other kids! Ironically when she was born the hospital was almost empty- I was in a semi-private room alone because there were enough vacancies that no one had to share rooms. It ocurred to me later that many people must deliberately plan to avoid a Christmas birthday- I certainly never had a room to myself when I had my other children!
Being born on Christmas Eve I came to almost always expect that my birthday would be forgotten, and yes, sometimes that did happen. There were a few years when my mother would bake a cake for me on the 24th and all of us would go to midnight Mass, which was a special occasion. I used to think that I couldn't compete with Jesus and shouldn't. I think I was about 13 then. I remember several years when my parents would tell me on Christmas morning that one of my presents is for my birthday, which they had forgot to mention the day before. I would say "thank you" and open all of my presents not knowing which one was supposed to be the "special one" meant for my birthday. After awhile, it no longer mattered. As long as at least one person remembered my birthday on my birthday, I was happy. This year I will be 55 and still feel the same way. I have a niece that was born on the 21st and I always make it a point to present her with her birthday present on or before the special day and call her on that day no matter what else I'm doing. She will be 15 this year and I want her to know she is special and loved and glad she was born. I'm glad you wrote this article and I hope many people read it and understand.
My birthday is Dec. 18, so I too have experienced the gift counted twice, the birthday presents wrapped in christmas paper, the birthday where we couldn't play outside. It's somewhat worse now in college, because not only does my birthday fall a week from christmas BUT during our finals as well! Competing with Jesus, and all my friend's GPAs.
My parents were always good about it, they never wrapped anything in christmas paper, and they put a stop to my sister putting candy canes on the birthday cake she made me. Relatives still have an issue with the holiday birthday rules.
This is such a great article! I hope everyone reads and heeds it. My family has several Christmas birthdays: My spouse is Dec. 10, my father is Dec 14, my neice is Dec 21, my mother is Dec 28, and my grandmother was Jan 2. I always go broke buying Christmas AND birthday cards and gifts! We have all tried to make my niece's birthdays special and separate from the holiday - birthday decorations, b-day cake, gifts in b-day paper, etc. My parents knew what it was like to feel cheated out of their birthdays. Listen up people - a birthday is a birthday no matter what day it falls on.
My son's birthday is on 12/30. I make it a point to make his special day...special. Get over it people. If those in your life care about you, they will show it.
May child is born on Jan. 4th and she is never left out on her birthday. I always had a cake but it was hard to get friends and family together because of New Years weekend and everyone was busy.
I had a rule when it was her holiday and she got so many presents I told her that she can only open up two gifts and the rest she has to save for another day. I did not want her to get bored on all the presents and then wide up being a waste. The same with her birthday presents she was not in the mood to open them up and play with them. She waited until another day. She was so thrilled that on a rainy day she was able to enjoy her presents more and then wrote her Aunt and other family members that she enjoyed the gift.
Now she is going to be 9 years old in Jan and she turned around and said she misses not having so many presents this year from relatives cause they got her one big gift that she really wanted. She said it is going to be a sad day during a rainy day cause she was so excited that she alway had a gift to open up. Then she turned around and said I will do the same thing if i get a lot of presents for her birthday in Jan. to wait for another day. This was something special all year around from the people who love her truly.
I also had an extra birthday in the summer for her school friends and they think it is cool and she is lucky to have a half birthday,
my birthday is on the 19th of december i always got cheated out of presents they were always the combo types. my dad always made me a b-day cake every year then i got to open up one of my xmas presents as my birthday present. i am now married and glad none of my 4 kids b-day is close to christmas. and my husband for the 6 1/2 yrs i have been with him always got me a present for my b-day and never gave me a combo present. i love him for that.
My son was born on Dec. 31st. I joke that he will always have a awesome party to go to on his birthday complete with fireworks!
However, we always try to have a special celebration just for him during the day with a cake and all. I tell everyone if they only want to get him one gift, make it a bday gift and not a combo gift. He will get enough from Christmas to not miss a few on that day...but he will miss them on his bday and it HAS to be wrapped in bday paper/bags.
When he is older (he is only 3 now) he will have the choice if he wants to have a "not-birthday" party during the summer or any other time so his friends can all get together.
I read from so many people that have birthdays around Christmas that hate their birthdays or Christmas so much because no one ever seperated the two...and yet there are many people in the family as well as friends who don't understand why I am a birthday-nazi about this. I don't want my son growing up with the same feelings that many of the other posters have said they had.
My birthday is December 24th. My mother always gave me my gifts on my birthday. She tried to keep the day special for me (at least until I got older. There were some good things about my birthday being this day. I did get to have candy canes on my birthday cakes and I was always the one to put the baby Jesus into his manger in our cheche.
OK, yes, there were times I felt cheated in the gift department. My grandmother always combined my holiday money with my birthday money. The sum was always less then my brothers who received theirs separately. I did try to give her some slack since she had 27 grandchilren to think about at Christmas but it was an issue for me.
My biggest complaint though is how everyone assumes my birthday is Christmas Eve. NOT! I was born in the morning. Christmas Eve is the night before Christmas. I share my birthday with millions of people. I share Christmas Eve with billions of Christians.
My daughter's birthday is December 27th. Every year we have "Rachel Day" on September 1st. On that day we do something fun and she opens all of her birthday gifts from us--just the 4 of us. In mid-December she has the actual birthday party with friends, cake and gifts from them. That way she gets some extra recognition from us in September and gets many gifts. But since actual party is in December then there is no confusion with family and friends about when to send presents or expect the party. Every year we have Rachel Day so it is a consistent tradition in our family and we don't have to re-think a solution every year.
I just had a b'day yesterday and after 41 years of being given holiday/birthday gifts, I demand a change. We celebrate many b'days during this month. One of my granddaughters' b'day is the 15th, my mom's is the 16th, my cousin's is the 23, my aunt's is the 24, mine is the 26th, another aunt's is Jan. 2 and my other grandaughter's is Jan. 2oth. Whew
My birthday is the 31st of Dec. My family would always do something during the day to celebrate, but every year my parents would go to a party at night leaving me with a babysitter. It always made me very sad. My birthday has never felt special and is often overlooked. I stopped trying to get pregnant nine months before December for both of my pregnancies because I didn't want my children to feel like I have. Parents should consider this when trying to get pregnant.
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