Groin Shots
Photo Credit: Greg Younger
My worst groin shot occurred in college. I was working in the hospital as a bed-pan technician. Another one of my friends working as a janitor - we will call him Hally since that was his real name - thought it would be a good idea to sneak up behind me and get me with a broom handle. I probably deserved it for something that I had done to him in the past.
Many groin victims see it coming and try and protect themselves. I did not anticipate this attack and got the full impact. I collapsed to the floor in agony. Hally ran away. Hearing my cries of pain, seeing me lying in a fetal position in the hospital hall, drew some obvious attention. Before I knew it, I was being wheeled into the emergency room. I couldn't talk. I was clutching my groin. They thought I was passing a kidney stone! As soon as I was able to speak, I only uttered one word: "Hally!" They removed the blood pressure cuff and monitor and let me limp back to work.
After over thirty years of pediatrics and family practice, I have seen many groin victims. A popular high school boy was trying to impress his friends with his expert skateboard skills. In front of a hundred or so friends, he jumped on the metal hand rail of some steps and proceeded to slide down. Anticipating cheers and accolades, he did not intend for the board to slip, subjecting his testicles to the full impact of the metal rail. As blood streamed down his leg in full view of his classmates, he was rushed to our nearby clinic. I quickly determined that (a) his testicles were still there, and (b) he lacerated the scrotum. He would need a few stitches only. He returned to school the next day, only to get a standing ovation, not unlike Evel Knevel.
There are many stories on the Internet and on television about "Stupid Criminals". I can say there are many incidents of "Stupid Patients", too. There was the guy who decided it was a good idea to duct tape a chain saw (running a full speed) to a long pole so that he could cut the higher limbs of a tree. The vibration of the chain saw worked it out of this duct tape and the saw fell in his lap! Thinking the worst, he was afraid to even look. He came into the Urgent Care clinic with the chain saw (now turned off, of course) still wrapped in a wad of his clothing by his groin. We cut out off the clothes and chain saw only to find an impressive laceration on his upper thigh. I was pleased to inform him that the vital parts had been spared, assuming he was already circumcised.
Football and baseball players wear cups in their athletic supporters. Basketball and soccer players do not, since it is more difficult to run in those things. Years ago, I was at my son's Little League game. The boys were warming up, just throwing the ball from base to base. The first base player, perhaps distracted by any number of things, did not notice a baseball heading his way. In full view of the startled crowd, he was hit directly in the groin. A concerned mother rush to his aid, but he indicated he was fine. Several seconds later, he collapsed (fainted). Although several medical providers on the bleachers assured the coach that this was just a simple fainting episode, someone had called 911. The little boy was loaded onto the gurney and given oxygen! Hey, folks...wrong end! Twenty minutes later, another player on the same team got hit in the head running to second base. Now two players were down and only eight were on the field. The team had to forfeit and I got to go home early on that hot Saturday.
Fathers of toddlers really should wear a cup when romping with the kids. The average height of a two-year-old is about the height of the groin - another disaster just waiting to happen. Perhaps those groin shots by the kids are not unintentional. Maybe this is another one of nature's ways of trying to control the population?
I would love to hear your groin stories, now that I have the ball rolling (so to speak).
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: groin injuries, health and wellness
12 Comments:
You know how the pocket in your jeans scrunch up when you put them on?
Yeah I hate it too.
Now.. lets suppose that you, like me, have a pencil in that pocket and you forgot.
And lets suppose that just as you finish buttoning, you notice the string to your ceiling fan taunting you. We can't have that! Being flexible you kick the string.. and end up pointing the pocketed pencil directly at manland with your thigh. This, of course, could only end with an impaled willy.
(then later dig out the graphite yourself to avoid explaining things to your parents)
( I got rid of my jeans and switched to kakki pants. Much safer)
Once my youngest son started walking, he quickly trained his father and brothers to block when they saw him coming. I've been told that he also trained ALL of his karate instructors to be very careful about giving instructions to small children.
Great stories...thanks.
I grew up riding horses, and remember some of the local girls inviting one of the popular young football players over to ride horses one afternoon. They put him bareback on this one horse that had really high withers (not a good thing if your are a guy). Many of us were in stitches watching him trotting across the arena shouting "Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!" with each pounding step. I think the young ladies set him up on this, just to humble him. Worked, too.
I have a friend that takes vicodin (as i do).She went to a ear doc. and was told a long time use of vicodin could cause some hearing lost. Is this true?
Vicodin? I guess it could cause reading comprehension problems, too, since this is really not the subject of the blog.
No...Vicodin can cause serious opiate addiction, but not hearing problems per se.
I heard from Hally (the perpetrator of my groin attack)...
He said he nearly peed himself reading the Blog. He said that the incident must have left a big impression on me.
I told him, "Impression? It left a dent!"
This blog brings back some painful memories! My worst groin shot was most defintely during soccer practice when I was like 11 years old.
When I learned the art of slide tackling I loved taking people down. Well, my timing was a little off one practice. I slid in for a ball and the other guy decided to kick. Well, he kicked the ball alright! Unfortunately, I was left a huddled mass on the soccer field. I was hospitalized for two days because they thought it might be twisted around in there. Luckily, once the swelling went down and some x-rays were taken, everything was in the proper place.
Hey doc, I'm about to get married. Is that kick to twig and berries going to affect my odds of fathering children?
I was looking for something else at webmd but this blog caught my eye... here is mine. I was hit by a basketball in p.e. by the school bully and then by his knee. I was 13. within two hours I was experiencing what I thought was stomach pain. I was aware of self exams and did one on myself in the boys bathroom at school. I found one testicle was swollen three times normal size. hours later after surgery, I found out I had a torsion testicle. they have been tender ever since
my worst groin shot was playing basketball in high school my sophomore year. I went up to block a shot and got a knee rammed into my groin as I came down.
I was in 7th grade ... she was the most beautiful girl, daughter of my parents best friends. One summer she signed up for tennis lessons and my parents thought it would be great if I did too. Being a total klutz, I could never manage to return a ball, especially when she was serving. One day I missed so badly and she hit the serve so hard ... well, needless to say, I didn't get up for the court for a good 15 minutes and could not even look at her. Ah young love!
ya ouch...i was in shop class my sophmore year and a small peice of kick back wood hit my right in the left testicle...i fainted like 15 seconds after i said "wow that hurt" and i fainted infront of the whole class too...well that was embarrising and i think im going to start wearing a cup 24/7 lol :P
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