Spoiled Rotten Kids - Part One
There is nothing like a pediatric practice to demonstrate a wide variety of parenting (or lack of) styles. I see 'em all. Can you really have children who are considered spoiled rotten?
A well-cared for and loved child may be viewed as spoiled rotten, but these are not the kids I am talking about. I am talking about the kids that have the best of toys, the finest designer clothes, and devoted parents who make sure the get the best of everything. I see kids with expensive iPods, their own, high-tech cell phones, and some pretty impressive toys. I have teenage patients who drive better cars than I drive (I actually have issues with that one). If people have the financial ability to provide their children with those things, then who are we to judge?
We helped all of our kids (all five of them) buy used cars when circumstances dictated that they needed them, such as sports practices, college, or after-school jobs. Most of our kids were grateful; some were miffed that we didn't lease them a BMW, like Kim's dad.
I said, "Why don't you call Kim's dad and see if he will get you one, too."
Some of my older patients are heading off to the universities - Stanford, UC Berkeley, Cal Poly, Yale, and Harvard. Their parents are forking out a King's Ransom in tuition. Of course, I had to work my way through school by dumping bedpans and feeding old geezers, but I am not jealous. I am not jealous because I couldn't have been ACCEPTED to those schools, let alone afford to go there. I am justifiably humbled by their accomplishments and tell them so. From a financial point of view, I am glad that my kids attended state schools. It was hard enough with four of them in college at the same time. Thank God for student loans to postpone some of those costs. We only have one more left in college, which is good since I would like to retire some day.
I have one father who built an Olympic-class pole vaulting run in his backyard so that his son could train. Parents travel the country with their kids who are in competitive soccer leagues. We have several friends who sent their kids to Europe (for fun), and one who sent their son to Japan to study the violin (he does not play the violin anymore). My heart goes out to the families that support their children in sports or other pursuits. Special kudos to Michael Phelps's mother and all those like her. I was not a promising athlete or musician, so my parents didn't have to shell out squat. My parents chose not pay a dime toward my college education, either.
A large number of my little patients attend preschool - some of the more prestigious (and expensive ones). My kids went to Montessori School - about thirty years ago now - and I was shocked by the costs then. I was amazed that it cost more for my daughter to go to Montessori for one year than it did for me to get a graduate degree at UC Davis. She even had more fun that I did. Nowadays, I have no idea how parents can afford to send their kids to private preschools and schools. I guess you can't put a price on good education. Wait! Yes, you can.
My wife did attend a snooty private school outside of Boston when she was in high school. It was the same school that her mother attended, so it was sort of expected that she would go there some day as well. She even had classmates named Muffy and Winky (I am not kidding!). In Appalachia, I had classmates named Cletus and Buck. She went to school with crowned African princes, movie star and politician's kids. Many of my classmates went to jail, or quit school in junior high to work in the coal mines. My wife and I both work in the same clinic and get the same salary. We are equal in every respect. She just has better class reunions that I do. I tease her about her private, finishing school, but I would have given my right arm to go there. Her tuition was a subsidized $6,000 a year in the mid-1960s - a lot of money in those days. It is $43,600 a year now. Even adjusted for inflation, that is still a huge tuition.
Do children appreciate things more if they have to work for them? Perhaps, but if they have a choice, they would prefer that you gave it to them Scott-free. The first car that we gave our kids was a very used Olds Vista Cruiser station wagon with faded wood grain on the sides; like the one Chevy Chase drove to Wally World - not what you would call a Babe Mobile. We found out that they parked it a few blocks from school so that the other kids would not see them in it. Very few of our kids dated seriously while in high school; perhaps, due in part to this car - our BCV (Birth Control Vehicle).
We didn't pamper (actually we did use Pampers) our children; and they seemed to turn out just fine - an attorney, two engineers, a registered nurse, and hopefully, an MBA in marketing. They don't drive fancy cars; they go to work everyday, pay their mortgages, and the ones who have children do not pamper them. Our grandchildren go to public school (those that are old enough). If anyone spoils them with toys and gifts, it is us; my wife, actually - 'Ol Giftin' Grammy.
Spoiled Rotten Kids - Part Two
Related Topics:
A well-cared for and loved child may be viewed as spoiled rotten, but these are not the kids I am talking about. I am talking about the kids that have the best of toys, the finest designer clothes, and devoted parents who make sure the get the best of everything. I see kids with expensive iPods, their own, high-tech cell phones, and some pretty impressive toys. I have teenage patients who drive better cars than I drive (I actually have issues with that one). If people have the financial ability to provide their children with those things, then who are we to judge?
We helped all of our kids (all five of them) buy used cars when circumstances dictated that they needed them, such as sports practices, college, or after-school jobs. Most of our kids were grateful; some were miffed that we didn't lease them a BMW, like Kim's dad.
I said, "Why don't you call Kim's dad and see if he will get you one, too."
Some of my older patients are heading off to the universities - Stanford, UC Berkeley, Cal Poly, Yale, and Harvard. Their parents are forking out a King's Ransom in tuition. Of course, I had to work my way through school by dumping bedpans and feeding old geezers, but I am not jealous. I am not jealous because I couldn't have been ACCEPTED to those schools, let alone afford to go there. I am justifiably humbled by their accomplishments and tell them so. From a financial point of view, I am glad that my kids attended state schools. It was hard enough with four of them in college at the same time. Thank God for student loans to postpone some of those costs. We only have one more left in college, which is good since I would like to retire some day.
I have one father who built an Olympic-class pole vaulting run in his backyard so that his son could train. Parents travel the country with their kids who are in competitive soccer leagues. We have several friends who sent their kids to Europe (for fun), and one who sent their son to Japan to study the violin (he does not play the violin anymore). My heart goes out to the families that support their children in sports or other pursuits. Special kudos to Michael Phelps's mother and all those like her. I was not a promising athlete or musician, so my parents didn't have to shell out squat. My parents chose not pay a dime toward my college education, either.
A large number of my little patients attend preschool - some of the more prestigious (and expensive ones). My kids went to Montessori School - about thirty years ago now - and I was shocked by the costs then. I was amazed that it cost more for my daughter to go to Montessori for one year than it did for me to get a graduate degree at UC Davis. She even had more fun that I did. Nowadays, I have no idea how parents can afford to send their kids to private preschools and schools. I guess you can't put a price on good education. Wait! Yes, you can.
My wife did attend a snooty private school outside of Boston when she was in high school. It was the same school that her mother attended, so it was sort of expected that she would go there some day as well. She even had classmates named Muffy and Winky (I am not kidding!). In Appalachia, I had classmates named Cletus and Buck. She went to school with crowned African princes, movie star and politician's kids. Many of my classmates went to jail, or quit school in junior high to work in the coal mines. My wife and I both work in the same clinic and get the same salary. We are equal in every respect. She just has better class reunions that I do. I tease her about her private, finishing school, but I would have given my right arm to go there. Her tuition was a subsidized $6,000 a year in the mid-1960s - a lot of money in those days. It is $43,600 a year now. Even adjusted for inflation, that is still a huge tuition.
Do children appreciate things more if they have to work for them? Perhaps, but if they have a choice, they would prefer that you gave it to them Scott-free. The first car that we gave our kids was a very used Olds Vista Cruiser station wagon with faded wood grain on the sides; like the one Chevy Chase drove to Wally World - not what you would call a Babe Mobile. We found out that they parked it a few blocks from school so that the other kids would not see them in it. Very few of our kids dated seriously while in high school; perhaps, due in part to this car - our BCV (Birth Control Vehicle).
We didn't pamper (actually we did use Pampers) our children; and they seemed to turn out just fine - an attorney, two engineers, a registered nurse, and hopefully, an MBA in marketing. They don't drive fancy cars; they go to work everyday, pay their mortgages, and the ones who have children do not pamper them. Our grandchildren go to public school (those that are old enough). If anyone spoils them with toys and gifts, it is us; my wife, actually - 'Ol Giftin' Grammy.
Spoiled Rotten Kids - Part Two
Related Topics:
Labels: health and wellness, parenting
4 Comments:
Lovely article.
Thanks for writing what was on our minds, also.
Lot's of truth but not a real clear goal.
You call parents who give their kids expensive toys, cars, etc. "devoted." I would suggest that they are not devoted to their children. They are perhaps devoted to what they can give and do for their children. Devoted parents RAISE children who are independent, who do not feel a sense of entitlement, who can make good lives for themselves and their families. That is done with love, kindness, patience, and a bit of denying kids what they want... thus making them EARN what they receive and supporting them as they attempt to achieve their goals.
I had a good laugh at many of your comments, for I went to a high school in Southern Illinois much like the one you probably did. Now I live in suburban St. Louis, and the differences in what kids hope/expect to get from their parents are vastly different than what I grew up with. But I will say that I know quite a few kids who, though privileged by many standards, seem to be reasonably well-adjusted, and I expect that they will someday make good parents and citizens. I'm sure your kids would have turned out well, too, if you had caved in and given them each a nicer car. That doesn't mean that kids shouldn't have to take out the trash or mow the lawn; on the contrary, some contribution should be expected. On the other hand, there's no substitute for earning what you get; you tend to take care of it better and appreciate it more. I think that a large part of good parenting means taking an active interest in your child's life and preparing him/her to make good decisions. I think you should write a book someday about your observations about parents and child-rearing -- I'll bet you've seen it all!
Post a Comment