Spoiled Rotten Kids - Part Two
Children that are from financially-privileged families, those that seem to have all of the best toys and the best opportunities were discussed in Part 1. I would now like to comment on the "other" spoiled rotten kids - the ones that lack discipline, respect for parents and other adults, and the one's that seem to get away with murder (hopefully, figuratively).
We all see them. They are the one's screaming in the cereal aisle at the grocery store; or the one's having a fit at the kid-height candy stand at the checkout. We see spoiled rotten kids in restaurants, school functions, and at the sports fields. Day-care and preschool providers live with them every day.
A pediatric office is a place to do an anthropological study and child-parent interactions. When children come for medical care; either when ill or for preventative services, they do not come alone. One or both parents are usually accompanying them. More often than never, a cadre of siblings will also be there - as interested observers or annoying distracters. Grandparents also tag along from time to time - a true family reunion. The smaller the examination room; the more people there are; trying to find places to sit among the automobile-sized strollers.
At least one child will be on my roller stool, spinning around or trying to stand on it. I took the liberty of posting some basic exam room etiquette "rules" such as don't play on the stool, don't take out all of the gloves from the drawers, don' t take out the pelvic exam stirrups, or play with the expensive instruments. We like to give out stickers and sugar-free lollipops to the little ones, but I have to remind parents every day not to do this until AFTER the visit. They may be sugar-free, but they are not sticky-free. And, there is nothing like seeing a child with a sore throat who has been eating a red lollipop or drinking red Hawaiian punch before I had a chance to examine him.
One day, while sitting in my office typing some notes, I heard one my rolling stools flying from one end of the exam room to the other. Clearly, some oblivious parent was allowing the child to play on it. Since I had one child that kick-launched himself into the corner of a cabinet a few weeks prior, cutting a big gash in his head (I had to put in 5 sutures), I knew I needed to intervene. When I opened the exam room door, I did not find a child on the stool, but rather a Dad happily lying on his abdomen; darting from side to side, using his legs to kick off. He was embarrassed. Good.
When you open the exam room door to enter, you are rarely surprised what you will find. It could be a mother happily talking on the cell phone ("Gotta go. Doctor just came in.") while the child has taken all the exam gloves out of the box and put them on the floor. Or, they are tearing the pages out of the children's books that I brought from home. Those books survived five of our kids, only to be destroyed by an unsupervised child.
I encourage them draw on the exam table paper to occupy their time while waiting. The older kids can play Hang Man or Tic-Tac-Toe; the younger one's can scribble or draw pictures (often very cute). Unsupervised, the younger ones go beyond the table and try to decorate the walls. I completely gave up on putting up anatomical and educational posters because they just get ripped up. My PA wife was smarter, she had hers laminated.
All of these breaches in common etiquette reflect directly on the parent's ability or inability to supervise or appropriately discipline their children. Parents who do not let their kids jump on their living room furniture will allow their children to jump on mine; even with muddy shoes. Parents who do not permit their children to eat crackers in the living room, will allow children to drop them all over the floor, only to leave without offering to clean it up. There are so many cheese goldfish on my floor some days that I could survive a famine.
It is good that parents do not hit their children anymore, but that does not mean a parent should allow a child to hit them (or me). I see toddlers punching their mothers in the face, and I have had several toddlers try to take a bit out of my leg. Granted, toddlers are not a good example, because most are inherently mean. The Terrible Twos tend to start at age 15 months with stranger anxiety, and supposed to end before age three. Some children will carry whining and tantrums well into their teen years and beyond.
Thankfully, undisciplined children are not the majority. Most of my little patients are delightful and respectful - this is why I love pediatrics. Most parents are wonderful; especially the Moms (Some Dads are clueless, I have to say). I am heartened when I find a sulking child sitting in the corner in "time out", or the peripheral entourage of kids quietly reading, listening to music (with headphones), or doing their homework. I am delighted when I see a parent reading to a child, instead of talking on the phone while their child destroys the books.
I love it when I see a parent stick to their guns. No means no. It is not negotiable. If you don't behave, you will not get a lollipop. Twenty minutes later, I will see that same child decompensating down the hall, screaming that he wants a lollipop. I told you. You wouldn't listen. Maybe next time you will get one.
I think I can handle undisciplined children (and their parents) quite well. After thirty plus years in this medical business, I don't hold my tongue anymore. I will intervene if I see a parent being abused by a toddler, or a teenager being verbally disrespectful to parent. I will also proudly comment on excellent behavior when I see it; both to the child and the excellent parent.
Positive discipline goes a long way. Children need boundaries and limits. They need to experience disappointment and logical consequences; as well as receive rewards and accolades for positive acts. They need to see examples of acceptable public behavior from their parents. The "Don't do as I do, do as I tell you" approach to parenting just doesn't work.
Lastly, children need attention and they need love. When they seek out parental approval, they should get it. When they try to please, it should be noticed and acknowledged. And, when their behavior is inappropriate, regardless of the setting, they should not get away with it.
All children are good. Good children occasionally do bad things. Bad things have consequences. Good parents have the ability to discipline with love.
Spoiled Rotten Kids - Part One
Related Topics:
We all see them. They are the one's screaming in the cereal aisle at the grocery store; or the one's having a fit at the kid-height candy stand at the checkout. We see spoiled rotten kids in restaurants, school functions, and at the sports fields. Day-care and preschool providers live with them every day.
A pediatric office is a place to do an anthropological study and child-parent interactions. When children come for medical care; either when ill or for preventative services, they do not come alone. One or both parents are usually accompanying them. More often than never, a cadre of siblings will also be there - as interested observers or annoying distracters. Grandparents also tag along from time to time - a true family reunion. The smaller the examination room; the more people there are; trying to find places to sit among the automobile-sized strollers.
At least one child will be on my roller stool, spinning around or trying to stand on it. I took the liberty of posting some basic exam room etiquette "rules" such as don't play on the stool, don't take out all of the gloves from the drawers, don' t take out the pelvic exam stirrups, or play with the expensive instruments. We like to give out stickers and sugar-free lollipops to the little ones, but I have to remind parents every day not to do this until AFTER the visit. They may be sugar-free, but they are not sticky-free. And, there is nothing like seeing a child with a sore throat who has been eating a red lollipop or drinking red Hawaiian punch before I had a chance to examine him.
One day, while sitting in my office typing some notes, I heard one my rolling stools flying from one end of the exam room to the other. Clearly, some oblivious parent was allowing the child to play on it. Since I had one child that kick-launched himself into the corner of a cabinet a few weeks prior, cutting a big gash in his head (I had to put in 5 sutures), I knew I needed to intervene. When I opened the exam room door, I did not find a child on the stool, but rather a Dad happily lying on his abdomen; darting from side to side, using his legs to kick off. He was embarrassed. Good.
When you open the exam room door to enter, you are rarely surprised what you will find. It could be a mother happily talking on the cell phone ("Gotta go. Doctor just came in.") while the child has taken all the exam gloves out of the box and put them on the floor. Or, they are tearing the pages out of the children's books that I brought from home. Those books survived five of our kids, only to be destroyed by an unsupervised child.
I encourage them draw on the exam table paper to occupy their time while waiting. The older kids can play Hang Man or Tic-Tac-Toe; the younger one's can scribble or draw pictures (often very cute). Unsupervised, the younger ones go beyond the table and try to decorate the walls. I completely gave up on putting up anatomical and educational posters because they just get ripped up. My PA wife was smarter, she had hers laminated.
All of these breaches in common etiquette reflect directly on the parent's ability or inability to supervise or appropriately discipline their children. Parents who do not let their kids jump on their living room furniture will allow their children to jump on mine; even with muddy shoes. Parents who do not permit their children to eat crackers in the living room, will allow children to drop them all over the floor, only to leave without offering to clean it up. There are so many cheese goldfish on my floor some days that I could survive a famine.
It is good that parents do not hit their children anymore, but that does not mean a parent should allow a child to hit them (or me). I see toddlers punching their mothers in the face, and I have had several toddlers try to take a bit out of my leg. Granted, toddlers are not a good example, because most are inherently mean. The Terrible Twos tend to start at age 15 months with stranger anxiety, and supposed to end before age three. Some children will carry whining and tantrums well into their teen years and beyond.
Thankfully, undisciplined children are not the majority. Most of my little patients are delightful and respectful - this is why I love pediatrics. Most parents are wonderful; especially the Moms (Some Dads are clueless, I have to say). I am heartened when I find a sulking child sitting in the corner in "time out", or the peripheral entourage of kids quietly reading, listening to music (with headphones), or doing their homework. I am delighted when I see a parent reading to a child, instead of talking on the phone while their child destroys the books.
I love it when I see a parent stick to their guns. No means no. It is not negotiable. If you don't behave, you will not get a lollipop. Twenty minutes later, I will see that same child decompensating down the hall, screaming that he wants a lollipop. I told you. You wouldn't listen. Maybe next time you will get one.
I think I can handle undisciplined children (and their parents) quite well. After thirty plus years in this medical business, I don't hold my tongue anymore. I will intervene if I see a parent being abused by a toddler, or a teenager being verbally disrespectful to parent. I will also proudly comment on excellent behavior when I see it; both to the child and the excellent parent.
Positive discipline goes a long way. Children need boundaries and limits. They need to experience disappointment and logical consequences; as well as receive rewards and accolades for positive acts. They need to see examples of acceptable public behavior from their parents. The "Don't do as I do, do as I tell you" approach to parenting just doesn't work.
Lastly, children need attention and they need love. When they seek out parental approval, they should get it. When they try to please, it should be noticed and acknowledged. And, when their behavior is inappropriate, regardless of the setting, they should not get away with it.
All children are good. Good children occasionally do bad things. Bad things have consequences. Good parents have the ability to discipline with love.
Spoiled Rotten Kids - Part One
Related Topics:
Labels: health and wellness, parenting
4 Comments:
Good behavior begins at home. If a child really learns the lessons, he or she will behave at school, at the doctor's office, etc. If the parents do their job well, their child will not be a problem in the classroom.
I am tired of hearing how it is the school's fault for not properly controlling youngsters. If parents did their jobs, classrooms would be orderly and teachers could actually teach.
I believe we have dumbed down our curriculum, but it is more the parent's fault than the teachers'. Good behavior in the classroom would allow the teacher to impart more knowledge and the students to absorb what they learn.
I definitely agree with the previous poster about discipline beginning at home. Why do so many parents seem to think that it's a school's job? It's like so many people expect them to do a parent's job but with none of the rights of a parent.
Oh, and I'm tired of hearing things like "I want Johnny to feel free to express himself" when excusing their child's bad behaviour. Absolutely, expression is healthy and it's important for children to learn that. HOWEVER, they CAN and SHOULD learn to express themselves in a manner that is respectful to the people around them and their property (that's right, this means no tearing posters off the wall at the doctor's office to "express" frustration).
Frankly, I think a large part of it is laziness in parenting. As parents, we need to be caring, active, and involved enough to discipline our children when the situation calls for it. You're not doing your child any favours if you neglect discipline! (and discipline can be done lovingly! don't think for one second that discipline is equal to any manner of abuse!)
I had three beautiful children, two boys then a girl. I was welcomed into my friends homes with the kids in tow with pleasure and often the kids were invited without me. They were even described as angelic although I knew they were certainly no angels, they were really nice, well mannered kids.
That all changed when each of them started school. My eldest by the second year of high school was a real disruptive and rude child. My second son didn't wait for high school, he continually got suspended and punished from grade 4 onwards and my daughter was never as bad as the boys but still a handful throughout high school. The teachers couldn't believe the changes in the kids compared by when I was around and when I was gone. One teacher in particular, a friend of mine described them as like Jeckyll and Hyde. She knew them throughout their childhood and lamented the obvious and disappointing changes she witnessed. They were talented academically quite on the upper side of average, had great manners and were very polite and respectful when I was around but when I was gone, the training from home lost out.
I put it down to complete lack of proper disipline allowed to the teachers and education system in general, the intrusive meddling of the government in things they have no business in - parenting, the atrocious peer pressure in the school yard often exascerbated by lack of teachers abilities to intervene and the way other parents treat their kids in front of mine. So great were the changes in my kids that it eventuated my total loss of the two boys, one of whom was killed before I had a chance to try and fix things though I had been trying for over 5 years, the whole time I never saw him, and the second son has had no contact with me in 6 years except for a short visit after the birth of my first grandson. Neither of the boys were nice anymore, drugs, alcohol and illegal cars are probably the tip of the iceberg in their lives.
So I find it very difficult to agree fully with the claim that these 'bad' kids are created by lack of parenting all of the time. The government, education system and peer pressure are in my opinion worse than any bad parenting could possibly be although it definitely has quite some impact in a lot of cases.
I have noticed a sharp increase in kids behaving rudely in the last 15-20 years. My parents raised me to be silent, and stay put in one place in the company of other grown ups and I always complied. That was just the culture of the 1970's , I guess. (However, when my mom's sister and her niece came to live with us for 5 years, my parents had a double standard and allowed her niece to get away with murder!)
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