Email a Friend
Print Article
When Your Kids Move Out
I have been doing college physical exams for the last several months. It is really exciting to see these young, eager kids (until they are 18!) starting their new lives. I have seen dozens of aspiring engineers, psychologists, teachers, and health care professionals getting ready for university life. Moving out to attend college is very empowering.
Their parents are proud, but they are also very anxious. For many, this is the first time they will be on their own (sort of). Some of the kids are ready. They are already independent, self-disciplined, and mature. For others, college is going to be a time to seriously par-tee! Parents worry about drugs, sex, binge drinking, and other college hazards. Recently I had a heart-to-heart discussion with a young man about tobacco use. For some unknown reason, this young man, at the height of his physical well-being, decided it was a good idea to start chewing tobacco. Bad decision. He was given my famous anti-tobacco lecture and seemed to listen. I asked him if he used seatbelts.
"Always," he said.
"If you are going to take a chance at developing mouth or throat cancer from using tobacco, you might as well not wear seatbelts either." I think I made my point.
Privately, he also admitted to occasional marijuana use, drinking, and every parent's worst nightmare - having sex. He does not use condoms because his girlfriend is on the pill.
"Ever seen her swallow one?" I asked.
"Girls who want to become pregnant will get pregnant. You may be interested in the pleasure of sex, but secretly, she may have selected you as the future father of her baby; obviously without your expressed consent." If you must have sex, use condoms; even if she is on the pill.
My old college roommate left for the Navy at the end of our first year when his girlfriend became pregnant. They married, had a beautiful little girl. He returned to finish his medical training five years later after completing his Navy obligation. Because he had one year of medical training, the Navy decided he would be a good dental hygienist. After five years of cleaning teeth, he was ready to pick up his life where he had left off.
Becoming a responsible adult does not automatically happen on your 18th birthday. It is a gradual process of trial and error; good decisions and bad decisions. It can be an endless series of mistakes before finally achieving measurable success. Success, of course, is the progressive realization of your OWN predetermined goals and objectives.
Some parents are absolutely elated that their child is moving out. I got a kick out of the television commercial where a couple is saying their goodbyes to a son, standing beside his loaded car. As he drove off to college, they high-fived each other and headed for his old bedroom, measuring it for a pool table and spa.
I vividly remember my first day at college. I was so glad to be out of my parent's house and on my own that I could have shouted aloud. I attended school on an academic and work scholarship, so I didn't need to ask anyone else for a dime. My kids, of course, asked for that dime; lots and lots of dimes. At one time, we had four in college at the same time. Now, we have one in college with two more years to go.
My daughter has been on her own for the last ten years or so; getting financial help from time to time when she needs it. This week, she informed me that she was heading for the University of Washington. Unlike the parents who are high-fiving their kid's departure, I am sad. I will miss her dearly. E-mails and phone calls are not the same as our weekly get-togethers. I love Seattle, so I guess I will be doing some traveling.
In three more years, our oldest granddaughter will be heading off to college. I know her younger brothers will be happy about that; but we will be missing her, too.
Kids grow up. Kids leave home. Some kids come back; some only visit. Such is the life of a parent.
Related Topics:
Their parents are proud, but they are also very anxious. For many, this is the first time they will be on their own (sort of). Some of the kids are ready. They are already independent, self-disciplined, and mature. For others, college is going to be a time to seriously par-tee! Parents worry about drugs, sex, binge drinking, and other college hazards. Recently I had a heart-to-heart discussion with a young man about tobacco use. For some unknown reason, this young man, at the height of his physical well-being, decided it was a good idea to start chewing tobacco. Bad decision. He was given my famous anti-tobacco lecture and seemed to listen. I asked him if he used seatbelts.
"Always," he said.
"If you are going to take a chance at developing mouth or throat cancer from using tobacco, you might as well not wear seatbelts either." I think I made my point.
Privately, he also admitted to occasional marijuana use, drinking, and every parent's worst nightmare - having sex. He does not use condoms because his girlfriend is on the pill.
"Ever seen her swallow one?" I asked.
"Girls who want to become pregnant will get pregnant. You may be interested in the pleasure of sex, but secretly, she may have selected you as the future father of her baby; obviously without your expressed consent." If you must have sex, use condoms; even if she is on the pill.
My old college roommate left for the Navy at the end of our first year when his girlfriend became pregnant. They married, had a beautiful little girl. He returned to finish his medical training five years later after completing his Navy obligation. Because he had one year of medical training, the Navy decided he would be a good dental hygienist. After five years of cleaning teeth, he was ready to pick up his life where he had left off.
Becoming a responsible adult does not automatically happen on your 18th birthday. It is a gradual process of trial and error; good decisions and bad decisions. It can be an endless series of mistakes before finally achieving measurable success. Success, of course, is the progressive realization of your OWN predetermined goals and objectives.
Some parents are absolutely elated that their child is moving out. I got a kick out of the television commercial where a couple is saying their goodbyes to a son, standing beside his loaded car. As he drove off to college, they high-fived each other and headed for his old bedroom, measuring it for a pool table and spa.
I vividly remember my first day at college. I was so glad to be out of my parent's house and on my own that I could have shouted aloud. I attended school on an academic and work scholarship, so I didn't need to ask anyone else for a dime. My kids, of course, asked for that dime; lots and lots of dimes. At one time, we had four in college at the same time. Now, we have one in college with two more years to go.
My daughter has been on her own for the last ten years or so; getting financial help from time to time when she needs it. This week, she informed me that she was heading for the University of Washington. Unlike the parents who are high-fiving their kid's departure, I am sad. I will miss her dearly. E-mails and phone calls are not the same as our weekly get-togethers. I love Seattle, so I guess I will be doing some traveling.
In three more years, our oldest granddaughter will be heading off to college. I know her younger brothers will be happy about that; but we will be missing her, too.
Kids grow up. Kids leave home. Some kids come back; some only visit. Such is the life of a parent.
Related Topics:
