Halloween - The Good, Bad, and the Scary

Kevin Dooley / CC BY 2.0

Children love Halloween; or most likely, they love to dress up and pretend they are super heroes, rock stars, cheerleaders, or monsters. Too bad that Halloween is only once a year, and too bad that Halloween has such an evil reputation as being a day that opens the gateway to Hell. Seeing happy little children dressed as fairies or Darth Vader is not the same Halloween it was two thousand years ago.

Ancient people (and even modern people today) believe in spirits - good ones, and bad ones. When I am seeing a traditional Hmong family in the clinic, they are unusually quiet. They do not want to draw attention to themselves by the evil spirits that lurk around medical offices. Actually, I have seen them myself, cleverly disguised as inspectors renewing one of our many accreditations. The Hmong and many other people in third-world nations do not believe in germs as a cause of disease; they believe that evil spirits are responsible. Since it is becoming more and more difficult treating certain drug-resistant diseases now, I am inclined to start believing it myself.

Two thousand years ago, the Celts, a much admired group by the tattooed crowd, believed that October 31st - the last day of their year - was a day when ghosts came back for a visit, and the dead comingled with the living. The Celts would dress in masks and costumes to scare them away, and leave offerings of food (the "treats") to appease them. However, if you are already dead and just making an annual visit, I don't really understand the point. Come on...they're already dead. What can happen? I wonder if adult Celts ate the primitive Baby Ruths and Milky Ways out of their kid's stash, as is our tradition now? I heard that archeologist have found some wrappers, including one intact 2000 year old Snicker that was missed. It is still edible.

After the Romans invaded Ireland and England, Halloween begin to change. The Romans didn't really like Celts dancing around in goat pants and stuff. Then came the Christians, who put the damper on this annual holiday by making November 1st All Saints Day; thus making October 31st All Hallow's Eve, or as we know and mispronounce it, Halloween. Hallow means "Saint". All Hallow's Eve became a religious holiday. The Celts were not pleased, so they invented Irish dancing and whiskey. I made that last part up, but I love to start Internet rumors.

The good part of Halloween is the fun that children have dressing up. They love going door-to-door getting candy (for their parents). Competing neck and neck with Christmas and their birthday, Halloween is often their favorite. Why do some people hate it?

The bad part of Halloween has got to be those poor choices for costumes. Being in the medical profession and having done my time in the emergency rooms, I don't really care too much for eyeball hanging out, knives stuck in ears (worse than Q-tips!), or blood dripping down from severed limbs. I keep trying to bandage them, or at least put on some gloves to keep from getting fake blood-borne pathogens. That is the scary part for us. For the younger crowd, these costume choices are equally as terrifying. Let the teenagers wear them at parties that only have teenagers, but let's not go door to door scaring the crap out of the little ones (and their parents).

Halloween can bring out the ultimate essence of poor taste, like a transvestite Obama or a Nazi cheerleader. No one, and I repeat, no one, should be wearing costumes that are offensive or in poor taste. The medical assistant who works with my wife is from Moldova, and is offended by anything related to Halloween, even pumpkins. Since my wife loves to decorate her office for Halloween, she is slowly (very slowly) learning to tolerate this American tradition.

Spiderman, Superman, and the Transformers tend to be popular in my office for the boys. The girls still love being ballerinas, divas, or one of the Disney heroines, like Ariel or Pocahontas, although Native Americans or mermaids may be insulted. Witches and ghosts are okay; I am not particularly fond of vampires, although I did like Twilight. I can vividly remember as a child, sleeping in my hot, humid attic room with the window closed, so that Dracula would not come in. I would avoid walking through the woods at night, too. The Wolfman, if you are curious.

A local mega-church goes half-way and has a Harvest Festival. For the safety of the children, they organize an annual "Trunk and Treat." Cars are parked all around the periphery of their large lot; the children go from car to car in their costumes, getting candy and treats from the trunks of their cars. I think this is a great idea and a wonderful compromise. They are prohibited from being witches, vampires, or axe-murderers, as they should.

It is time to re-invent Halloween, not abandon it because a few inflexible people may be offended because of some issues and associations 2000 years ago. Halloween is fun if you set some reasonable perimeters and join in.

Danielle Closs / CC BY-ND 2.0

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All I Want for Christmas...

No, not my two front teeth. Fortunately, with the exception of one of those front teeth (knocked out by a girl in fifth grade), I still have ALL of my teeth. I would like some other things, though...

I would like the economy to be repaired. I have been busting my butt since I started working at age 15 and I would eventually like to retire from my full-time clinical practice. I would like to travel, putter around in my yard, and have enough money to not worry. I am frugal, but I don't want to be living in a van down by the river. Besides, I sold the van.

I would like people to stop fighting. Sometimes, wars are necessary, but I think enough is enough. Wars are too expensive - both in human lives and economically. I don't know how to say "Why can't we just get along?" in Arabic, but someone should. I am tired of seeing little children in my practice worrying about their mothers or fathers who are deployed in a combat zone. The "no fighting" wish extends to families, too.

I love being an American, but I can certainly say I have been embarrassed by some of the things that have been going on in the world that have our name on it. I won't mention them, but you know what they are. It is time that we take care of ourselves for a while; devote our energy back to domestic issues, improve our infrastructure, and re-establish ourselves as the "good guys" again. Wealthy countries should always help people that are disadvantaged, but sometimes we have to clean our own house first. I want a President that I respect.

I want to have affordable gasoline. Sure, the price of gas has gone down, but I am still ticked about how much we had to pay a few months ago. There was absolutely no excuse for that. And, as soon as someone perfects an affordable, plug-in electric vehicle that can go at least a hundred miles on a charge, I am getting one...and, putting a solar system on my roof. We have a beautiful country and I would like to see ALL of it when I retire, but I don't want to send a large portion of my retirement income to the Middle East.

I want people to be honest. We all share one planet, so stop stealing, stop lying, and stop cheating. I grew up in a time, not so long ago, that you left your doors open in case your neighbor needed something while you were away. Now, we live in a world where you have to have alarm systems, hide stuff in your car, watch your wallet/purses, and look out for scams.

I want every person that is capable of learning to get an education. Educated people earn more money. People who earn more money, pay more taxes and energize the economy. An energized economy is good. Educated people who have good jobs tend to be happier, more content, live longer, and don't have to steal. There was a time that Americans were the leaders in innovation. We were the inventors and entrepreneurs. I want to see art...and music...and drama...back in the schools again. Humans need more than just math. I want to see more days of teaching per year and year-round schools. Very few kids have to help bring in the crops anymore, and the ones that do can work something out. We are losing our edge.

I want people to be able to work and support their families, and this includes people from other countries that want to work here, pay taxes, and help their families back home...in their own countries. I want to get people off of welfare. If I lived in Mexico and had to feed my children, I would be climbing over the fence, too, so let's find a way so we can help our less-fortunate neighbor. On the home front, I want more things to be made in the U.S. again. I don't mind paying a little more for a better domestic product that isn't made by prison labor or in sweat shops. I remember a time when "Made in Japan" or "Made in China" was a joke. Now, "Made in America" is the joke.

I want all people to have health insurance. Medical care is way too expensive for anyone to afford even the most basic services anymore. Someone needs to do some cost control in the medical profession. There is no damn reason why a two-minute procedure to freeze one wart should cost $250, or why a generic medication that has been around for thirty years should cost $80, instead of $3.00. Every medical professional should serve at least two years in medically-underserved areas to pay back their subsided medical education, just like other countries.

I want illegal drugs off the streets. People do not need cocaine, ecstasy, and methamphetamines. Cancer patients and other chronically-ill people may need medical marijuana and should get it; perhaps it should be legal, but controlled. Teenagers do not need to have it at all.

I want people to stop smoking. Period. Too much money is wasted; too many lives are taken away from us prematurely.

I want to be able to trust what I eat. I am tired of hearing about cancer-causing additives, E. coli, lead, and Melamine in things we eat or drink. Let's clean up our act.

I want my cyber-patients - my on-line posters - to find the proper, hands-on medical care. I want them to find a medical professional that listens to them; cares about their problems; and works hard to help them find the answers that they have sought on WebMD.

I want to be able to speak Spanish because I love to travel in Latin America and I would like to serve my Spanish-speaking patients better. I found out that my limited medical Spanish has limited use when someone does not have abdominal pain or a green booger (I know those words in Spanish). I want people who live in America to speak English, too. I had three years of French, but I rarely meet French people. Spanish was not offered in my Appalachian school where most people spoke Hillbilly.

I want to find a nice male Sheltie to breed with my female Sheltie. I just want one male puppy out of the litter to replace my canine friend who was tragically killed last year. I have to do it soon, but I don't think I can handle another "heat".

I want turkeys to stay the hell out of my yard and a new dog that will chase them away and not befriend them.

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