Who Said MDs or PhDs Don't Feel Like Everyone Else?

I had a conversation recently with someone who was doing her job while she talked to me and one statement she made rang out like a loud bell. "Well, you psychologists are trained not to feel grief like the rest of us." Trained not to feel grief like the rest of you? Did she honestly think that anything in a psychologist's training could remove the ability to respond like any other human being from any of us so that we'd be immune to feeling emotions like grief? How would they have done that? It certainly wasn't part of any training I got.

Than I started thinking about the physicians I've known and how, when they're being open and honest with you, they admit to the grief when a patient dies or when they can't help them with an illness. Not all of them and that's probably because some have formed a hard mental callus that seems to protect them, but I wonder. Some others see patients as walking, talking bits of anatomy, jobs to be performed, chests to be thumped and meetings to be placed on little white cards. Some are terribly naive about life because they've spent their early adulthood in laboratories or writing papers or trying to impress their professors or chiefs of service and missed out on living.

Those are the ones who stand at the doorway to patients' rooms and announce loudly, "Oh, yes, the test results came back and you've got cancer," and walk away. I've seen that happen.

Most of us feel grief and all the normal human emotions the rest of the world experiences. We cry and regret and love and that's normal. As the famous newspaper letter of many years ago (circa 1897) indicated (I take a bit of license here), "Yes, Virginia, there is a feeling psychologist."

Well, I should say there is more than one.

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Technorati Tags: anxiety, stress, grief, empathy, compassion, psychologists

Making Back to School Less Traumatic

Fall brings with it a return to the work world for adults and to school for children. Whether it's kindergarten, grade school, high school or college, school has its challenges and so does work. The US Government recognized that school was actually children's "work" when it permitted Disability allowances for children who couldn't perform adequately at school. How children perform in school isn't only a function of their individual abilities, but a part of the equation where parents and community play a major role.

The number of children who will be diagnosed as having anxiety disorders or depression is sufficient for us to recognize that it's a very real problem that has life-long consequences. I've seen estimates of 19 million children diagnosed with anxiety.

An anxious child cannot concentrate sufficiently to absorb what is taught in the classroom and, therefore, that child is at a disadvantage academically. If this goes on for a few years, the child falls farther and farther behind his/her peers and the problems associated with going to school mount as do the behavioral problems associated with poor performance in school. It was once called 'school phobia,' but it is more appropriately recognized as much more than one single problem. The anxiety these children feel stems from their social interactions, the school requirements, their preparation for school and the home to which they go each afternoon. All of it must mesh in order for this child to succeed to the best of their abilities.

New Golden Rules

My golden rules for school include:

1. Read to your young child each evening, if you can and help them to discover the wonder of reading. Reading is probably your child's most valuable key to learning. If they can't read well, it is like putting a huge bolder on the road before them and giving them no tools to move it. Reading builds vocabulary and this is one central element in all testing.


2. Help your child "grow" their vocabulary. If possible, encourage participation in word games or even word-find puzzles. Words can be the key to opening an interest in history and social studies, so use the origin of words to broad their interests.


3. Teach your child how to organize their activities and their study materials. Anxiety is compounded by not being able to find materials and when deadlines are put off until the last minute. Here we have the beginning of the 'the dog ate my homework' scenario.


4. Set up a schedule for school-related activities and those your child enjoys with friends or family. Remember the saying "all work and no play makes Jack/Jill a dull boy/girl?" Don't make your child's day an endless series of "must do" activities.


5. Remember that later in their school experience critical thinking will be invaluable and it's in the beginning years of school that you help shape this ability. "Why" questions are a way children begin this search for meaning in their world. Direct them to something that will provide answers they can understand and enjoyment at the same time.


6. Relaxing is just as an important part of your child's day as working. How many children are taught how to relax? I don't think people realize their children may need some help in learning to relax because they still think that a child's world is one devoid of problems and just packed with fun. If it were, how come so many kids are anxious? What about relaxation breathing that can be done at home or in school when they become tense?


7. Plan family activities and give your children something to look forward to other than summer vacation. It's good for them and it's good for you.


8. Begin to help them develop problem-solving skills and help them understand that some things take thought and planning and can't be solved immediately. Build up their ability to control their impulsivity. It's wonderful to want to do things NOW, but it's not always the best route. Maze games make this point beautifully.


9. Encourage skill development in some sport or activity. This helps build self-confidence and acceptance that sometimes mistakes are a part of learning. Whoever shot a hole-in-one the first time they went on the golf course? Why should you expect your child to do something like this the first time they try something? First times are beginnings and you want to let them have as many beginnings as they want or need.


10. Offer a helping hand, a soft shoulder and a ready ear and you will be giving your child one of the greatest gifts they will ever receive.

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Technorati Tags: anxiety, depression, back-to-school

Are you a BlackBerry Addict?

Technology, like stress, is the wily bookkeeper who keeps juggling the books, and not always in our favor. Lately, I've been listening to more and more discussion about BlackBerry addiction, so I started giving it some thought. Could you really be addicted to a PDA or wireless device and, if you were, what would be the signs that would tell you? And, is it "addiction" or "dependence?" There are differences. I have a feeling it fits more into the realm of dependence and, like any dependence, it definitely has a down side. BlackBerry is big and the most recent statistics on its sales indicate, according to CNN Money.com, that the quarter ending March 2008 saw $1.88 billion in sales and about 2.18 million new subscribers for just that quarter.

Signs of Dependence

When you look for dependence, you want to see if any of the following have been affected by, usually, a substance, but in this case it's a wireless device.

1. Are certain activities in your life reduced by your use of this device?
2. Do you use it excessively?
3. Do you find it nearly impossible to cut down on your use?
4. Despite knowing that it causes you stress and tension in your family life, can you not stop using it?
5. Do you spend large amounts of time using it or in wireless- device-related activities?
6. If you can't use it, do you have physical symptoms of sweating, anxiety and even nausea?
7. Have you developed a tolerance that leads you to use it more and more?

Well, my friend, all of those are signs of dependence and let's, for one moment, consider what this might do to you. Like an intrusive friend who seems to be helping you, this usage quickly becomes more important than anything else. You NEED it because you HAVE to be available and you NEED to keep up on things. Do you ever have it far from your side and where do you put it at night? Is it ever off? Do you jump when you get a call and does your heart beat increase?

Try one little thing to see how it might be causing you stress. When the signal comes through that you've got a message or a call, put your index and middle finger over your left wrist bone (where the pulse is) and count the beats. Record and date it somewhere. Then, at some other time, when you're doing a relaxing activity, take your pulse. Is there a difference?

Okay, have you developed a dependence and, if so, what might you do about it? Being under constant stress is unhealthy both physically and mentally. The effect won't be immediate, just like the work of that bookkeeper, but it will be there.

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Technorati Tags: blackberry, pda, technology, stress, health and wellness

Stressful Jobs and Depression Risk

Stress is a part of life and when it comes to our jobs and how we make a living, it's something that requires our constant care and concern. Now a new study of 1,000 workers in Europe found that stressful jobs accounted for 45 per cent of new cases of depression. The factors which the scientists isolated as being especially important were excessive demands on the job and extreme time pressures. Not only did they find that these workers, with an average age of 32, were experiencing a high percentage of job-related stress-induced depression, but there appeared to be a 40 percent increase in reports from workers of job stress.

When economies turn sour, the heat is on in terms of producing the same with less workers or less in terms of resources. What do you do? The easy answer would be, as I've seen in some advice columns, to change your job. Not so easily done in an economy that appears to be shrinking, nor is it always possible to fit in a college degree or time to learn additional skills. To preserve your mental and physical health, you have to be the one in charge of your after-work life. How do you do that?

Begin when you get up. If you are going to have breakfast, do some in-place exercises while preparing whatever you'll have. You can find easy exercises, requiring no equipment, on line. Next, plan something for any free time you might have to break the job-home-job cycle. Give yourself any breaks you can to get out and take a walk, sit in a swing, do some gardening (yes, even on your windowsill). Anything that will break the routine can be helpful.

One local radio station now incorporates a "daily laugh" into their programming where they play jokes from comedy club acts. Put some laughter into your life. I don't care if you like The Three Stooges or Wayne's World or whatever, just laugh whenever you can. See the humor in life and, yes, there is humor.

If you need a silly exercise, here's one I use in my presentations. Wiggle your ears. You can't? Have you tried? Give it a try and see what happens.

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Technorati Tags: stress, job, depression, anxiety, mental health

The Debt Crunch and Stress-induced Illness

A recent Associated Press-AOL poll, which took another look at the debt-stress crunch now affecting the American consumer, found that 44% of the 1,002 people in the survey indicated migraine headaches, 29% had severe anxiety, 23% suffered from severe depression and half of the study participants had some form of muscle tension or back pain. The results, when compared to a previous study completed in 2004, show significant increases in debt-related stress-induced physical problems. It's no secret that chronic stress brings on physical problems and the emotional toll is hefty, as well.

Americans have piled up $957 billion in consumer debt, according to the Federal Reserve, and much of it is in the form of credit card debt. Twenty percent of after-tax income is now earmarked to pay this debt and that leaves household budgets with increasingly less money to spend on essentials.

What can be done? My first thought is for professional help in credit card counseling from a reputable service and then consider lifestyle changes to help you weather this credit storm. You will survive, but just as anyone who's ever been through a tornado knows, you have to begin to sort things out and reorder your priorities.

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Technorati Tags: economy, recession, stress, debt, credit cards, saving money