Stress and the Holidays
Stress levels rise the closer the holidays approach, for many people, because there are invariant scenarios that are played out at thousands of dinner tables each year. The problem here, as in so many other instances, is how do we approach this.
You probably are steeling yourself right now for that yearly reminder of all the silly, embarrassing or just plain unpleasant things you either did or went through as a child. There's sure to be a relative who imbibes too much of the holiday punch and the result is a less-than-pleasant dinner. What can you do about relatives, friends, neighbors who don't know when they're treading on painful territory? Alcoholism doesn't only include people who get drunk every day. It also includes the weekend drunk or a person who goes to a party and ends up either having a fight or getting deathly sick. Many times it's fueled by insecurity and anxiety in social settings.
The one thing you can do now and in the future is to do what my brother taught me many years ago. Believe it or not, he was a wonderful big brother who felt I should learn to drive and I didn't need to wait to do it. So, at age 6, I was propped on his lap in a small truck with a stick shift and I learned to drive in a large, private parking lot. His words to me, which I can still hear today, were, "Anticipate, anticipate. Don't look at the car in front of you, look two or three cars in front of you and you'll be ready to react."
So, my word for you today is to "anticipate" just as I had been taught. Work on how you will handle this situation this year. You needn't be upset, you needn't come up with clever put-downs, but you do need to do something. What will work with this person and leave them with their dignity intact?
One thing that every host and hostess should be seriously considering is the removal of alcoholic beverages from the drinks available. No matter how you do it, take the alcohol out of the dinner. As we've heard, "The super ego (that wonderful control center) is dissolvable in alcohol." If alcohol is present and you have people who don't know when enough is enough, help them by not having it in your home for the dinner. This will avoid one of the prime reasons holidays can become truly stressful occasions.
Remember, also, there can't be a disagreement (sometimes long-standing ones) unless you participate, too. If you won't engage in this, it can't go on. Don't take the bait and you know what that "bait" is because you've seen it year after year.
Enjoy the holidays for what they were meant to be' a time to show your appreciation for good company, loving relatives and friends while you have a bit of relaxation and a good meal.
Related Topics: Stress: Coping Strategies, Diet: Holiday Stress
You probably are steeling yourself right now for that yearly reminder of all the silly, embarrassing or just plain unpleasant things you either did or went through as a child. There's sure to be a relative who imbibes too much of the holiday punch and the result is a less-than-pleasant dinner. What can you do about relatives, friends, neighbors who don't know when they're treading on painful territory? Alcoholism doesn't only include people who get drunk every day. It also includes the weekend drunk or a person who goes to a party and ends up either having a fight or getting deathly sick. Many times it's fueled by insecurity and anxiety in social settings.
The one thing you can do now and in the future is to do what my brother taught me many years ago. Believe it or not, he was a wonderful big brother who felt I should learn to drive and I didn't need to wait to do it. So, at age 6, I was propped on his lap in a small truck with a stick shift and I learned to drive in a large, private parking lot. His words to me, which I can still hear today, were, "Anticipate, anticipate. Don't look at the car in front of you, look two or three cars in front of you and you'll be ready to react."
So, my word for you today is to "anticipate" just as I had been taught. Work on how you will handle this situation this year. You needn't be upset, you needn't come up with clever put-downs, but you do need to do something. What will work with this person and leave them with their dignity intact?
One thing that every host and hostess should be seriously considering is the removal of alcoholic beverages from the drinks available. No matter how you do it, take the alcohol out of the dinner. As we've heard, "The super ego (that wonderful control center) is dissolvable in alcohol." If alcohol is present and you have people who don't know when enough is enough, help them by not having it in your home for the dinner. This will avoid one of the prime reasons holidays can become truly stressful occasions.
Remember, also, there can't be a disagreement (sometimes long-standing ones) unless you participate, too. If you won't engage in this, it can't go on. Don't take the bait and you know what that "bait" is because you've seen it year after year.
Enjoy the holidays for what they were meant to be' a time to show your appreciation for good company, loving relatives and friends while you have a bit of relaxation and a good meal.
Related Topics: Stress: Coping Strategies, Diet: Holiday Stress
1 Comments:
Dr Farrell,
Your last paragraph is a stress-reducer in itslf:
"Enjoy the holidays for what they were meant to be' a time to show your appreciation for good company, loving relatives and friends while you have a bit of relaxation and a good meal."
Thanks!
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