The Ugly Twins
Reading is a passion of mine and it does run in my family. Many of us can be found at all hours of the day or night trying to get in yet one more chapter in whatever book we happen to be reading at the time. It's a pleasure and a wonderful stress reliever, to my mind. It has opened up my mind to the world of reality and fantasy, led me to ask new questions of my profession and allowed me to more fully understand those who share this good earth with us.
Currently, I am reading two books by the actor/writer/entertainer Spalding Gray whose untimely death a few years ago shocked me. Gray was a man of talent and complexity, but obviously there was a great deal of pain in his life, pain he managed to keep to himself and it was depression that drove him to take his life.
As a psychologist, I've come to know that the old idea that there are definite warning signs that alert everyone to impending suicide just isn't so. I've seen it in my years in clinical work and here it was again in the death of Spalding Gray.
Gray did all the things I've come to know are often seen in someone who is bent on suicide. He made plans for a ski trip, went about his usual life activities and then, suddenly, just before the trip, disappeared. No one knew where he was, but they hoped he would just be hanging out with friends and too involved in something to contact them. It wasn't so. They found him weeks later in the Hudson River. Here was a man who was a wonderful raconteur, writer and, from what I've read, devoted father who found life was impossible for him.
Depression and anxiety, or the "Ugly Twins" as I call them, cloud our ability to see solutions to problems and I think of how many others must feel this way, too. Any psychological/psychiatric disorder can bring about this clouding and make ending it seem almost like a good thing. To say it's a shame doesn't make a strong enough case against it, but I understand their feeling of hopelessness and their resolve to end their pain.
In a world that now offers so many treatments for both depression and anxiety, there would seem to be help for all of these people. Yet, in many parts of our country and the world, there are few resources. Even when the resources are available, they may not be used because of the fear of stigma or a lack of funds to pay for the help. The duty of all of us now is to raise the level of awareness of everyone that these illnesses are treatable and that help does exist, even in cases of financial distress.
No one wants to lose another person to the Ugly Twins, so let's not let them win any more of these tortured battles for life.
Related Topics: Beyond Depression, How to Maximize Life Satisfaction
Currently, I am reading two books by the actor/writer/entertainer Spalding Gray whose untimely death a few years ago shocked me. Gray was a man of talent and complexity, but obviously there was a great deal of pain in his life, pain he managed to keep to himself and it was depression that drove him to take his life.
As a psychologist, I've come to know that the old idea that there are definite warning signs that alert everyone to impending suicide just isn't so. I've seen it in my years in clinical work and here it was again in the death of Spalding Gray.
Gray did all the things I've come to know are often seen in someone who is bent on suicide. He made plans for a ski trip, went about his usual life activities and then, suddenly, just before the trip, disappeared. No one knew where he was, but they hoped he would just be hanging out with friends and too involved in something to contact them. It wasn't so. They found him weeks later in the Hudson River. Here was a man who was a wonderful raconteur, writer and, from what I've read, devoted father who found life was impossible for him.
Depression and anxiety, or the "Ugly Twins" as I call them, cloud our ability to see solutions to problems and I think of how many others must feel this way, too. Any psychological/psychiatric disorder can bring about this clouding and make ending it seem almost like a good thing. To say it's a shame doesn't make a strong enough case against it, but I understand their feeling of hopelessness and their resolve to end their pain.
In a world that now offers so many treatments for both depression and anxiety, there would seem to be help for all of these people. Yet, in many parts of our country and the world, there are few resources. Even when the resources are available, they may not be used because of the fear of stigma or a lack of funds to pay for the help. The duty of all of us now is to raise the level of awareness of everyone that these illnesses are treatable and that help does exist, even in cases of financial distress.
No one wants to lose another person to the Ugly Twins, so let's not let them win any more of these tortured battles for life.
Related Topics: Beyond Depression, How to Maximize Life Satisfaction
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6 Comments:
Dr Farrell,
When someone decides to take their life, they are not necessarily at the end of their rope or worried about stigma. I would agree they are hopeless and I think they don't always realize they are hopeless. I know now that thinking of suicide is avoidance; it's a way to stop thinking about other things.
Arriving at the decision is one of the most peaceful feelings I'd known for quite some time. It was like the sun bursting through. It was a completely logical and comforting decision. Hurting others? No, this wouldn't be hurting anyone, this would be a gift to them. And absolutely as part of that gift, warning signs are carefully avoided so no one will wonder what could have been done to help. I'd been in treatment about 7 years; there was no fear of that stigma. I just wanted to be done..with everything. As I was gulping down the pills, a relative came home. I could have stopped but I kept going, then went to where he was and said hello and said I was going to nap for a while. Needless to say I didn't succeed. Only 3 people even know I attempted. Turns out you can't do it with the drug I had on hand; I just slept for many many hours.
I believe the mental health profession is a very caring profession, but I also believe there are some things that can't be undone or replaced or improved on enough to create a hopefulness about the future.
Reading is a great past time and a great way to escape, learn, expand your awareness by reading other opinions and ideas. It is a luxury of time and of the peace of mind to be able to read.
Thank you for your blog.
I certainly know about the sense of peace of which you write. I've heard it from many patients.
Thank you for your thoughts on this subject. I do appreciate them.
you are welcome. I am really enjoying reading the blogs.
i've also visited your site and want to go back. i need more help than i'm getting and want to learn some relaxation.
i also want to read more about what you write about.
~Tasker
Hi Dr Farrell, My grand daughter is 15 years old - always been outgoing, bright self confident. This past year her Dad lost his job and began his own business. It has been difficult to say the least financially,strees wise on the family, etc. Their family consists of her 15 , her sister 6 , and brother 2.5. They all go to private school but as I said this year has been tough on them . In the past 3 months the 15 year old who is areally good kid - started getting a tightening in her throatnausea and sweats and then shaking - She said her heart beats so fast she thinks she is dying. Her only relief is to get in the bathtub.She said she feels safe in the bath tub. She has been getting this every night and is now also fearful of getting this feeling. She had spent the night at her friends and ended up coming home at 4:00 am because of this panic or anxiety. I told my daughter who is also extremely streesed out that maybe yoga or meditation would help Her. She is a spiritual child and loves the Lord . Do you have any suggestions?
This is in reference to that poor girl with the anxiety. I also started having anxiety attacks after my dad died. It at first felt like an asthma attack, but then I realized that my airway was not really closing. What helps me the most during an attack is to remind myself of what it is and that it will not harm me. I am 36 by the way. Once I refused to give control to these attacks, they began to improve.
Regarding the young girl, I think she's suffered quite a bit of stress and I can understand how she must feel. I've seen kids like this before.
I always believe that families are the first source of help in situations like this and would suggest that you all sit down and decide on a plan. The loss of a job is serious and how the adults handle it is very important to the kids' sense of safety.
I would offer hope and reassurance. If it doesn't improve, I think she could use some relaxation techniques that she can do on her own, like relaxation breathing. But, first and foremost, she needs assurance from the adults in her life that things are going to work out.
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