End of Life Decisions
An article I read recently in a newspaper's health section gave me pause, as I suppose it would anyone. The reason it had special meaning for me was that it dealt with the issue of dying with dignity and making one's wishes known.
I had just helped a relative complete an advanced care directive in which she specified what she did and did not want and I vowed to keep my part of the agreement. Her husband would not participate in this and I knew why; he didn't want to think about death and dying.
None of us want to think about this and yet all of us must. It can be very stressful for many and I can remember when I sat in my attorney's office making out my will and, suddenly, I realized that I was making plans for the day when I would no longer be here. It was a surreal moment, but I knew it had to be done.
I've had patients who have come after the death of a parent and part of their grief and the stress they've experienced has been related to their not having had the power to step in and stop the medical care. Legal suits have led to ever-increasing paperwork in the pursuit of managing one's healthcare when speech may not be possible, or wishes will be ignored. As a psychologist, I know that this only increases the stress and the physical pain of the patient as it does for those who love this person.
My family went through a very similar situation when our mother died many years ago but we were fortunate to have had caring, empathic physicians, nurses and social workers because we were in a hospice program. In fact, it was one of the very first programs in the New York City area and we were incredibly thankful for what it provided in those painful months.
Pain relief was our primary concern and it was one of the stumbling blocks with which hospice helped us. My mother's doctor was afraid that, if he gave her pain medication, she would become addicted. Looking back, I find this an incredible statement since my mother was dying and addiction wasn't even on the list of priorities. Hospice saved the day and our sanity.
Now I'm reminded of the words of FDR in a different battle, saying, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Meet it head-on and you'll have won an important battle.
Related Topics: Coping With Impending Death, Funeral Planning
Technorati Tags: endoflife, death, advancedirective, will, hospice, grief
I had just helped a relative complete an advanced care directive in which she specified what she did and did not want and I vowed to keep my part of the agreement. Her husband would not participate in this and I knew why; he didn't want to think about death and dying.
None of us want to think about this and yet all of us must. It can be very stressful for many and I can remember when I sat in my attorney's office making out my will and, suddenly, I realized that I was making plans for the day when I would no longer be here. It was a surreal moment, but I knew it had to be done.
I've had patients who have come after the death of a parent and part of their grief and the stress they've experienced has been related to their not having had the power to step in and stop the medical care. Legal suits have led to ever-increasing paperwork in the pursuit of managing one's healthcare when speech may not be possible, or wishes will be ignored. As a psychologist, I know that this only increases the stress and the physical pain of the patient as it does for those who love this person.
My family went through a very similar situation when our mother died many years ago but we were fortunate to have had caring, empathic physicians, nurses and social workers because we were in a hospice program. In fact, it was one of the very first programs in the New York City area and we were incredibly thankful for what it provided in those painful months.
Pain relief was our primary concern and it was one of the stumbling blocks with which hospice helped us. My mother's doctor was afraid that, if he gave her pain medication, she would become addicted. Looking back, I find this an incredible statement since my mother was dying and addiction wasn't even on the list of priorities. Hospice saved the day and our sanity.
Now I'm reminded of the words of FDR in a different battle, saying, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Meet it head-on and you'll have won an important battle.
Related Topics: Coping With Impending Death, Funeral Planning
Technorati Tags: endoflife, death, advancedirective, will, hospice, grief
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