Teaching a Child Incompetence
I was walking on the beach this evening at a resort in the US when I stopped to walk around a young boy and his mother. The boy looked pretty forlorn as he stood on the edge of a large ocean pond that would have been, in my estimate, up to his chest if he were to walk into it.
His mother looked at me and said, "He won't go in and he won't even take off his sneakers because he doesn't like the feeling of sand on his feet." I think she expected me to laugh at his foolishness. I didn't.
Here was a six-year-old boy standing there and having his mother make fun of him in front of a stranger. I looked at him, leaned toward him and said, "It's really not a good idea to walk into any water where you can't see the bottom unless you're a really good swimmer, right?" He nodded his head in agreement while his mother just looked at me.
Sorry, but I don't think that we teach children to face the unknown by making fun of them. We understand their concerns or fears and we try to help them make good decisions. Walking into murky water and not knowing how deep it was would have been a bad decision on his part and his mother was trying to chide him into doing it. Wrong, ma'am, just wrong.
I'm passing this along to all of you so that you, too, will be able to help parents understand that ridicule isn't a good teaching method for life preparation. Neither is making a child feel foolish and failing to remember when you were little and afraid to do things.
So, no research on this one, just a life lesson I hope all of you will pass along.
Related Topics: Beach Safety, New Pool Safety Gadgets Help Prevent Drowning
Technorati Tags: parenting, water safety
His mother looked at me and said, "He won't go in and he won't even take off his sneakers because he doesn't like the feeling of sand on his feet." I think she expected me to laugh at his foolishness. I didn't.
Here was a six-year-old boy standing there and having his mother make fun of him in front of a stranger. I looked at him, leaned toward him and said, "It's really not a good idea to walk into any water where you can't see the bottom unless you're a really good swimmer, right?" He nodded his head in agreement while his mother just looked at me.
Sorry, but I don't think that we teach children to face the unknown by making fun of them. We understand their concerns or fears and we try to help them make good decisions. Walking into murky water and not knowing how deep it was would have been a bad decision on his part and his mother was trying to chide him into doing it. Wrong, ma'am, just wrong.
I'm passing this along to all of you so that you, too, will be able to help parents understand that ridicule isn't a good teaching method for life preparation. Neither is making a child feel foolish and failing to remember when you were little and afraid to do things.
So, no research on this one, just a life lesson I hope all of you will pass along.
Related Topics: Beach Safety, New Pool Safety Gadgets Help Prevent Drowning
Technorati Tags: parenting, water safety
4 Comments:
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Just post to the Anxiety/Panic board on WebMD, if it's a question about anxiety, and I'll try to do what I can. Sorry, I don't answer personal e-mails.
Thanks for a powerful blog.
I live in a U.S. city where there are many cultures and notice some do this more than others.
The ones that don't use ridicule or force or yelling as control I am in awe of as I watch the parent(s) and child explore the child's new world together with curiosity, excitement, wonder, and reassurance. It's a joy for me to expereince as a bystander.
Ridicule carries over way beyond the immediate moment. Ridicule can settle deep in a person and affect nearly every thought. It's never good and it isn't the same thing as laughing with another which is actually helpful and accepting. Can you imagine if on your next job your employer chose to train you using ridicule?! I don't think you would be very comfortable or learn very quickly.
Thanks Dr. Farrell
~Tasker
Tasker, as usual, you're right on the money. As I left that little boy that day, I thought about him and would have liked to help his mother see there are better ways to raise a competent child.
Funny, too, because I noticed that I didn't like the feeling of the sand at that beach on my feet. It crunched like corn starch when you walked on it. To me, that's almost as bad as one of those blackboard noises when the chalk skips over it.
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