The Kindness of Strangers
Tennessee Williams had Blanche Dubois deliver that famous line in "A Streetcar Named Desire" where she says something like, "I've always depended on the kindness of strangers."
Today, I saw that kindness in action and it was truly touching. An elderly woman, somewhat disheveled and with missing front teeth, fumbled with her large shopping bag at the counter of a well-known coffee shop. It was obvious to anyone that, as she took napkins and tucked them into her bag, she didn't have money for coffee, but she couldn't ask for anyone's help. She was dependent on the kindness of strangers and, as I watched, I knew I was going to step in.
A young man dressed in casual clothes, sandals on his feet and with a book bag slung across his shoulder, stepped out of line and asked, "Would you like something? Some coffee or something to eat?" She looked at him, not seeming to understand. This fellow was someone not of her race and, in fact, he looked Middle-Eastern. She hesitated and he asked again in a low, pleasant voice.
'Yes, I'd like coffee and maybe..." and her voice trailed off almost as though she didn't want to ask for too much. "Yes," he said, "and a bagel or something?" She spoke just above a whisper and indicated that she'd like a bagel with butter. He told her not to worry, that he would get it for her and she continued shuffling her bag on the floor, uncomfortable as any of us would be if we were in her position. A seemingly broken woman, she still clung to some sense of self-esteem. I didn't detect any hint of a "user" about her.
I looked at the guy and I said, "That was very nice of you." He replied, "I can't see someone like that, especially a woman. It's not right. We never know if we'll be in that place some day. Life is so uncertain."
Recently, we heard a great deal about how a new study showed that we are more alone and lonely, more disconnected from each other than ever before. The study also seemed to imply that this disconnection had made us lose some of that "social glue" we used to hear about. We had become impersonal and self-absorbed and lonely as a result, it concluded.
I think the researchers need to look at this simple vignette that involved only two strangers but was evidence that we do care for each others, we may not show it as we did before.
Related Topics: The Science of Good Deeds, Elders Reveal Keys to Healthy Aging
Technorati Tags: kindness, pay it forward, good deeds, loneliness
Today, I saw that kindness in action and it was truly touching. An elderly woman, somewhat disheveled and with missing front teeth, fumbled with her large shopping bag at the counter of a well-known coffee shop. It was obvious to anyone that, as she took napkins and tucked them into her bag, she didn't have money for coffee, but she couldn't ask for anyone's help. She was dependent on the kindness of strangers and, as I watched, I knew I was going to step in.
A young man dressed in casual clothes, sandals on his feet and with a book bag slung across his shoulder, stepped out of line and asked, "Would you like something? Some coffee or something to eat?" She looked at him, not seeming to understand. This fellow was someone not of her race and, in fact, he looked Middle-Eastern. She hesitated and he asked again in a low, pleasant voice.
'Yes, I'd like coffee and maybe..." and her voice trailed off almost as though she didn't want to ask for too much. "Yes," he said, "and a bagel or something?" She spoke just above a whisper and indicated that she'd like a bagel with butter. He told her not to worry, that he would get it for her and she continued shuffling her bag on the floor, uncomfortable as any of us would be if we were in her position. A seemingly broken woman, she still clung to some sense of self-esteem. I didn't detect any hint of a "user" about her.
I looked at the guy and I said, "That was very nice of you." He replied, "I can't see someone like that, especially a woman. It's not right. We never know if we'll be in that place some day. Life is so uncertain."
Recently, we heard a great deal about how a new study showed that we are more alone and lonely, more disconnected from each other than ever before. The study also seemed to imply that this disconnection had made us lose some of that "social glue" we used to hear about. We had become impersonal and self-absorbed and lonely as a result, it concluded.
I think the researchers need to look at this simple vignette that involved only two strangers but was evidence that we do care for each others, we may not show it as we did before.
Related Topics: The Science of Good Deeds, Elders Reveal Keys to Healthy Aging
Technorati Tags: kindness, pay it forward, good deeds, loneliness
5 Comments:
How nice of you to share your experience with us. That young man is very wise. He is absolutely right that it could be any of us at any time. We think it won't happen to us and that people like the woman with the shopping bag somehow deserve what they get. Thinking like this makes us think we are safe from it happening to us. He is also very unselfish; selfishness can blind us to opportunities to show kindness.
Too bad we can't get a kindness competition going and have fun with it!
Thanks for your blog that might help make us all try to be more aware of opportunities to exercise our kindness toward others.
~Tasker
You're right, Tasker. We all need to put a little bit more kindness in our lives. I think a competition would be a great thing.
How I wish that we could go back to knowing our neighbors, as friends and their names. Years ago there was a closeness of human to human behavior. What a shame no one, including myself seems to know how to get that back. Its a sadder world because of it.
This is very true. There is a hurting world out there and not many people are willing to go out of their way to help others or even just to smile at someone walking down the road. You never know how hard their day was. Its sad that it is very rare these days to find someone who will take their eyes off themselves and think of someone else. How much better of a world we would be. Although, I have noticed that being nice to strangers is being looked upon as weird..when did that happen??
Instead of a competition, how about making a deal?
I have a deal with the Creator. I give money or other help (whatever is apparently needed) to anyone that asks, or is put in my path (like the lady in the story) and the universe doesn't allow anyone in my path that truly doesn't "need" it (i.e. the hustlers).
This way I don't have to worry about whether or not I'm helping, enabling, or being taken for a ride.
I notice that less (or no) people will show up needing money if I, myself, am broke--and I am amazed at how many long lost people suddenly show up to pay back help given long ago.
When I have little money, I will encounter more mothers with strollers on the subway, elderly people with bags, or lost people looking for directions.
As soon as my finances are on par again, there will be a new gypsy on my corner or a youth obviously in need of a hot meal.
The universe takes care of anyone that will let it. Of course, you have to believe that it will and accept it when it happens. Like the story, someone on a white horse will show up. Might be you for me, or me for you.
What is a shame...is the shame we feel at HAVING to accept help. We should all help, and accept help offered, to one another; we are all we have.
Mickie
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