The Ogre in the Office
Work is something we do for a variety of reasons, It provides us with a sense of purpose, gives us an opportunity to increase our skills or view of the world, helps pay the bills and can mean fulfillment of goals we've set for yourself. One thing work really shouldn't be is a place where you are bullied, denigrated or made to feel less competent. Unfortunately, the bullies of the school yard of years gone by are now lurking in our offices, so we need to learn how to handle them.
Sometimes bullying involves invading your personal space so that you feel a sense of threat or you are verbally abused. I heard of one surgeon who bullied the nurses in the OR and actually barricaded one in the OR because the surgeon "didn't like the nurse's attitude." Is this behavior acceptable for someone who holds a scalpel in their hand on a regular basis and has the power of life and death? It doesn't sound reasonable or professional. No action was taken against the surgeon who was told to transfer to a different hospital or service.
I once had a landlord try to bully me into not going to college at night because he thought I was too old. I avoided him whenever possible and once told him that his daughter was just a few years young than me and she was going to medical school. No answer from him.
A young, petite medical intern had a similar instance of bullying. She needed a small stool so that she could observe the surgery. The surgeon in charge, who didn't think women belonged in surgery unless they were nurses, whirled around and kicked the stool across the room. She ultimately became a dermatologist.
Bullying can also include excluding you from important meetings or communications, and one survey found that 24% of the companies surveyed indicated bullying in their facilities. The recourse, of course, is through the chain of command in the company and then, if that doesn't work out, legal action can be taken.
Does bullying cause you damage? Yes, because it can increase the stress in your life to the point that it damages your health and, certainly, your mental health is affected.
The message here? Bullying isn't to be tolerated, you do have rights and there are people who will stand by you.
Related Topics: Fight Stress and Find Life Balance, Work Stress May Hurt the Heart
Technorati Tags: workplace, bully, devil wears prada
Sometimes bullying involves invading your personal space so that you feel a sense of threat or you are verbally abused. I heard of one surgeon who bullied the nurses in the OR and actually barricaded one in the OR because the surgeon "didn't like the nurse's attitude." Is this behavior acceptable for someone who holds a scalpel in their hand on a regular basis and has the power of life and death? It doesn't sound reasonable or professional. No action was taken against the surgeon who was told to transfer to a different hospital or service.
I once had a landlord try to bully me into not going to college at night because he thought I was too old. I avoided him whenever possible and once told him that his daughter was just a few years young than me and she was going to medical school. No answer from him.
A young, petite medical intern had a similar instance of bullying. She needed a small stool so that she could observe the surgery. The surgeon in charge, who didn't think women belonged in surgery unless they were nurses, whirled around and kicked the stool across the room. She ultimately became a dermatologist.
Bullying can also include excluding you from important meetings or communications, and one survey found that 24% of the companies surveyed indicated bullying in their facilities. The recourse, of course, is through the chain of command in the company and then, if that doesn't work out, legal action can be taken.
Does bullying cause you damage? Yes, because it can increase the stress in your life to the point that it damages your health and, certainly, your mental health is affected.
The message here? Bullying isn't to be tolerated, you do have rights and there are people who will stand by you.
Related Topics: Fight Stress and Find Life Balance, Work Stress May Hurt the Heart
Technorati Tags: workplace, bully, devil wears prada
13 Comments:
Geez Louise,
How does it help to attach a derogatory label, stating we have no tools to identify these individuals who are bullies or who negatively impact our lives doesn't do much to deal with it. Of course we have tools! We have voices and we have choices. We also have tolerance and the ability to not let other's habits of drama queens/kings or critical people affect us by realizing it is about them, not us.
This comment sounds, to me, like passive aggressiveness or blaming my anxiety on other's behavior.
My Company itself bullies it's employees! It's acceptable behavior and my manager especially excels in it. The type you want to keep taking steps back from when she talks to you. The Company bullies in subtler ways including not communicating with it's employees about important issues like when the bathrooms might be repaired and opened again. (It's been several months...). It's the strangest atmosphere I have ever encountered in the workplace and I don't intend to be there a minute longer than I have to. I DO have tools/options/recourse.
Dr. Schinner's catchy labeling of this type of well-known workplace hazard as "Life Leech" is powerful stuff. It can facilitate discussions about such behavior, and it enables the ongoing process of being on the alert. Instead of coming away from a nasty work encounter wondering, what's wrong with me? what just hit me?, we can say, aha: it's another Life Leach attack -- and take appropriate action. Thanks!
I experienced a Life Leech attack on Friday that left me in tears not because of that single encounter, but because it pressed my "HELPLESS" button, recalling the collective hurt from many similar occasions with other Life Leeches. When the Life Leech is an employer (with "up or out" decision-making power over sorely needed income) or loved one (to whom a deeper commitment of tolerance is owed), the options are decidedly more limited, wouldn't you agree?
I am the Geez Louise anonymous poster. I agree with the poster above that when the employer is an "ogre" it is difficult. But no matter where I encounter this type person, I still have options. This person does not have control over me with his/her bullying; I have control over how I percieve and respond emotionally. Identifying the person and behavior is good in that it shows me what I'm up against and how to proceed.
Nice discussion here, Thanks!
What can you do if the ofice bully happens to be your manager?
to anonymous 12:41 pm:
Run, don't walk, to a new job. As fast as you can.
I worked for a bully for 11 years and it was only when I got out of it that I realized how toxic it was for me, my family, and my career.
Don't let yourself be bullied. If you are being managed by one, find a new job.
Hi there --
I've removed Dr. Schinnerer's post and Dr. Farrell's reply because he included his telephone number on it -- something that our terms and conditions of use don't permit for privacy reasons. A repost is welcome without the personal information.
Thank you,
WebMD Blog Administrator
Bullying is about the abuse of power and unfortunately, it is very much a learned behaviour. I'm not sure about the legislative protection in the United States of America but in Australia we do have anti-bullying legislation.
That law sends a formal and strong message to employers. Perhaps the message is not as strong to the employees who fear losing their jobs if they bring a complaint under its protection.
In my counselling practice, by far the most horrendous form of bullying is domestic violence. Although children who witness verbal and physical violence express fear and loathing of it, they often end up repeating that behaviour - at school and later in the workforce. If that sounds too much like a hopelessly vicious circle, let me say that all behaviour can be re-learned.
Sometimes the first part of the learning happens when the bullied, the victim, has the courage to stand up and be counted.
In my former company, sales department manager often yelled and threatened employees to motivate them to produce more, thinking his behavior would be seen as positive by the company executives.
His attitude raised up many employees complained, resulting in his being referred to Human Resources for intervention. Fortunately, sales department manager didn't want to be seen as a bully had no awareness others were seeing him that way, and most certainly didn't want to lose his job for over 15 years.
So, he decided to acquire more effective management skills to relate to his subordinates while still trying to maintain a high rate of production. This is one lucky case for employees but in reality workplace not all bullies are as responsive to intervention as the sales manager was.
Unfortunately, many bullies remain bullies because they don't see themselves as the problem. In this case, employees may need to learn some handy skills to cope with their behavior.
If you're one of the unfortunate that may need to face the bully everyday, try some of these ways:
-Voice out to the bully. Be confident and look your bully in the eye, speak in calm and clear voice by naming the behavior you and your colleagues don’t like and state what is expected instead.
-Give the bully's ego what it needs. Most managers think they are more knowledgeable and have better analytic skills, for this reason they become egocentric. Learn to praise and give bully more credit before you try to come up with your suggestion and new ideas.
-Create distraction or change the subject. Try using humor or loose conversation to disarm the targeted bully at any time.
-If you can't change the way the bully act, change your personal perspective. Focus on the positive attribute of the bully and try to ignore the negative parts.
-Ultimate way, change your job! Don't let work stress dominate your life, there always other and better opportunities out there for blissful living.
KengYong
Co-Author of E-book "Stress No More" and "Panic No More"
Download your free E-book at www.brainszone.com
Stress Management Blog: www.stressfreeparadise.blogspot.com
Those bullies at work have inferiority complex. They need to show their ego to make themselves look strong. You should not let them pass this negative energy to you to stress you up
Simple Ways For Positive Living at simplemindpower.com
I am now retired but maybe my experience can help someone else. I grew up running a farm alone from age 13 until I graduated at age 18. My mom and dad both worked to pay for the farm and my siblings were way too young to be any help. About that time I was diagnosed with a mild case of epilepsy which didn't affect my running the farm. Although it did make my classmates limit their expectations of me. When I recovered from a seizure it took a while for them to accept me as normal. In everything I had to perform better than everyone else just to recognized as normal. I was an A student, tutored Study Hall, assisted teaching first year Spanish, coached JH basketball, played 3 sports, started in two. I was the defensive MVP and the only player to ever get a game ball in football after throwing a runner for a 5 yard loss four times in a row from our own 5 yard line. The final score of that game was 0 - 0 so I prevented a loss. The Coach awarded me the game ball when we the whole team was on the bus ready to go home. I was so stunned by the coaches compliment that I got lockjaw. I didn't step forward and give my teammates credit for their help like I'm sure Coach expected. A team leader is supposed to do that to keep team chemistry. My motto at the time was,"Just do you chores, Get your A's, Run the farm, Don't expect praise." From those experiences I developed an unshakable confidence in my abilities, especially from running the farm. No one could fire me from that job. Before I retired I received the usual statement you get of your work history and I observed that I had never earned an annual income more than $25,000 even though my wage had increased to where I was regularly getting $19/hr. This should have brought my annual income to $38,000 without overtime but I worked a lot of overtime. I had worked a profession all my life but because my epilepsy had increased to the point where it had to be controlled by medication, I could not get a job if I mentioned that I had epilepsy. I found out later from someone who worked in insurance that it was unlikely that someone would hire me over someone else that didn't have medical problems because of the liability baggage my epilepsy brings to a company. This is a form of discrimination, I know, but all hiring is discrimination so I don't know what can be done about this. It was clear to me I had to change my protocol or I wasn't going to get very many jobs. And my history showed all my career that the only jobs I got was when I didn't tell them I had epilepsy. But soon someone would find out I had epilepsy through something like witnessing a continuous mild jerk or my eyes fluttering when I was under stress or because too many days when I felt weak and susceptible to a seizure I stayed home. Then at the next layoff I was the first to be let go. There was never any firing that I could say was discrimination but it happened regularly all my career. If there was a layoff before they found out about my epilepsy I would be one of the last to let go. I could count on it. I might even be moved up into a supervisory position. But I wouldn't have much of a discrimination case if they fired me because they could say I lied on my application form. One employer I was let go from did file a complaint against me so they wouldn't have their unemployment insurance raised. Toro won because I didn't tell them I had epilepsy, I had a seizure right in the office so they assumed I had been driving without a DL, which was false because that was the first seizure I'd had in a long time. Toro also was teed because they had to pay for an ambulance. They tried to say I had to pay for it. I was given a four week LOA from Toro while they made a decision on what they wanted to do. Then I was fired and because the state determined Toro was justified in their action I had to wait two weeks before I could start a claim, then start the two week waiting period. Eight weeks altogether. What a joke! And I was a contract engineering designer so it was convenient to lay me off between assignments. And no one else I worked with earned as little as I did even though some of them thought so much of my abilities that they thought I should start my own company. Then my job instability led to my divorce and frozen assets put me on the street. I couldn't drive because of my epilepsy and being out of the house I lost my contacts for my temporary jobs. She had her own separate assets and she made a good enough salary to live on her own. I couldn't get a job because of my age and, I think, because of my epilepsy. My history of epilepsy and minimal wage led to my living on minimal welfare. Some solution has to come out of my experience for others so I hope my broadcasting this experience will help someone.
I am now retired but maybe my experience can help someone else. I grew up running a farm alone from age 13 until I graduated at age 18. My mom and dad both worked to pay for the farm and my siblings were way too young to be any help. About that time I was diagnosed with a mild case of epilepsy which didn't affect my running the farm. Although it did make my classmates limit their expectations of me. When I recovered from a seizure it took a while for them to accept me as normal. In everything I had to perform better than everyone else just to recognized as normal. I was an A student, tutored Study Hall, assisted teaching first year Spanish, coached JH basketball, played 3 sports, started in two. I was the defensive MVP and the only player to ever get a game ball in football after throwing a runner for a 5 yard loss four times in a row from our own 5 yard line. The final score of that game was 0 - 0 so I prevented a loss. The Coach awarded me the game ball when we the whole team was on the bus ready to go home. I was so stunned by the coaches compliment that I got lockjaw. I didn't step forward and give my teammates credit for their help like I'm sure Coach expected. A team leader is supposed to do that to keep team chemistry. My motto at the time was,"Just do you chores, Get your A's, Run the farm, Don't expect praise." From those experiences I developed an unshakable confidence in my abilities, especially from running the farm. No one could fire me from that job. Before I retired I received the usual statement you get of your work history and I observed that I had never earned an annual income more than $25,000 even though my wage had increased to where I was regularly getting $19/hr. This should have brought my annual income to $38,000 without overtime but I worked a lot of overtime. I had worked a profession all my life but because my epilepsy had increased to the point where it had to be controlled by medication, I could not get a job if I mentioned that I had epilepsy. I found out later from someone who worked in insurance that it was unlikely that someone would hire me over someone else that didn't have medical problems because of the liability baggage my epilepsy brings to a company. This is a form of discrimination, I know, but all hiring is discrimination so I don't know what can be done about this. It was clear to me I had to change my protocol or I wasn't going to get very many jobs. And my history showed all my career that the only jobs I got was when I didn't tell them I had epilepsy. But soon someone would find out I had epilepsy through something like witnessing a continuous mild jerk or my eyes fluttering when I was under stress or because too many days when I felt weak and susceptible to a seizure I stayed home. Then at the next layoff I was the first to be let go. There was never any firing that I could say was discrimination but it happened regularly all my career. If there was a layoff before they found out about my epilepsy I would be one of the last to let go. I could count on it. I might even be moved up into a supervisory position. But I wouldn't have much of a discrimination case if they fired me because they could say I lied on my application form. One employer I was let go from did file a complaint against me so they wouldn't have their unemployment insurance raised. Toro won because I didn't tell them I had epilepsy, I had a seizure right in the office so they assumed I had been driving without a DL, which was false because that was the first seizure I'd had in a long time. Toro also was teed because they had to pay for an ambulance. They tried to say I had to pay for it. I was given a four week LOA from Toro while they made a decision on what they wanted to do. Then I was fired and because the state determined Toro was justified in their action I had to wait two weeks before I could start a claim, then start the two week waiting period. Eight weeks altogether. What a joke! And I was a contract engineering designer so it was convenient to lay me off between assignments. And no one else I worked with earned as little as I did even though some of them thought so much of my abilities that they thought I should start my own company. Then my job instability led to my divorce and frozen assets put me on the street. I couldn't drive because of my epilepsy and being out of the house I lost my contacts for my temporary jobs. She had her own separate assets and she made a good enough salary to live on her own. I couldn't get a job because of my age and, I think, because of my epilepsy. My history of epilepsy and minimal wage led to my living on minimal welfare. Some solution has to come out of my experience for others so I hope my broadcasting this experience will help someone.
I am now retired but maybe my experience can help someone else. I grew up running a farm alone from age 13 until I graduated at age 18. My mom and dad both worked to pay for the farm and my siblings were way too young to be any help. About that time I was diagnosed with a mild case of epilepsy which didn't affect my running the farm. Although it did make my classmates limit their expectations of me. When I recovered from a seizure it took a while for them to accept me as normal. In everything I had to perform better than everyone else just to recognized as normal. I was an A student, tutored Study Hall, assisted teaching first year Spanish, coached JH basketball, played 3 sports, started in two. I was the defensive MVP and the only player to ever get a game ball in football after throwing a runner for a 5 yard loss four times in a row from our own 5 yard line. The final score of that game was 0 - 0 so I prevented a loss. The Coach awarded me the game ball when we the whole team was on the bus ready to go home. I was so stunned by the coaches compliment that I got lockjaw. I didn't step forward and give my teammates credit for their help like I'm sure Coach expected. A team leader is supposed to do that to keep team chemistry. My motto at the time was,"Just do you chores, Get your A's, Run the farm, Don't expect praise." From those experiences I developed an unshakable confidence in my abilities, especially from running the farm. No one could fire me from that job. Before I retired I received the usual statement you get of your work history and I observed that I had never earned an annual income more than $25,000 even though my wage had increased to where I was regularly getting $19/hr. This should have brought my annual income to $38,000 without overtime but I worked a lot of overtime. I had worked a profession all my life but because my epilepsy had increased to the point where it had to be controlled by medication, I could not get a job if I mentioned that I had epilepsy. I found out later from someone who worked in insurance that it was unlikely that someone would hire me over someone else that didn't have medical problems because of the liability baggage my epilepsy brings to a company. This is a form of discrimination, I know, but all hiring is discrimination so I don't know what can be done about this. It was clear to me I had to change my protocol or I wasn't going to get very many jobs. And my history showed all my career that the only jobs I got was when I didn't tell them I had epilepsy. But soon someone would find out I had epilepsy through something like witnessing a continuous mild jerk or my eyes fluttering when I was under stress or because too many days when I felt weak and susceptible to a seizure I stayed home. Then at the next layoff I was the first to be let go. There was never any firing that I could say was discrimination but it happened regularly all my career. If there was a layoff before they found out about my epilepsy I would be one of the last to let go. I could count on it. I might even be moved up into a supervisory position. But I wouldn't have much of a discrimination case if they fired me because they could say I lied on my application form. One employer I was let go from did file a complaint against me so they wouldn't have their unemployment insurance raised. Toro won because I didn't tell them I had epilepsy, I had a seizure right in the office so they assumed I had been driving without a DL, which was false because that was the first seizure I'd had in a long time. Toro also was teed because they had to pay for an ambulance. They tried to say I had to pay for it. I was given a four week LOA from Toro while they made a decision on what they wanted to do. Then I was fired and because the state determined Toro was justified in their action I had to wait two weeks before I could start a claim, then start the two week waiting period. Eight weeks altogether. What a joke! And I was a contract engineering designer so it was convenient to lay me off between assignments. And no one else I worked with earned as little as I did even though some of them thought so much of my abilities that they thought I should start my own company. Then my job instability led to my divorce and frozen assets put me on the street. I couldn't drive because of my epilepsy and being out of the house I lost my contacts for my temporary jobs. She had her own separate assets and she made a good enough salary to live on her own. I couldn't get a job because of my age and, I think, because of my epilepsy. My history of epilepsy and minimal wage led to my living on minimal welfare. Some solution has to come out of my experience for others so I hope my broadcasting this experience will help someone.
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