Ten Rules for Taking Back Your Life
The weather is turning from summer into fall and with it comes cooler days, longer nights and an initial surge of hurricanes. But you don't have to see this as all bad news even if the the economy hasn't come back the way most of us would have wanted. Terrorism continues around the world and corporate scandals are still making front page news but I see a positive side.
My personal belief and the belief that you'll find throughout my book is that for every bad thing that happens, there is a corresponding good thing to be found - if you let yourself see it.
Taking back your life is a matter of deciding that you're in the driver's seat, not someone else. It doesn't matter if the economy's bad, you can't go on a super special vacation this year or you are feeling lonely, everything has a positive side. Here are my 'rules' for turning things around for yourself, rather than waiting for something or someone to do it for you.
Life 'Rules'
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My personal belief and the belief that you'll find throughout my book is that for every bad thing that happens, there is a corresponding good thing to be found - if you let yourself see it.
Taking back your life is a matter of deciding that you're in the driver's seat, not someone else. It doesn't matter if the economy's bad, you can't go on a super special vacation this year or you are feeling lonely, everything has a positive side. Here are my 'rules' for turning things around for yourself, rather than waiting for something or someone to do it for you.
Life 'Rules'
- Challenge yourself to use every 'bad' thing in your life as a new beginning.
- Find the 'good' in everything that you can.
- Don't expect the good things to be readily apparent. It may take a few days, weeks or even months before you finally see them.
- Allow yourself to realize your true power. This doesn't mean pushing people around, but looking for your hidden skills.
- Talk to yourself. Talking to yourself is a very powerful tool to use and it can help you increase your motivation and your ability to stick to a task.
- Stop expecting others to solve your problems. Even if you lost your job, it's an opportunity to look in a new direction, to acquire a new skill and to blaze a more pleasurable path in life.
- Throw out that 'yes, but' expression from your life. It's just a way of keeping yourself stuck in the mud.
- Take a good hard look at what you'd really like in life and sit down and begin making a list that outlines the steps you need to take. Not everyone needs to go to college to be happy. Find out where your happiness lies, if you don't want to go back to school. Abraham Lincoln did just fine with his self-learning plan.
- Beware of the negative people in your life. Pointing out the problems is fine, but some people only see doom and gloom and they can't be very helpful, unless you find that helpful.
- Remember that every road has unexpected turns and that any plan must be one that allows for some give and take. If there's one word for your plan to take back your life, let it be 'flexible' and go from there.
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20 Comments:
I understand your list as a buck up and take life as it comes kind of advice. Which is helpful for people who are just feeling sorry for themselves. But you just don't seem to understand that when I have been depressed in the past, I am chemically changed. I do not wallow in self-pity, but when faced with spurts of depression, I find no joy in life. In my last episode of depression, had it not been for the love of and responsibility for my son, I would have ended my life. When you are truly depressed, there is no happiness, no hope, no way to dig yourself out except with a good therapist, medication, and time. I am appalled at your assumptions.
it a`wave that comes over you and by the time that you figure out some thing is wrong the tips that you realize give in the article won't work
I think the list is more a guide to go by when you are in a better state of mind and can handle taking on such tasks to refrain from going back into a deep depression.
Your list doesn't always work. It's also a matter of how your life has been over the last few/several years. If you've been drowning in sorrow, despair, poverty or loneliness for many years you don't stop and think yourself 'at least the water is warm'...
Anonymous has it all figured out.
How to have a miserable life and be depressed for the rest of your life.
They should write a book about it but they won't because they have the perfect excuse to do nothing. Control your thinking control your life.
your advice is just that: advice and not worth the paper it is written on. Life requires walking with Faith, an understanding that God gave us the ability to think and reason and that no one can be perfect. All the lists in the world don't help if you are chemically altered or financially stricken. I am a widow, the victim of a robbery (complete loss, like a fire) almost facing homelessness and a list is worthless to me. My situation required action. I don't have someone to bail me out. I am totally alone. I have a terminal illness and cannot work nor drive. Medical care stays just a bit out of reach, so I do "suffer". I try to not dwell on negative things nor be around negative people. This has just caused me to give up my last "security" because I couldn't even finish a sentence without censure. Other things like waiting on that person hand and foot and being the victim of "mind games". Lists, noooo. Action, and doing whatever it took to get out of this, is what it took. Once I made the decision and acted upon it, that person backed down and I have a new life ahead. I treasure each and every day. I realize I am even more alone now, but I have myself first and foremost. And I have God and a path to follow that involves Faith. Without Faith, the ability to act is moot.
Just my opinion.
before ever getting to the point of hopelessness and depression...i must renew my 'self' daily. that, my friends; is the key to ever getting so debilitatingly depressed. 1st: i turn my will and my life over to GOD. 2nd: i check myself for selfdefeating, negative trains of thought and turn it around IMMEDIATELY! 3rd: i do the next good and rite thing. it takes courage to risk going outside of my comfort, safe zone...that courage comes from GOD...you can try to continue being self sufficient, you'll stay safe and deppressed and never change being a prisoner in your own mind. of course, physiologically we must stay on our meds and keep appts. w/ drs. after that...it's all me and how much i want to live, really live...it takes work...daily so get off your pity pot and open your mind to help. these life 'rules' are all good and all good comes from the LORD working thru people to help those suffering...look beyond your eyesite and lift your spirit w/ a power that is greater than our'selves'...Aloha, Eddie G.
I always tell my patients and my friends not to globalize and then internalize what is happening in the world. It is important to know that the number of things a person can control is manageable and to visualize putting your arms around that bundle helps to keep things in perspective. I find that "rules" can turn into "shoulds" which increase stress and put pressure on people to live up to things that may not be realistic. Seeing the positives is always a good skill to practice. I don't know if the positives and so called negatives fully balance out but it is important to know that the proverbial world as we know it is not going to come to an end if they don't. At times it is more comforting to go with the flow and let someone else worry about swimming up stream against the current. Removing negative people and influences from your life and knowing when to say no are also two very good practices for reducing stress and feeling in control of your life. The last thing I would mention is to be mindful of what is in front of you and try to focus on the task at hand while "staying in your moment." And of course, breathe, smile, laugh and be happy.
There are other suggestions in my book under "Remember To...," but these are some of the basics.
i get depressed and i am a lot.i fell loneless and really down.i think of my 2 brothers that died the same year 6 months apart.we were close.to my self i cry,and fell very sad.they died in 2005.1 of cancer and the ooooooother one of a blood clot on his brain,it bursted.it still hurts,because i didnt get to see either one of them before they died.we 3 lived in different states.i take zoloft for depression.
I think ALL depression is a state of mind. People need to get over whatever it is that is depressing them and move on. The easy route that seems to be so popular these days is "just pop a pill". To me thats pathetic! Every human being on this planet has problems - few want to face them and even fewer actually cope with them...
Depression is not all in your head. It is a chemical imbalance do to a combination of illnesses and can be helped with anti-depresseants and therapy. I have had horrible life since I was small, but I keep climbing up that mountain to stay on the other side. It is tremendous struggle, but I keep going up to the otherside. I was very close to giving up at one point in my life and then I started writing to my family and realized they would be the ones left behind and came to realize I was just running away and leaving horrible pain and hurt behind with my family. It is tough but we all have to keep struggling and not give up and also formost keep faith in God. God never said life would be easy, but it would make us stronger by not running away.
I happen to agree with the article. I have had many set backs in my life and I wouldn't have survived them if I didn't look to the bigger meaning of it or turn the negative into a positive. I like to do positive thinking and affirmations to CHANGE the state I am feeling. If I am feeling lonely, I have to state that " I am happy with many friends". You can actually trick your brain... Then after repetition, the statement is now true. If you write them out a minimum of 10 times up to about 100 times, you will cahnge your thoughts and feelings.
Seriously all this leave to god talk! Then you have the nerve to get on people for takeing pills. Get over yourselves. Whatever cruch gets you by your invisible friend or my very real pills. I really can't stand you holly roller types, try reading your bibles Christ expects humility and compassion. Something I'm not seeing here. :(
How about some exercise and nutrition changes? My knees are too gimpy to run, but daily brisk walking--45 minutes or so-- is a great way to meditate a bit, do some self talk. Even at night. I also find that taking a radio with me to listen to the Cubs or the college games is also a way to get your exercise, self talk, meditation and SPORTS all in one shot without your wife berating you (unless she's on the walk with you, then leave the radio at home).
I think some physical exertion does clear things in your head a bit and can spark some new ways to look at things.
I understand that this completly off subject however, I am cant concentrate long enough to read which blog catagorie my problem fits under. So, I just picked one. I need some help...Last night after returning from an exhausting weekend at the beach I was sitting on my bed checking my email and watching tv. Out of no where I get this feeling as if the bed is tilting. It lasted for a good minute or two. I had to place my hand on the bed and try and concentrate on my fiancee who was directly in front of me. Once my normal world as I know it came back to I was so confused as to what had happen. I let it go, summing it up to being overly tired. This morning I get to work and am sitting in an office chair and the same thing happens. Now, I feel like I have sort of a tension head ache. Does anyone know what this means or what I should do about it. WHen I write I notice its a little slanted not too horribaly bad though. I just need some guideance. Thanks to who ever can help.
Great advice Dr. Farrell. Looking for the good in everything works for me. I use feelings of Gratitude to appreciate how much I have to be thankful for instead of dwelling on the negative. Ignoring news reports these days certainly helps!
Thanks again - Bill Burniece
Brystal, It sounds like you have Vertigo. That is an imbalance that makes you feel like things are moving under you when they are not. It's usually accompanied by nausea or vomiting. YOu may have an inner ear problem. Were you in the water at the beach? Vertigo is terrible, but there is medication that sometimes helps. You should see your doctor.
I am a vertigo victim.After months of tests mri ct scan,bloodwork going to specialist my primary doctor perscribed amitripytlin a pill for motion sickness.I take it at night helps me sleep and do not have any more spinning in my life.Brystal suggest this to your Dr.It changed everyday living for me.hopefully for you too!By the way it is available in generic which saves a few dollars.Good luck.
I think that whatever situation we are in, we can always absorb positive tips and guidelines.
If we were perfect, we wouldn't suffer. So until we are perfect we can always learn more. Maybe... just maybe... actually practicing new ways of thinking will transform you over time.
Here is my personal experience. I am no PHD, but I can tell you it worked for me when I was stressed out and in the dumps:
1. Decide to be happy. First thing you do after you get up in the morning is get up and look in the mirror, smile to yourself and say "I am going to be happy today, and no one can change that"
2. Really believe in what you just said - don't just do it as a formality.
3. Put on your best clothes, something you really like and makes you happy.
4. Do things you like to do - if you have a choice. Like, if you like reading, make sure you keep yourself an hour free during the day to to exactly that. Ad do it!
5. Meet people during the day. Smile at them and wish them well. Really mean it. "Have a great day" - when you say that, look into their eyes and really mean it - and wish that they really have a fantastic day.
6. If you get an opportunity to help someone, do it. Someone at work, someone at home, someone in the grocery store. Just lend a helping hand and smile when you say goodbye!
7. Before you go to bed, visualize your entire day, smilingly, at how you enjoyed your day. if there was something you did not like, thank yourself that at least now you know what you must avoid or improve upon. You will feel happy as you think of the good things you did during the say and will certainly sleep well.
8. The next morning, start the same routine, in fact you can keep a calendar and plan you day as the first task in the morning when you get used to the other things listed above.
Good Luck!
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