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Ten Rules for Taking Back Your Life
The weather is turning from summer into fall and with it comes cooler days, longer nights and an initial surge of hurricanes. But you don't have to see this as all bad news even if the the economy hasn't come back the way most of us would have wanted. Terrorism continues around the world and corporate scandals are still making front page news but I see a positive side.
My personal belief and the belief that you'll find throughout my book is that for every bad thing that happens, there is a corresponding good thing to be found - if you let yourself see it.
Taking back your life is a matter of deciding that you're in the driver's seat, not someone else. It doesn't matter if the economy's bad, you can't go on a super special vacation this year or you are feeling lonely, everything has a positive side. Here are my 'rules' for turning things around for yourself, rather than waiting for something or someone to do it for you.
Life 'Rules'
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My personal belief and the belief that you'll find throughout my book is that for every bad thing that happens, there is a corresponding good thing to be found - if you let yourself see it.
Taking back your life is a matter of deciding that you're in the driver's seat, not someone else. It doesn't matter if the economy's bad, you can't go on a super special vacation this year or you are feeling lonely, everything has a positive side. Here are my 'rules' for turning things around for yourself, rather than waiting for something or someone to do it for you.
Life 'Rules'
- Challenge yourself to use every 'bad' thing in your life as a new beginning.
- Find the 'good' in everything that you can.
- Don't expect the good things to be readily apparent. It may take a few days, weeks or even months before you finally see them.
- Allow yourself to realize your true power. This doesn't mean pushing people around, but looking for your hidden skills.
- Talk to yourself. Talking to yourself is a very powerful tool to use and it can help you increase your motivation and your ability to stick to a task.
- Stop expecting others to solve your problems. Even if you lost your job, it's an opportunity to look in a new direction, to acquire a new skill and to blaze a more pleasurable path in life.
- Throw out that 'yes, but' expression from your life. It's just a way of keeping yourself stuck in the mud.
- Take a good hard look at what you'd really like in life and sit down and begin making a list that outlines the steps you need to take. Not everyone needs to go to college to be happy. Find out where your happiness lies, if you don't want to go back to school. Abraham Lincoln did just fine with his self-learning plan.
- Beware of the negative people in your life. Pointing out the problems is fine, but some people only see doom and gloom and they can't be very helpful, unless you find that helpful.
- Remember that every road has unexpected turns and that any plan must be one that allows for some give and take. If there's one word for your plan to take back your life, let it be 'flexible' and go from there.
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28 Comments:
I understand your list as a buck up and take life as it comes kind of advice. Which is helpful for people who are just feeling sorry for themselves. But you just don't seem to understand that when I have been depressed in the past, I am chemically changed. I do not wallow in self-pity, but when faced with spurts of depression, I find no joy in life. In my last episode of depression, had it not been for the love of and responsibility for my son, I would have ended my life. When you are truly depressed, there is no happiness, no hope, no way to dig yourself out except with a good therapist, medication, and time. I am appalled at your assumptions.
it a`wave that comes over you and by the time that you figure out some thing is wrong the tips that you realize give in the article won't work
I think the list is more a guide to go by when you are in a better state of mind and can handle taking on such tasks to refrain from going back into a deep depression.
Your list doesn't always work. It's also a matter of how your life has been over the last few/several years. If you've been drowning in sorrow, despair, poverty or loneliness for many years you don't stop and think yourself 'at least the water is warm'...
Anonymous has it all figured out.
How to have a miserable life and be depressed for the rest of your life.
They should write a book about it but they won't because they have the perfect excuse to do nothing. Control your thinking control your life.
your advice is just that: advice and not worth the paper it is written on. Life requires walking with Faith, an understanding that God gave us the ability to think and reason and that no one can be perfect. All the lists in the world don't help if you are chemically altered or financially stricken. I am a widow, the victim of a robbery (complete loss, like a fire) almost facing homelessness and a list is worthless to me. My situation required action. I don't have someone to bail me out. I am totally alone. I have a terminal illness and cannot work nor drive. Medical care stays just a bit out of reach, so I do "suffer". I try to not dwell on negative things nor be around negative people. This has just caused me to give up my last "security" because I couldn't even finish a sentence without censure. Other things like waiting on that person hand and foot and being the victim of "mind games". Lists, noooo. Action, and doing whatever it took to get out of this, is what it took. Once I made the decision and acted upon it, that person backed down and I have a new life ahead. I treasure each and every day. I realize I am even more alone now, but I have myself first and foremost. And I have God and a path to follow that involves Faith. Without Faith, the ability to act is moot.
Just my opinion.
before ever getting to the point of hopelessness and depression...i must renew my 'self' daily. that, my friends; is the key to ever getting so debilitatingly depressed. 1st: i turn my will and my life over to GOD. 2nd: i check myself for selfdefeating, negative trains of thought and turn it around IMMEDIATELY! 3rd: i do the next good and rite thing. it takes courage to risk going outside of my comfort, safe zone...that courage comes from GOD...you can try to continue being self sufficient, you'll stay safe and deppressed and never change being a prisoner in your own mind. of course, physiologically we must stay on our meds and keep appts. w/ drs. after that...it's all me and how much i want to live, really live...it takes work...daily so get off your pity pot and open your mind to help. these life 'rules' are all good and all good comes from the LORD working thru people to help those suffering...look beyond your eyesite and lift your spirit w/ a power that is greater than our'selves'...Aloha, Eddie G.
I always tell my patients and my friends not to globalize and then internalize what is happening in the world. It is important to know that the number of things a person can control is manageable and to visualize putting your arms around that bundle helps to keep things in perspective. I find that "rules" can turn into "shoulds" which increase stress and put pressure on people to live up to things that may not be realistic. Seeing the positives is always a good skill to practice. I don't know if the positives and so called negatives fully balance out but it is important to know that the proverbial world as we know it is not going to come to an end if they don't. At times it is more comforting to go with the flow and let someone else worry about swimming up stream against the current. Removing negative people and influences from your life and knowing when to say no are also two very good practices for reducing stress and feeling in control of your life. The last thing I would mention is to be mindful of what is in front of you and try to focus on the task at hand while "staying in your moment." And of course, breathe, smile, laugh and be happy.
There are other suggestions in my book under "Remember To...," but these are some of the basics.
i get depressed and i am a lot.i fell loneless and really down.i think of my 2 brothers that died the same year 6 months apart.we were close.to my self i cry,and fell very sad.they died in 2005.1 of cancer and the ooooooother one of a blood clot on his brain,it bursted.it still hurts,because i didnt get to see either one of them before they died.we 3 lived in different states.i take zoloft for depression.
I think ALL depression is a state of mind. People need to get over whatever it is that is depressing them and move on. The easy route that seems to be so popular these days is "just pop a pill". To me thats pathetic! Every human being on this planet has problems - few want to face them and even fewer actually cope with them...
Depression is not all in your head. It is a chemical imbalance do to a combination of illnesses and can be helped with anti-depresseants and therapy. I have had horrible life since I was small, but I keep climbing up that mountain to stay on the other side. It is tremendous struggle, but I keep going up to the otherside. I was very close to giving up at one point in my life and then I started writing to my family and realized they would be the ones left behind and came to realize I was just running away and leaving horrible pain and hurt behind with my family. It is tough but we all have to keep struggling and not give up and also formost keep faith in God. God never said life would be easy, but it would make us stronger by not running away.
I happen to agree with the article. I have had many set backs in my life and I wouldn't have survived them if I didn't look to the bigger meaning of it or turn the negative into a positive. I like to do positive thinking and affirmations to CHANGE the state I am feeling. If I am feeling lonely, I have to state that " I am happy with many friends". You can actually trick your brain... Then after repetition, the statement is now true. If you write them out a minimum of 10 times up to about 100 times, you will cahnge your thoughts and feelings.
Seriously all this leave to god talk! Then you have the nerve to get on people for takeing pills. Get over yourselves. Whatever cruch gets you by your invisible friend or my very real pills. I really can't stand you holly roller types, try reading your bibles Christ expects humility and compassion. Something I'm not seeing here. :(
How about some exercise and nutrition changes? My knees are too gimpy to run, but daily brisk walking--45 minutes or so-- is a great way to meditate a bit, do some self talk. Even at night. I also find that taking a radio with me to listen to the Cubs or the college games is also a way to get your exercise, self talk, meditation and SPORTS all in one shot without your wife berating you (unless she's on the walk with you, then leave the radio at home).
I think some physical exertion does clear things in your head a bit and can spark some new ways to look at things.
I understand that this completly off subject however, I am cant concentrate long enough to read which blog catagorie my problem fits under. So, I just picked one. I need some help...Last night after returning from an exhausting weekend at the beach I was sitting on my bed checking my email and watching tv. Out of no where I get this feeling as if the bed is tilting. It lasted for a good minute or two. I had to place my hand on the bed and try and concentrate on my fiancee who was directly in front of me. Once my normal world as I know it came back to I was so confused as to what had happen. I let it go, summing it up to being overly tired. This morning I get to work and am sitting in an office chair and the same thing happens. Now, I feel like I have sort of a tension head ache. Does anyone know what this means or what I should do about it. WHen I write I notice its a little slanted not too horribaly bad though. I just need some guideance. Thanks to who ever can help.
Brystal, It sounds like you have Vertigo. That is an imbalance that makes you feel like things are moving under you when they are not. It's usually accompanied by nausea or vomiting. YOu may have an inner ear problem. Were you in the water at the beach? Vertigo is terrible, but there is medication that sometimes helps. You should see your doctor.
I am a vertigo victim.After months of tests mri ct scan,bloodwork going to specialist my primary doctor perscribed amitripytlin a pill for motion sickness.I take it at night helps me sleep and do not have any more spinning in my life.Brystal suggest this to your Dr.It changed everyday living for me.hopefully for you too!By the way it is available in generic which saves a few dollars.Good luck.
Here is my personal experience. I am no PHD, but I can tell you it worked for me when I was stressed out and in the dumps:
1. Decide to be happy. First thing you do after you get up in the morning is get up and look in the mirror, smile to yourself and say "I am going to be happy today, and no one can change that"
2. Really believe in what you just said - don't just do it as a formality.
3. Put on your best clothes, something you really like and makes you happy.
4. Do things you like to do - if you have a choice. Like, if you like reading, make sure you keep yourself an hour free during the day to to exactly that. Ad do it!
5. Meet people during the day. Smile at them and wish them well. Really mean it. "Have a great day" - when you say that, look into their eyes and really mean it - and wish that they really have a fantastic day.
6. If you get an opportunity to help someone, do it. Someone at work, someone at home, someone in the grocery store. Just lend a helping hand and smile when you say goodbye!
7. Before you go to bed, visualize your entire day, smilingly, at how you enjoyed your day. if there was something you did not like, thank yourself that at least now you know what you must avoid or improve upon. You will feel happy as you think of the good things you did during the say and will certainly sleep well.
8. The next morning, start the same routine, in fact you can keep a calendar and plan you day as the first task in the morning when you get used to the other things listed above.
Good Luck!
Well thank you for the small list of rules for taking back your life. You know there is book smart, street smart and well "trying to take back your life smart". I am 42 and I have been through some pretty rough times and yet another has been thrown my way. I have just been diagnosed with MS.
Then I asked, God. I dont remember asking for this card in life. What am i going to do? It is very depressing. Oh, yeah read the 10 rules. Well wait..., that doesn't help. I have to get another therapist, talk to family and friends, find good doctors and read the good book. Your rules may work for some but has your life ever gone through the "Taking back your life" stage to really see if they work for you?
to anonymous at 2:09 A.M. I don't think anyone in this world will ever be able to fully comprehend and understand the struggles that you must face on a daily basis. depression is a very real thing. it is a medical conditions with a very valid scientific cause. sometimes i feel like all of the medication and therapy in the world couldn't buy my happiness, so i have looked for other alternatives. I first thing was to take a moment and stop thinking. completely. I used meditation as a way to clear my head and to prevent myself from telling myself that I was unhappy and I had no joy or anything to live for. taking this time to stop and appreciate the subtle rhythm of your breathing is in it self very relaxing. even if you are completely depressed, it will put you in a more peaceful state of mind. next, i would recommend finding a time when you can be completely alone and at peace with yourself with a sheet of paper and a pen and write down a couple of things two or three that you like about this life. I can see that your son plays a large role, so i would put him on the top of your list ;). other than that, i know there is something that you appreciate. a specific sport, a type of art, a brand of music, cooking a certain food, watching movies, reading a good book, GOD (he's mine but he doesn't have to be yours :) ). and use these things as directors for your life. sometimes having a goal to work toward, something that will give you a sense of accomplishment can bring happiness when other things can't. when you have something to be proud of, you are more likely to fight for it and you are more likely to fight for your happiness. if your life is complete crap, then i recommend making a well-thought out, planned, but drastic change. if you don't like your friends, leave them. if you don't like your job, quit. if sadly your family doesn't make you happy, go with your child elsewhere. find a place where you feel like you can have a new start. it is possible, and it is your best change to finding true happiness. once you get where you are going, take life a little slow and make efforts to engage yourself with others. you don't have to be mr. or mrs. socialite, but conversation is crucial for your sanity. you have to a few connection in this world or you will feel utterly alone. sometimes, i feel like a connection to others who are going through the same thing as you is the best therapy in the world. that way, you don't feel like you are the only one struggling with something you can't control. and sometimes i think it is even harder to find real connections in the world driven by technology, capitalism, materialism, and other sorts of things that seemingly drive personal relationships to merely economic relationships. its a sad world what its coming to, but you don't have to be apart of it. there are people in this world that feel the same as you. if you ever want to talk or just let me know what's going on in your life, please send me an email and let me know what's up. even if you are feeling really down or somebody is really making you mad, write me and let me know. i will try my best to be your connection and help you find that happiness that i know you want. my email is jdzingle@gmail.com good luck, thanks for thoughtful comments on the article.
Talking to yourself is the key, the way you talk to yourself holds a lot of power over your mind. Positive self talk is a very powerful weapon in fighting anxiety and fear.
It is what it is. Trite-sounding, I realize, but that statement contains much potential peace. If you're tired, it is "what is". If this part of your life finds you feeling anhedonic and hopeless, that is "what is" (at this time). It's when we start identifying too much with these things that they start to take over and gain dominion. G
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 449
Copyright © 1976 A.A.W.S. Inc.
After reading this, it seems obvious, that everyone just has to FIGURE OUT WHAT WORKS FOR THEM! There are NO set rules that work for everyone! Every cause is different, so every cure will be too.
Thanks for sharing your Life Rules list.
I think that No.6 "Stop expecting others to solve your problems" is an essential truth, though it can take a while to realize and even longer to learn to live by. When we learn to care for ourselves with genuine response-ability and respect we can begin to heal and evolve.
It's my understanding that this list is for people facing anxiety and stress. Where some of these people may also be depressed, that is not always the case. I personally have both panic disorder and depression. Thankfully, I've never gotten to the point where I'm so bad I've thought about taking my life. I feel that these suggestions are all good ones, and like someone said, you have to find what works for you. Oftentimes, for me, it's a combination of several of them. Being positive, making yourself get up and get dressed, a belief in a higher power, medication and counseling, and a good peer group combined will make a difference. It might not happen right away, but if you have the people to help you through it, you'll get there eventually. Life is worth it, no matter what situation you're in. It can always be better - whether through the way you look at things, or putting yourself in a better situation :)
Unless you suffer from depression you can't possibly understand the illness. The advice isn't worth anything bacause every body is different and everybody has a different way of dealing with it. Thoose so-called proffessionals who have never had depression can't possibly understand the illness to treat it unless they suffer from it them selves.
we are all different people. We each have distinct DNA and chemical makeup inside us. I have nothing to be sad about and can go into a depression. Ask me why I am depressed and I have to say "I don't know why?". That is my depression.
When father died I was sad and cried, and still cry from losing him to early for me. That is grief and it is normal. Each day passes and inside my heart I feel his love and he is right here with me. I had to let go of the anger before that happened. I was angry about his death because it could have been prevented in our world, but God had other plans. Once the anger left, my Dad was back and in my heart.
Depression for me is like a huge drop. Like walking along fine and then I just drop into this lethagic unmotivated state and feel so tired I can hardly function. I work out at the gym, and in shape so when I feel that it is definitely a chemical or hormonal or something we still don't know yet response. I have been blessed to not had it happen but a few times in my life and not for long period of times - but it has never been about the depression that people have over a loss, a sadness, being afraid - no this depression is like walking into a sink hole as you are skipping along fine.
It is different for each person. Some may not be able to express it or understand it. Some may just be in a pity mode, but have no motivation to change that and why would they if there not a support system in their life.
Do not judge others. Do not make lists about taking back your life. That is just ridiculous.
I would rather see an article on a real person going through something and the results of how they won or lost with depression. Then write articles about different kinds of depression. If I have 10 easy rules to follow and could have a wonderful life - that would make this person famous, rich, and amazing. It should be ten things they may help you that have helped me - or something less strick and formal. What a joke.
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