Advertisement
Icon WebMD Expert Blogs

The Art of Relationships

with Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

There is an art to maintaining the intimate relationships in our lives. Read on to explore our experts' perspectives, and learn new techniques to improve your own relationship skills.

Important:

The opinions expressed in WebMD User-generated content areas like communities, review, ratings, or blogs are solely those of the User, who may or may not have... Expand

The opinions expressed in WebMD User-generated content areas like communities, reviews, ratings, or blogs are solely those of the User, who may or may not have medical or scientific training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of WebMD. User-generated content areas are not reviewed by a WebMD physician or any member of the WebMD editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. Some of these opinions may contain information about treatments or uses of drug products that have not been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. WebMD does not endorse any specific product, service or treatment.

Do not consider WebMD User-generated content as medical advice. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. You should always speak with your doctor before you start, stop, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment. WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.

Hide

Friday, December 30, 2011

Do’s and Don’ts in Making a New Year’s Resolution

By Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

It’s interesting to me how invested people are in giving to others during the holidays, but how that energy seems to fade when faced with the New Year’s tradition of making a personal resolution. Those who make resolutions usually do so half-heartedly. More often than not, New Year’s resolutions fade away almost as quickly as our memory of what we ate for breakfast this morning. Even so, promising yourself that you will make some positive change in your life can place you on the path to self-improvement – if you approach it in an effective way and take the commitment seriously.

With this in mind, consider the following do’s and don’ts of making a New Year’s resolutions.

DO:

  • Set a specific and realistic goal. I will lose 10 lbs by the end of February. People have a tendency to think that they can change more than is realistic to expect, leaving them unhappy with more modest results. For instance, in one study, people who set an unrealistic goal of losing 55 pounds in 48 weeks thought of themselves as failing when they lost 37 pounds (an amount that experts defined as realistic and significant). This type of thinking undermines hopes for, and motivation for, further change.
  • Decide on a specific plan for self-improvement – the more detail, the better. Include objectives like: I will eat 3 balanced meals and two snacks each day. When people don’t clarify how they will achieve a goal, they tend to rely on pure willpower. This rarely works and often leaves people feeling more defeated and having less hope for future change (since in their minds, they have already tried and failed).
  • Prepare yourself for set-backs. If I overeat at any point, it won’t undo my previous efforts. By getting right back to my healthy meal plan, I can still move toward my goal. By being overly confidant that they can meet their goals, people often set themselves up for failures. They think about any mistakes or periods of relapse as a failure, and they give up. By thinking of these times as bumps in the road, they can help themselves to succeed in the long run. Of course, it is extremely important to remember this when you relapse and to talk yourself through these difficult times.

DON’T:

  • Make a resolution (on New Year’s eve or at any other time) that you don’t take seriously. People often half-heartedly say that they will make some self-improvement and then don’t put in the effort to make it happen. The result is that they don’t change, feel badly about themselves for failing, and then have less confidence in their ability to change in the future. Taking your goal seriously means doing all of those suggestions in the above section.
  • Expect that any particular self-improvement will change your whole life. People set themselves up for feelings of failures when unrealistically placing too much importance on any one particular self-improvement. For instance, dieters are likely to be greatly disappointed if they expect that losing 50 pounds will directly translate into a job promotion or a happy, intimate relationship.

With all of the above do’s and don’ts in mind, you can turn the traditional New Year’s resolution into a meaningful exercise. It can help you to improve yourself in a significant way. After all you have done to give to others through the holidays, this is a wonderful way for you to acknowledge that you are important, too.

If you would like to join a general discussion about this topic on the Relationships and Coping Community, click here.

Posted by: Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD at 4:36 pm

Comments

Leave a comment

Subscribe & Stay Informed

Sex & Relationships

Sign up for the Sex & Relationships newsletter and get relationship tips, diet and exercise tips to rev-up your sex life.

Archives

WebMD Health News