Stress Management Tips for At-Home Parents
I do a lot of work from my home office, and I usually wind up in time to spend after-school time with the kids. So I can identify with many of the concerns of stay-at-home parents, who are often viewed by the working world as having a life of leisure. But anyone who's been there knows this is far from the truth. From my own experiences and from discussions with at-home moms and dads, I've put together a list of tips to help control the very real stresses involved in at-home parenting.
1. Recognize that you have a full-time job, and be dressed and ready for your day early in the morning. Getting yourself put together and organized first thing sets a positive, organized tone for the whole day.
2. Become an expert in multi-tasking. Integrate the kids wherever possible in your chores and errands. Things may take a bit longer, but kids can find the tasks on your to-do list fascinating.
3. Practice good time management. Structure your day and plan for active times, regular meals, down times, and work times. Many parents find it helps to devote one portion of the day - for example, mornings or late afternoons - exclusively to kids' needs and entertainment. That way, you won't feel guilty when you have to do your "grown up things" at another time while they play alone.
4. Don't allow people to pressure you into unwanted activities or time commitments because you're "only" at home with the kids. It's OK to say you have a full schedule; those with children of their own will understand.
5. Organization is key to stress control. Keep a calendar for your daily schedules, plans, outings, and errands. You can use this to jot down notes and ideas and keep yourself organized. If it helps, keep a special notebook just for lists.
6. Allow yourself some adult company every day. This need not be formal socializing; a conversation with the other parents at library story hour or the toddler music class can be a refreshing break.
7. Save time later in the day by preparing a snack tray in the mornings, filled with healthy snacks like dried fruit, cut-up veggies, and whole-grain breads. Fill up juice and water bottles for the fridge. You´ll thank yourself later when chaos sets in. Plus, you're less likely to give in to the kids' (or your own) junk-food cravings.
8. Be sure to work some physical activity into every day, preferably outdoors. You - and your kids - will profit from the elevated mood and enhanced fitness levels.
9. If you allow TV or videos, make these special events for those times when you desperately need time to unwind or concentrate on an important task.
10. Co-op with other stay-at-home parents for babysitting, shopping trips, or cooking meals a few times per week.
11. If you need to do housework, set up a cleaning schedule and adhere to it. Breaking down the task makes it more palatable and less likely to be postponed. For example, break down the house into zones and tackle one room or zone per day.
12. Finally, recognize that at-home parenting is a very real, demanding, and rewarding job complete with stresses like any other. Like all jobs, this one has better and worse days, things you love, and things you'd rather not deal with. As with any job, you'll need some time off, so plan ways to meet your own needs for privacy or personal time. Know you're in good company, and be proud of your career as a parent.
Related Topics: Distant Dads? Not Us, Many Say, Meditation Balances The Body's Systems
Technorati Tags: SAHM, stress, family management, time management
1. Recognize that you have a full-time job, and be dressed and ready for your day early in the morning. Getting yourself put together and organized first thing sets a positive, organized tone for the whole day.
2. Become an expert in multi-tasking. Integrate the kids wherever possible in your chores and errands. Things may take a bit longer, but kids can find the tasks on your to-do list fascinating.
3. Practice good time management. Structure your day and plan for active times, regular meals, down times, and work times. Many parents find it helps to devote one portion of the day - for example, mornings or late afternoons - exclusively to kids' needs and entertainment. That way, you won't feel guilty when you have to do your "grown up things" at another time while they play alone.
4. Don't allow people to pressure you into unwanted activities or time commitments because you're "only" at home with the kids. It's OK to say you have a full schedule; those with children of their own will understand.
5. Organization is key to stress control. Keep a calendar for your daily schedules, plans, outings, and errands. You can use this to jot down notes and ideas and keep yourself organized. If it helps, keep a special notebook just for lists.
6. Allow yourself some adult company every day. This need not be formal socializing; a conversation with the other parents at library story hour or the toddler music class can be a refreshing break.
7. Save time later in the day by preparing a snack tray in the mornings, filled with healthy snacks like dried fruit, cut-up veggies, and whole-grain breads. Fill up juice and water bottles for the fridge. You´ll thank yourself later when chaos sets in. Plus, you're less likely to give in to the kids' (or your own) junk-food cravings.
8. Be sure to work some physical activity into every day, preferably outdoors. You - and your kids - will profit from the elevated mood and enhanced fitness levels.
9. If you allow TV or videos, make these special events for those times when you desperately need time to unwind or concentrate on an important task.
10. Co-op with other stay-at-home parents for babysitting, shopping trips, or cooking meals a few times per week.
11. If you need to do housework, set up a cleaning schedule and adhere to it. Breaking down the task makes it more palatable and less likely to be postponed. For example, break down the house into zones and tackle one room or zone per day.
12. Finally, recognize that at-home parenting is a very real, demanding, and rewarding job complete with stresses like any other. Like all jobs, this one has better and worse days, things you love, and things you'd rather not deal with. As with any job, you'll need some time off, so plan ways to meet your own needs for privacy or personal time. Know you're in good company, and be proud of your career as a parent.
Related Topics: Distant Dads? Not Us, Many Say, Meditation Balances The Body's Systems
Technorati Tags: SAHM, stress, family management, time management
15 Comments:
Sorry, you are not going to convince me that being a SAHM is harder than a working outside the home mom is harder. Women who can afford to be a SAHM are lucky. You might "work" but try getting up in the morning at 530am, getting ready for work, getting your child ready for daycare. Drop them off, drive to work 30 min. Work 8 hours a day with corporate america brathing down your throat. Fight traffic and drive home, pick child up. Play mommy until bed. Try to cram in any chores you can before bed.
I cannot imagine being a SAHM of one is work. More than one or tw-yes that is work. Nothing beats being mommy full time and working a full time job as well.
Being a working single mom is even tougher. You have nobody to depend on but yourself. This is not me but any working single mother has my respect.
SAHM's who get divorced are often screwed financially because they have been so dependent on their husband, some find it VERY hard to get back on their feet after a divorce.
I go to work because I make a good salary and pay a very reasonable cost for daycare, but I agree that is does not pay for some mothers too work. Daycare is sometimes so expensive but to complain being a SAHM is such hard work is petty, unless you have a house full of kids. My MIL had 17 kids. I would go nuts if I was at home with that many kids.
sounds like you would really like to be a stay at home mom but can't. are you a little bitter? i agree that working is difficult but being a SAHM definately has it's challanges as well. at no time do you get a break. even driving in the car by yourself would be a break. you take care of the kids all day and all night and get up and do it all over again without any time to yourself. i'm up several times a night with my child. we're up for the day at 5:30. gets baths,breakfast,laundry,cleaning,picking up the messes that she makes along the way,lunch,errands,make dinner,then bedtime routine. all to do it all over again tomorrow. i agree that i am lucky that i don't have to have someone else enjoy my child during the day. i get to see all her firsts. i think that ALL mothers have their challanges in today's society.
How about a stay at home mom who runs a home based business???
I understand if you have to work to support your family--but being a Mom, no matter what your circumstances, is a job...I feel a rewarding job. I am glad I have my three children and to have a business in my home so that I can be home with them. So eventhough I am considered a stay at home--I do work and contribute financially to my household. (I am married)...
I can honestly say from experience in corporate american and recently becomming a SAHM, that being a SAHM is much harder and more work than being in the working world. I had a very demanding, 55+ hour a week marketing job that did not wear me out anywhere close to how drained out I am now. But this is the most important job I will ever have in my life, and I prioritize this.
Moral of the story is, never critique someone until you have walked in their shoes.
It is amazing how working from home can seem so much more stressful then actually going to work at the office. Many more distractions especially when the kids get home. You really have to be on top of your time and be able to sneak away to a quit place!
Learn stress management
A woman decides to write a list of helpful stress management tips for at-home parents and is immediately met by resentment from a working mom who interprets the list as "complaining that being a SAHM is such hard work" and accusing the author of being "petty."
Not surprising.
The list simply focuses on some very real issues of being at home with and raising children 24/7. It's not obnoxious, it doesn't try to glorify staying at home, and it certainly doesn't pass any judgement on people who work outside of the home.
In the two and a half years since I put my career on hold to raise my children (I have a 2 and a half year old and a 10-month old) this is a common attitude that I've come across from working moms. This idea that "women who can afford to be a SAHM are lucky" completely discounts the fact that for many couples, having a parent at home is a carefully planned decision.
It's unfortunate to me that so many women like nocgirl who made the choice to work full-time insist on saying things like "nothing beats being mommy full-time and working a full-time job as well."' We all have the same amount of hours in the day. If you choose to spend eight or more of them away from your child or children, you are simply not being a full-time mom. You are paying for someone else to parent your children for a substantial portion of their lives. You can try to convince yourself otherwise, but when you refer to your limited amount of time with your child/ren as "playing mommy until bed," it becomes obvious how small your role as a parent truly is.
It's a tough decision to stay at home. I stay home with my three children, all under the age of two. I stay home because child care is inefficient for us, and because I have much less earning potential than my husband. I miss working. I miss spending the day with grownups, and though I love my children, I hate feeling "kept" - even though my husband doesn't feel like he's keeping me.
Being a SAHM is stressful, for different reasons, I think, than being a working mother. It's not necessarily "harder" to work or to stay home. Each has it's challenges, and unfortunately each feels the need to minimalize the concerns and stresses of the other.
It's not fair, I agree, for a working mother to claim that a SAHM doesn't really work unless she has lots of kids. Anyone who has had a child can tell you that just one child changes everything. You can't just "run in" to a store and get milk. You have to structure leaving the house around the food and nap schedule of children. All of a sudden, every single decision you make all day revolves around this little person. A working mother has some decision freedom during the day - she can run out and get some lunch without packing the diaper bag.
But - being a working mother is not without some significant challenges. Finding reliable child care is very hard, and I think, very scary. Being away all day without your child and being able to see for yourself that he or she is well would be quite hard. It requires fitting ever important family life into a small period of time. My kids are in bed at 7 - not a lot of time there for parenting time. In addtion, there are many SAHM who are critical of women who choose to (or are forced to) leave their children in the care of others. Just, like those working mothers who believe that SAHM sit and eat and watch TV all day. Perhaps if we were all a little more tolerant of people in different life situations...
For all those working mothers, though, who think it's easy to stay home: perhaps you underestimate the stress that comes from never being validated by another adult. Working always gave me a sense of accomplishment - kids don't really do that. Some days, it seems like I work really long hours and accomplish nothing. It will be years before I see if my efforts have help to shape my daughters into good moral women. I never get time off - my kids are my responsiblity 24/7, and so that stress never lessens over the weekend. Fridays are no longer exciting. It's hard to be identified entirely by your children. Just a thought.
We live in a culture that values careers. The school systems preach it, colleges claim to be the gateway to it, and indeed upon meeting another adult for the first time the words "What do you do?" come before "How many kids do you have?". Careers have become more central to existence than even leisure for most of the world because they allow us to achieve a lifestyle.
But put that in perspective... thanks to technology - we first-world citizens can worry about paychecks instead of hunger. We can worry about lawns instead of crops. We can worry about traffic and bills instead of disease and winters.
50 million years of human development and only in the last 100 have we had a shift from a life threatening existence to a life-STYLE based existence.
But while technology and social dynamics evolve at an ever-accelerated pace - human biology does not.
We know exactly what our children need and have mountains of evidence and 50 million years to define it. Yet when freed from other burdens or concerns of existence we use that spare time to build a "lifestyle". If your career sacrifices resources that need to go into your child's development then you are putting "lifestyle" ahead of your child. It's that simple.
Giving your child what he/she needs means doing whatever it takes to be there with them so you can be a parent. If you can make some cash at home at the same time - thats great! Work and parenting went hand in hand for millions of years. But as soon as you take the parenting out of your day then your kid is not getting what they need. You are their parent. No amount of technology will change that.
I'm a SAHM and I for one have to agree that both types of parents, not just moms but dads who stay at home as well, have there own challenges. SAHP don't really ever get a break,and constantly have new messes of all sorts to clean up, not to mention the hassle of dealing with taking your kids everywhere with you(you can't even listen to what you want on the radio any more). But on the posotive side you get to see all the great, funny, and amazing things they do , and don't have to worry about what someone else might be teaching them, so yes we are lucky in that respect.
Working parents do get that time alone in the car, there is less time for there kids to make messes so less mess and you get the all important adult conversation(not 20 questions about 20 questions). On the other hand, you get way less time with your kids, and someone else is teaching them their morals and beliefs--NOT YOU.
So I would have to say that I feel bad for those parents who have no choice but to put their kids in daycare and work(my mom did it)because you have no choice but to miss out. For all those parents who choose to have both parents working and not have one stay home when they could, I think you're crazy and have no reason to complain that you have it so much harder than anyone else. Also being a SAHP is indeed hard work, I don't care what anyone says.
I am a SAHM of two boys and one more on the way.I not only stay home with my children, I also work out of home for our business.Sure I don't get a paycheck, but the reward of watching my kids grow up is so much greater.I am VERY LUCKY!I get to spend every moment with them. Even when there sick, I do not have to worry about calling into work I do not want someone else raising my children. I do miss working ,but I would not trade staying at home for it. Some women are not able to handle being a STAHM that's why they have to go to work. I can't imagine working and coming home and dealing with everything in a matter of a few hours. It is however the hardest but most rewarding job in the world, and I would do it all over again.
To the person who said that being a stay at home mom of one is not work. I think you may need to try it before you pass judgment. I have been a SAHM and a working mom and both have their advantages and
disadvantages. Even when working 70 hours a week as an accountant I was never as tired or as stressed as spending 24 hours a day 7 days a week at home w/my son and trust me accounting is a VERY stressfull field. There is so.... much more work to do around your house when your children are there all day. Plus you NEVER get a break. No drive to work by yourself, no lunch break , no adult conversation w/your co-workers, etc. I now stay at home with my son AND work full time from home. So... I've done all three, work outside the home w/my son in day care, stay at home, and working while staying at home. I know first hand the stresses that go with each. All I ask is... Please don't act like one person's choice is harder or more work than another... they are all hard and they are all work. Also remember that someone who stays at home with their child is not only the parent but the teacher as well... (even if your child is very small, as a SAHP you have the responsibility of teaching your child the things they would be learning if they were in daycare every day) you wouldn't tell your child's teacher that his/her job isn't really work now would you???
I was so pleased to see some SAHM's mention the DAD's! My husband and I have made the decision that he will stay home with our baby, due in July. He finds it frustrating that so many of the parenting books for dads just tell him how to support mom and not actually do real parenting himself. And rarely do you see these books discuss the challenges for SAHD's or even that option. Kudos to all of you who have mentioned tolerance and walking in someone else's shoes. As for the article, even though I won't be a SAHM, I'll take all the advice I can get!
i worked part time as a counselor for 20 yrs. my kids are now ready to leave the nest, but often while i was working i would tell my co-workers that i worked harder at home than at work! Staying home all day with the kids is VERY tiring both physically and mentally, and it is 24/7...at least you can leave the office at the end of a productive day, but at home, work never ends...even when they're older!
TO THE PERSON WHO MENTIONED BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM IS EASY AND A LUCKY THING, I SERIOUSLY HAVE TO DISAGREE. I'VE ONLY RECENTLY BECOME A STAY AT HOME MOM. BEFORE THIS, I WAS A FULL TIME WORKING SINGLE MOM. NO CHILD SUPPORT, NO FAMILY HELP, NO WELFARE, JUST ME, MY SON AND MY INCOME. I DID THIS FOR 5 YEARS AND ALTHOUGH IT WAS SERIOUSLY HARD WORK, I CAN ASSURE YOU, BEING HOME, TAKING CARE OF CHILDREN AND THEIR SCHEDULES, THE HOUSE, ETC... IS MUCH MORE DEMANDING. ITS BEEN SEVERAL YEARS NOW AND I HAVE 2 MORE CHILDREN TO TAKE CARE OF, BUT OFTEN DAY DREAM ABOUT WORKING AGAIN, ITS MUCH MORE STRUCTURED, BEING AT HOME CAN GET CHAOTIC AT TIMES AND BECOME VERY STRESSFUL. ANYWAYS, IVE BEEN ON BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE AND CAN ATTEST TO THE FACT THAT THEY ARE BOTH GRUELING JOBS TO HANDLE.
I worked with the first two children and when the third was born I wanted to be a SAHM. I think that both positions are equally as hard. There is a lot less parenting that goes on when you work and a lot of guilt. We should be thanking those child care providers for doing a wonderful job that they do. I think that I am better SAHM because I had to work the first. I have three children under the age of 4. I am not going to become complacent, but try to educate them and instill values as much as possible in the short time they have as little ones.
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