A Different Normal

By Karin Gelschus

Regardless of the type of diagnosis, your world is forever changed. It’s a massive learning curve, figuring out how to manage your chronic illness and cope with your new normal. For me, as the newness of it all subsided, I was able to refocus on areas that drove my previous life – family, friends, exercise, and work. However, I couldn’t seem to keep lupus from creeping up on my everyday activities.

The typical 3 o’clock slump turned into me falling asleep at my desk. A previous attack of blood clots had damaged my lungs, leaving me breathless after 5 minutes of running. Minor indigestion spiraled into coughing up blood and a trip to the ER. What had been nothing out of the ordinary before lupus had turned into challenges that were and still can be difficult to overcome.

After one particularly long day, I lay awake in bed thinking about all the things I struggled with or couldn’t do at all anymore. My dire thoughts swirled above my head as I stared at the ceiling with tears silently streaming down my cheeks.

Feeling incredible alone, I called my sister. She reminded me that I had 22 years of being Karin without lupus, and I have plenty of characteristics that never left.

Here are several personality traits lupus will never take from me:

My ability to…

1.     Yell and cheer at the TV when my favorite baseball team, the Minnesota Twins, are playing

2.     Sing loudly when Credence Clearwater Revival’s “Down on the Corner” plays on my iPod.

3.     Melt when my three-year-old niece yells my name and runs into my arms when I visit.

4.     Laugh uncontrollably every time my puppy lifts his paw to give me a high-five – his latest trick.

5.     Not take life so seriously when my friends and I have dance parties.

6.     Jump when I’m reading a good book and someone comes in the room and accidentally scares me.

7.     Compete at everything I do whether it’s board games or intramural softball.

8.     Smile when my boyfriend surprises me with my favorite flowers, lilies

9.     Look forward to and get excited for every vacation and holiday.

10.  Love with all my heart those who are a part of my life and there for me day in and day out.

My sister reminded me that I am still Karin – not Karin with lupus. I am the same sister, friend, aunt, co-worker, classmate, granddaughter, and person I was before, and THAT is what lupus will never ever take from me.

What characteristics do you have that your chronic illness can’t take from you?

Karin Gelschus was diagnosed with lupus at 23. She currently works as an interactive marketing specialist at CaringBridge, a nonprofit providing personal websites that connect people experiencing a health challenge to their family and friends.

For more on this topic, visit the WebMD Lupus Community.

By Karin Gelschus

As kids we dream of being astronauts, professional athletes, actors and race car drivers. I dreamed of playing hockey for the U.S.A. Olympic team. Growing up in Minnesota, my siblings and I were always ice skating on the pond in the backyard. The four of us had the perfect setup. My oldest brother was on a team with my younger sister who preferred cartwheels to skating, and my older sister and I were always a team. In the late ‘80s, we traded off being team USA. The matchups were intense, and I’d picture fans surrounding the pond and cheering wildly.

Backyard hockey turned into playing for the high school team, but after that my Olympic dreams faded. I focused on college and dreamed of being a writer. That dream turned into reality when I landed a position at a national magazine.

While traveling in Montreal for a story, my first symptoms captured and took over my body in minutes. Terrified of what was happening, I called my parents. Three months later I was diagnosed with lupus and all my dreams felt distant and unreachable. I couldn’t maintain a regular work week, much less strive to be anything more than healthy. Intensely competitive by nature, the defeated feeling that resulted was new to me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t see how I could succeed at my career, having a family or even staying healthy when I was constantly fighting an unrelenting disease.

“Start out small,” my doctor prescribed. At that point, it was hard for me to even open pill bottles or walk due to merciless arthritis, so I started with only 5 minutes on a treadmill. It was hard not to get upset and discouraged being that just four months earlier I was running 13-plus miles. It was slow progress, but it was still progress. To help get through it, I recited the guestbook messages from my CaringBridge site over and over again, “You are an amazing and strong person!” And, “Our prayers are with you as always!!”

I couldn’t and still can’t stand the thought of giving up because then I’d lose, and I can’t lose. It’s not my nature. Three years later and two attempts to run a half marathon, I’ve yet again signed up for another one. I did it before I was diagnosed, and I’ll do it again.

Since the days of pond hockey, I can say I’ve always put every ounce of me into the game at hand, and in this case, my life at hand. Our dreams form and evolve around our life experiences, but it’s what we overcome to reach our dreams that define who we are and how we’re remembered.

Have you modified your dreams? What dreams are you still chasing despite your diagnosis?

Karin Gelschus was diagnosed with lupus at 23. She currently works as an interactive marketing specialist at CaringBridge, a nonprofit providing personal websites that connect people experiencing a health challenge to their family and friends.