Herpes: A Positive Attitude Matters
People are absolutely miserable about having herpes and others have a bit of an upset and move on without thinking too much about it.
Why do different people react so differently? I think that the major difference is what people believe about having herpes. If someone believes that herpes is a moral judgment, is a punishment for bad behavior, is going to end the sex life that you had before, is going to interfere with having a family, and will make you suffer forever, than the feelings that you have about herpes will be sad indeed. Perhaps even desperate. So the belief leads to the feelings.
Let's now change the beliefs - let's say you believe that herpes is simply a virus that found a cell in which to live, has nothing to do with shame, is manageable when it comes to a sexual relationship with suppression and condoms, can successfully be managed during a pregnancy by a qualified OB, that there is sadness at this news, but that having herpes does not change the core of who you are, then the outlook will be much brighter.
So it isn't the infection "herpes" that causes the feelings, again, it is the beliefs about herpes that either causes you to adjust nicely or to fall into a depression. Changing your beliefs is not easy, it takes repetition and reminding yourself every day to think differently. But it is possible and necessary for a rich and rewarding life in spite of herpes.
Related Topics: Sex Ed for the Suddenly Single, Genital Herpes Support Group
Why do different people react so differently? I think that the major difference is what people believe about having herpes. If someone believes that herpes is a moral judgment, is a punishment for bad behavior, is going to end the sex life that you had before, is going to interfere with having a family, and will make you suffer forever, than the feelings that you have about herpes will be sad indeed. Perhaps even desperate. So the belief leads to the feelings.
Let's now change the beliefs - let's say you believe that herpes is simply a virus that found a cell in which to live, has nothing to do with shame, is manageable when it comes to a sexual relationship with suppression and condoms, can successfully be managed during a pregnancy by a qualified OB, that there is sadness at this news, but that having herpes does not change the core of who you are, then the outlook will be much brighter.
So it isn't the infection "herpes" that causes the feelings, again, it is the beliefs about herpes that either causes you to adjust nicely or to fall into a depression. Changing your beliefs is not easy, it takes repetition and reminding yourself every day to think differently. But it is possible and necessary for a rich and rewarding life in spite of herpes.
Related Topics: Sex Ed for the Suddenly Single, Genital Herpes Support Group
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57 Comments:
I was out in the wind a couple of days ago and i noticed that my chin had become chapped along with my lips. the next day i noticed the area was sore and very chapped. my lips were very chapped and i kept licking them and part of the chapped skin came off and there is a sore there now. what i would like to know is if this is oral herpes. this only happens when my skin is chapped if i constantly use chapstick this does not happen.
anonymous,
For specific questions, you can visit our message boards or try a search
Thank you.
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How contageous is Genital Herpes, when a condom is used? with or without sores present.
i have had herpes type 2 for about 6 years now. i have alway obeyed the "rules" for having sex with my partners. now, i'm in a situation that i have never been in before. my partner is allergic to latex. my ex-wife and i went unprtected for 2 years, obeying the "rules", and she never got it. is there anything that i can do with my new partner to prevent transmission or atleast reduce it as much as possible?
Dear Terri Warren:
My doctor told me that I don't have genital herpes, but I had small bumps on my penis and he prescriped the same medication for someone with herpes to me. I've been taking a daily multi-vitamin to keep my immune system up and I noticed that after my prescription finished back then the out break didn't return. But, when I'm sick or feeling down like my immune system may be down a break out may occur. I haven't had a breakout in years and it comes and goes. But my doctor assured me that it wasn't herpes. I haven't taken the medication in three years, but I do keep up my multi-vitamin and everything is okay. Am I doing the right thing? I have donated blood this year. When they check the blood, do they check for herpes or Chlamydia? I read on their website that the American Red Cross doesn't decline people with herpes from donating blood. So if it's not herpes, why did I have the itching and bumps that looked like pimples on the penis?
I contracted genital herpes as a result of my husband's affair with my son's girlfriend's mother. I suffer severe symptoms with each breakout, while he (yes, we are still married) doesn't seem to have any symptoms or either doesn't mention any. I wonder if anyone can tell me why? I agree that a positive attitude is helpful when dealing with any stressful situation or illness but I'm having a really hard time due to the fact that my son will probably soon marry his girlfriend and I will be forced to face this woman. Any suggestions to help me with any or all of this sordid information? Thanks (An RN who learned the hard way)
Terri
I guess with anything having a positive attitude is best but I'm seein g the diffuclty first hand with HSV.I know a young lady that has it and she has had anxiety and depression going on two years. She a beautiful woman and she feels like she has ruined her life, body and choices. It is sad to see her go through this because at one time she was full of life. She doesn't date and she is having a hard time at work. She has literally become a hermit. I have suggested for her to seek professional help, but she is so afraid to share this information with anyone and she doesn't trust anyone. When she hears anything in the media regarding HSV, she goes into a tailspin. I'm afraid she is going to harm herself. What should I do? How can I get her to be positive again?
I have question I haven't seen asked anywhere else.
I was diagnosed with GH in 2001. Since 2002 I have been on suppressive therapy 125m of famvir. I take this daily and it helps. I also take the odd lysine pill and herdox to help boost my immune system. However, I experience outbreaks immediately after each menstruation. Same location, (the clitoris) for 2-3 days. During this time I use a topical cream called zovirax.
I find keeping the area clean and dry are a significant help - but still a sore appears at least for 1.5 days.
My questions are, is it ok to keep taking famvir on a daily basis? without it, i fear my outbreaks will get worse. Also - there are no studies about long term effects of famvir.
Also - my husband and i want to become pregnant in 2 years - from what I've read, its not good to take famvir during pregnancy - are they any other solutions?
I just found out I have gential herpes it hurts so bad and everyday seems to get worse. Is that normal? Will it ever go away? I feel like no one will ever merry me or want me. I feel worthless and disgusting. I have nothing to live for anymore all my dreams are shot. Why did this happen to me? I have only been a couple people and now my life is ruined. Will it scar? What do I put on the blisters?
am I suspose to put cream on? I'm swollen and it hurts so bad. Do I have to live like this for the rest of my life? does that mean I can never have sex or babies again?
a friend has herpes on her mouth. takes valtrex..we have kissed on the lips(not when she has an outbreak)..i have not gotten anything. if oral sex is proform can i get it..even if there is no outbreak. can it be caught when it is dormate?
My beautiful daughter has just found out that she may have GH thanks to a boyfriend that didn't tell her anything upfront. Isn't there some law that will protect people from transmitting this disease? Now that she has been to the dr. and she has broke up with him, he wants to ruin her reputation. He seems to show up where ever she might go and say things. For ex. several of her friends, girls and guys, were leaving a resturant and he drives up and yells out the window "**** who are you with tonight so I can tell them you have herpes." This is putting my daughter in a state of depression where she doesn't have much of a life anymore. She will get up and go to work but that is about it. Thanks.
I am 48 and just found out I have HPV, type 53. I had a pap smear which came back abnormal then had a colscopy (sp?). The ob-gyn found nothing to biopsy. Then I got the call. How can this be? My husband and I have been abstinant for 8 years? and the ob-gyn saw no signs... only told to return in 6 months.
If you test negative for heres 2 con you still be a carrier for it.z
If you tested negative herpes type 2 can you still be a carrier of herpes
i had herpes for 3 years but my dr just diagnosed it as herpes simplex 1. ive had 2 breakouts yearly, but my husband has never tested positive for it, and has gotten tested every year for 3 year and nothing, how can he not be tested positive, i was a virgin when we married.can he have it and not test positive?
I was diagnosed with HSV-2 about one year ago. It was devistating. I felt ashamed and filthy. I closed myself off from the rest of the world and just cried for weeks. Finally, when I couldn't cry anymore, I realized that there was so much I don't know about the disease. I have alot of questions. My diagnosis came through a blood test done by the CDC. I didn't question the results because it was the CDC that did the test. I was never retested by my regular doctor. My husband was tested by our doctor. We requested that a type specific test be done on him and informed the doctor's office of the type of test that was used for me, when it was done, and by whom. We never thought that his results would be anything other than positive since mine were. However, his results were negative and I was shocked, confused, and more ashamed than ever. And, again, I seperated myself from everything and everybody and just cried. During the past year, I longed to have someone to talk to that understood what I was feeling and what I was going through. I have finally found that through this web site. So, first, I would like to say thank you for putting something like this together.
My husband and I have been together for eight years and we have a 4yr old who was born vaginally. At the time we had no idea that I had HSV. Our child has developed a blister on the corner of her mouth. We have never noticed anything like that before. It is consistent with the description of what a herpes blister looks like. Another one is starting to develop on the other side of the mouth, just below the lip. That one looks more like a dry spot, much like you would see with exzema. Should we consider having the child tested for HSV? If HSV was passed on to the child during delivery, is it possible that it would take four years to show itself? Should I consider being retested because my husband's results were negative? Should my husband be retested? We were informed that HSV is not included in standard STD testing. That means it won't be detected as a result of a yearly pap smear or a premarital exam. Why is that? With the shedding that can't be seen, why is HSV not a part of standard STD testing? Is exzema a skin condition that can be cause by the herpes virus? If not, what does cause exzema? If a person has a blister that is scabbed over, is the person still contagious and able to spread the virus by kissing someone on the cheek?
It means a lot to me to be able to ask these questions. Thank you, again.
Hello to those of you with questions about your own diagnoses:
For those of you with questions about Herpes, please post to our Genital Herpes: Terri Warren, RN, ANP board.
For those of you with questions about HPV, please post to our Genital Warts/HPV: Support Group board.
I just found out that I have genital herpes yesterday. At the moment my world collapsed. In the mist of the confusion, anger, and pain I am going through right now, I just started my period today. Because I normally use tampons and this is my first outbreak, my question is can I still use tampons or can I only use them in between outbreaks?
I got genital herpes from my now ex-husband about 8 yrs ago and I still have a hard time accepting it. I deal with it when it arrives. I guess the hard part for me to accept is that I was a virgin until 19, took all the necessary steps to have safe sex with the few boyfriends I had before marrying at 24. I never thought I had to tell my husband to put on a condom and I can see the day he infected me as if it was yesterday. He had an affair and had a tiny scrape on his penis. When I asked about it he said he got his penis caught in his zipper. He had just come back from visiting family and poured on the passion. I feel like I am the stupidiest woman alive. I should have insisted that he put on a condom but I didn't. I was also alittle afraid of him...the reason for the divorce was domestic violence.
Now after being divorced 5 yrs, I have a boyfriend of 1 yrs and 7 months who adores me AND treats me as if I don't have anything. No we haven't followed the rules entirely. If I have an outbreak we abstain and there is no activity until 7 days after the last dose of medication. He hasn't shown any signs of being infected. I know this is not the right route to go but unfortunately, I've shown signs of irritation to condoms. I don't know what changed in my body but it is sometimes unbearable.
I say all of this to ask, is there any other ailments one with genital herpes will have because of genital herpes? Does it cause muscle and bone pain? Does it cause mental illness? My boyfriend and I are thinking about having a child, will I infect the baby?
Any answer you can give would be greatly appreciated. I'm searching the web but not getting concrete answers.
Thank you.
hey, im only 15 years old and ive never had sex. The only time i've come close to something like it, was when i was much younger, probably 7, and my and my best friend were "exploring" each other. I recently have been getting pimple-like things next to my vagina. Im unaware of how this could have happened. I am very very scared and need some answers. thanks!
I understant the positive attitude. But telling someone that I have herpes most likely will freak them out.
Im about to have a baby and just had an outbreak and I'm facing a possible C-section. What do I tell my family? I'm trying to figure that out. It'll get around, and I'll be known as "the girl who got herpes".
i think that i have herpes but it is hard to tell two doctors looked at my penis and said that i am fine for right now the test results have not come back yet and i am freaking out because the girl who i had sex with has herpes and didnt warn me so this is why i think ihave been exposed ...i thought i saw some small red bumps and looked kind of like a rash and my inside legs are swollen....my qustion is ifyou get herpes does it get worse in time or stay the same...can i give it to some one if there is no sores
i think that i have herpes but it is hard to tell two doctors looked at my penis and said that i am fine for right now the test results have not come back yet and i am freaking out because the girl who i had sex with has herpes and didnt warn me so this is why i think ihave been exposed ...i thought i saw some small red bumps and looked kind of like a rash and my inside legs are swollen....my qustion is ifyou get herpes does it get worse in time or stay the same...can i give it to some one if there is no sores...is two weeks into the virus two early to tell wether you have it or not
I found out last week I had genital herpes, and when I heard the doctor say it, I felt like someone threw a brick at me. I am going through all these emotions that you guys are talking about. Im trying so hard to be positive, but I am so ashamed. Before I always had a little bit of insecurity towards the opposite sex of never being good enough, never meeting standards.. now I feel as though I have proved it all to be true. Once something that was deep inside of me and petty, now reminds me everytime I use the restroom or take a shower. I just feel so neady and weak right now. I am not scared of the physical pain, just the emotional.
hello. i have never had any type of sex before. the only "sexual" thing i have done was that i was fingered about 5 years ago and i have kissed a couple guys, but nothing serious at all. i have had these pimple like things various times in my vagina before. i have no idea what they are and am scared to go to the doctor. i have not idea what they may be. if anyone has any idea please please please post something back! thank you!!!
I got diagnosed last week with GH and I am crushed! I feel like I want to die! I got this from my husband of 5 years. He had a fever blister and we thought it had healed up, but it hadnt. I am so ashamed. I dont want to tell my family, but my mom keeps wanting to know why im taking meds. I can only come up with so many excuses. I just want some advice-should i tell my family? My husband and I are wanting more kids and I am so scared. Im scared to even have sex with my husband.
About 4 weeks ago I was diagnosed with HPV(genital warts). I had taken 2 pap tests less than six months pryor that came out normal, however, some how, some way I have it. Since then, I cry about twice a day. I feel betrayed because whoever did give it to me was someone I loved and trusted enough to have unprotected sex with them. I feel dirty, betrayed, hurt, angry, confused, and more than anything I feel alone. I always thought that because I lived my life the right way and stayed in monogamous relationships, this would never happen to me. I wish I could point a finger at someone and say "You did this to me!" but since the virus lays dormit, I cannot tell when I contracted it. I got engaged in December and found out that I have HPV in February. I had to come home and tell me fiance' that I had HPV. His reaction didn't help (by the way, it is possible that he gave it to me!, he hasn't gotten checked yet.)For about four days He was cold and distant (this was at a point in time when I really needed his support). We've managed to get past it but I'll never be the same. Along with trust issues, I am now depressed and I have no sex drive.5 days ago I had the laser treatment done (very painful!) BUT I don't know where to start in regards to feeling "normal" again, especially when I know that there could be another outbreak. I feel hopeless and alone.
I was diagnosed with GH four years ago when i was 15. i was a virgin and was very upset when i was diagnosed only four days after my first time. I have read all of these comments and i feel like i can relate to all of them. It is hard to be positive about it. It was absolutely horrible to tell my family about and so painful hiding it from everyone. I was so upset when the guy i lost my virginity to tested negative for HSV 1 and 2 three times. When my family found out, they were cold and never addressed it. Eventually my boyfriend got it from me and we are still together. i use to feel really guilty, i didnt know if he stayed with me bc he loved me or bc he was afraid he could not find someone who accepted it. I used to have the same fear, that i should fall out of love with my bf and have to find someone who i love and loves me and will accept it. I think about it all of the time and it hurts less and less every day. I realized that it was not my fault. Herpes is indiscriminant and it could happen to just about anyone. This has definitely changed my life but not exactly in a bad way. It has made me the person i am today and i like me.
i think if a person really loves you they will accept the fact that you have GH. I think that mainstream media has convinced most people that sex equals love. If someone didnt want to fall in love with me bc i might jepordize their chance at having sex with other people, with or without herpes, i would not want to be with them any way. I have felt the shame and anger before but i promise that if you really look closely at the situation you will feel silly for thinking that way and feel much better about yourself.
hy im a 19 year old male and this past friday i was laying down when i got up to use the restroom . I was looking in the mirror as usual when i noticed a sore on the corner of my mouth. It seemed more like a cold sore. but the thing is i do not pratice oral sex and the only time i have done oral sex was over a year ago but the question i have is that do you only get herpes on the areas that have been exposed or can you get herpes on your mouth by having regular sex but if the sex was unpretected. Because i do not have any symptoms on my penis but i just have the cold sor eon the corner of my mouth. if anyone can help please please post something!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been married for four years he has it but i have never gotten it we have a 3 year old daughter And we never have protected sex. why is that?
I just recently found out that I had herpes and was having protected sex and my partner has not had any symptoms. I have never had any symtoms until we began dating. How is it possible that I got this and how long does it take to become infected?
For answers to specific questions, please visit Terri's message board.
Thank you!
I found out today I have Herpes. I have been married for 6 yrs. I didn't bother to get tested specificly for HPV in the past because I thought it was included in the std testing I got very year.I have the same feelings and can relate to all that has been posted. I truly cannot beleive it. I have has pimples on or near my vagina since early college. I did not know it that was probably herpes then (before marriage). I have been with him only since marriage. I guess what I am thinking is I have had pap smears since I was 18 and have reported to my doctors I have had these pimples and they all just brushed me off with it was nothing. I don't even know where to begin to tell my husband. I just don't know if he will understand. We just recently got to a place where we were solid and thinking about having children. I guessing this will test just how solid our marriage really is.
Can herpes be spread, by kissing, sharing food/beverages?
Me and my boyfriend always use a condom but recently we dont use it as often, and the past day or so ,i have this weird pain near my clitoris but when I use a mirror to take a look or touch that area, I dont see or feel anything, and he doesnt have any sore's that I've seen,I wasnt sure if that was a symptoms of herpes or not.
I found out today that i have herpes type 2. I am scared, i know that a positve outlook will help but i dont know how to get one. my famliy says take it one day at a time but for the noext ten days i have to take 5 pills, so it kinda difficult to get it off my mind. A few minute ago i took the first of the pills and i wanted to cry. I know some of the facts about it but i dont know where else to go to find out information. I really just need some advice.
To anonymous above:
Please pay a visit to our Genital Herpes message board. You'll get support and ideas there.
I just found out yesterday that i have herpes type one.(oral herpes) The thing is i have only slept with two guys, and my finance' is the only one who has done oral. Now he thinks i cheated on him because he doesn't have it.
How does that work? I have oral herpes but he doesn't have anything?
I don't know what to do, i have been crying since i have found this out.
Also ive been reading up on it, Theres no way to get rid of it, and now i just feel miserable.
If my fiance' and I are BOTH on Valtrex, symptom free and see eachother every 3-4 mo.s, should we stay on the med. all the time?
Should we use condoms even if there are no symptoms?
Thanks.
Ahhhhh I feel so sad right now. The emotional pain having herpes is more painful than the physical pain. I am so scared of getting rejected after telling that someone special that I have this virus.
Blessings to all you out there feeling as sad as I am now. (((Hugggggggggggs))) I wish there were a cure for this.
Jessica, I know how you feel. I have herpes and hpv :( It truely sucks and I was rejected so many times. Try and be hopefull though. I finally met my husband a few years back. And come to find out he had herpes too. So he knows how I feel. So, keep the faith up and Huggggggggggggs to you too.
jessica i got herpes last year and never been so depressed now i come to find out i think i have hpv now i met someone and finally after a couple months broke down and told him about the herpes and yesterday i have to tell him about the hpv and he didn't care he jsut said we will be careful when we have sex so trust me there are so nice guys out there
How can you're hands be affected by herpes, how do you know your hand has been infected, and what can you do to prevent spreading hand herpes.
p.s. Why is there little to almost no information about this? My family could possibly be in danger.
My partner and I took blood tests and tested negative for herpes three months ago. I was also tested in December 2006, before we began dating. We usually use condoms, but didn't last week. Two days after having unprotected sex, I began to have vaginal inflammation and my doctor thinks I have herpes. Neither of us has cheated. How could I contract herpes if we both tested negative? Please help, I'm so scared.
Can you cantract herpes through oral sex?
I got genital herpes a year ago this month. My son was 5 months old I started seeing this guy cause my son's dad and I had been split up for about 5 months. I kept telling him I wanted to wait. Well I gave in I had a bad reaction to condoms so I didn't make him use one. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I hate him everyday for it. Not long after that I got back together with my son's dad it was after we got back together I found out my test result. All I did was sit in my car and car while he held me. We have been back together for a year now and are planning on getting married in July. I thought my life would be over but he is the reason I've gotten through it. With out him I don't know what I would do. He knows that being with me there is a possiblity he could get it and he said he is willing to live with that fact. He has not gotten it from me and hopefully it stays that way. We have even talked about having another baby. But the wedding comes first. I hate living with it but I'm happy I'm with the person I love and he accepts me knowing what I have to live with.
Back in June I was dating this guy and I had heard that he has herpes. I asked him about it and he said he didn't, I belived him, and the following week we had sex, that was the first time we had sex with each other. Two days later we broke up, and two months ago I noticed two red bumps on the outside of my vagina. I experienced tingling and slight itching where the bumps were. I went to the local family clinic, and they said I didn't have genital herpes. Yesturday I noticed another bump, smaller than the last two and in a different spot but still on the outside of my vagina. Those are the only signs I have, so I have no idea if it's herpes or not. So if it's not herpes, then why do I have a bump that itches and tingles and looks like pimples?
hey i just posted the above the comment, if anyone has advice email me at lovelybettie89@yahoo.com
thanks.
i have a pimple on my penis but i never had sex before, do i have a symptom or not
Can the Herpes symptoms lay dormit in Women for an extended period of time???
im about two months pregnant i have herpes and now i have it in my throat for the first time can it harm the baby? should i take the blue pill for herpes? please some one help me
I got it from my girlfriend she didnt tell me but i did find her bottle of valtrex she had before i met her. I stayed with her for years now afraid no one will ever be with me again. Now we are breaking up and not only do I hate her I just want to die.Oh I know its no big deal for some people but I sounded the issue off a lot of people to get their reaction to sleeping with someone who would be honest and most of the people i know said they would run.. so ya I hate life. Give me a gun..
what if i look down and i see skin shedding off of my penis? is it rug burn or sun burn or what?
My son is 3 yrs old and has broken out with a rash in his genital area, his mother and I had both tested positive for herpes, only after he was born. Could it possibly be that??
if you have vaginal and oral sex with someone with herpes will you have symtoms in both areas?what is any type of discahrge is assoictated with herpes?
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