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Poop Culture: Potty Training Your Child
Relentless, inexorable, remorseless - infants and toddlers regularly unload fluid and solid matter from every orifice. Who would have thought your life - which held such promise - would take such a turn, endlessly obsessing about the color, the consistency, the frequency, the odor of a squirmy little organism's effluvium? Who would have thought that when a scatological toddler cleverly calls you a "poopyhead," you would nod your head in weary agreement?
A Brief History: The Scoop on Poop
It is the rare parent who is not anxious to turn this particular task of parenting over to the child post haste. Throughout human history the only question has been when and how.
Little is known about toilet training before the 18th century. Apparently enemas and purgatives were used to control and regulate the process. Since there were no bathrooms, no disposable diapers, no washing machines (that would be mom), most infants were left naked from the waist down and allowed/encouraged to let it rip outside, often after parental prodding.
In the 18th century, the focus shifted to the indoor potty. Toilet training began to be invested with emotional significance for the child and/or as a test of the battle of wills within the family. The struggle for cleanliness led to this description of the ideal infant: "one...who cannot bear to have any dirt on his body or dress or surroundings for even the briefest time." (I have to say, in my 20+ years as a pediatrician, I've yet to meet such a paragon.)
With this as an ideal, you can imagine that sometimes harsh methods were employed, such as the ever-popular infant "soap stick rectal conditioner" (use your imagination). As late as 1930, parents magazines claimed that most healthy babies could be trained by 8 months of age.
In the 1940s, pediatric experts like Benjamin Spock advised parents to delay toilet training until they had observed signs of developmental readiness. They believed that rushed and rigid training would be unsuccessful and, worse, lead to behavioral and emotional problems. In 1962,T Berry Brazelton published his hugely influential "child-oriented approach" to toilet training. His method was to shift the control to the child, to look for signs of readiness, and then to gently coax the child into mastering this developmental task without coercion and with a sense of self-satisfaction and pride.
In the other corner was (and is) the so-called "parent-oriented approach," which sees no benefits in waiting for the child to become motivated and ready. It's an adult world and the child - ready or not - must be taught to accommodate. In 1974, the still popular book Toilet Training in a Less Than a Day was published, offering an intensive, fast method to teach the component skills.
Who's Right?
The debate rages to this day, even taking on moral and religious overtones. Some believe the mollycoddling permissiveness of a "child-oriented" approach to child-rearing has led to all that's wrong with today's kids and society. When Dr. Brazelton advocated pull-up diapers for the 3 and 4 year old who "wasn't yet ready," the howls of indignation were deafening and America's most beloved pediatrician was criticized as he never had been before.
Despite the fact that most U.S. pediatricians currently subscribe to the child-oriented approach, there has been precious little research as to which works best. A recent analysis of all the research in this area (there isn't much) declared it a tie: both work and there is no information to say either leads to better or worse long-term outcomes.
What's the Big Deal?
Is such concern really justified? Here's where the advice-givers have let you down, leading you to believe that the long-term consequences of inappropriate toilet training (especially not using their method) can be dire. Certainly Dr. Spock - an unrepentant Freudian to the last - believed that rigid toileting could lead to a compulsive "anal" personality. Others feel the process can set up long term feelings of self-loathing or an inflated sense of power.
Poppycock! Hogswallop! Balderdash! With rare exceptions, all developmentally typical kids will - one way or another, one day or another - get the job done (when is the last time you saw a child walk off to college in a diaper?). And there is not a shred of evidence - both in research and in real life - that the method used to achieve that goal has anything to do with long term personality or emotional traits.
As far as I'm concerned, any method is pretty much OK, as long as the process isn't experienced by your child as punishing and demeaning, as long as it enhances and not hurts your relationship with one another, as long as your child's self-esteem doesn't go down the toilet with his poop, as long you don't see it as a competition or a sign of your abysmal parenting prowess, and as long as you maintain your sense of humor about the whole thing (hey, poop is funny, at least when you aren't cleaning it up all the time).
Language skills
- Able to follow two-step independent commands (e.g., "Take off your pants and go to the bathroom").
- Uses two-word phrases (e.g., "bye-bye poop," "go potty").
Cognitive skills
- Imitates your actions (e.g., sweeping the floor).
- Understands cause and effect (i.e., is capable of understanding the reasons for mastering the actions involved in toilet training).
Emotional skills
- Usually wants to please you by complying with your requests.
- Shows diminishing oppositional behaviors and power struggles.
- Shows drive for independence and autonomy in self-care activities (e.g., insists on feeding self, tries to take off own clothes).
- Shows pride and possessiveness toward belongings ("my car" and eventually "my poop").
Motor skills
- Can walk with ease.
- Is capable of pulling pants off independently.
- Can sit still for 5 min without help.
- Can somewhat control urinary/anal sphincter (e.g., urinates large amounts occasionally, rather than constant wetting).
Body awareness
- Shows awareness of wet or soiled diaper.
- Shows signs of the urge to pee or poop (e.g., facial expression, goes off into a corner).
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: potty training, toilet training, diapers, poop, parenting, health and wellness
54 Comments:
Thanks for your post, Dr. P.
Everyone seems to make such a big deal of toilet training, it's nice to have this issue put into perspective!
Speaking of poop culture, I just read a new book entitled, believe it or not, "Poop Culture!" Here it is on Amazon.
THIS Poop Culture talks about how potty training can be the most traumatic time in a child's life because it is the first introduction to the fact that the rules of society are more important than the whims of the body. Give it a read -- it's really interesting, especially in light of this post.
Thank you Dr. Steven Parker, every toddler does not enjoy the potty training. If toddler kicks and screams in every trip to the potty, then he is not excited to the potty use.
Love your humor about it all. It reminds me it's not all serious life and death decisions. Where did you get those great pics?
What age is too old to leave it up to the child? There's got to be a limit on time, when the child meets all the readiness criteria, except perhaps stubborness.
Thoughts?
My son is 5 years old and still poops in his pants! What can I do? He's been peeing indepentantly for 2 years,but has always had issues with poop! He's going into Kindergarden all day 5 days a week and they won't change him! HELP!!
I feel your pain as I know Daycares/schools WILL NOT take a child who is not trained at this age. My daughter was "trained" until her little sister came along then she started pooping her pants again. I believe it was for attention whether she knew it or not. Assuming there is nothing medically wrong with your son, he should definitely be trained by now. Try using incentives, charts, stickers prizes etc. Make it part of his routine for the day, when he wakes up, after lunch, before bed etc. (watch for signs as to when he usually does poop his pants and try to get him to potty around that time.) Buy him a new book "just for the potty time" etc. Make it a happy poopy time :) If you are stressed about it, he will be too. Actually the other approach that worked with me was to ignore it. When she didn't get attention from it and had to walk around all day in it until she cleaned herself up she stopped doing it. I also wouldn't worry too much about the starting school thing. There are ample opportunities for potty time and I'm sure once he is around the other children and teachers and know it's not acceptable he will stop on his own. I personally wouldn't tell them just make sure he has "extra clothes in his cubby as they require anyway for accidents" just because they say they won't change all schools know that accidents happens. GOOD LUCK!
Poop Culture...In my (way post-potty training years) mind this was going to be a blog on Hemo-cult
(POOP CULTURES!) Had to laugh when it was on Potty Training! My hubby & I just had yearly physicals & are doing our pre-colonoscopy tests!!!
I didn't read the whole article, but having grown up kids (16 & almost 28) they are all different! My 27 yo asked for Big Boy underpants before age two (and Under Roos were all the rage, so he had everyone of them & only had one accident! Now my 16 yo was quite different...he was poopin' his pants past 3, but we just dealt with it! I bribed him with a "Batmobile". We had a calendar w/ stickers & after 1 month, he earned the Batmobile! Our rationale was that once he realized he had a choice to go to the bathroom (we never used a chair, I always had the smaller seat that fit on the toilet) "when his brain reminded him he was having the "BM" urge, then he didn't have to go through going somewhere else to poop, then coming to tell us that he just did and going through clean up!
Personally I think the Pull-Ups and knock offs encourage long term accidents...we used cloth diapers (a service, thankfully) w/ our first and disposable w/ the 2nd. All the absorption technology is a deterrant for training!
As for the anxious mom, keep an open conversation w/ your son and ensure he isn't ostracized by the school...our younger one was in time out one day when I picked him up and I was livid! (so was the daycare manager, but humiliation certainly isn't the way to encourage it!) I say look for kids books in the library (or make your own, together, on "the process") Good luck!
Now that all of this potty training theories have been put into perspective and none deemed better than the other, my only concern about child led potty training, along with the use of disposables, is the amount of garbage we end up dumping in the landfills, which will stay there for a few hundred years. As to the part that mentioned about how people are now starting to go back to elimination communication, this method never died in many nations. I guess they don't have the conveniences we have that encourages a "dispoable is better" mentality. We need to remember that the stuff we throw out, needs to go somewhere...they don't just diappear into thin air.
No potty training trauma in my house and they were all out of diapers before two. No special tricks. I can't stand to see kids 3 and 4 years old running around with diapers on. I guess it's big business to sell those pull-0up diapers but it's no favor to a child who should be potty trained and in panties. Don't their parents care? They probably spend more time house breaking the dog than they do potty training their children.
Alright now, here here. No drama or trama in my house either. My son began to train at two 1/2. He didn't take to it as fast as I'd like and other mothers told me that the best age is 3. So I waited a few months, and at three years old, it was a breeze. Then it was my daughters turn (at 3) she took to it like a champ. If your child can train sooner, Good for You!
I resorted to a bribe (against Dr. Spocks advice) at son's age of 3 1/4. I bought several expensive toy steel trucks that I knew he would love - and locked them in trunk of car. I told son that he would get a great present if he went to the potty for 5 days at nursary school. He thought it over and asked "will I really like the presents?". He ageed to try - and SUCCESS!! the 1st week - and never another diaper needed.
I think that kids will train when their ready. There are many factors that come into potty training. Some kids train later than other kids. I was a late trainer. I don't think that parents should feel pressured to have their kids trained early, because that's what society asks of parents. Some kids are Mentally Challenged. Some kids have autism. Some kids are blind and some kids can't walk. You have to make allowances for kids with extra needs. I also don't think that it's right for parents to scold their kids for having accidents.
Sid
I've never read the "poop culture" however,my son is 3 1/2 years old, since he was 2, he's been able to pee-pee all by himself, standing up. My dilemma is the pooping stage, i've had him stay on the toilet for hours until he fell asleep, i've even discplined and now im at the end of my rope. i give him the "poop talk". Im starting to think he doesnt know when he needs to poop, and the last straw is taking him to the doctor and have a talk with him because the poop isnt loose or anything, so i've looked up "stool softeners" and some topics came up, so one of the topics that came up, i will talk with his doctor about. WISH ME LUCK!!!!! A very concerned single mother of 3
Anyone have an idea how to stop a 7 year old from pooping his pants. He has been doing fine and has just started to have the problem. Or is he just lazy?
Anonymous:
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Thank you!
You said, "No potty training trauma in my house and they were all out of diapers before two. No special tricks. I can't stand to see kids 3 and 4 years old running around with diapers on. I guess it's big business to sell those pull-0up diapers but it's no favor to a child who should be potty trained and in panties. Don't their parents care? They probably spend more time house breaking the dog than they do potty training their children." Oh, well..I spend more time educating my girl that she can spell the words by the age two and read at 1st grade by the age three..late potty training doesn't mean that parents are ignorant or lazy. Some parents do care and spend every minute thinking about which trick and method will work, but this just doesn't work on some extremely smart kids and hard-working parents! Shame on your intolerableness!
My son is 3 and will use the potty all the time without any problems; however: at nap time at school or during the night he still has accidents- i do not know what to do - I limit his fluid intake in the mornings- they have cut back what he has at lunch so that he is not "drinking his lunch" b/c he will not eat only drink his milk and still he has an accident 2-3 times a week. I have also cut off him drinking fluids after 8pm. Some have told me that children have to grow into their bladder? Is this true? Any advise will help. Thank you.
I am in agreement with the comment about hating to see 3 & 4 year olds in diapers. I have a 1 & 2 year old. The 2 year old is trained and the 1 year is in the process of learning. When I first started training my oldest I read many books. The most interesting thing that I learned was that many of the child development experts who first began to advocate letting the child lead the training process at a later age were getting incentives from the newly developed disposable diaper companys. Interesting that they would encourage waiting, in turn causing the consumer to buy hundreds more disposable diapers. After learning that, I switched to cloth and it has definitely moved our training process along more quickly.
my nephew is 7 years old and is potty trained. he uses the bathroon for number 1 and sometimes for number 2. The problem is that he is pooping his pants sometimes also. he will poop his pants and sit in it and his butt is soo sore from this that we cant even get in there to clean it. It is very red. He has been doing this for the past year. We presume he wont go to the bathroom because he is afraid he will miss something exciting. We assure him he wont but every time he does it he just says he wont do it again. What should we do? Any ideas of why he is doing this? Doctor advice would be helpful. His doctor doesnt give any real explainations. Thanks!
My son is 3 1/2 has been pee-trained since before he turned 3. But he refuses to poop in the toilet. He has constipation problems, therefore has a "cocktail" of prune juice every morning... I have tried EVERYTHING. I've tried giving him rewards, praising him, putting poop from underwear into the toilet, sitting him on the toilet until he poops (when I know he has to go), he has potty books and even a potty movie (Elmo), and STILL he refuses. He's so smart and I want to get him into headstart, but they won't take him because of the pooping. I don't allow him to wear pull-ups or diapers for fear he might start peeing his pants again. I'm just at a loss as of what to do. Should I talk to his doctor?
Cloey-
did you get a response from anyone about your problem? i'm having a similar one. My son is 3 and has been going pee in the potty for some time now, but still refuses to go poop in it. He tells me he doesn't want to go poop in the potty...it's So frustrating and try as i might i Do let him see my frustration. I too have tried every technique I can think of. If you've gotten any good suggestions or advice, please post it, thanks. And to the person who says that being non potty trained at 3 is ridiculous needs to realize that every child is different. Your child may not know his colors as early as mine did, does that make him not as smart? Different children develop different things at different times, thats all there is to it.
I am having terrible time. I have a 4 year old daughter, pees in the toilet, no issues,but will NOT poop in the toilet. We have tried everything and I see alot of comments here about letting kids take their time; she is 4. I am extremely patient and know that it is a big transition for little ones. I just don't know what to do...anyone have any good suggestions for this age? She continues to cry and say "this is awful" and I am worried for her that she won't get passed this; she starts Junior Kindergarten this coming September...what do I do?
I have an eleven year old son who is mentally chanllenged and also exhibits some autistics behaviors. He rarely pees on his pants, but the poo part is a big problem. He is on a morning schedule which works about 80% of the time, but if he does not go in the morning is a nightmare. If he is watching TV, playing computers or in the pool he will go on his clothes. Even playing in front of me he had done it. We attached negative consequences to the situation, but he forgets and does it again. He is a very sweet and handsome boy. He is very sociable. Any ideas or experts in the field? HELP!!
You don't know how "nice" it is to see that other people are having the same problems that I am with my son. My son is also 4 and will be starting preschool in the fall..hopefully. He will never wet himself and will go a whole day at daycare in underwear without an accident. When he gets home he promises not to poop in his pants but hours later he will have an accident. I have tried everything as well as far as rewards and consequences but nothing is working. If anybody finds an easy "cure" I would sure be open to suggestion.
Our Son is 3 1/4 and is also happy to have a pee by himself and will sometimes go to the toilt by himself and have a poo. However, School and nursery is a different storey all together. Accidents every single time and no amount of rewards are seeming to do the trick. While I am not too concerned and agree with some of the comments I know my wife is probably finding it the most difficult as she is the one who is at home most of the time and she has to deal with all the poop filled pants (not a nice job). However, I do think her anxienty affects him and I'm sure he can see her dissapointment. In short, all kids develop differently and there is no such thing as a one cap fits all. I agree with the supportive and encouraging methods but think that for most people its having the will and determination to see it through - 12 months is a long time to suffer for any parent.From reading all the blogg entries, it's apparent that no one has the 'magic answer'...FACT!!
I have been reading many of the comments and am wondering if some of the children may be suffering from encopresis. My son never seemed able to tell when he needed to have a bowel movement and I asked many doctors and specialists about this. I noticed this from when he was around three. Everyone just seemed to think that he would grow out of it. At eleven years old, he still was having this problem and I heard another mother describe the same problem on Dr. Phil and it was the first time that I had heard of a name for this particular problem . Now my son is twelve and we have been to see a paediatric GI specialist and he is on his way to recovery. Since his first visit, he has been able to tell that he needed to have a bowel movement five times. The first in his life. I hope this helps.
I'm feeling the pressure of potty training my child mostly because most schools and daycares won't take him/move him to his age-appropriate class unless he is potty trained. My son is tall for his age and very "high-spirited" so when he engages in play with children, the smaller ones tend to become afraid and then decide to stay away from him. He is very intuitive and senses this isolation and then reacts to it by throwing tantrums or pushing others or biting himself out of frustration. He plays well with older kids, unless they begin to isolate him for not having their level of comprehension. My mom had all 5 of us kids potty-trianed by the age of 2 so I feel like I'm doing something wrong. My child is very head-strong and it's been difficult training him. I thought it's improtant to highlight WHY parents feel so pressured.
forgot to mention my son is 3 years old
Just want to say before you judge any parent about their 3 or 4 year old in a diaper consider the fact that some children have developmental delays. Our son with a speech/cognitive delay, decided after TWO years of trying to get him to use a potty, that underwear was better. However we still have accidents and we're working on that. I was potty trained at 18 months had accidents until I was 6 or 7 my husband and both my brothers not until 3 and rarely had accidents, pushing a child to be potty training for your convenience is silly and I think can cause more problems in the long run.
Our daughter's 4 1/2 and has just started all-day kindergarten. When she's out with me alone at places like the mall or zoo, I just take her into the mens room, open a stall door for her and she's totally self sufficient. When my wife--who is very well intentioned, I know--takes her in toilet paper is placed over the seat and she's told not to touch anything, etc., and she has problems producing. Due to our busy work schedules, this summer we hired a teenager to nanny and she said Destini produced very well by sitting herself up directly on the toilet and with no hassle. The tough question I guess is balancing cleanliness and good hygiene with comfort and practical productivity.
I AM A THE THE MOTHER OF 4 THREE GIRLS AND 1 BOY. TRAINING MY GIRLS WAS LIKE I DID NOT HAVE TO THEY WANTED TO DO IT ALONE FROM ABOUT 1YR. OLD MY BOY IS THE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. HE WENT A FEW TIMES HE WENT ON HIS OWN NOW HE DOES NOT EVEN TRY WHAT DO I DO?
Oh my goodness. Seriously. Shame on those of you who judge parents of children still in diapers at age 3 and 4. You do not know the situations of those parents or of those children. Perhaps they are going through a divorce or just lost a parent? Perhaps the child is developmentally delayed? Your lack of consideration and compassion is nauseating. Your poor children... and their poor children.
Shame on you doesn't begin to cover it! The next time those of you who "can't stand to see kids 3 or 4 running around in diapers" see another "offender" take a minute to climb off your high horse and consider that there may be a legitimate reason for it that you can't possibly comprehend. My daughter (age 4) falls into this category because she has had repeated bladder and kidney infections--many requiring hospitalization for days--that have left her with trouble in this area. When a parent is standing next to their child's hospital bed, holding their hand around the IV tubes delivering the medicine to treat their infection, they are thinking mostly about whether their child will get well (and stay well) and not spending an ounce of guilt on the fact that the child is still in diapers or pull-ups. When you can successfully come through one tenth of the trauma my family has been through in just the past 6 months--and still have the gall to point fingers at my daughter's diaper, then maybe I'll listen to your complaint. Until then, keep your prying eyes and hurtful comments to yourself!
Well, well, well....don't some of you think you are high and mighty...feeling like Queens of the potty yourselves. I agree with the last poster. SHAME ON YOU. Asking if the parents care and saying they spend more time potty training the dog. Wow. You have issues in education. What this article didn't mention is there is something called encopresis....research it you "wise ones". You are so willing to put others down instead of encouraging. Our child was potty trained before 3 years UNTIL we moved across the country for the 3rd time and she somehow became emotionally strained and regressed. Her "poop culture" was something she CAN control despite all of the other things in her life she could not...like moving away from family, losing her room, and being unfamiliar surroundings. We have been working with pediatricians to try to get her back on track and she is just dealing with a lot. So now we are on our 5th house in her 4 years of life...so the next time you decide to make a comment about parents, maybe step back and be a bit more compassionate. SOme of us come to blogs looking for advice or encouragement to get through this together, not to hear you ingnorant women think you are part of Poop patrol to put others down.
Disturbing.
There is no textbook child. I think that sums it up. For those parents, who just happened to have a kid so easily accomplished in this area, they can't assume all the children in the world is just like their children; in fact they take it for granted their children are easy and probably don't fully appreciate their own children. I am on the other extreme, where I appreciate every milestone, even mini milestones because my children were born atypical. I don't however, go around telling others how they should parent. That is just absurd! It's okay to have different parenting styles and we live in a world that should tolerate others and differences not expect everyone to be JUST LIKE THEM...how boring! I think that is such an adolescent mentality, really, because once you mature, you realize all your friends don't have to be like you and you start to appreciate others for who they are and learn from them, appreciating what different views they bring to the table, so to speak. I love myself enough to see that I am unique and don't need to limit myself by seeking out others JUST LIKE ME because I don't think there is anyone just like me. It shows ignorance and immaturity when someone speaks without thinking in that "no it all" sense.
This is in response to the parents who are having a hard time getting their children to poop on the toilet. When kids are away from home all day in a different environment maybe then can't relax enough to go poop on a strange toilet. Also they may be more comfortable going and hiding in their favorite spot to poop. Try putting a portable potty in the spot where they usually go and hide. Then move it closer to the bathroom slowly...maybe this would help? And lots of positive feedback. A note on bedwetting: experts say that kids wet the bed when they are overly tired. I have a history of bedwetting in my family with my siblings. My 5 y/o son was doing it well after he was potty trained (about 2 years after) and we realized it was because he either did not have a nap that day or because he stayed up too late the night before. For him it didn't have anything to do with drinking too much fluid. You could also set the alarm clock for whenever he seems to do it the most and get him up to go in the toilet.
ok, my 2 1/2 yr old daughter has done so good at going pee in the toilet until couple days ago she sits on the toilet and opens her legs and pees all over the place. i told to close her legs so things and her wont get wet. well yesterday i got upset with her and told to stop doing that cuz she is getting pee all over the place and to close her legs. well that did it she wont go potty anymore on the toilet and im so upset with myself for yelling at her. i wish so bad that i didnt get upset with her. can anyone help on how to get her not to be scared of the toilet? I NEED HELP PLEASE!!!
My son is a little over 3 1/2 and will go pee on the big and little potties for the most part. Sometimes he needs to be reminded. He almost always has to either strip down naked or take his pants, underwear and socks off which gets frustrating. But, what is most troublesome is that he won't poop on the potty. He takes his pants off only when he is alone and poops on the floor. Every time! It is awful. We have tried every type of bribery so he won't do this but it won't work. He knows that he will go to the "big" toy store if he poops on the potty. He talks about it all the time but he still won't do it. We are at our wits end. Help!
Also, he stays dry all night and for and hour or so at a time in the car, etc.
My Six year old son, who generally has an accident from time to time if he has something to drink to late at night or is outside playing hard, peed his pants twice in one day, then wet his bed that night. He was scolded for not letting me know he needed to use the bathroom in the store twice in one day, but when he wet the bed that night I became concerned. I have called his pediatrician to make an appointment to make sure there is nothing medically wrong. Is this normal?
my twins sons are going to be 5 in jan of next year and they still are not trained. i have tryed everything in the book. nothing seems to work. i fear that i scold them to hard now but i dont know what else to do. even with punishment they STILL havent started. the only time they go on the potty is if i get them up in the morning and change them and make them sit on the potty them sometimes they will pee. my husbands family is trying to say there is something wrong with them. is this normal? and also they dont seem to understand me like why i say "dont poop in your diaper poop in the toilet!" they say ok and run to the toilet like im telling them to go "now" them I will ask one of them if hes going to poop in his diaper again and he will say yes sometimes like he doest understand what im telling him. i havent took him to the docter yet over all this last doc visit was like a year ago and she said they needed speech therapy but wasnt to concerned about the potty training. she said they will learn when they are ready. please let me know if something is wrong with my boys. thank you
My 9 year old is still peeing in her pants 3-4 times a week. We have tried positive reinforcement and punishiment and she has been to a doctor to see if something is medically wrong and everything is fine. What can we do to get her to stop peeing in her pants??
There is a lot of similar issues on this blog. But also a lot of worried and frustrated people. I think we all need to learn to realx a bit more.
Being uptight will reflect on our kids.
My 3yo son is a prime example - we are very uptight about him pooping on the floor and often getting it everywhere!! When we shout or punish or get upset he does it all the more. When we calmly wipe up the crappy mess and try to encourage he is better.
To all those who were fortunate to "train" their kids from a young age and sneer or look down on the rest of us remember one thing - you are lucky- your kids are not special or genius or super intelligent- you were just lucky that they seem to take to that one thing better than some. Some kids are better at reading or walking - yours are just good at pooping on a potty!!
My 3.5 y.o. son was daytime potty trained for two weeks. It took seemingly forever to get there and it was wonderful! Unfortunately, he now refuses to poop in the potty. "I not going to do that ever again," was the statement he made. He holds it until he is in bed for "rest" and at night. Once he is alone, he unleashes in the underpants (day)/pull-up (night). This has been going on for over a month. Not one poop in the potty. Positive reinforcement (stickers to "earn" toys) isn't working, negative reinforcement (taking away favorite toys, which started last week) isn't working. And now, he's started peeing in his pants! I am SO frustrated. Nothing is physically wrong, either. I feel like he's being a hard-headed stinker. Any suggestions?
I have a four year old who has been able to pee pee in the potty since she was 2 & 1/2 with NO accidents. She has been constipated since she was 6 weeks old and I have tried everything. However, now she will still try to poop in her pants. She does not want you around her at all when she has to use the bathroom. I followed her upstairs to her bathroom tonight and found her pulling her knees up to her chest and trying to poop. Does anyone have any advice for me????
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IS THERE NE HELP OUT THERE FOR ME????!!!!
My Child can not put 2 in 2 togather that he had to go potty, before it actioually happens. I feel he is ready, but unable to know he had to go b2 hand. What can i do to try to help him realize this feeling? E-mail me MindiMarrelli@yahoo.com I am open 4 any suggestions. Thank you Hope some1 can help me out there!!
my teenager daughter is 13 and a half she has been pooping in her pants. i know for sure that she hasnt been sexualy abused. so I dont know what ealse it could be i checked her and she doesnt look like she has hemroids but im not sure. what could it be???
I have a 2 1/2 year old daughters who's been potty trained since she turned 2. but over the past couple weeks, shes had 3 accidents and i dont understand why. help.
I don't think anyone is offending anyone because a child isn't potty trained. I would like to point out that there are children who do have problems so their potty training would be delayed, you have a right to be offended. Than there are the parents who's child doesn't have problems yet can't seem to potty train their children. I know this woman who dumped her kid in a special needs school even though he had no disability for her it was cheaper than daycare, but she thought since they had potties at the school they will potty train him and she wouldn't have to do anything.
Needless to say she realized later that she was wrong and the school would not potty train children because it was the parent's responsibility. Her child is no 4 years old and refuses to do anything in the toilet. Won't pee or go poo at all. She puts him in underwear since he now goes to a preschool and is too embarrassed to admit her son is not potty trained when all the other children are. He would HOLD his pee and poo until his mom puts him back on diapers and goes. If she doesn't and keeps him in his underwear all day he will go all over himself.
She waited too long to even try to train him and he is so stubborn that he will not sit anywhere near the toilet. If a person waits too long to potty train their child, its going to be a very very hard battle and if you want to change diapers past the age of 3 or 4 or 5 than go ahead. For those of you with children with disabilities I understand that they have delays and I am not offending any of you at all. I am speaking about the parents who delay way too long and expect other people to potty train their kids. Its your child your responsibility, if you didn't want to be changing diapers at all than don't bother having kids right?
I don't think parents do not care that their child is not completely trained by a certian age. My son is 5 1/2. He is beyond smart and refuses to poop on the potty. His dad, stepmom and I have been to the doctor, tried movies, books, charts, rewards, and ignoring it. He only poops at night when he's sleeping. Now he has to clean himself up every morning. We all refuse to do it for him. This has been going on for months. He doesn't like doing it, but it has not convinced him to poop on the potty. It's driving me crazy! No amount of talking about it works. Please help. Thank you.
My three year old daughter is been fully potty trained since she was two. Just recently i had my fourth daughter and now we are having issues with her pooping and peeing her pants. She still does go on the toliet most of the time. She doesnt do this at her dads house and i am at a loss for what to do. We have tried bribery, punishing, everything. Any suggestions?
so i have to scroll some rather less than understanding posts about children who are over 3 yrs old and wearing diapers. i guess i fall in that catagory b/c my 3 1/2 yr old son wears them. he is delayed. he can't dress or undress himself yet. we experiment and we let him know what it feels like to have an accident. he doesn't like it, thought sitting on the potty was funny for about a minute. perhaps i waited too long and missed our window of opportunity, but seriously, if he can't pull his own pants up and down, how is it going to work? i would really be interested in some tips or strategies for children that have delays. i do take some blame, thank you very much, for being an overwhelmed mother who just doesn't know where to start on uncharted territory. i do take hope in the fact that someday this will be but a memory. thanks if you have any light to shed.
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