Dr. P's 2008 Top 10 Back-To-School Tips
"BACK TO SCHOOL" - 3 words certain to fill your children's hearts with despair and yours with joy. As an annual rite of passage, it's a good time to take stock: How can you help your kids to make this school year academically productive, socially fulfilling, and safe as can be?
Here, in no particular order, are my top 10 suggestions. Feel free to share your own.
1. Get organized! Plaster a monthly/yearly school calendar on the refrigerator to highlight upcoming events, deadlines, etc. Figure out and agree on morning routines: when to get up, bathroom rules and time, getting dressed, eating a decent breakfast, etc. in a "no nagging required / no whining allowed" environment.
2. Talk things over. Arrange a "planned discussion" with each of your kids to talk about academic goals for this year. Is there anything she is particularly anxious about? Be sure you include your expectations for performance - just make sure they are appropriate (if perhaps a tad high) and fair, linked to his/her talents and potential. If she's a brainiac, then good grades are reasonable to expect. If an average student, don't set the bar so high she is sure to fail. Remind her that what you really expect is for her to try hard and do her best, no matter what her final grades may be. Discuss expectations for completing homework. Construct positive (hopefully) self-fulfilling prophecies about the year. Reassure her that a lot of kids are anxious at the first day of school, but you know she'll handle this just fine, as she usually does. Remind her about the good things that happened last year.
3. Talk some more. What are his/her social goals? Is he looking to make new friends? How might he best accomplish that? What might be some of the social challenges this year? Ask about what's important for social status in school this year (it changes on a dime). What kind of clothes, shoes, backpacks, hair styles are in? It's important to give this some sort of adult perspective but - make no mistake - social status is very important to all of us and your kids are no exception. So don't belittle their feelings and desire to fit in, rather help them to achieve that within the values and aesthetics and monetary constraints of your family. Allow him/her to pick his/her own school supplies and clothes, but within an agreed-upon budget and your veto power in extreme circumstances (like too-sexy clothing). Click on the above image to read the very funny Onion parody of necessary school supplies.
4. Discuss and rehearse walking to school safety. Have your child walk (with or without adult supervision, depending on his age) to school if possible. It's great low-tech exercise and a wonderful time to socialize with friends in the great outdoors. Find a couple of reliable pals to walk with each day. Review pedestrian safety. Take a rehearsal walk or two, noting potential dangers along the way. Find a direct, safe route with the maximum crossing guard support. Be sure she always crosses at a crosswalk (or at least a corner). Be sure she understands to look for a green light and walk sign. Be sure she knows to stop at the curb, look left and then right and then left again (unless you're British), and listen while crossing all streets. Beware parked cars or other obstacles blocking vision of the street.
5. Go over appropriate response to strangers. Role play: What if a nice stranger came up to you and asked to help him to look for his poor, sad, missing dog? What if he offers you a ride on a rainy day? How about some candy, little girl? Does it matter what he or she looks like? You don't want to make your kids abduction-fearful, just stranger-wise.
6. If your child is taking a bus, the biggest danger is getting on and off. Go for a bus ride together and show him how to wait at the curb 10 giant steps away from the bus for the driver to stop, how to be in clear view of the driver at all times (don't walk behind the bus!), how to be very careful and make sure all oncoming cars have stopped and the driver has signaled it OK to cross. Be sure to pick a safe spot in the neighborhood for boarding and exiting the bus. Go over your expectations for conduct on the bus. Encourage him to feel safe to discuss any bad experiences on the bus (like bullying or teasing).
7. Don't overdo the weight in the backpack! Don't let your child tote more than 10-15% of his/her body weight in the backpack. Encourage him/her to wear both shoulder straps (to evenly distribute the weight) and to keep the straps tight, so the weight rests against the mid and lower back. Buy a lightweight (but of course, very cool-looking) backpack with padded shoulders, padded back and waist strap so that the bottom of the pack sits a few inches above the back of the waist. Teach your child to pack the heaviest items in the center. Encourage him/her to lighten the load in the school locker during the day. In a pinch, rolling backpacks are catching on (but are tough in the snow).
8. Go over potential bullying experiences with your child. Remind him this happens, but is mean and unacceptable and not to be encouraged. Tell him/her if it happens to talk, walk and squawk. TALK: tell the bully you don't like what s/he has done and that it isn't nice or fair, and WALK: Walk away. Bullies like victims who are passive and come back for more, and SQUAWK: Tell the teachers or parents. Bullies prefer kids who keep silent so they can go about their nasty business without consequences. As a parent, get the school involved in teaching about bullying.
9. Mention the unmentionable: toileting in school (if you don't who will?). For a surprising number of kids this is the most anxiety-provoking part of the school day. In great discomfort, they'll hold it all in rather than face what might await them in the bathroom. Remind them you expect them to ask to go in school whenever they need to go, and to tell the teacher or you if there are any problems in the bathroom. Role play what they might do if someone makes fun of them or offers a cigarette (or worse) in the bathroom.
10 . Whoops, can't think of a #10, so I'll resort to my usual:
Enjoy your kids! Enjoy the ride!
Some day soon you'll wonder how it all went by so fast and why you didn't appreciate it more as it was happening.
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17 Comments:
You're right, Dr. P. I dearly love my kids AND I can't wait for school to start and for them to be out of my hair 24/7. I'm guilty and relieved at the same time!
I think cell phones are an important school safety measure. But at what age should I start?
I got a cell phone for my 5th grader! It's made for little ones with all sorts of restrictions to prevent her from using it for anything other than emergencies. Rightly or wrongly, it's given me peace of mind.
I gave mine a cell phone in 5th grade, too. One of the best things I did for ME...it gives me a great deal of comfort to know that 911 is one button away, and also, me.
She doesn't abuse the privilege (she's in 8th grade now) and appreciates being trusted with it. I'm so glad I did it.
When I read all this I'm more convinced I'm right to be home schooling my child!
Wow! These are some great tips. I like the walking partner tip mostly. It is probably so much more fun to walk with a buddy.
Thanks for the great tips, Dr P! Have a wonderful holiday weekend.
Thanks for the heads up on bus safety. I had been talking to my kids only about their behavior on the bus, not off the bus.
That's so true about using the toilet at school. My son is TERRIFIED of the bathrooms, because he hates loud noises, and the echo of the flushing and the slamming doors just scares him half to death. We have to make sure he goes to the bathroom right before he leaves the house and again as soon as he gets home. We didn't realize this last year, when he was in kindergarten, until he had already had several accidents.
Homeschooler -- hate to break it to you, but the world is waiting. Teaching a child how to function in it instead of hide from it isn't all bad. I understand parents who would like to control what is taught to their child homeschooling, but nothing mentioned here is something to hide from.
I think the tips about talking to our children about academic and social expectations should be the #1 thing. I've heard of some parents using a family coach or counselor to help get parents and teenagers on the same course for the year by discussing and compromising on rules, academics, etc.
HOMESCHOOLING OR NOT - These are great tips. As a teacher of 6th graders for twenty years and as a parent of two in the public schools, I greatly appreciate children from all walks. The families that I've met who homeschool are as wonderful and varied as those I experience in the public and catholic school systems. We are fortunate to have this diversity, so let's pause when we begin to make judgements about what is better for all: instead think a little deeper.
A work friend, who is raising her grandchildren, gave me this great piece of advice to make things go more smoothly in the morning; get everything you can ready the night before, like lunches packed, clothes picked out, breakfast table set, book bags organized, homework done, etc.
In order to positively reward my kids instead of getting in the rut of nagging them, I have used a goal chart that lists the tasks my kids need to do in the morning to get ready, giving them stickers for each task, like getting dressed, clearing their plate from the table, fixing beds and straightening their room (they do this task first before they come downstairs for breakfast), going to the bathroom.
I'm glad you mentioned the unmentionable. My 8 year old daughter got a urinary tract infection because she held her pee in for so long and refused to go at school!
Parents should special attention to the bus safety advice. Last year a little girl in our town was killed when she bolted out in front of her school bus.
My son is terified of entering 3rd grade in a new school (we just moved). I can't seem to ease his mind about it. Any suggestions how I can ease his transition?
I found "dress rehearsals" over the summer to be helpful with my 8 year old. We walked over to the new school, looked into the classrooms and talked about what it would be like to be a student there. After a few rehearsals my son felt OK about going to the new school.
mamacita, I agree. I have issues with public restrooms which are toe tappers, stall peekers, pencil droppers (those who accidentally-on-purpose drop a pencil into a stall when it's occupied) ,and "pee fighters"(aka pulling a Daxflame).
-clown in the sewer.
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