A License to Parent?
"Why not then," he continued, "for the most important job of all to get right - that of being a parent? Then we could provide child development and child rearing classes to everyone before they actually had kids to raise. I'm convinced we can diminish the amount of child abuse and neglect in this country through this measure."
My colleague cited a book he had just read on the subject. I don't think I can really represent the position fairly, so if you'd like to read a more detailed rationale for the granting of parenting licenses, read the author's own words: THE RATIONALE FOR LICENSING PARENTS by Jack C. Westman, M.D.
Sounds like a good idea, right?
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I hope not. To be honest, the idea horrifies me, although I must admit I agree with the sentiment behind his modest proposal and that prospective parents should learn about child development and what constitutes basic parenting skills. Frankly I don't understand why these aren't part of the basic curriculum taught in all schools to all kids. And, alas, it is true (albeit rarely) that some parents just shouldn't keep having kids (as with a patient of mine whose first five kids are in foster care due to neglect and now she just had her sixth.)
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But even if we wanted to, could we really weed out those who will become rotten parents? I have been surprised so often I highly doubt it. Take Millie who was a stone cold neglectful cocaine addict when her child was an infant and who, against all odds, turned her life around and got clean and has been a great mom to her four kids since. Or Sally who, after doing OK with her first, had a second child who somehow sent her into a tailspin that turned her into an impossibly neglectful, depressed mom.
Secondly, can adequate parenting skills be taught? Or more importantly, can inadequate parenting skills be overcome by a simple course in child development? I wouldn't bet on it. Can we teach someone not to abuse their kids? Would that it was so simple! Can we teach parents to love their kids? Just what would taking a course for the license ensure anyway? Just what would it teach?
Thirdly, who gets to decide who shall bear children and who shall not? And just where would you draw the line between acceptable and unacceptable future parenting skills? I would bet the bias against poor and minority families would especially play out here, as we denied them the right to parent in far greater numbers than we would economically advantaged parents.
Finally, just how would we as a society enforce the lack of a parenting license? The ways to do it seem to me to be too intrusive and horrible to contemplate (forced adoption? jail time?).
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Some human rights seem more untouchable to me than others, and the right to procreate without government interference has to be close to the top, even if you are unlikely to be a candidate for mother-of-the-year.Extreme cases tend to lead to bad ideas and a license to parent is another one of them. Far better to devote enough resources to help families in trouble: high quality early child care and public school, universal health care for children, opportunities for economic self-sufficiency, more programs to help hopelessly inadequate parents, and more safeguards for kids who are exposed to such parents.
But "No" to authoritarian government intrusion into the lives and reproductive biologies of all families.
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54 Comments:
I think it's a great idea. I see so many parents doing a terrible job snd completely messing up their kids. If we as a society don't set any standards, how will things ever get better?
I have an idea: OK, let's have licenses to parent but only perfect parents themselves will be allowed to issue them.
Our governemtn can protect our shores and deliver our mail, but decide who should have kids? Talk about overreaching in a bad way.
I love my kids but if I had a parenting license it would have been revoked about twenty times by now. Which of us is perfect?
I agree. Who among us can cast the first stone?
Give me a break. We're not referring to OK but flawed parents here (which is most of us). We're talking about preventing abusive and neglectful ones. I think a license is a good idea.
Comming from a place where I just got my kids back from CPS, The parenting classes we went to were very informative and, I do believe if I had had that information I would have deffinatly been a beter parent from the get go. So yes I think its an awesome idia!!!
I think its a great idea. Not to get a licence but to require parenting classes during pregnancy I am 20 and pregnant with baby number 2 and cant believe how sometimes i am bashed for being a young mom but just the other day I walked into my WIC office and right outside the front door a 2 year old was sitting in the drivers side with the window down while BOTH his parents were in the WIC office. I also saw a man purposely pushing his childs stroller in front of an on coming car and not caring that his poor little girl was crying her head off she was so scared. I think if we take the classes and maybe have to sign papers saying we took them and parents neglect like this they automatically lose their children until they take them all over again and can prove they are ready to have their child back.
The concept of licensing is easy to herald and praise, but the actual practice is frightening. I’ve had problems getting and staying pregnant and I see women who seem like the worst parents in the world, but what would the requirements be. One of the previous posters was talking about taking classes. When I was a kid you learned that in home economics, Ninth grade health, and girl scouts. It’s not impossible to institute teaching the basics and not so basics of parenting, but no class or test can really measure how good of a parent you would be. There are some people that can’t handle children except there own. For whatever reason when they had their kids something clicked and they can handle their own kid. Other people’s kids just drive them crazy. On the other hand there are people who seem like they would be wonderful parents who just can’t do it once they have children. Parents don’t come out of cookie cutters and the idea of licensing parents is so close to the ideas laid down in the republic that it’s frightening.
I think that it's a great idea to have a license before you can become a parent. People should have to do several hours of community service in preschools, elementary and secondary schools so that they can see what kids are like as they grow up. They should also have to take parenting classes so that they know how to take care of babies and toddlers responsibly.
As a parent who has adopted 3 children and have been through infertility, I believe that licensing could have merit. When you adopt you have a social worker come to your home for a home study and evaluation. They basically are doing a background check on you - with fingerprinting, parenting classes and even financials.
The problem with mandating anything is that the people who really need it are the very ones who can manipulate the system.
Perhaps if we begin with requiring parenting classes for those who are under 18 we might get an idea of how licensing would work. If nothing else, we have helped children having children have a head start on how to care for their kids.
I have 4 beautiful children, #5 on the way. Being in our mid 30's, we are financially stable, educated amd responsible. I am a stay at home Mom, and a great one at that. My family is my life. I love kids and think that truly enjoying them is the key to being a successful parent. I don't spank. I practice patience. After taking foster parenting classes last year, my husband and I were amazed at the in-depth parenting skills which were taught. Bravo. I think that teaching coping skills and recognizing your own weak points is essential. Young parents often have no idea what they are getting in to. Yes! It is a great idea, to mandatorally take a parenting class, in high school and while pregnant. Insurance should cover it. In the end, we are looking forward to being foster parents for yet more kids in need. Their parents would have undoubtedly failed the class.
If you really think this would work think about how many bad drivers there are.
This is the best idea ever... I've been thinking we should have one for a long time. Mind you i don't have kids and would never want to raise any in this horrible world.
First of all...most of the bloggers here are anonymous...what have you to hide?
I've read how great of an idea this is. WRONG. How we should all be required to take classes, how the government should once again expanded its never-ending presence in the lives of millions. WRONG. How the government and insurance companies should develop or pay for these so called must have parenting classes...WRONG...I bet all of you think your "Good" parents...good being the operative word. Oh, yea there is no such thing as a "perfect" parent ladies...if any of you did not already know our very own DNA is imperfect...gee if our DNA, which codes for everything is imperfect I think you can come to the old adage that no one is perfect.
All of us have come from homes our parents made for us...in many ways we simulate them whether we like it or not. In a lot of ways not only do we take all the good but we certainly take all the bad as well. Let's face the music; nobody likes to look at themselves while they're basking in all their nasty glory, exhibiting "unparently" behavior.
There are many ways to demonstrate love for a child. My top three are: Mentally (Providing a healthy, safe environment for a child to develop and thrive. No mind games ladies and gents!), emotionally (being there for a child during all the developmental stages of life...creating a safe, responsible relationship), and physically (food, shelter, and clothing...try not to beat the children). I can be absolutely certain of one thing...at one time or another every parent has been abusive to their own child to some degree and that is the truth.
The truth is what we hide from, lie about, try to explain away, and what we all have trouble admitting to. No one likes to take a look at their monster side because once one acknowledges that there is a problem then something must be done to rectify it, which is rarely done. What is also rarely done is for someone to admit to having a problem to fix. People think too much of themselves sometimes when we should be thinking progressively. So recap, fat chance of anyone actually admitting to having a problem and then fixing it.
I'm sure many of you are thinking what does this have to do with parenting...well everything. For example, one can be a "good" parent by providing everything a child needs but the child is obese. Or the child is homeless. Or the child is beaten. Or the child has a fat lazy mother who could care less and nobody thinks anything poorly of the mother because she is an upper middle class *&^%$ with a college degree who goes to church. Or we can take our pick at the wack jobs that are emotionally and psychologically abusive, which in my opinion can sometimes be just as horrible, life altering, and damaging as physical abuse.
If all parents really want to expose their families to scrutiny or should I say "pending families"
Then I believe it is safe to say that hardly anyone will be having children.
Our brisk judgment should not be restricted or reserved for all the crack whores who have a welfare baby. Or the drunkard of a father who beats his kids. To be honest OUR judgment should include all the good and bad parents. Just so everyone can desperately receive the reality check that is so desperately needed.
Once more, in the end one only has oneself to blame or congratulate. I am disgusted by the hordes of people who have no self accountability whatsoever. This can be seen in all facets, dynamics of life: politics, government, schools, families, and ourselves. After all this is exactly what this blog is against, self accountability. Rather, the "Government" should impliment another worthless, money pit of system for couples who would like to start a family. The government shall decide if one is worthy of reproducing for the overall benefit, prosperity of the country, right? Wrong! Didn't I just explain that ALL PARENTS at one time or another are abusive to their children, repeatedly? Only, sometimes the parent just doesn't see it that way...which leads to the real problem. Yes there are parents that do not hold themselves accountable for their life and the life of their child. These people are experts at self loathing, self pitying, and self destruction...and the kid gets sucked in...Only the system that is in place and functions to the best of its ability can get these kids out. So you see when life gets really ugly really fast the government is there when it can be to save these kids. The question is when YOU PEOPLE are done bad mouthing these lost souls who’s going to spare your kid of the abuse you dish out? Cus I know it may never be as bad as having a crack whore for a mother or a sot for a father...but you are all they know...so shouldn't you be doing your job instead of having the government "screen" for you?
Oh by the way...people rarely ever think, either.
I think offering parenting classes is a great idea, but to actually have to have a license is definitely overstepping the boundaries. Nobody knows the right way for every kid. Every child is different. Every child professional is also different and gives totally opposite answers for every situation, so who is to say who is right and wrong in raising their children. NOBODY!!!
I don't know about every one else mine is anonymous because I don't want to log in, but I agree with you 100% sjvanleuven no one wants to be held accountable for their actions anymore, they rather someone put in place some kind of regulation to let them know if they are doing a good job so if they fail they can always blame the system about something that was always their job to begin with. How convenient for everyone, instead of working on parenting because you and only you as a parent know what your doing wrong and how you can improve. Give me a break I don't have any children but I know better and I know that people know right from wrong that some of as just don't give dam is another thing; their is to many people in this world that want their F hands held to do anything and even more sad to care for your own, heres some advise from some one with no children, keep the positive things you learned from your parents; how they raised you and think of what things they could have done differently and improve on that speak with other parents because not everyone had the same childhood. Improvalization is key with children because there is no right or wrong with them, you as a parent have to find a happy medium. I childs mine is very susceptible any factor in their life no matter if raised right or wrong can effect them, so please give yourself the benefit of the doubt that if you try to raise your children because you "love" them the best way you know how you might be successful at it. When I have children I'm not going to let them know all the pain I have known.
Licensing parents is a bad idea. As Dr. Parker stated, most likely the parents singled out for not being parents would be the poor and minorities. This is just wrong.
We cannot assume that just because a family falls into the lower income brackets, the parents are not fit to parent. I know many wonderful parents that have family incomes at or below the poverty level. I also know many parents that have a beautiful house, can give their kids all of the financial advantages, but they are not the greatest parents. These parents are never able to attend their childrens school events or give the kids the emotional support they need.
I came from a poor family, however; I didn't know we were poor until I applied for financial aid for college. I always had what I needed for school and sports. My parents never missed any of my gymnastic meets, and my dad was at all of my track meets. They also coached both me and my brother in baseball and softball. Most of my friends envied me and wished they had parents like mine.
But if a qualification for getting a parent license was family income, my parents would have been denied. The ability to be a good parent is not all tied to a family's financial means.
I know that most people think young parents are often ill equipped to handle the responsibilities of parenting. I don't think it is fair to make such a generalization. It would also not be fair to say that all parents younger than x years old need to take a parenting class because they need to learn the proper skills. Age really has nothing to do with how mature a person is and whether or not they are ready to accept the changes having a child brings to their lifestyle.
I think parents who have their first child in their late 30's or early 40's should also take a parenting class. These parents need to learn how to let go of the child and not be a helicopter parent. This is just based on my experience, but most of the helicopter parents I know had their first child later in life.
And what if a couple was deemed to be fit to parent and then years later, their children all ended up as trouble makers in high school. Maybe they become the kids that hold the best parties. Do we take away their license and kids? Or do we admit there is a flaw in the system?
We have way too many government intrusions in our life now, we don't need anymore. And determining before a child is born that the parents are fit, does not guarantee that the children will grow up without any problems.
If we give the government this, what other freedoms are we willing to give up.
People are funny. License parents? Your kidding right? I drive a school bus so I work with 80 plus kids per day. There is NO perfect parent. NO perfect "training" class. Children react differently on different days heck even seconds later. What we need to do is crack down on those that abuse or neglect their children. Make THEM take parenting classes. Why give our government one more way to control our people by giving THEM license to say No you cant have kids. You are not parent smart enough. Isn't raising kids a learning experience in itself? Isn't it true that every child is different. That every situation is different? Our society turns it eyes to things we need yet try to say "oh, yeah I;m a great parent...but i punished my child last night b/c he/she didn't eat dinner." BULL pucky!!!! Don't even give this so called scheme the time of day. Get our government to pay attention to those that do the stupid things (Ie. neglect, abuse)Make those parents take classes. And not only that make them pay for it!!. Maybe if they have to fork out thier hard earned cash to get thier kids back they will think before doing something stupid again. Maybe people will realize kids are different and telling parents (expecting parents) they have to learn how to raise a child they haven;t even met, let alone seen what personality the child will have is bull. Any parent in thier right mind knows, yes the classes are helpful. but to make them required will harbour resentment of our people and we have enough we dont need anymore. You can't require people to take a class before they have kids there are no grounds for it but there are grounds for people that have commited abuse and neglect. Make them pay for it. Not the parents that are making do.
Yes, what a great idea. Let's give the government one more reason to butt into our personal lives. They've done such a great job so far with healthcare, the Iraq war, the economy...
Let's give them the ability to choose who can parent and who can't! I'll be at the front of the line for a license, waving my Nuke Gay Whales for Jesus flag and shooting my shotgun in celebration of this fantastic idea.
I could be biased since I'm in the mental health profession however, I think a license/permit is a great idea. I mean you have to have one for fishing, buying a gun, driving a car. You want to bring a human being in the world? Go right ahead!
I'm sorry but the crackhead mom who turns her life around to become the next June Cleaver is RARE.
At least make people attend a class before they leave the hospital. Something!
Ok, I think idea is outrages, I am a single mother, and my son is no angel, (far from it actually) but he is loved and he never goes with out what he needs, he receive all the praise a growing mind and body need, and all the support he could ever need, he is first in my life, before even myself, (which is how it should be) but I am far from a perfect parent, and if we had this requirement I wouldnt have my son, cause even my family thought I couldnt handle being a mother, but after my son was born, everyone realized they where wrong, like I said I'm far from perfect, and I'll never beleive I'll ever deserve the love and joy my son brings to my life, he is my little miracle, I was not planning to have a child when my son was conceived, and I certainly wasnt planning on endding up as a single mother before he was 3, but I'm still here and I'm still doing what needs to be done, I do however beleive parenting classes should be availbe to the people who choose to take them for extra support, help or knowleage, and I do beleive some people should not be parents, but NO ONE knows what kind of parent someo one is going to be until they have children, my sister is the perfect example, and I have nothing but respect for her choice, my sister bless her soul works with Autistic Children, all day, and works with some in there homes one on one, is wonderful to my son, loves him unconditionaly, but she knows in her heart she could not handle being a mother, she is great at her job and works 7 days a week cause every one loves her and wants her to work with their children, but she knows to have one of her own would be a mistake, cause she needs to have her time to herself and evey parent knows that their is NO SUCH THING as a break or time to your self when your a parent. I think more people should be like my sister and really think about it before having children. And I've always wanted to be a mother, for as far back as I could remeber I wanted to have children, and I only have one, and I'm far from perfect, but I know my son is having a good life and will continue to have a good life and all the love I have to give even after I pass on I will live my son and be sending him my love.
So do i think telling people if they are allowed to have children before they ever have children is a good idea...... NO NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.....
I would be interested to find out if Dr. Parker's colleague or Dr. Westman have children. It is probably easier for non-parents to criticize imperfect parents than it would be for fellow parents to criticize imperfect parents.
I absolutely think it is a wonderful idea. Speaking as a former single teenage mother myself it is a very rational idea. Young women in this country have no idea what it means to be a mother. Until a certain maturity is reached I dont think any woman/girl is ready to be a mother. Therefore there are millions of children in this world not being cared for in the proper way or given a positive beginning to life. How do we expect this world to get any better if we dont start with the basics? These children are our future, our future presidents, CEO's, etc. If they start out with negative beginnings or not even having a small chance at a prosperous life how is this world going to change for the better????
sounds like communism to me. the idea is stupid and i can't even believe that there are people agreeing with it in this country. must be the same people who thought the patriot act would be a good idea. most neglectful parents are that way because they are sick. whether it be a drug addiction, depression or just pure exhaustion from lack of support and security. BOTTOM line most parents don't wanna be neglectful they just don't realize what they do. personally i think that mothers, fathers and grandparents (the village that should be helping to raise the child) all play a role in how a child is brought up. if one of them isn't doing their fair share it throws the whole balance off and in turn results in tragic consequences. so in closing, rather than a parenting license how about a parenting and grand parenting contract that details what each member will contribute to the growing child. if said contract is voided by one of the signers then THAT member shall be the one to go to mandated parenting classes so that they can learn how essential their role in the child's upbringing is.
In my experience the majority of parents are not up to the task and do a poor job of it. Requiring training of some sort would probably help, but enforcing such a rule would pose some interesting legal and constitutional challenges, at least here in the US.
Suppose a woman who did not qualify for a license became pregnant. Now suppose she had some disability preventing her from being adequately trained for the licensing requirements. The state would be compelled to:
1. Allow an unqualified woman or couple to become parents.
2. Force a termination of the pregnancy. A forced sterilization would be a logical and pragmatic supplement, keeping her from wasting state time and resources again.
3. Force the unlicensed woman to give the child up for adoption by qualified parents, followed by sterilization.
One could bring up other variables and conclusions, but my point is: If parenting required some sort of
certification, there would still be any number of pregnancies involving parents who were uncertified or even ineligible for certification. Then what? Would it be the government's role to manage or prevent those pregnancies?
I won't even go into who would have to pay for any prenatal care or procedures the above scenarios would involve. And as Dr. Parker and chimichelle64 mentioned, the poor and minorities would be those most affected by parenthood requirements, although perhaps not in the ways they suggested. Just consider the valuable role the poor, minorities and of course immigrants play in first world economies. Why would a first world government limit the birthrate of its laborers, menials and cannon fodder?
Poor parenting is curse on society, especially for the children involved and their children, but no government has the wisdom needed to legislate the problem away. Certainly not my government.
Anonymous 4/14/08 at 10:18:00 PM,
I get the impression that your response was based on the belief that I advocate the situations and attitudes I described. You are mistaken.
After you've settled down you might try reading it, all of it, again.
I do appreciate the "politically incorrect" bit. Thank you.
I think it sounds good to make parents get a license to be parents,but its dead wrong!!!!!!! You need to have older parents to teach the younger ones. I am a mother of eight children. The youngest one 7 and the oldest one 23. I wanted to be a Mother more then anything in the world! My life goes around them.I also babysit for other Moms. When you become a Mom you need to talk to others. I had a friend who used to talk to me about hers when they were young. The baby would cry all the time. I told her to call me and put the baby in the crib. She would do that, her children are all in school now. See you need to talk to someone. My children never got to me. I guess I wanted to be a MOTHER SO BAD!!!!!! I loved staying up with them!!!! Oh how I miss it!! It goes by so fast!!! If parents are being mean to a child in the store I tell them to stop! I love kids (all of them!) They are God children! We all make mistakes as parents none of us is perfect! The parents who leave the kids with a sitter for 10 hours a day are just as guilt as the ones who hit them! I have had babies at my house for 10 to 12 hours. Is that right? I don't think so! I love them so much,but they are not my children. Parents wake up! They are so precious!!! They need a parent who will love them no matter what they do. Stop,pray,and think before doing or saying anything to that child. If you don't want it try to find someone who will love them. I will take them! A Mother who is everyones Mother.
Karen
I think it's a horrible idea! Parents already have to deal with the comments and criticism of anyone and everyone. Having to get a license to parent is just another way for people to snoop into our business. Give me a break!! I may not be "Parent of the Year" by some people's standards, but I love my little girl with all my heart. Oh, and by the way:
Whomever said "I have an idea: OK, let's have licenses to parent but only perfect parents themselves will be allowed to issue them."
Bravo-well said.
There are certainly valid points for those in favor of requiring people to get licenses and or requiring classes before having children.
But the reason nothing like this could ever work is because 1.) you would never get the US Supreme Court to agree that a person does NOT have a fundamental right to have children and 2.) what are you going to do with those people who have a child by accident? Are you going to force that mother to give up her child for adoption? Force an abortion?
While it is true that not everyone is cut out to be a parent, there really isn't anything we can do as a society (short of becoming a dictatorship) to prevent bad people from becoming a parent. What we can do is try to education people about being a parent before they have children, and then if they are scum, then we need to have institutions that act quickly to make sure that parent can't harm the child.
The left wing control freaks have went all the way with this one! Parenting is a natural ability, some have it, some don't. A license sure isn't going to make a difference. After all, a license has never prevented a car wreck.
People need to be taught that being a single parent is not cool. The importance of marriage has been ignored for too long. A Mother (female), and Father (male) are the basic components of parenting. A foundation should be established between the parents, prior to conception. Therefore, the only license necessary would be the marriage license.
I agree with the person in the mental health profession - a class, permit, license- SOMETHING. This is most welcomed news that this issue is being discussed and that a book has been written. A "license" or parent training certification must be a new standard in our high stress and ever changing world. It is not about creating "perfect" parents or that we should be before conception occurs. It is about educating people on how to cope with parenthood. A marriage license is a moral license to have sex. It has nothing to do with ones ability to care for a child. This is the grounds that is given for a person to procreate??? If our society demands special training for most jobs now a days, it is the least we can do to protect our most vulnerable population. A massive societal movement needs to happen in which basic requirements are required by those who are raising children or thinking about taking on this responsibily. What are the comments from adults who were abused as children? Is this an opportunity for govt. meddling or making real progress and change in society?
This message is for ladystar1, in reference to your comment about single parents, you should really think before you speak, cause in some situations it is not the parents choice to be a single parent, what if his/her spouse passed away, or what if his/her spouse was abusive and they need to get out for their own saftey and the saftey of their child, are you trying to say a couple should stay married no matter what the case, no matter how dangerous the envoriment is they are living in, I am a single mother, and I love my sons father dearly but he has alot of seriuos issues that he needs to get help with, I felt unsafe in my own home, he would never harm our son, but he was continuely abusive to me mentally, emotionally and sexually, are you trying to say because we have a child I should have forced myself to stay in that situation for all time, and subject my son to have to see that......
Please help me understand how you think a marriage license has anything to do with being a good parent to your child.
I dont necessarily think we will ever be able to give out a parenting license. That would be overstepping the governments place. You cant control what people do, if they have unprotected sex they just may have a kid. But I do think that birth control should be much easier to obtain. Especially for lower income families. I know it would take a lot, but birth control could be over the counter eventually, then it would be just as easy to obtain as a box of condoms. I also think that teenages need better sex education, teenage pregnancies are on the rise, I can tell just looking around my town! I once saw a teenage girl at Wal Mart, trying to buy condoms and the clerk asked her for ID!! The girl didn't have one so she left without the condoms. Since when do you need to be of age to have sex? I felt for that poor girl. I almost bought them for her, she looked so emberassed she just ran out of there. That clerk may have caused an unwanted pregnancy or an STD infection. That girl was trying to do the right thing and she got humiliated and turned down. I dont even think that was legal! But anyway, I really think that birth control should be more easily accessed. Too many woman dont have cars to get to their appointments and the free clinics are horrible. I had to go there for while when I was between jobs and without insurance and they treated me like scum and I was there almost 3 hours. I also believe that in order to be on welfare you should have to get put on the shot or some other type of birth control that can be monitored and it can be assured that you are getting it. With the pill you cant trust someone to take it. But if we had the patients going every few months to get the shot before they can get their checks it would prevent a huge number of unwanted pregnancies in the country. So many woman from poor areas who are hooked on drugs and live off of the government get pregnant every year. It is so sad. I work at a drug treatment facility and we have pregnant patients all the time. Some of them are 8 months along, shoot up hundreds of dollars worth of heroin daily and are just now getting help. Tell me, what change does that baby have? Not too good. Someone hooked on drugs isn't going to go out and seek birth control, they dont think about those things, they are in an active state of addiction. I think my idea would save millions for our country. Those babies are going to be born into poverty, will be on welfare at least until 18, usually the rest of their lives, they may end up in a life of crime or hooked on drugs just like their mother. It's just a horrible, sad, cycle. We cant prevent drug use, it will always be a problem in our country. But we can try to prevent all of the children being born into lives like that. I think if you cant afford to support yourself and you need to be on welfare, you're in no position to be having a child.
in theory, its a great idea, but i would have failed miserably. i was pregnant at 17. i took a child development class. i could have answered every question right, but that does not mean i could employ that knowledge. we split, daddy kept the baby. i regret every moment of the 4 years i missed. we have since rekindled our relationship, married, and had a second boy. NOW- i am the mommy i wish i had had when i was young.
as the dr said, surprises happen, and you can't predict parenting skills based on a piece of paper with a number on it. my 0 has turned to a 90.
someone else said something like the ones who would regulate would be the ones we need to keep from breeding- THANK YOU!!! i agree completely.
i think a better idea is a personality or psychological test before birth to screen for mental disorders, past abuse (whether it be as a victim or perp) to end the cycle. counseling for 'positive' results to encourage personal growth and maturity, and weed out abusers.....
My biggest argument against this: who would set the standards and issue the licenses? Surely not some government agency, staffed by "experts' with one or no children. Government has it so screwed up anyway. Did you know you can be responsible for your college students' loan, but not look at how much they owe, if they are over 18? A parent is responsible for their childrens' actions (and damages) but limited on methods of discipline...and I'm not talking abuse either. And the list goes on. Required classes in high school, classes offered in college or recreation centers, or even combined with lamaze classes for those expecting, great idea. But a license, gimme a break! And I don't have an account to sign with either, but my name is Wendy and I'm a mom.
to the anon right above my first post-
yeah, money is great to have, and it sucks when you don't but needing assistance is not a reason to not have kids. after all, why did i work for 6 yrs, and my parents their whole lives paying in to these programs? we will be paying into them for the rest of our lives, as well. a little help now to achieve our dreams as a family- i'm not too proud to ask for something i need.
i make sure my kids have everything they need before anything else. i haven't been clothes shopping for myself in 3 years, but you can be sure my kids have clothes, toys, books, meals, and all the love they need.
ideally, it would be wonderful to have thouseands socked away for rainy days, but happines isn't ties to money, its based on love, laughs, memories and time together.
because i couldn't afford a luxury like a mobile for the crib, the one my six yr old and i made together with inexpensive craft items works just as well. and the fun we had!!
money helps, but it is not always the answer.
This is for ladystar1-
Where do you get the idea that licensing parents is a left wing idea? Sounds very right wing - let's control the individual's private life - type of idea to me. It is the right wing that wants to tell us who to love, how to worship, how to raise our children. I find it ludicrous that you would blame the left wing for trying to institute this type of control and then insist that only your vision of a perfect family be allowed.
Licensing parents is a bad idea for sure. Maybe what we should do is make parenting classes available (no, I don't believe that parenting is a natural-born ability; there is much to be learned from classes), offer better access to family planning and contraception, relieve some of the stressors that can contribute to bad parenting (lack of jobs, health care, educational opportunities, daycare, etc.).
But wait - you'd rather we all just followed your Ozzie and Harriet scenario and pretend that everything is okay if you just marry a man and have 2.3 kids and ...
Get real. It's hard out there. Not everyone has the choice to have two parents in the home. And for your information, sometimes those two parents are the same gender and they do a great job of raising their child/children.
And in case you think I am trying to push any "agenda" (isn't that how the right wing phrases it?), please know that I am still with the great guy I married over 30 years ago; we have two kids who are grown and are just fine. I just don't see that my path has to be the path for everyone else! Good parents aren't cut from a cookie-cutter mold. That's why licensing won't work and neither will your fantasy of making us all into TVLand characters.
The issue is not really one of whether or not the state has a say in who is a parent and who is not--they already do. The government can take children away from parents already. The issue seems to be that they do it too late for some kids. As a researcher who has studied juvenile delinquents--many many children are left in bad home environments for years--sometimes 10 or more before the state does something. By then, the child has suffered for 10 years, gone without role models, suffered all different types of abuse and neglect, been arrested several times, developed one or more substance abuse problems, the list goes on...
It would be helpful if the government (or, gasp! regular people in society) would work to help families instead of just criticizing them. We don't have as much social support for families and with extended families practically a thing of the past, a lot of parents start out at a disadvantage--they don't know what to do and they are sometimes too overwhelmed to figure it out (or to put it another way--they are too busy mopping up the floor to turn off the faucet...)
When I was little, I grew up in an extended family and was taught about parenting from a very young age, from experienced parents in two generations. Not in classes, but just as part of everyday life.
I read about women who are having kids who don't even want to go to a child-birth class because "well, my body will know what to do." I think a lot of people feel this way about parenting--that it is "natural." It is harmful way of thinking of parenting because it encourages people to do nothing to improve or learn more about parenting skills--which you can learn (contrary to some of the posters who commented that this couldn't be taught). Almost all behavior is learned--including parenting, which means parenting can be taught--if people are willing to put some time and effort into it, which seems to be another problem.
It's not possible to regulate who gets pregnant and who doesn't..as far as "poor" people go or welfare recipiants..I'm one, but not by choice, I was a stay at home mom and my husband desided to "run" out on us leaving me with no money, no job, a 15month old and a six week old, what was I supposed to do? I know him and I would have been able to get a license, but no one can predict the future..can you..I agree that inorder to get welfare there should be drug testing and regulations..to add the goverment already has many parenting recorces and classes at least here in california for any kind of income, your welcome to take them or you can chose not too..as far a abbusive parents go any sate or county employee are mandated reporters you can chose to be one yourself if you suspect abuse..help someone don't comdem them just because they have less money than you..some day one of my kids might cure cancer.
I think parents should have to take a class each year (for each child) in order to claim their kids on their taxes. I teach & often I find parents just don't know what to do. Many try to improve when give the right tools. Heck, I'm constantly asking questions & trying to find out more about my son's age (9 months). I have an early childhood degree, but I've never raised a nine-month-old.
I am a Paramedic/Firefighter and respond on a great number of "emergencies" involving children. Thankfully, most of the calls for help are minor and do not result in the need to be taken to a hospital. Often we debate the need to see a parents "Parenting License" to see how many "punches" are already in the license due to some of the crazy and insane things adults do to and for their kids. Three "punches" on your "Parenting License" means your kids become wards of the State.
This is one of the most riduculous ideas I've ever heard. By whose standards will parenting be considered "perfect"? Does my cultural views outweigh yours? Is my rural upbringing inferior to your urban exerience? Is what we thought was "perfect" last year suddenly become horrific this year when parenting fashion changes. Why stop there? Why not throw in who could parent? Refuse licenses to couples over 40, single women or men, gay couples, interacial couples blah blah blah. Heck, society can't pick a single good politician/political group, define "normal", not kill each other over some perceived injustice or stupidity or agree on a common religion -- you actually think we have the capacity to legislate parenting?
Parenting is as unique and indivdual as each of our life experiences. Just as no two snowflakes are alike, there cannot and should not be 1 method of raising a child.
That being said, I do think we should reinstate corporal punishment -- for parents! Beating your kid? Buying yourself smokes instead of baby food? Getting high/drunk in front of your little ones? Whip out the leather belt and let's give Mom/Dad a few licks.....
the license to parent idea is wrong. I believe more support groups should be out there. I'm a stay at home mom of one and very depressed. Does that make me a bad parent. hell, no. I still take care of my family. Every one is happy and health. But i have no outside support. We live in a town with no friends or family. what other parents need is people there for them, not to judge them.
we have gov programs that are there in case a child is being abused. Those programs do not work. my bro and sister in law were abusing their son since he came home from the hospital and they were reported several times but nothing happened and that child continued to be abused. WE need to fix current programs before we even think about adding more.
ok i have a better idea. turn to God for your instructions on how to raise your kids. He is the only perfect being that can help these unfit parents become good parents. Do only what God tells you to do and teach your children about God and the whole world would be a better place to live and raise kids. The world needs to turn itself around and remember who created us and why. Not so that we can live like we want to but to live for him and do things pleasing to him. That is why we are here, but so many people have turned toward the devil and he is taking over. But God will come back some day and the people who have been doing what the devil says will regret it in the end.
As a teacher, it's hard to disagree with the idea that training needs to occur prior to people becoming parents. I can't believe some of the things my students deal with. The high school kids I teach often have to be the "grown-ups" in their families because parents don't want to make the hard decisions, be the bad guys, say no every once in a while. For a lot of parents they have the attitude that once their children are at school, it's is the school's problem if the students misbehaves. I am very tired of this mentatality. If you are making the choice to have unprotected sex, you are making the choice to be a parent, end of story. If you are making pregnant, you have chosen to bring a child into the world and have therefore gained responsibility to another life and need to do your best not to screw it up! I believe that a lot of parenting is instinct and sacrifice. If you are not ready to see that someone else's needs are more important than your own, you are not ready to be a parent.
My biggest concern is what if you receive a license to be a parent and then your child says something to a teacher or another adult outside of the family that makes that person think your child is abused or neglected? Do you automatically lose your kids and your license? Do you get a chance to explain what actually happened?
Or what if you choose to control your young child's behavior by counting to five and that is not the way you were taught to control behavior for this age group when you got your license and someone from the parenting police caught you? Are you punished? Do you get a chance to explain that the "licensed way" doesn't work for your child? Does the state even recognize that all children are different and not all will respond to the method the experts have picked?
There are just too many variables to make licensing parents ever a good idea. I think we need to have resources to help parents when things get rough and they feel like they can't take it anymore. I think it would be great if each city or county had a network for stay-at-home moms so they could find other moms to talk to and help out in stressful times. I think everyone could benefit by learning how to deal with anger especially when a young child makes you angry or frustrated. But a license to parent, that is just a waste of time and money.
I think it is a great idea. Being a teacher, I see a lot of parents that don't care what their child does or look at me and say "well itsn't it your job to teach my child values and to get them to school on time" I think that a license or a class that is required would be perfect for every parent to take and learn that this child is your responsibility until the child turns 18 and even beyond that age.
I am not in favor of licensing -- that would be to oppressive and impossible to enforce. Look at China for a great example of what happens when a government regulates procreation. However, what about mandating sterilization for those who have not been able to keep their children (due to neglect or abuse)at some point. (This would have to be a carefully considered point of no return.) The government is doing what it can, but the child welfare system is a huge, overburdened, underfunded elephant.
How in the world could you really license a parent???? And who's to say that a license would make a person a better parent. There are people who have licenses in lots of things that aren't any good at what they do and while it's true that some people should not have kids but how do you really know before you have them? Books and classes may be able to help you be a better parent but they won't necissarily MAKE you one!
I think a parenting class should be offered the way Lamaze classes are offered. I waited until after 5 yrs of marriage, in my late 20's, to have my daughter. She's now three and I'm going out of my mind. I've been thinking for a while now about checking into a parenting class. I thought I was prepared to be a parent because I'm the oldest of 6 kids and grew up with parents who were trained to be parents (foster) so I had them as an example. Now, I can't say anyone is EVER truly prepared.
All kids differ. You can have triplets and they'd be completely different from each other. But a parenting class may help teach self-control techniques, parenting techniques, playing with your children techniques, etc. that can help a parent cope, communicate, and strengthen their bond with their child/ren.
Yes, there are parents out there who should never have had kids, but you never know who they are until they actually DO have kids. For those, I think sterilization should be required. Harsh, but I've seen the damage firsthand of what a bad parent can do and can continue to do again and again with each subsequent child if nothing is done to prevent them from having more.
Every person should have the chance to have a child without interference, but once they've proven to be abusive/negligent parents, they should be required to take parenting classes and have therapy before being allowed to get their children back or have more. If the behavior continues, don't give them their kids back. If the abuse is so severe that they get prison time, sterilize them. They won't change because their triggers are already formed and even years of therapy and parenting classes likely won't help them.
No one wants the gov't in our lives more than absolutely necessary. But wouldn't you say the welfare of a child is the most important thing in this world? Some new laws should be passed requiring parents who've lost their children to the foster care system to take some form of parental improvement courses. Make it part of a group therapy session (with child along) before they're allowed unsupervised visitation. Something, anything, to help these people be better parents.
Kids are generally very forgiving of their parents' mistakes. I know I was and so was my brother. No one expects their parents to be the Cleavers. We just want them to do the best they can and if they're struggling, get some help.
I have to say, this article and discussion has definitely convinced me that I, myself, should seek some aid in parenting. I'm not a bad parent, but I could be better. More classes being offered, whether or not the gov't pays for it, insurance pays for it, or I pay for, could only be benefit me.
Do I think licensing a person before they are allowed to have children should be mandated? God no. My parents were awful, but they've improved with age. Took them a while, a very LONG while, but I love the people they are now and I still have a close relationship with my foster parents/siblings. If they had been prevented from having children, I wouldn't be here today.
If licensing were required, just think of what qualities would prevent a person from becoming a parent. A class wouldn't be enough to earn a license. So what would be the criteria? Financially stability? Money doesn't make a good parent. "Good people"? Depends on your definition of what makes a person "good" and I know from personal experience that people can appear "good", wholesome, christian parents and be completely evil behind closed doors. How would we chose who can and cannot have children?
Basically, you can't. No one can. Not until they've already become parents.
How about free parenting classes with information distributed through prenatal doctors and neighborhood parenting mentoring for after the baby is born.
That way parents have a network of other parents who meet or discuss their challenges and suggest tactics to help parental sanity. The government could require different levels of participation by first time parents as opposed to 2nd/3rd/4th time parents.
Minimally, mothers could watch an educational program while recovering from birth before being let out of the hospital and go to meetings once a month or get mailings or there could be a public education program on TV for the first year or two after birth.
I think there is a wide spectrum of initiatives that society would need to explore before licensing became a possibility. How about required classes in high school and college and pregnancy/parenting course accessibility.
I was in college when I got pregnant (I was married and we were both in college), and I remember the pregnancy classes were pretty expensive for us. So there should be low-income or free educational opportunities for folks.
I don't think you can go from absolutely no priority in public education to licensing. That is ridiculous.
Anyone ever read 1984?
Good morning! I believe anyone who buys into this idea needs to go to their form of Utopia or at least China where controlled births are enforced. It's a crying shame that my tax dollars are supporting and caring for such people who actually live to become Senior Citizens! May God help us!!!
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