The Potty Whisperer

As some of you know, many years ago I was a fellow in developmental and behavioral pediatrics with T Berry Brazelton at Boston Children's Hospital. Among his many accomplishments, Dr. Brazelton is the populizer of the "child-oriented" approach to toilet training, which has become the standard toilet training in the U.S.. Basically, it involves watching for developmental signs of readiness for toilet learning and to proceed slowly, with no pressure, at the child's pace. (For much more of my scoop on poop, go here)

During my fellowship training, a curious article was brought to my attention. In it, the authors described the "toilet training" (actually no toilet is involved!) practices of the East African Digo tribe. The Digo begin toilet training in the first weeks of life by making whooshing sounds whenever their diaperless infant shows signs of impeding pee or poop. Then they whisk the infant out of doors where, in his mother's arms, he happily relieves himself in the dirt. With this "nurturant" conditioning approach, night and day dryness was accomplished by 5 or 6 months, a far cry the method I was being taught by Dr. Brazelton (which typically doesn't start until about 2 years of age)!

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As if to prove there is nothing new under the sun, enter the latest rage: The Potty Whisperer(http://www.pottywhisperer.com/). I've come to learn that "whisperers" are really big these days and, not coincidentally, a marketing force to be reckoned with.

[Quick digression. If you Google the word "whisperer" you'll get 9,660,000 hits. Just for fun, here are some of the whisperers already out there: "The Horse / Dog / Cat / Pet Whisperer" (correct the animal of your choice), "The Angel Whisperer" (vibrational healing - don't ask) , "The Plot Whisperer" (for writers), "The Wood Whisperer" (for woodworkers), "The Breast Whisperer" (not porno, but a lactation consultant), "The Boss Whisperer" (tame your abrasive boss), "The Baby Whisperer"(how to calm, connect and communicate with your infant), and my favorite "The Maui Horse Whisperer Experience" (which combines horse whispering, equine facilitated learning, equestrian skill building and corporate training in leadership).]

Anyway, the Potty Whisperer, is catching parents' attention, so I've done some investigative reporting on it for you.

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As far as I can tell, the Potty Whisperer has simply appropriated the Digo method! The "whisper" part of it is the Digo's whooshing sound associated with the impulse to pee or poop. Motivated parents can attempt to train their infant to be dry in the first year of life. For later starters, the Potty Whisperer recommends the Toilet Training in Less Than A Day method to get the job done quickly and efficiently. One way or another, the diaper dependency days of your little poopster are numbered .

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You may be surprised to hear - aside from the wacky name - I'm pretty OK with the Potty Whisperer's techniques and advice, just as I am with Dr Brazelton's. Here's why.

In big letters at the very front of their web site are the "Potty Whisperer's No-Nos":

• no punishment


• no pressure


• no coercion


• no shaming


• no competition


• no showing off


• no obsessing


• no perfectionism


• no rushing toilet learning


• no attachment to time goals


• no negativity

I completely agree with this terrific list! (Of course, it's a bit ironic they are recommending "no rushing toilet learning" to parents who are interested in potty training their 6 month old infant! Perhaps I should become "Dr. P - The Fetus Whisperer" to start the whole process in-utero.)

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In my view, when and how potty training is initiated is far less important than making sure the process is not distorted by one or more of the above no-nos. As long as it is a positive experience for the infant or toddler, as long as it is not done to win a competition, as long as it is done with humor and flexibility, as long as the child's needs and abilities are respected, as long as it doesn't somehow have a negative impact on your relationship with your little poop machine, it's going to turn out OK, almost no matter how you play it.

Freud was wrong. Except in extreme nasty cases, toilet training is just not a big deal psychologically and has no lasting effects on our personalities. So how it's done is not a life and death issue (unless, I must reiterate, it engenders bad feelings, low self esteem, and/or a contemptuous relationship that persists).

So avoid the no-nos and feel free to pick the time and place and method of toilet training that best fits with your beliefs and with your heart and with your child's development and temperament. I guarantee, like pretty much every other human in the history of the world, your child will - sooner or later - master this earliest of the developmental challenges of childhood.

Related Topics:

• WebMD Video: When to Introduce Potty Training
• WebMD Video: Potty Training 101