Cyberbullying and Your Kids

Sally's mom was desperate in my office. "She refuses to go to school. She sits around and mopes. Can't sleep, won't eat, won't even talk to me."

Easy enough: sounds like acute depressive symptoms. But why? Her mom explained, as 13-year old Sally sat mute with big teary eyes:

"She has been getting anonymous emails, maybe a hundred or so, saying how she is a loser and nobody likes her and why doesn't she just switch to another school. They just came out of nowhere and won't quit."

"Excuse me for a second, " I stumbled, clueless as to what to say or do. I retreated to my office computer and Googled "cyberbullying".

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And I thought adolescence was tough in my day!

Now along comes cyberbullying, defined as the posting of frightening, harassing , humiliating (fill in your nightmare adjective) text or images on the internet, cell phones or other digital devices. It's estimated that one in five kids, ages 11-19, has been electronically bullied in some fashion.

Here's what can happen to a (usually) pre-or early-teen:

• Someone takes a dorky or compromising picture of a child (e.g., in the locker room) on their cell phone and then it gets sent around and around to everyone and his uncle (on their cell phones or email).
• Mean or threatening or humiliating e-mail or cell phone text messages are anonymously sent and distributed to everyone.
• A blog - read by all - posts the question: "Who is the biggest slut in the school" and offers suggestions of whom the winner should be, and why.
• "Text wars" are waged on a hapless victim, inundating him/her with cruel messages, not to mention a horrific cell phone bill.
• Confidential, revealing, embarrassing e-mails are sent all around.
• A fake, horrible e-mail is sent by an impersonator under your child's name to others.
  

I haven't decided which is worse: the horrible toll this sort of bullying exacts on its victim or the capacity of some mean kids for diabolical cruelty, unleashed by technology.

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I used to think schoolyard bullying was about as bad as it got in childhood, but cyber-bullying strikes me as even more pernicious. The bully is often anonymous and untouchable, the humiliation can occur 24/7 without relief, everyone in the child's world is a witness to the humiliation, adults are generally unaware and unhelpful (as are most pediatricians like me) about this form of harassment.

So I've had to learn on the fly about this particularly nasty 21st-century hazard to adolescents. You should also. Here's what the experts suggest you teach your kids as an ounce of prevention:

• Use generic and anonymous user names and on-line profiles.
• Don't put your picture online.
• Be careful to whom you send pictures and emails.
• Be careful how personally revealing you are when using the internet or cell phone (THINKB4UCLICK)
• Google yourself. See what's out there before it blindsides you.
• Remember your family values of kindness and respect. Don't be hoodwinked into joining up with the bullies.
• If you are being victimized, get offline, ignore the messages, save the evidence and report it to your parents, school, internet provider, and/or cell phone company.
  

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Hey, I never promised being a 21st century parent would be a cakewalk. Here's another unanticipated worry/responsibility to add to your lengthening list - after the talk about sex, drugs and rock and roll. Become educated on internet safety so you can help your child negotiate its depths and joys and riches, while avoiding its potential dangers. Here's a good place to start:

http://www.cyberbully.org/

Related Topics:

• Parenting in 'MySpace' Era Challenging
• Internet Safety

Editor's Note: PBS Teachers have declared Friday, March 30th "Stop Cyberbullying Day" - a day to take action by blogging, sharing video, resources and ideas about ways to take a stand against cyberbullying.


Technorati Tags: stopcyberbullying

Enhance Your Kids with Drugs, Machines, and Perfect Genes

"Dr. P. You've got to give me a prescription for Ritalin."

This request was coming from a patient on vacation from his first year in college.

"But, William, you don't have ADHD!" I protested.

"True, but I need it to boost my grades. Lots of my friends are using it to study for tests and getting better grades than I because of it. It's not fair. Help me, Dr. P!"

As a parent, is there anything you wouldn't do to cure your child of an illness or to fix a problem in his life? Pretty easy question. Here's a harder one: What might you be willing to do to enhance your child's normal abilities and good health? That's what William was asking of me: not to cure a disability but to improve on his natural talents.

Should I say yes? This is no idle question. As a 21st century parent, you will likely be confronted with decisions not unlike the one William posed to me. For example, how about these for your kids:

Medications without significant side effects that:

• Greatly improve memory
• Increase IQ by 20 points
• Enhance creativity
• Strengthen the immune system to fight off illness
• Keep you happy all the time
• Avoid the need for sleep
• Improve coordination to excel in sports and other physical activities

Genetic engineering that can make your children born with near perfect bodies and near perfect minds

Computers with nanotechnology that can:

• Hook up to the brain so it can access gigabytes of information
• Allow text messaging, almost telepathically, from brain to brain
• Allow one to download information directly into the brain (why study?)

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Sound far-fetched? Not at all. Take it to the bank: all of these (and much more) will be available human enhancements in the next generations (some sooner, some later, as discussed in a fascinating book I just read*).

It really cuts to the question: what is your view of "human nature"? Should it be unchangeable, something we fiddle with at our peril? I yam what I yam! Or is human nature something we can and should seek to improve? Should we embrace the fate of mankind as evolving into some sort of fabulous amalgam of machines and chemicals and flesh and blood?

More immediately, is it your responsibility as a parent (and, by extension, mine as a doctor) to enhance your child's potential in any way possible?

I foresee a future with two types of kids: the enhanced and the ordinary. The enhanced will make use of all new technologies and body altering drugs and genetic engineering to boost their functioning. They will hit 100 home runs in Little League, get all A's in school, and look gorgeous. The ordinary will be, well, like you and me (I struck out with the bases loaded).

Attention, mom and dad, the future will be here before you know it! Which group will you choose for your kids: the enhanced or the ordinary? And what do you think I should do about William and his Ritalin? The future is now.

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* Book cited:
"Radical Evolution " by Joel Garreau
Broadway Books, 2005

Original cartoon by Jack Maypole, M.D.

Related Topics:

• WebMD Video: Are Microbubbles the Medicine of the Future?
• The Future You: Deja Vu?

Technorati Tags: books, medicine, pediatrics, health and wellness, future