Stop the Fat Talk
I had two sisters and zero brothers growing up and now I'm a mother of two teen girls who spend a lot of their time at a dance studio. You could say I've been around a lot of women. One thing is for sure, when swimming in estrogen-infested waters, some women like to trash talk themselves in front of other women. I guess some call it "fat talk."
You know what fat talk sounds like, right?
Some women skip the fat talk and go straight to the pounds.
Often women admit to weighing themselves a couple of times a day (can you say obsessed?) I think that's technically considered a disorder.
Then there are the women who tend to talk about diets or dieting what seems like 24/7. They always know what the latest diet book is. They can tell you which celebrity women have gone on which diet without skipping a beat.
You know what I tend to do when women around me start bashing their bodies, pondering pounds, or dishing about dieting? I just walk away. I don't participate in it. I don't try to convert people to the "love your body" camp. I just walk away. Oh, don't get me wrong, I've been in that circle plenty of times before telling women, "you look great! I don't know what you're talking about" or sharing post baby weight gain stories.
I would like to think I've moved beyond this. There are more important things in life to talk about with your girlfriends. It's simply not good for women. This doesn't feed our hearts and souls to participate in fat talk and it's certainly not good for children who might be within earshot of this sadly socially acceptable body bashing.
If you feel the same way I do, then next time the women around you start talking the talk, boycott the bashing and just walk away or politely change the subject to something that truly matters.
~~Elaine
Related Topics: Moms Influence Kids Body Image, Body Image and Eating Disorders
Technorati Tags: fattalk, women, bodyimage, diet, eatindisorders
You know what fat talk sounds like, right?
"I look so fat today" or "I wish I looked as good in jeans as you do" or "I look like a beached whale in my swimsuit."
Some women skip the fat talk and go straight to the pounds.
"Have you lost weight?" "I can't believe I gained 2 pounds on vacation!" "I have to lose 2 pounds by Friday."
Often women admit to weighing themselves a couple of times a day (can you say obsessed?) I think that's technically considered a disorder.
Then there are the women who tend to talk about diets or dieting what seems like 24/7. They always know what the latest diet book is. They can tell you which celebrity women have gone on which diet without skipping a beat.
You know what I tend to do when women around me start bashing their bodies, pondering pounds, or dishing about dieting? I just walk away. I don't participate in it. I don't try to convert people to the "love your body" camp. I just walk away. Oh, don't get me wrong, I've been in that circle plenty of times before telling women, "you look great! I don't know what you're talking about" or sharing post baby weight gain stories.
I would like to think I've moved beyond this. There are more important things in life to talk about with your girlfriends. It's simply not good for women. This doesn't feed our hearts and souls to participate in fat talk and it's certainly not good for children who might be within earshot of this sadly socially acceptable body bashing.
If you feel the same way I do, then next time the women around you start talking the talk, boycott the bashing and just walk away or politely change the subject to something that truly matters.
~~Elaine
Related Topics: Moms Influence Kids Body Image, Body Image and Eating Disorders
Technorati Tags: fattalk, women, bodyimage, diet, eatindisorders
Labels: body image
41 Comments:
Do you think it sends a good message that the WebMD nutritionist is overweight? How can one trust a nutritionist for slimming down when the nutritionist doesn't appear to be following her own message.
Are you making this assumption based on the picture of just her face? I would be careful. Some people have fuller cheeks but are generally slim.
Geesh,you talk about "fattalk".This nasty comment you made is just what her point is!That is just down right mean!You have no idea what the rest of her body looks like.I personally feel that the general public has more bias towards people who are over wieght than just about any thing else.They assume things that just are'nt true.Until you've walked in those shoes,stop and think about what you say and do.
You may be able to ignore "fat talk". However, it may be difficult to ignore the health consequencies associated with being overweight.
The point is, the majority of women who indulge in (obsess over) "fat talk" are not at all fat.
I'm pretty sure that the only people who think that the world has a bias against overweight people are people who are overweight themselves.
And, anonymous #3, if you want to sound right, or at least intelligent, LEARN TO SPELL!!!
Obesity is among the top 3, if not THE top preventable disease in the United States today. Yes, eating disorders are not healthy, but neither is being overweight.
I think that the comment about trusting someone that is a nutritionist that might be over weight or struggle with it is ridicolous, would you want someone to trash you or your profession by how you look? You also don't know that she isn't going through something or might possaibly have a medical disorder or may be you are just judgeing her by her looks and that has nothing to do with her brains or how well she can do her job.
WOW! I can't believe some of the statements here. If you're basing your comments on the above picture, well she has a lot of hair, but I don't even see big cheeks. So critical!
I agree that someone shouldn't be judged by how they look. Sometimes being overweight isn't always unhealthy (although cases vary)but I know that it's hard to lose weight, & right now I'm trying to lose weight. Anyway, isn't there more important things to do than judge someone all the time?
she is not overweight how many experts in this field do you know that are overweight.....alot of what ifs and you never know it could be an old picture!!!
she is not oveweight how many people in this expert field do you know that are overweight??
WOW, what a sad world we live in these days. People have feelings and good hearts. Why must we always look on the outside. Everyone is beautiful.........By- the-way my sister is a small (110)girl , but is dying of liver failure and her face is very swollen.So, if you're looking at the face and think you know all, good luck in life.
I see most of you chose to remain "anonymous" with such mean statements being made, it is no wonder.
A good rule to follow is to be kinder than necessary to all people, as everyone is fighting some type of battle.
Not afraid to sign my name!
Shari
Her profile says she's a size 14. FYI, I guess.
I'm going to take a stab and say that the negative poster (it's clear to whom I am referring) is most likely anorexic, perhaps bulimic. Nonetheless, dealing with some serious weight and body issues herself. As a trying-to-recover anorexic myself, I hope that person can learn not to bash another woman's (or her own for that matter) weight as a first line of defense when hearing something she doesn't want to hear.
As far as the real topic, yes, unhealthy and unproductive fixation on 'fat' is something annoying when in the company of friends.
The overweight are discriminated against. I am not overweight but I see it daily, whether from the media or people's ignorant viewpoints. It's unfortunate that people continue to reason with logical fallacy in regards to the nutritionist. Everyone should have fat, it's not biologically normal or healthy to not have some. Plus, the same can be said regarding any profession. There can be divorced marriage counselors or teachers who've received F's. We are all human and it's discusting that we choose to act as lowly beasts and belittle people based on trivial junk.
Hey Amy and Brittany, good for you! You had something positive to say and you signed your names!
I think all those signing as "anonymous" have missed the point of the nutritionists story. The point, in my unchallenged opinion, was not to let yourself fall victim to negative internal talk. I say, take it a step further and don't let yourself fall victim to negative "external" talk either.
I used to weigh 267, and now weight 132. I didn't lose this weight by telling myself that I wasn't worth the trouble, and I certainly did not lose the weight by listening to those that said I couldn't!
I just read the article about kids being overweight and who should get a failing grade. Well, I had lunch with my granddaughter at school today and I was really upset with what the kids had to eat. The school lunch consisted of tortilla chips with spicy "meat" and what looked like plastic cheese on top with a side of canned peaches, fresh carrot sticks and milk. How much of that meal was healthy? It makes me sick to see what our children are being fed at school. My granddaughter gets reduced price meals, for which we are very thankful, but, at what price?
The kids eat corn dogs, hamburgers, chicken burgers, pizza, and nachos. This is the regular diet of the kids. Once in awhile any of that is OK, but this is every day of the week. Now, tell me who should get the failing grade here. It isn't the kids who eat what they are served. It isn't the parents that can't afford to send meals to school with the kids because they don't make enough money. Who exactly dictates what is in the school meals??
"I'm pretty sure that the only people who think that the world has a bias against overweight people are people who are overweight themselves."
If you walk a mile in an overweight persons shoes you would understand. I've been overweight, lost 60 pounds and you would not believe the difference in the way I was treated! Overweight people are treated differently in our thin obsessed society. You can express your opinion with your "pretty sure" comment but you obviously have no clue what it's like to be on both sides of the fence.
I weigh 236 pounds. but i know that when i feel good & sexy, people respond to me in a postive manner. sherry H.
Wow, this site has given me a whole new outlook on my little "muffin gut", yes, that's right, it actually looks cute, besides I am 52, 142 lbs, 5'3 and a granmother of three. I love it when I see the faces of those in ear shot when one of my grandchildren yell out, Grandmommy! This is what life is all about, living and loving the body and life that you are in right this moment! Wake up ladies, it took some time for me to feel this way. I was always the skinny girl, then I took stock of me and finally saw who I was - FINE and Loving it! I smile when I see a sister bold enough to have a tag on the front of her SUV that announces "Sistah Big Bone"!
"I'm pretty sure that the only people who think that the world has a bias against overweight people are people who are overweight themselves."
No, look at the media, in the highschools, in the clubs, in the magazines, around your neighborhood, and you'll see that you're 100% WRONG. How often is someone thin discriminated against? Not by much or not at all. What I don't understand is how easy it is to dismiss the overweight with crucial criticizm and cry for the bullemic and annorexic.
I think 'fat talk' is incredibly damaging. I used to be friends with someone who was constantly dieting and constantly talking about how fat she was, even though she was very slender. Since I was larger than her, I always felt like I must be a buffalo if she was fat. We grew apart, and being away from her constant body image issues has been one of the best things to ever happen to my self image. I find I"m a lot less concerned about my weight when I'm around people, no matter their size, who are happy with their weight.
Boy, this last post by "anonymous" is music to my ears. You bet hanging around people who feel good about themselves, who have found happiness within (and are not obsessed with being thin) are healthier psychologically to hang around.
At my age (45) I find it's best (most of the time) to hang around people who feed your soul or warm your heart or who bring out the best in you. (hopefully it works both ways) Life is too short to be around people who focus on the things in life that just don't matter.
P.S. You can hang around with me anytime!
A size 14 is not overweight if she's like 5'6" or taller. A size 14 is probably a bit overweight if someone is 5'1". Height matters - that's why it's part of the BMI calculation.
Personally, I don't want to live in the richest country in the world and be walking around like I'm an Ethiopian famine victim.
Women who only talk about their weight and appearance are BORING to listen to.
To those of you who think you are being discriminated against because you are overweight, please think about this; are you really unhappy when you are overweight? And are you much happier when you are thinner? Do you think that could account for your perception of being treated unfairly? I know that when I greet a stranger happily, I get a much better response. I also know that when I am unhappy, people don't seem to be as nice to me as when I'm happy. I think you get what you give, no matter what your weight.
Oh, and I don't think there's anything at all wroing with talking about nutrition and weight with your girlfriends, as long as it's constructive. Knowledge is power, what's wrong with sharing it? Also, walking away in the middle of a conversation is rude.
Bopeep
About the article, I do the same (walk away), as a dietician myself it is very very hard not to create a fat talk every time I say who I am (I can say I try to avoid saying that im a dietician, so I can stop that kind of talk). I believe in to things being healthy in body AND MIND, eating healthy and having a healthy body does not mean having to think about it all the time. This I think is a very dificult thing to teach to patients who try to follow a plan but still remain with a healthy mind and do not creat eating disordered patients. So my advice to all, CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!!! eat healthy and when someone starts talking about fat this fat that, change the subject, walk away, soround youre self with happy people and you will be happy, and dont get mad with the others, just laugh about it or laugh about youre self when you think that way and move on. (Sorry, If I wrote something wrong, my native language is spanish :) )
Alexandra
About the article, I do the same (walk away), as a dietician myself it is very very hard not to create a fat talk every time I say who I am (I can say I try to avoid saying that im a dietician, so I can stop that kind of talk). I believe in to things being healthy in body AND MIND, eating healthy and having a healthy body does not mean having to think about it all the time. This I think is a very dificult thing to teach to patients who try to follow a plan but still remain with a healthy mind and do not creat eating disordered patients. So my advice to all, CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!!! eat healthy and when someone starts talking about fat this fat that, change the subject, walk away, soround youre self with happy people and you will be happy, and dont get mad with the others, just laugh about it or laugh about youre self when you think that way and move on. (Sorry, If I wrote something wrong, my native language is spanish :) )
Alexandra
Actually, when I hear fat talk I usually transition right into the accountability of ones own health. I take responsibility for those around me. Are you eating every 2-3 hours to prevent blood sugar swings and catabolism? Are you strength training to increase bone density and prevent bone loss? Are you aerobic training to prevent the #1 killer of women - heart disease? But, then the discussion usually turns to accountability... "yeah I should" or "I don't have time" I then take the time to train and educate people on how easy proper diet and exercise can be worked into a lifestyle.
How come we make our children do whats right, but struggle as adults to do what's right for ourselves? Where did self discipline and accountability go?
I'm not sure what to say. I am 5'1 and 140. Does that mean I am a disgusting pig? I think not.
I think the whole point of the original message was instead of "I am so fat"; "I look like a cow." "I gained blah, blah pounds" is to turn it into something positive and that has been true for any hurdle.
And as for the headshot-could she be a full face like Rene Zellweger? Maybe she is on steroid therapy. Maybe she is a 14, but at 6 ft tall and not 5'2. A standard of the 60's is long gone; "Where's the love?"
Why are we as women so hateful to each other? It's true; "we" smile to each other and turn around and say nasty hurtful things about each other. We accept what the media shoves down our throat as beautiful. What happened to the boxum beauties like Marilyn Monroe and Jayne Mansfield?
Anyway this has gone on too long.
LOVE YOURSELF!
Heather McCrum,
Garland, TX
I have fibromyalgia and exercise is not only painful, but often times just not recommended for me. I do not overeat but I am overweight due to side effects of some of the medication I am on. I AM treated differently than when I was thinner. NO doubt in my mind on this. It is sad that some are so quick to judge and condemn without regard for another's situation or feelings.
Jim from Tulsa, Ok
"Fat" is 80% a mental issue.
If you can appropriately increase your physical activity level, you can eat Twinkies all day long. It's not easy, but it absolutely works.
It's all about balance.
Thank you, Jim. I totally agree. My husband is from Tulsa and I find that the men down south appreciate a woman with curves. Although I weigh 200 pounds, I look good and if something were to happen between my husband and myself, there are already a dozen men who've asked me to consider a future with them.
So, if it makes you skinny waifs happy to be that way, that's cool. Go right ahead. I'm enjoying my life too. Why don't we just embrace the mentality they have down south and just enjoy life and stop arguing with each other. Geeez....
Oh, and I blame caffeine for what is turning our society so mean. Quitting caffeine is what's made a difference in my life...
Love and Peace,
Elissa from California (but desperate to get out)
first of all, i'd like to say to cookie - everything in your grand daughters school lunch - execpt maybe the cheese stuff - was healthy. it's time people quit bashing lunch just because school's in front of it. if there's a problem, it's a specific school, not nationwide. if you're that upset about it, then pack her a lunch from home; she's not obligated to eat school lunch. these kids usually have a choice of a "main" meal, some type of sandwich and something else, maybe yogurt. as you get into the middle and high schools, they do get more choices - some not so good everyday, some very good everyday. it's not school lunches that are "making" our kids fat, even the ones who don't eat school lunch are getting fat. it's the parents job to teach their child healthy eating habits. and for your 411, it's our wonderful government that dictates what makes a suitable lunch at school. and yes i am a lunch lady :-).
as for the "fat talk" and "body bashing", i've been on both sides of the fence and yes overweight people are discrimminated against more than "skinny" people are. although i've seen on some news programs that other countries are starting to discrimminate against the overly skinny :-). i've been obessed with my weight before. my husband of not quite a year yet has shown me it's not what's on the outside, but what's on the inside. he met me when i'm fat, fell in love with me when i'm fat, married me when i'm fat, and falls more in love with me everyday when i'm fat - although he says i'm p.h.a.t. :-). i have a thyroid problem that started the weight gain, and i do exercise and eat healthy and i'm still "fat". but my husband LOVES me - no matter how curvy i am :-). with his support and love, i'm happy even at 210. to all y'all who have healthy views - kudos :-) and love. to all y'all who don't :-( sorry to hear that and maybe next time you're at the video store pick up "shallow hal" and still love you anyway. p.h.a.t. darlene
i heart you too Dar.
I heart you too Dar.
I think theres points to both sides of it. I think its wrong to tell people its ok to be fat. It is not ok to be fat!! Wake up people! Being at a proper weight is GOOD for your body. You can prevent lots of diseases, and possibly prevent having pains when youre in old age. The human body is designed to be at a certain weight. Knees, feet, etc are designed to have a certain window of weight on them. Yes, I am comparing the human body to bridges etc. The body is a structure, and it will fail if its asked to hold more than its designed to.
As for the "fat talk" I think the point of the article was to point out when it can become just plain silly and useless. The message I got from it was: Why are you sitting here complaining about your weight? If you put a fraction of the time you spend bashing your body into eating healthy and exercising, you would solve you own problem without losing any time.
I'm 16 years old and i'm looking for help on how to figure out if i have an eating disorder, personally i think that the first comments on this page is someone who needs help, why would you say such things...you don't know the woman who wrote the artical and she is giving advice out of the kindness of her own heart. comments like yours are one the reasons girls and woman are so obsessed with there weight and it sickens me to see it on a blog that is suppost to be for people who want advice. if you don't want advice then don't come on to this page.
I have been overweight all my life, I've been through the teasing and torturing and humiliation. I know I will never be thin, it's not in my make up. Society needs to find another topic to complain about. Before you know it they will ban overweight people just like they did cigarettes. Better yet why not have seperate facilities for big people so you don't have to look at us. Where is it written that all people must be thin to be accepted! I am sorry, but this is utterly ridiculous. You think that we are the only ones that suck up your tax money because of health problems related to obesity, I don't think so! What about thin people that are anorexic or bulemic, or diabetics, drug users, the list could go on and on. Everyone needs to be accepted.
i dont understand how some people can watch what they eat and still end up gaining weight.im 18 and weigh 123.lbs and i cant seem to pass that weight no matter how much food i eat, ive tried and tried but its not working.i get so jealous of fat people sometimes..its not like i want to be fat, i just want to gain some weight. HELP!!
some people should put more effort and energy to the condition of their souls...after all that is what trully imprints us in the world..For health concerns only should anyone be concerned for another based on looks...We all have a responsibility to improve with each generation...alot of hard work ahead of each and every one of us...Beauty can be seen in your eyes...thats the window to the soul.....
Post a Comment