Happy Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day is one of those holidays that has become woven into our mindset, hasn't it? According to a web site called The Holiday Spot, Saint Valentine was a Bishop near Rome in about the year 270 A.D. during a time when the reining Emperor Claudius-II had issued an edict forbidding marriage. The emperor had done this because he believed that married soldiers were too emotionally attached to their families and thus were poor warriors.According to church legend, upon seeing the trauma of young lovers who were not allowed to marry, Valentine began meeting them in a secret place to join them in the sacrament of matrimony. Claudius learned of this "friend of lovers," and had him arrested. The emperor was impressed with the young priest's dignity and conviction and attempted to convert him to the roman gods to save him from certain execution. Valentine refused to recognize Roman Gods, knowing the consequences fully; he was executed on February 24, 270.
Supposedly before he died Valentine used his spiritual powers to heal blindness in the daughter of a prison guard and before death he sent her a farewell note signed "from your Valentine." This signature has remained a part of the tradition of sending "Valentine" cards. Bishop Valentine eventually become a Patron Saint and the spiritual overseer of an annual festival that had young Roman men offering women they wished to court handwritten greetings of affection on February 14; these greeting cards acquired St.Valentine's name. The tradition of sending a Valentine's Day card spread with Christianity, and now it is celebrated all over the world.
According to the Greeting Card Association, approximately 1 billion Valentine greeting cards are sent each year, and 85% of them are sent by women. So although this tradition started out with men sending the cards, apparently women are more susceptible to the notion of a "Hallmark Holiday." If you're interested in reading more about Valentine's Day, Wikipedia has some really interesting information here.
So what does all this have to do with a blog that focuses on heart disease? Well, I've been thinking about how people react to the emotional side of having heart disease. It seems as though people get all tied up in the fact that having heart disease will affect someone's ability to love another person. It's as if love is a emotion of the heart, when I think it's really an emotion of the head.
Women especially seem to get twisted into this knot when their husbands develop heart disease. I remember a conversation with a wife of a cardiac rehab patient. She said, "He's so angry. I think his heart attack made him not love me anymore." When I asked what she meant, she said that it was "like his heart was broken" and she was afraid of hurting him more.
Now I was increasingly getting confused; was she talking about sex? She laughed and rolled her eyes, and said, "Well that too, but no, I mean that our emotions are a mess, and I think we're both angry and hurt and afraid."
Tough stuff to talk about, these emotions of the heart. Our hearts are all tied up in our physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual health and to top it all off, we have a Hallmark Holiday telling us how we're supposed to feel about our partners. What if that isn't exactly how you feel? What if your partner is in the middle of a heart attack next week? I don't have any specific answers, I'm just interested in your thoughts on the subject. Please tell, what are your experiences with the emotions of the heart?
Love one another in the best way you can,
Laurie
There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
Friedrich Nietzsche, German philosopher, (1844-1900) "Reading and Writing"
So what does all this have to do with a blog that focuses on heart disease? Well, I've been thinking about how people react to the emotional side of having heart disease. It seems as though people get all tied up in the fact that having heart disease will affect someone's ability to love another person. It's as if love is a emotion of the heart, when I think it's really an emotion of the head.
Women especially seem to get twisted into this knot when their husbands develop heart disease. I remember a conversation with a wife of a cardiac rehab patient. She said, "He's so angry. I think his heart attack made him not love me anymore." When I asked what she meant, she said that it was "like his heart was broken" and she was afraid of hurting him more.
Now I was increasingly getting confused; was she talking about sex? She laughed and rolled her eyes, and said, "Well that too, but no, I mean that our emotions are a mess, and I think we're both angry and hurt and afraid."
Tough stuff to talk about, these emotions of the heart. Our hearts are all tied up in our physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual health and to top it all off, we have a Hallmark Holiday telling us how we're supposed to feel about our partners. What if that isn't exactly how you feel? What if your partner is in the middle of a heart attack next week? I don't have any specific answers, I'm just interested in your thoughts on the subject. Please tell, what are your experiences with the emotions of the heart?
Love one another in the best way you can,
Laurie
There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
Friedrich Nietzsche, German philosopher, (1844-1900) "Reading and Writing"
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Technorati Tags: emotions, heart disease, Valentine's Day
Labels: emotions, heart disease, Valentine's Day
5 Comments:
interesting history, thanks for researching it. related to the broken heart is broken heart syndrome, one that is probably beyond the reach of st.valentine to remedy, but who knows the power of a valentine card?
I’ve listed two answers. First, is where I desperately am working towards being able to say and what I say to all my friends and family so they don’t think I’ve fallen off the deep end. The second is my reality and where I’m at now.
Goal response: Being the 41 year old wife of a 46 year old man that has severely aggressive coronary artery disease has changed my life and my heart completely. No longer does the coffee cup on the counter panic me when friends arrive at the door. Nor does the dog prints on the floor make me mad. “Yes” is the first word that comes out of my mouth when family or friends extends an invitation for a get together. Gone are my 60 hour work weeks and the weekends are mine and his to cherish together. I haven’t cursed the fine lines around my eyes since his heart attack and welcome the day when he looks at my face full of wrinkles.
Yes, heart disease has changed both of us, but it is a welcome change. Bring on old age! Both of our hearts are ready for it. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Reality: I cry at least one day a week on my way to work, realizing my life that I’ve worked so hard for will never be. Every time my husband has a gas pain I’m certain it’s the end. I spend at least 1 hour in the grocery store with beads of sweat on my forehead worried that the food I’m preparing has too much sodium. As far as sex goes, blood pressure medicine takes care of that. Even though I shower our Cardiologists with thank you notes and kind words, I hate them for telling me everything is going to be o.k. because deep down I know it’s a lie. I live my life on pins and needles waiting for the call that we are back into surgery.
It’s only been 10 months since his 5 way bypass and 16 months since his heart attack. I’d like to say it’s gotten better, but that would be the lie I tell people I know.
When I had triple bypass surgery one year ago, I was warned in advance to expect depression during the recovery period, that it was a normal after-effect of any major surgery, as well as being normal when told you have a chronic condition that you fear could shorten your life and reduce your quality of life. And having one spouse depressed can lead to stress-caused depression in the other spouse also. Depression and fear of a repeat heart attack can together ruin one's sex life and family relationships.
I was lucky, though, perhaps because I was already taking antidepressants due to repeated bouts of depresson over many years. I only felt depressed for a short period of time when post-surgical complications that had the potential to be life-threatening cropped up. Once those were under control, my depression lifted. Three months after surgery I resumed my sex life, and I have no problems in that area at all now.
So I would suggest that the woman in the article and her husband, as well as the wife who wrote of the truth behind the story she shares, should each be assessed for symptoms of depression, and try medication for it if the symptoms add up to a psychiatric diagnosis. The meds do not work instantly (a few weeks are needed for levels to build up in the body), and many people have to try a few different drugs before finding the one that works for them as the chemical imbalance associated with depression can vary between individuals. But the results can make that search very worthwhile, believe me.
Finally, being a heart patient in rehab does not need to damage your quality of life one bit. Mine is better than ever because I once again have the energy I was lacking before the surgery, and because I now put more effort into getting enough exercise and eating well.
Yes, there is a chance that I might need more surgery later or might die of a heart attack eventually, but my chances of surviving a long time are in fact better now than they were before the need for surgery was recognized. So why worry more about death now than I did then? It will come for us all eventually, but time spent fretting about how and when that will be is time NOT spent living joyfully, and thus time wasted, in my humble opinion.
Any one reading this should very carefully read Rebecca's comments. If this lady does what she is trying to accomplish, she will live a very fulfilled life no matter how long it may be. I have not had any heart problems but I do have multiple auto immune problems and a history of familial heart problems. I take extra care of myself and live each day as best I can and don't worry too much about when the good Lord will take me. I figure that I have suceeded very well over the past 35 years since I was diagnosed with lupus which was less than a year after my Mother died at the age of 52 of a sudden heart attck.
Hello again, I'm the wife that wrote in about my husband's heart attack and 5/bypass.
I sincerely appreciate your kind words. I read them carefully and I wanted to thank you both for taking the time to comment.
I think I will at least talk to somebody about my fears. It all has been such a shock and I feel so very helpless.
From the bottom of my healthy heart, I thank you.
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