My Top 10 Reasons Why Men Don't Want Sex
A recent blog by Dr. Louanne Cole Weston on why women don't want sex had me thinking. What about the guys? Don't our feelings count? Isn't it important what the men want and feel? Why is all the attention about when women want or don't want sex? What about our needs? Isn't the man supposed to be half the relationship?
I have had a busy practice for almost 20 years, with extensive traveling and speaking and answering questions on WebMD's Men's Health and Male Fertility Message boards. It has become clear to me over these decades in this field that it is about time that woman acknowledge that compromise doesn't mean getting what they want or don't want. It means giving in and sharing in their resolution. How about meeting somewhere in the middle. So...
Here, for the first time ever, the top 10 reasons Men Don't Want Sex:
.... okay, so there aren't any reasons that men would not want sex.
But doesn't that say a lot? Actually for men it is something different...apparently significantly different from how women feel about sex. And that will be discussed in the next blog.
Related Topics: Sexual Fitness for Men: The Hardness Factor, 10 Secrets to a Better Love Life
Technorati Tags: men's health, sexuality, top 10
I have had a busy practice for almost 20 years, with extensive traveling and speaking and answering questions on WebMD's Men's Health and Male Fertility Message boards. It has become clear to me over these decades in this field that it is about time that woman acknowledge that compromise doesn't mean getting what they want or don't want. It means giving in and sharing in their resolution. How about meeting somewhere in the middle. So...
Here, for the first time ever, the top 10 reasons Men Don't Want Sex:
.... okay, so there aren't any reasons that men would not want sex.
But doesn't that say a lot? Actually for men it is something different...apparently significantly different from how women feel about sex. And that will be discussed in the next blog.
Related Topics: Sexual Fitness for Men: The Hardness Factor, 10 Secrets to a Better Love Life
Technorati Tags: men's health, sexuality, top 10
77 Comments:
I am seeking the best natural alterative(s)to Viagra. I am 44 years old. I am slightly overweight and take blood pressure medication for slightly elevated readings. I have also suffered from mild depression and take a low dose of Prozak. I have tried to wean myself off of it but seem to suffer serious withdrawal symptoms. I have been reading about Saw Palmetto, Ginseng, Kava Kava, Daniana, Muira Puana and Ginkgo Biloba. I have also heard about Horny goat weed but don't know anything about it. Considering my current medications, what alternatives would be helpful and healthy? My sex drive is basically non-existent. Please help.
There may not be 10 reasons, but since getting married to my husband I realized there is one good reason. He was sexually abused and will not initiate sex hardly ever. It is tough to live with, but at least all the other aspects of our relationship are positive. We intend on getting counseling to heal the problem.
I think it's pretty irresponsible of you as a medical professional to say there are no reasons men don't want (partnered) sex. Of course there are. And it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with a power struggle going on in a current relationship.
It's your responsibility as a person that people turn to for factual information to not be so glib and reliant on stereotypes.
Sorry but I beg to differ on your list of Why Men Don't Want Sex....apparently in my last marriage he decided withholding sex was a way to control me ~ of course being female I felt I was either "doing something wrong" was too fat (128 lbs) or whatever women are blamed for...in our divorce his counselor requested I join them for a session to "resolve issues". Much to my surprise it came out in that session the "control" issue of withholding sex (I never get enough even at my age) was because he felt that "everyone liked me better than him and that I fish better than he does".
Go figure ~ I am much happier divorced and oversexed granny that I am enjoy being single.
well, yes, that is a pretty silly post.
typical male.
I agree completely:
I think it's pretty irresponsible of you as a medical professional to say there are no reasons men don't want (partnered) sex. Of course there are. And it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with a power struggle going on in a current relationship.
It's your responsibility as a person that people turn to for factual information to not be so glib and reliant on stereotypes.
I wish you would address this topic in a serious way. I clicked on the link out of curiousity--I broke up a three-year relationship with a man I loved because he didn't ever want to have sex. I still don't understand what went wrong, or why he wasn't interested in me, but even now I'd love to find an answer.
To anonymous (4:42pm):
For a top ten list of serious reasons, try a visit to Dr. Louanne Cole Weston's list. She will be expanding on all ten of the reasons she listed in the upcoming weeks.
Have been married for over 26 years, had great sex before marriage with my to-be, then almost the moment we were married we turned into roommates instead of lovers. Over the years sex has gotten less and less frequent until now he says he has no desire whatsoever (with me or anyone else, so he says) and we've now gone nearly 7 years without making love, which is extremely painful - emotionally - to me, because he won't even TRY to be intimate in any way. I'd like to know some reasons. He's 54, I'm 48, yes I'm overweight, BUT...does that explain why it occured from the beginning when I was NOT overweight?
It was a good joke, but at the same time I thought you might have some serious information for me. Like, let's be honest, sometimes men don't.
Maybe not the best joke?
Debbie
It seems to me (at least in my relationships)that the lovemaking is great,before marrage. Both of us could not keep are hands off each other. BUT as soon the I Do's were said,sex became a weapen ,reward, or a bargining chip. GSE
Maybe there are some men out there that could admit that they too use sex as a weapon or bargan. Why is it that a woman is considered unusual for wanting sex more than the man? I just don't get it! I'm good looking and have never had a problem getting men before I settled into my relationship. I've tried to talk to my current boyfriend about this and feel like I'm talking to a wall or get a joke for a response. I've honestly considered cheating in the past, but couldn't go through with it. Any comments or advise would be appreciated! Thanks!
After 10 years of asking, waiting and getting shuffled to the bottom of the priority chain, I gave up. Every one has the pat answer that "would you give up on a child" or some such nonsense. To that I'd reply "No", I'd get them therapy. Women are taught to use sex as a weapon, but can't tolerate it when the weapon takes its toll and they are no longer attractive to their spouse. To most guys, It's the embodiment of the "Charley-Brown-and-Lucy Football Kicking Exercise".
I get the greatest chuckle out of women that say "Not with me, and not with anyone else (or I'll divorce your sorry butt)", and then are shocked when their spouses get their sexual gratification at internet porn sites.
When women decide to treat spouses as equals, with feeling and desires, maybe then their's will be met. Otherwise, it's going to be another cold night, tonight.
My husband and I have been married over 40 years and I agree with the Dr. and so would my husband. I also had a good laugh because I really wondered why some men wouldn't want sex. We didn't have sex before marriage, so I wouldn't know the complaint some experience after I do's. We found that when life with kids and such became overwhelming we actually scheduled time for each other and that worked great. It is such an important part of enjoying marriage, and the control part never entered into the equation. I think maybe sometimes couples get so hung up on the hows and preformance that they forgot the whys of sex and just wonder if the love part got lost. I love my husband more now than I did at the beginning. Being kind and conciderate has a lot to do with me and my wanting him.
I was married for 3 years and my ex-husband and I would go months without having sex. I found out he was having sex with someone else. Since the sex wasn't that good to begin with I decided to file for divorce. I don't share especially when it's not that good....someone else can keep him. I'm better off and I have more fun masturbating anyway! Ha!
I have to agree with the others. You are feeding a stereotype here. There are plenty of reasons men may not want to have sex in a relationship.
1. Lack of desire
2. Unresolved sexual abuse issues
3. Early childhood misconceptions about sex
4. Confusion about sexual orientation
5. Boredom
6. Lack of attraction
7. Medical issues like high blood pressure, depression.
8. Using sex as a way to control
9. Getting his needs meet somewhere else (porn, affairs)
10. Erection disfuction/age
There is a reason for every 4th or 5th person on the planet.
I sure the doctor didn't intend to offend anyone. I suspect that the doctor didn't realize there are a lot of people out there hurting and dealing with complex issues. I don;t know the the doctor but please don;t take hus comments to heart. As for me, I'm 42 year ole male. For some reason, my sex drive is like a 16 or 18 year old male. I can't get enough. Everyday is what I like. I agree with one post, everyday tenderness, caring and taking a personal interest in each other is what fuels sex. I believe depression and stress will kill anyone's sex drive as well. Get away together, be silly and do something together that generally makes you happy, feels free, relaxed and alive. It works for me!
I have been married for 31 years and up until 3 years ago we had sex almost every night and then our sex life abruptly stopped. The reason I found out was that he was looking at porn all the time. He promised to never do it again and since then I've caught him two more times by looking at his computer. I am very angry that I'm being dissed for porn. This has happened to alot of women. We have no sex life while our men are living in a fantasy land. By the way I look better than I ever have.
My husband argues about everything,everyday, all the time. From whether the grill is hot enough, as to how much catsup should go on my plate. It is never a discussion, he always wants me to know he is right and forces his thoughts down my throat. It really gets heated when money is the topic. Everyone in the family wastes money but him. There is never an apology or any softness or vulnarbility from him ever. I am so angry most of the time at him I would rather go with out sex. He didn't use to be that way before we were married, or so I thought. He needs to learn to shutup and just agree, and he would have alot more sex.
I have not seen mentioned the possibility that addiction to alcohol and/or drugs will without fail drive sexual desire and/or performance into outerspace. After nearly 20 years of marriage to a chronic alcoholic, a "maintenance drinker" who did not drink to obvious intoxication, I finally learned that the lack of sexual and emotional intimacy in our marriage was not related to anything I did or did not do, which was the ongoing assumption. It was due to his use of alcohol. I don't have such problems in relationships not affected by addiction. There you have it, at least one more reason not listed.
My husband and I have been together since I was 17 and he was 22. We were very sexual at first and since he stole me from his best friend he knew I was an incredibly sexual person. After 6 months we started living together and little by little the sex went away.
Now we have been married for 8 years and together for 13 and we havent made love in 5 years. I stopped trying and making myself crazy. We have a perfect relationship in every other way. So at this point I have made a decision that the love is more important than the making love but that does not mean that it doesnt hurt or that I will take it forever.
He has stuck with me through all of my medical problems and I will do the same for him, he is my best friend and is a wonderful man but I will always feel something is missing. He does enjoy S&M type porn and I have offered to role play but men dont want to do that with their wives a lot of times.
Sometimes we have to decide whether love or sex are more important and at this point in my life I need the love and support more than the sex.
Glad i read these because I see I am not alone dealing wirh a husband who is uninterested in sex. Never coudl figure out why and i have beeen going through the feelings of rejection and selfexamination. I am beginning to agreee with the others it is a control issue and very mean to put a loved on ethrough that, it is painful and uncaring. I have accepeted sex from him that is not healthy or loving just to have some, now i think it is not worth it to my self esteem, maybe i would be bettter off with out him and liv eon my own. i need both love and sex.
Dr. Marks,
If you're the typical Web MD expert, the web site just lost a lot of credibility.
I can't believe noone has even mentioned the endocrine system, mor specifically the pituitary gland. Dysfunctions in this gland are far from rare and cause a lack of desire, often, even in very young men. Try reading "Man Made", a memoir by Ken Baker, for an understanding of this situation. Also, visit the Pituitary Association's web site.
I AM FED UP. RIGHT NOW I AM VERY HORNY AND IN NEED OF LOVE MAKING. I AM TEMPTED TO GO OUT AND HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND, OR DAY STAND, OR BACK-ALLEY STAND, OR BACK SEAT STAND. I HAVE BEEN WANTING FOR SEX FROM MY MAN FOR TOO LONG. I DON'T KNOW IF HE IS GAY OR DOING OTHER WOMEN. WHEN WE DO MAKE "LOVE" IT DOESN'T LAST BUT 5 MINUTES. I AM 34 YEARS OLD AND I AM BEAUTIFUL, SEXY AND HHHOOORRRNNNYYY!!!! I AM TRYING TO GIVE HIM SOME TIME TO GET IT TOGETHER. I AM TIRED OF MASTERBATING. I WANT A MAN THAT LAST LONG AND STRONG!!!!
I thought this was hysterical. Thank you. Doctor's are allowed to have a sense of humor.
Hi, I'm a 28 yrs old man. Unfortunately I have a lack of sexual desire. I screwed around with anabolic steriods on and off for about 5 yrs. I'm now married and would like to get my wife pregnant. I'm worried that my testosterone level is screwed up and or my sperm count is screwed up. I heard that I can take Clomid or HCG to help bring them back to normal. How about Zinc and Magnesium supplements?
Any input would be helpful. Thank you
Hi,
I have been married for over 10 years. And within the last 5, my wife and I were having problems in lovemaking. We went through some counseling, changed our eating habits and quite a few other things to improve our sexual appetites again. Get to know each other again and start dating again and within the marriage. Do lots of things together, going out to dinner, dancing, etc.... Your relationships are saveable. My wife and I within the past 5 years and up to now have a enjoyable sex life. But we had to work on this. Enjoy life. Add some humor. Learn to enjoy sex again with each other.
Shane
If I wasn't in this very predicament, I would probably say it was funny! So that just goes to show what different views of things people have (and it all depends on what side of the fence you are looking from). I love sex! I just have no desire for it anymore, especially in the last 3yrs. I've been severely depressed from physical injuries, internal sickness, and mental anguish. I was married for fifteen years, even then sex was so so! My girlfriend for past 11yrs, is 7yrs older than me, and always horny! Sex was always great, until my recent situation. She accepts and understands what I'm going thru, and knows it is not her fault, but the problem I have. We get along fine because of her understanding, and we both hope things will change for the better. But in the mean time I feel bad for her! We have no thoughts or reason to want to leave each other. I especially would not, because I don't think I would find anyone as understanding as her. So we just make the best of each others company, by being together and doing things, and being their for each other. And she knows when I'm ready, she will be also(and then some). As for Viagra or any other type of stimulant, I think they are a waste of time and money, if you just don't have the desire. Sort of like using Starter fluid on an engine that has no Piston's? No matter what you do, it ain't gonna go. But there are quite a few reasons, more than Ten, why Men don't want to or can't have sex. And I also clicked on this site with anticipation of finding some type of help! Instead I found 10 blank lines, that was more like rejection!!! And not a joke. And to think I use to like this Web Site!
Thank's??
Surely this wasn't written by a medical professional.
The top 10 list is blank...my goodness, I thought WebMD was a serious site. You are not really a doctor, are you. This site has lost its credibility.
There are plenty of reasons why I don't always want to have sex - to portray us guys as some horndog stereotypes is shameful, especially for one in the medical profession.
This was an idiotic blog.
From a doctor who wrote an excellent book about prostate cancer how could you write that there are no reasons a man would not want sex? We had a normal sexual relationship until prostate cancer surgery then androgen deprivation therapy for 2 years. His desire disappeared as soon as he found out he had prostate cancer. It was heart breaking for me. He could still function normally while we waited through 3 months of tests and decision making about the treatment but he was not interested. I was patient and encouraging after surgery before the drugs began as part of a follow up study. His PSA is normal his testosterone is .25. So do not say there are no reasons men for men not wanting sex it is a uncaring statement from a specialist in urology who knows better.
Nice job,
You went from esteemed expert in urology to JERK.
I have been in a relationship for five years. The first three years of our relationship we would have sex frequently. Now, I feel fortunate, count my blessings when we do have sex which is about once a month or maybe once every two month. He's either tired or to busy. I feel less like a woman, undesirable. I take it as he is just not attracted to me anylonger, although he denies that reasoning. I have gained about 20 pounds the last three years. I just can't seem to get him to notice me, so why bother staying in shape. When finally he breaks down after nagging him for sex, crying for sex, we enjoy it. I feel it's fabulous. Of course, I'm starving for it, so that could be the reason why I feel its wonderful. I feel we are starting to have a connection, but then back again for a few months with out the intimacy. But I too found out that the reason why was he was not having encounters with me because he was pleasing himself with porn. So, I do not understand this and I would love to have an answer for this. I am not an unattractive woman. I brought the situation to his attention asking him to please stop and look at me, touch me, but he has not stopped. I really would like an answer for this. I do not understand. I want to take all the porn out of the house, but then I feel if I do that, I'm acting like a mother instead of a mate. So Dr. please give me an answer.
I agree with the majority here. I am extremely disappointed in WebMD if this is what I am to expect from a doctor here.
"lol" For the most part you nailed it and I thought it was very funny! As for the people that have no sense of humor – I suggest a psychiatrist. This country has gotten so darn neurotic!
Like the earlier poster said, go here for a serious list:
Top 10 Reasons Men Don't Want Sex
OK! maybe for some this was a joke that they did not find funny because of their own particular circumstances which I am sure the author had no deliberate intention to set out and compromise or hurt anyone.
To me the site has maintained it's integrity by publishing the feedback good or bad together with links to where people can follow up for further in-depth comment and knowledge in this area.
Furthermore, consider the volume of personal sharing the author's approach has brought out of the "woodwork" which might not otherwise have come forth with a more straight-forward article.
I learnt a lot from the comments of others that has helped me with insight towards my own circumstances.
I was surprised that the doctor touched on the issue of feelings. Just because men are less verbal about them doesn't mean they don't have them, or that they aren't important. Single guy plus small child equals babe magnet. Four babes didn't consider this: the single guy wanted a partner who saw him as more than a "sperm bank with paycheck". He already had a big responsibility that equalled or trumped their desire to have a baby. They just couldn't understand that.
Another problem--and don't bother jumping all over me on this one, because I heard it FROM WOMEN--is obesity. Two lost interest in husbands who became obese, another became obese so her husband wouldn't want sex from her and the fourth got obese after her marriage ended so she wouldn't be seen as a sex object and therefore felt more comfortable around men.
Most of us aren't looking for skinny, gorgeous fashion models. We're much more flexible about weight and looks than women imagine. But never think that our feelings are any less important than yours, and come to grips with the fact that although some people are attracted to obese mates it is a very small, fringe market. Both of these issues are important, and when a man loses interest he may not actually be the problem.
just stumbled across this in my email, i got the joke, and think a sense of humor can go a long way.
To the man who is worried about how this portrays men everywhere, did you ever stop to think about how women in porn portray women everywhere. And you men don't seem to mind that, why worry about your representation now. I mean we are talking about the men who google just as soon as they see a pair of boobs that are as big as a watermelon correct. Don't try and play mister nice guy now. If youmen would quit with all the porn us women might have a descent outlook on sex. But when you have all that out there and we know we cannot compare to technology in a magazine what do you expect. Mind you I am a good looking woman who has a very high sex drive that is met by my husband everynight. You want us to take something like that serious then take the other topics just as serious. BTW Dr. Marks is my husband's Dr who performed his reversal and he is a very down to earth and caring Dr who I'm posotive didn't intend to have so many take this so personal, and I agree with the person who is vouching on webmd behalf they are posting all comments no matter what it might be and that is a very prestige upholding on they're behalf. If he hadn't of been joking the way he did he might not have gotten some of the responses he did. Have a nice day all...... And Dr. Marks we still love you. Everyone has the right to how they feel!!!!!!!!!
My son age 15 has had MRSA and treated incorrectly for more than a year. Recently, he was placed on bactrum and has now completed that therapy. He has developed a continuous pressure headache over the last few days with pressure behind the eyes. His eyes are swollen. He had an episode a week ago where he got so mad that he went into a type of rage and has no memory of that night. Can you tell me what we should do?
Tina
Don't forget about anger. My husband and I recently had a long conversation about our lack of lovemaking. Of course, I initiated it. He finally told me about all the times he withdraws emotionally and physically from me because he has been trying to avoid my anger. I hadn't realized how often I had been angry about all kinds of things. This had caused a problem in our closeness. We have decided that the next time I become angry that he will say we need to talk in 10 min. That will give me time to cool down and then he has the right to talk to me without interruption or anger from me. When he is finished then I will have my turn to talk without interruption or anger toward him. I am hoping this will help. We also, discussed that I was needing more attention. He has been doing his part and so have I. I just wish I wasn't always the one to try to figure out what is wrong.
there has been a change in shape. It has gone from straight to banana shaped. I am 60 years old.
Why?
well, my husband has a lot more than 10 reasons- we havent had sex in 4 years. No illness, no meds, no hormone imbalance, he is just truly disinterested, and if he is having sex with someone else, it could only be during work hours because he's home all nights and weekends. He is not even the least bit interested and I cant take much more of this, its like living with my brother--- any suggestions as to what our problem is?
im surprise that there is no reasons why husband dont want sex but anyway thanks goodness for that i am not the only one.
my sex life is very poor,im only 23 and my husband is 31, after 2 years of marrige my husband change he dont want sex anymore im lucky if i had once a week. i used to cry sometimes i feel that he had an affair outside or maybe he is a gay.Im frustrated.Thats the reason why im looking for answer WHY?
To those of you looking for information on why men don't want sex, check our Dr. Weston's list. :-)
hi.
i have been married almost 5 years. we always had sex problems. i knew after baby it will be worse because my body will change. before we used to have sex twice or may be more once a month. now, we have sex that last 2 seconds and happens in 4 or 6 months. please adivce what to do? i am 120 ILBS. not bad looking i think.
so, what is the problem?
I have a reason why I don't want to have sex, hopefully you can help me out. For as long as I [male/22] can remember, I have had an orifice above my anus. For all intent and purposes, I don't think it does anything. My mother told me that my old pediatrician said it was normal, yet I have been wanting more info on it lately, and can find nothing on the subject. Any info?
Ihavebeenmarriedfor20years icaught my husband looking at porn. he has erectile disfunctiondueto diabetes. he has promisedmehewillstoplookingatporniamlonlleyhewon'tevenlookatmeI'mfromsweden47andpretty.ilovehimbuti
amdevistatedidon'tknowwhattodohewillnotseekcounceling
could someone help me my husband has sneezing spells after intercourse everytime, what could be causing this, we've checked thru all the perfumes and stuff like that could it be medical"" please help
Dear Dr. Marks, how do you think, can levitra help men, who don't want sex?
Ok Ladies, sit down or stand for this one; and Doc it wouldn't hurt for you to take that stethoscope out of your ear and listen too. I'm about to step out on a very lonely plank here. Much to the Chagrin of us guys out there; we know that indeed there is a Top Ten list and would painfully have to agree with what appears on it. (of course we won't admit to most) At any rate, I read a lot of Technical, medical and assumed reasons for Men not wanting (partnered sex);all are not excluded however, I'm only offering my two cents. It's true we are BIG fans of instantaneous gratification! Many of you would like to believe that your spouse is Gay or cheating on you or maybe even watching too much porn. Perhaps that helps you to cope with your own denial...ouch..I know....sorry! My Top Ten list which can easily mount to twenty goes as follows:
1. Pressure to perform (or last)
2. Desire (don't always take this pernal)
3. Not sexy enough or anymore for him or you.
4. Kids listening in or others hearing you both. (sounds silly, but true)
5. The intimacy that follows (oh, that's a big one) tell the truth guys!
6. Believe it or not; he respects you more than some freaky friday on a video, but wouldn't mind having one meaning you every once in a while. (more role playing ladies)
7. When the spouse doesn't perform oral sex or even just sex adequately (and don't ask him what would he like for you to do)he may want to do sometime he know's you're not gonna agree to so why bother. Pick up a book or here's a novel idea how about this...watch one of those videos he watches and learn!
8. Unresolved issues; ie: arguments about finances, family, career, etc. (can be depressing and distracting I'm sure you know this)
9. Mood swings (believe or not actually some will agree that we can be more moody than women) face it guys we are!
10. Masturbation: Perhaps he and Mary Palms already had a session Sorry....beat you to another orgasm.....once that's happedned...for get about it!
This list can go on and on. Ladies, stand up to him and make love to him and not ask to be made love to. Don't make it a mission, make it a pleasure like it use to be. So Dr. Marks, I stand along side you in the doorway looking out watching this garden of comments of a seed that was bound to grow.....Brilliant!
I'm a bisexual man , I have a partner of 11years that used to be sexually insatiable, he foud he has Diabetes and is on Madicatios foe that and also had has High blood pressure and is on mads for that also. His sexual desire has dropped to zero as of late and its not due to our relashionship I believe its due to both of his medical problems , would Viagra help
For those of you whom are all up in the good doctor's butt for making a funny, get over it already. The world, as good fortune would have it, does not revolve around your penis, or the lack thereof.
my husband is 25 and does not want to be with me and i can't find out why.he says he does not know but i think it is because i am not pretty enough after having two kids, my breasts are gone from nursing and i have extra skin around my waist that i can not get rid of no matter what i do. but i am 104 lbs 5 foot 3 and i don't have an attractive body any more, i hate the way i look and he will not let me get it fixed it is like he is ashamed of the way i look. can any one help me?
alright lets face it, there still are reasons why a man would not want to have sex, there may not be 10, but as a highschool student, I do not want mess up a bright future by having a child or contracting an STD, I may be sexualy active, but I keep it to a minunium and with one person, even though we both haven't done anything to a great extent *haven't had intercorse, but still other forms of sexual activity* getting her pregnet is still in the back of my mind, so even as a male, i'm not going to have sex with her, even though i really would want to
i am a 6'5" African American male, I have contracted the AIDS virus, and other various STDS, i have 3 kids, and i have destroyed my future, the sex led to dieases, the dieseas led to drugs, drugs led to the streets, after living on the streets for 12 years, i think i am one good reason why a man should think twice about sex
i am 22years old and my boyfriend is 30. i look great! i am not over weight. i am 115lbs. since being over weight seems to be one of the number one reasons people dont want to have sex i just had to let you know that i'm NOT, but he never wants to have sex. we have been together for 4yrs. and his excuse is because he is stessed out! can that really do it to you guys????
i am 22years old and my boyfriend is 30. i look great! i am not over weight. i am 115lbs. since being over weight seems to be one of the number one reasons people dont want to have sex i just had to let you know that i'm NOT, but he never wants to have sex. we have been together for 4yrs. and his excuse is because he is stessed out! can that really do it to you guys????
After reading the doctor's glib comments, I can better appreciate why doctors have a license to practice medicine! Maybe one of these days he will get beyond the practice stage, and actually know what he is talking about. Sex is a natural function and should be enjoyed by both men and women. However, if either men or women don't want sex, there usually is a definite reason for it. With doctors pushing patients out the door as fast as they can, is it really any wonder why they have such a hard time thinking about anything but the money? There are alternative cures for all kinds of diseases, but you won't find your doctor pushing for awareness for any of them. They obviously prefer to be a schill for the drug companies than worry and the pain and suffering of humanity. I guess the doctors glib commenst are to be expected. Iwonder how much he gets from writing the column?
OH MY GOD! I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE..... I AM THE MOST SEXIEST, UNDERSTANDING WIFE A MAN COULD HAVE. I HAVE EVEN WENT AS FAR AS WANTING TO ROLE PLAY. GOT REJECTED. DAMN!!! I KNOW CHEATING IS NOT THE ANSWER BUT WHAT GIVES?
I have such a high regard for this website, I can't believe Webmd would allow this to be posted with the reputation they have for sincere, reliable information. I did not come to this site for joke of the day, or by that fact, the year. I came because I need information from a reliable source. Thanks for letting your readers sound off to each other. And I hope the "medical professional" does not give his patients the same crappy service or advise he has stated here.
I kind of like the fact that the doctor did not put a list, because it got people talking. It's starting to sound like a support group. I have the same problems with my husband. When we were dating (before the baby) we would have sex like ten times in one weekend. It was great.....and now he does not perform,most of the time he just wants oral sex and does not give anything back to me. I ask but he is just to lazy to please me. We are going to start going to marriage therapy. I have a feeling that there are some unresolved issues and that is why he is not putting out for me.
Does anyone know if saw palmetto can cause ED? and are there any studies I can read concerning the subject
Ok... did any of you ever consider that thought that HE might not want sex with YOU after all these years is because he is gay? Overweight and age has nothing to do with it, ladies.
I am speaking from experience. I thought I would never enjoy sex again. Then I found him. Yes, my ex hated (still does) me, but I had to be honest.
Of course, this reasoning will not apply in every case; but surprisingly, to some it will.
Priapism is the number one reason why men don't want sex. Priapism is a condition or a disorder that could be compared to a submarine's periscope being stucked in an upward position and won't come down. Needless to say, women seems to enjoy this type of disorder while men suffers the consequences of being ridden by cowgirls. How long does priapism lasts? According a woman's group that supports and advocates priapism, it could last more than 12 hours. Studies have shown that women prefers priapism over viagra because it lasts longer. Treatment for priapism? Forget it, women don't want it treated.
Malprac
hi i been married for 4 years at first it was the best sex with my husband and now we have a two year old baby and the sex part has chang so much now he dosent even try to do anything he dosent even get close to me at night i even sleep naked any advice out thier
The biggest problems that I mostly see with men not wanting sex stems very much from the way that their partners are used to having sex.
In the “traditional” model, men area always horny and ready for sex and women are supposed to act like they’re virginal and chaste and have low sex drives, if they have sex drives at all. Sex is orchestrated very similarly to porn; the man’s penis is the most important thing, and his erection, thrusting, and orgasm are the most important parts of the sex itself.
But maybe, just maybe, people who are having sex problems are realizing very slowly that their sex lives before the man lost desire might be the culprit?
Most women are embarrassed to talk about their sexual desires, and they are even more loath to explore them. It’s almost like women think that they’ll be animalistic and shunned for being horny or having sexual desires. However, the very WORST thing that a woman can do is put all the pressure on the man. She expects him to always want sex and always be after her like some sort of animal during mating season while she just sits back and does nothing. She doesn’t touch him, caress him, or do sexual things to him, but merely is a receptacle for his advances. Now, I don’t know about you, but if you have the choice between sex with the same person who demands you do all the work and porn or masturbation, where you’d still have to do all the work, many men would choose masturbation and porn simply because it’s the same thing.
Now, I’ve had past relationships that sucked because of these very things. I had boyfriends who wanted to do things that were learned from looking at porn and such, but at the same time, I did not know what I wanted. And I certainly did not know that my boyfriends were frustrated at me because I didn’t bring up what I wanted to do or initiate stuff.
I learned firsthand why it’s annoying to have a partner who is always asking for oral or penetrative sex and then will not reciprocate. Women, you are very likely guilty of this at least sometimes. You’re tired, so you want to be on the bottom. You may not move with him during the act itself, and if he gets flaccid, you act like it’s an insult and he’s the worst person ever (hint: that’s even worse for his libido). Believe it or not, men are thinking and feeling people too and their feelings get hurt just as badly as when you’re told that you’re a fat cow or that he finds your body unattractive. Words hurt. And so I wouldn’t suggest calling your sex partner any names that you wouldn’t want to be called yourself.
Most men are taught to keep their feelings inside (I was lucky in my case, because I met my husband when we were both young, so he hasn’t had to deal with other relationships where men learn that they have to hide everything including emotion from their significant other, simply because she’ll treat him like crap if he does). This does NOT mean that men are ignorant if they’re having erection problems or if they’re withdrawing away from you. They are often dealing with a combination of a physical problem stemming from psychological issues and this very often leads to depression and suicidal thoughts. Instead of thinking only about how you are being denied sex (and I have been in this boat before), you need to think of HIM too. And you need to call him out on his behavior because it may be much more than sex. It may be a depression problem. He may be seriously thinking of killing himself and not telling you about this. Depression is very treatable and it’s nothing to be ashamed of . Most of the time, it’s due to a chemical imbalance in the brain, and can be made more severe if you are being unfeeling and petty at him because you see him as depriving you sex. A husband does not owe his wife sex, and vice versa. If you’re so horny and unsatisfied, learn to use dildoes and vibrators to satisfy yourself sexually, and then realize that it’s not only about sex.
It’s about holding him, and telling him what you like about his body. It’s about running your hands over his body. It’s about complimenting him and giving him bedroom eyes when you’re out in public. It’s about seeing something you think he’d like and surprising him with it that evening. It’s about getting him tickets to his favorite event and one extra for his friend or best male buddy to go with him. It’s about encouraging him to take up hobbies and supporting his activities, while also branching out and getting activities and new hobbies of your own. It’s about writing him little notes and putting them in his lunchbox or wallet. It’s about showing him that you care about him more than you care about his erection, or simply think of yourself and your wants.
And for goodness sake, please stop it with the female tactic of “read my mind and know what I want from sex”. It’s destructive and immature. I went through this as well, as a woman,, and it’s just going to lead to problems with sex.
The bottom line is that you only stay in love with people who you feel that you have a connection with. If you drift, and ignore each other, and think only of yourselves, you’re not going to last as a couple. And you’re really not going to have a very good time of it if you treat your partner like he is some kind of machine that he is not. He is a person with human feelings and desires and emotions. And pretending that he’s just there to do what you want is selfish and destructive.
Men and women cannot simply say that it’s someone else’s fault. Blame and pointing fingers only go so far. The more important part is not blaming; it’s healing. It’s communication and understanding. It’s realizing that you both have emotional baggage that is getting in the way of you having and maintaining a meaningful relationship.
The problem here is not that your relationship is festering, it’s that you’re in denial about it festering or that you think that if you just act like it isn’t a problem or that there is some magical quick fix to the situation where you have to put out the least amount of effort, then you’re simply deluding yourself.
A good relationship is not just magically so. You have to know what your priorities are, and what your mate’s priorities are. And you can’t just magically know what they are. You have to sit down, put on your grown-up panties, and stop acting like day time soap opera stars where no one communicates until someone is in a coma or gets a divorce.
Where do I go for treatment for ED.
It has been 4 years since. I miss it, my wife misses it. The locale Doctors I have been to tell there is nothing wrong, old age, and get used to it. I ask and ask about where to go for help with no answer. Distance is not a problem,
Hey listen to this my husband only wants sex once a month i am 125 lbs blond and blue eyes. now I think it is me not appealing to him. i tell him all the time he put his gold coated tool on the shelf and dust is covering it. I gave up 3 hrs of sex a night for him..wow what a mistake and web md tells me no reason they don't want sex????????
I think you hit a nerve. There are reasons for not wanting sex with a wife. My wife is a controlling, manipulative, hurting person, She has sexually frustrated me for years. I hate myself for wanting her at all. She still does not know or understand how to give freely. Too bad, she had an oversexed husband but now he sees himself as a loser for remaining married to someone so inwardly turned. May God forgive me.
kl
So if there are no reasons, then why the hell won't my fiance have sex with me anymore??? There better be a damn good reason to why he won't sleep with me. He couldn't keep his hands off of me, and now I get yelled at when I try to initiate sex. I'm lucky if we have sex 2 or 3 times a month. He's only 20, and he's done with sex. I'm 19, and I don't want to be anywhere near done with it.
Well i am 23 years old male and my wife to be is 19 we found that if i if i tell her no one sex for about a week then we have when do have it she really wants it and it is grrrrrreat sex but let me say it hard from me to go with out sex for more then a day.
i've been married for 4 years now. i'm 21 and my husband is 25, and he never wants sex. i use to think that it was me but now i see it ain't. nothing i do turns him on or even makes him want me. okay i'm not bad looking i'm not fat what can i do to help him? kcrogers12986@yahoo
I say welcome to the party women. Now YOU know what it's like to be rejected all the time. My lack of sexual interest in my wife only began due to HER lack of interest, and HER refusal to seek help about it.
Unfortunately for our little one, her inability to negotiate even half way has done serious damage to the marriage.
There is always someone out there that can turn anything into a negative or find the bad rather than finding the good or a better out come! If the post was written by a licensed DR. or just simply someone with an opinion he or she is still entitled to HUMOR and to be human. I would like the rest of you negative viewers to devote your life to the medical field and put a hold on your sex life not because of an illness or natural emotions we all may have gone through to help others in times of need! Bottom line stop being selfish and remember life is short so live it and allow others to do the same! The ones that took a simple blog post to heart are probably the ones suffering as a control nut or simply have not realized life is meant to be enjoyed lived to its fullest not dark and miserable! Get over it... and remember to get angry over an article just allowed yourself to be controlled! Humor may help you have bettor, more, or sex at all.
Post a Comment