The Meaning of Commitment and Kindness
Photo Credit: Gary Minnaert
One couple shared they have been married for 65 years. How wonderful! I asked what their secret was. The husband said "kindness" is what keeps them together. He said that some days you have to give 115 percent and you may not get anything back that day. But the next day is a new day to start another 115 percent. Being kind in every way i.e., respect, cooperation, consideration, etc., is what makes a relationship work. He also stated that many folks today do not understand the real meaning of commitment and are too quick to bail out of a relationship. Relationships take a lot of work.
Another couple at the table had experienced life-altering challenges and they also demonstrated much love and commitment. With challenged speech the gentleman told us that the important things that have kept he and his wife together include talking to God. When they argue or fight, they then go to their separate space and talk to God. They stay separate until they have had a chance to calm down and think about things. Then they reunite and discuss things. He said it is important to keep communication open and resolve issues promptly. Don't let them fester and build because they sometimes become very difficult to resolve. His wife agreed.
I felt it was a blessing for my husband and I to share breakfast with these lovely couples. They both wished us much love, commitment and longevity in our marriage. I walked away from our meal with a sense of excitement and hope for my own new marriage.
Many folks with chronic pain and disease are not fortunate to have the love and support of loved ones. Many families are tested to the limit and do not pass the test of durability to sustain their relationship through the storms of life and they crumble.
It may be beneficial for counseling in the early stages of disease or life altering change to be a more standard component of treatment. It is evident that pain, disease and disability effect every part of person's life to some extent. And this includes the life of all people who are close to that person. Counseling may help families to develop methods and ways to overcome the challenges and keep the vital component of communication open.
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: kindness, commitment, love, support, pain management, chronic pain, health and wellness
13 Comments:
What a wonderful reminder! Thank you.
You really get to know how much you are truly loved by another person when you are ill or need surgery. I have migraines and we have both needed surgery in the years we have been married. And the one thing we have always been able to count on each other being there. That's never changed. My husband has stayed up all night with me when I couldn't sleep. And we know the next time either of us need somthing done, big or small, the other is there. That's love.
Thank-you so much for your story. My husband and I have been married 31 years and he has chronic pain. Some days I get tired of doing everything for the house and him but then I feel bad cos I can do these things and he can't. So I just put on a smile and because he is my life, I deal with it.
My wife and I have been married for 25 years and I have chronic kidney pain and kidney stones. I have to take painkillers all the time for the pain, so I mostly can not do the things I used to be able to do, which makes me feel useless alot of the time. My wife is my best friend and she works full-time, goes to college, and does the housework. I don't see how but she loves me even though I can't be of any help to her most of the time. She says I have been a hard worker for the first 20 or so years of our lives together so she knows I do what I can now. Our love of God, our Love and Trust of each other is the reasons we have endured for so long and will continue to do so.
I have had 3 major back surgeries, at t-11,t-12 & L4-5 x 2..also every yr I have some type of procedure done..including total knee replacement, rotator cuff repair ( caused by t-11 surgery..tummy tuck-hernia caused severe pain.etc.etc..u get the idea..my husband of 33 yrs is still w/me..GOD knows it hasn't been easy..i am totally disabled, was an icu r.n. for23 yrs, injured on job so now i can walk and lift 10 ibs..i live in constant pain & spasms across my entire spine, i need more surery for re-ruptured discs.. i got myself off methadone, percocet, zoloft, and just take valium as needed..why are we still together?..we fight, argue & at times don't really like each other but we LOVE each other..vowed we.d never leave if I gave him 3 kids..i did so we take each day 1 minute/ hour/day @ a time.. oh, prayer helps too!!! ALSO i'M ONLY 55 yrs old!!
God Bless all who stick by each other. So many people don't understand pain and how one copes or one stands by while the other is useless and pain stricken. My whole life has been illness, my own mother has walked away at times. I suffered migranes early age, suffered female troubles from day one, suffered allergies, had C5-6 surgery, hysterectomy,laserdisectomy,ethmoidectomy,tonsilectomy, torn tendon, gallbladder, appendectomy, stomach tumor, scar tissue removal....
I have had 2 husbands and neither
stood by me. My two children have
been my children and my best friends. I have lived on bread and water for weeks. God has watched over me. I am now 43 and still suffer daily,massive back surgery ahead. God has given me love again. 1 year ago I met a man who never loved until me. One or three days a week I can't walk.
Not a negative word comes from his mouth. He has never shopped or nursed anyone. Fast food, hard work, farming, and sleep was his life. From my nursing school knowledge I discovered he was ill. I nursed him through his high blood pressure, diabetes, and he feeds me the pop-sickles when I can't keep food down.
Yep, that's love
thank you for the reminder! I am not married yet and have about two years (God willing) until I get married. My fiancée has been by my side on my good days (well my definition of good) and bad days. I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS/RSDS), severe migraines that have hospitalized me multiple times this year not counting ER trips and female issues. When I was in the hospital he came everyday just to sit with me, and hold my hand. He has gone to procedures with me. BUT most of all he has loved me when "cranky" with pain. We have had our share of major arguments, but we follow the same advice of taking some separate time and talking to God before we talk again, it saves us even longer arguments.
thanks again for the reminder and congrats on your marriage.
I have suffered from chronic pain (fibromyalgia) and fatigue (chronic fatigue) for over 1/2 of my life. My wonderful husband has never questioned me when I said I was having a "bad" day - just chipped in and did what needed doing. He isn't one for flowery words or sending cards and flowers, but he shows his love and caring every day by simply *doing* what is needed without complaint, without recrimination. Now that rheumatoid arthritis has been added to my disease mix, he has even taken over most of the cooking. Again, no recriminations, no complaints, just does what needs doing. Once I commented about it, and he said that love is action and behavior and has little or nothing to do with "fuzzy feelings." He pointed out that "fuzzy feelings" come and go, but one can still choose to behave with consideration and behave with love - which is a set of actions. We have been married 30 years, the 2nd for each of us, and we each will do whatever the other needs if we possibly can. I love, respect, and honor him. He is one in a million - even in 10 millions.
I was diagnosed with FMS and CFS in 2000. My husband of 22 years was very supportive at first. He eventually started being verbally abusive and then physically. By 2003 he was having an affair so I left him since he refused to go to counseling for any of the problems. I am now by myself. The only family I had was my 80 year old father who needs care himself. Having chronic pain from the FMS along with back surgery is difficult, especially having no family. I encourage all families who have a loved one with chronic pain to get support from professionals if needed and never lose the love you have for each other. Be patient kind and loving.
I am in constant pain due to botched surgery. My weonderful husbansd of 55 years takes care of my daily needs, dressing me and even putting on my deoderant. That is the test of true love.
I am divorced and have been for 15 years, I had cancer in 2000, I have had numerous surgery and the only one who was eve the for me was God Ihave 3 boy and 6 grandchildren all whome live in Ohio and Ky I live in fla.my friends and church family visited me from time to time but God brought me through it all
Tony said,
I've suffered from RSD/CRPS, since a misplaced needle during a myleogram 19 years ago. Having lost my wife, home, business & many friends, you soon find who'll be standing by you in your time of need. Spending much of this time alone, then finding someone special who cares, you really know the meaning of the word commitment.
I have chronic pain due to migraine, arthritis (two knee replacements and hip to come soon and degenerative disc disease in cervical spine) and it is challenging I know for my husband. He is not very understanding as he is likely to "tough it out" and self-medicate (with drugs or alcohol) if he is in pain physically or otherwise. However, we love one another very much and are committed to our relationship and because I have the good fortune to have a recovery program AND no life-threatening illnesses, I do the best I can and know that my pain tolerance is a testament to my strength and good humor. Laughter does at times help me from being overwhelmed! Oh, and I've had a rotator cuff tear for more than 6 months (possibly as much as 2-1/2 years) going to have it fixed in a week so I can use both arms fully. Some people tell me all I should dread, I will just be happy to have the CHANCE to use my arm again!
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