It Takes Two
What's it like being home on disability? Some might think it is fun - like being on a paid vacation. You get to sleep late. There are no schedules to keep. No demands placed on your time. Well for most folks it isn't like that. There is usually a good reason for being on disability - an injury or recent surgery. Perhaps a person is recovering from a serious illness or hospitalization. Not all limitations are visible and this is where much criticism derives from. It seems if a person can't see a limitation or a disability, it doesn't exist. It is such a shame that people are so quick to judge others.
Even when you don't feel well, it isn't fun to be idle for too long. After a while, most people would rather be anywhere but there. Many feel horrible and can't relax. Their minds won't relax because they have so many things they need to be doing and they think about those things. Perhaps they are not people who are comfortable being waited on, so knowing that someone works hard all day and then comes home and makes dinner for them and then cleans the house around them doesn't necessarily make them feel all that much better. Quite often they want to be a helpmate in the home but their limitations don't help any. It seems lopsided. One does so much more than the other. How can the scale be leveled a little so everyone can feel good about themself?
Does any of this sound familiar? Do you and your mate talk about these things or do you keep your feelings inside? It is important for the two of you to discuss these things rather than not. If your condition is only temporary, then try to be grateful and appreciative of the attention and help. You may be doing your mate a favor by letting him/her feel helpful and useful in the situation. One of the most common frustrations is a sense of helplessness when we see loved ones hurting and we can't do anything to help them. Feeling useful helps us cope during the difficult time. If you have a more permanent situation, it might be beneficial to talk with your loved ones and create a plan on how you can all work together to help support each other.
Don't be afraid to consider a counselor to help sort out and create a plan when the going gets rough or the situation seems overwhelming and complicated. Sometimes a fresh set of eyes and ears on a situation is all that is needed to bring in some new ideas and alternatives to consider. It is important to understand that keeping busy is important so allow loved ones to continue to work and do what they are capable of doing.
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: disability, caregiving, pain management, health and wellness
Even when you don't feel well, it isn't fun to be idle for too long. After a while, most people would rather be anywhere but there. Many feel horrible and can't relax. Their minds won't relax because they have so many things they need to be doing and they think about those things. Perhaps they are not people who are comfortable being waited on, so knowing that someone works hard all day and then comes home and makes dinner for them and then cleans the house around them doesn't necessarily make them feel all that much better. Quite often they want to be a helpmate in the home but their limitations don't help any. It seems lopsided. One does so much more than the other. How can the scale be leveled a little so everyone can feel good about themself?
Does any of this sound familiar? Do you and your mate talk about these things or do you keep your feelings inside? It is important for the two of you to discuss these things rather than not. If your condition is only temporary, then try to be grateful and appreciative of the attention and help. You may be doing your mate a favor by letting him/her feel helpful and useful in the situation. One of the most common frustrations is a sense of helplessness when we see loved ones hurting and we can't do anything to help them. Feeling useful helps us cope during the difficult time. If you have a more permanent situation, it might be beneficial to talk with your loved ones and create a plan on how you can all work together to help support each other.
Don't be afraid to consider a counselor to help sort out and create a plan when the going gets rough or the situation seems overwhelming and complicated. Sometimes a fresh set of eyes and ears on a situation is all that is needed to bring in some new ideas and alternatives to consider. It is important to understand that keeping busy is important so allow loved ones to continue to work and do what they are capable of doing.
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: disability, caregiving, pain management, health and wellness
2 Comments:
This is so true. My husband has been disabled for several years. He is only 47. We have 2 pre-teen daughters. I have been the one who goes out to the job. He does everything he can to keep his mind busy. He is never going to be able to work a part time job. He has serious back problems and severe arthritis. He wants to be busy. He grew up in a rural home and is very provide for his family oriented. I know that with the physical disabilities, emotional ones follow. Depression, anger, and fear are quite common for both of us. But we still have what counts, and that is love for each other and our family. I know he does not want people to think he is lazy. He will go out and do more than he should and then be bedridden for several days because of severe pain. People are too quick to judge. It is a lot harder to live in this situation than most people realize.
This is so hard. People think that i am home enjoying the summer, when all i can think about is how are my bills going to get paid, and what i CAN'T do around my house. I also take care of my Mother, she is 77 and can not do too much around the house. I ask for help, and that is very hard for me, being the "caretaker". Some people help a little, some say they will, very few do. I think they all think it's in my head, and part of that is true. I have difficulty thinking straight, when i am in so much pain. Everyone thinks they know what i should do, but they haven't walked in my Flip-Flops! It's very frustrating, to try to explain to anyone, what the pain, anxiety and helpless feels like and the dark place i go to sometimes. They haven't been there. I am just trying to get better, and i do see light at the end of the tunnel, today, anyways. Could change in a heartbeat. I also, do too much, due to the lack of help, and end up paying for it in pain, agony, anger and racing crazy thoughts. I know this is NOT the real me. I do not go off on people like the pit bull i can be, when my nerves are shot. I have always been able to take care of everything, and all of a sudden, i can't do the simplest things, i USED to take for granted. I know this has happened to me for a reason, and i may never know. They say, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger, i should be Hurcules. And sometimes i wonder, if God DOES give you more than you can handle, i just question that, sometimes...
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