Sexuality and Pain
I was reading an article in one of my professional newsletters recently about sexuality and pain and it made me do some thinking. Sexuality and intimacy are areas that many people are not comfortable talking about. However, when one or both partners of a relationship suffer limiting pain or disability, this area of their life may be effected - leaving one or both of the victims feeling emotionally strained and physically unfulfilled.
In many of these situations, the frustrations build and the communication between the couples declines into silence and the facts remain behind the walls of the home. In other situations one or both seek gratification elsewhere and relationships begin to crumble and fall apart.
If only these couples would consider talking with their own doctor or a sexual therapist, they might be able to correct a problem and improve this area of their relationship in spite of their limitations and/or pain syndromes. Doctors can order tests to rule out underlying causes for sexual dysfunction. A lack of desire might be related to a medication a patient is taking. In these cases, perhaps a different medication can be prescribed or a dosage be adjusted.
In more complex situations, resolutions may not be quite so easy. Perhaps becoming open-minded, creative, and experimental might be helpful. The web offers a way to obtain information easily in the privacy of your own home. If you are uncomfortable talking to your doctor face-to-face, I encourage you to explore the valuable information about sexual topics at the WebMD Sexual Conditions Health Center. The website is not designed to take the place of seeing your own doctor, but we can help you obtain information.
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: sex, intimacy, chronic pain, health and wellness
In many of these situations, the frustrations build and the communication between the couples declines into silence and the facts remain behind the walls of the home. In other situations one or both seek gratification elsewhere and relationships begin to crumble and fall apart.
If only these couples would consider talking with their own doctor or a sexual therapist, they might be able to correct a problem and improve this area of their relationship in spite of their limitations and/or pain syndromes. Doctors can order tests to rule out underlying causes for sexual dysfunction. A lack of desire might be related to a medication a patient is taking. In these cases, perhaps a different medication can be prescribed or a dosage be adjusted.
In more complex situations, resolutions may not be quite so easy. Perhaps becoming open-minded, creative, and experimental might be helpful. The web offers a way to obtain information easily in the privacy of your own home. If you are uncomfortable talking to your doctor face-to-face, I encourage you to explore the valuable information about sexual topics at the WebMD Sexual Conditions Health Center. The website is not designed to take the place of seeing your own doctor, but we can help you obtain information.
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: sex, intimacy, chronic pain, health and wellness
19 Comments:
Thank you for putting this out there. There is a real need for this and I, for one, could use constructive input on it.
It has been my personal experience and the observation of my friends that when a women is in pain a large portion of the time she will hide it and try to make everything ok. Then comes the smack down she no longer has the energy to have sex, then the husband becomes resentful because he does/or will not admit she has an illness to start with and becomes resentful of the women for not having sex and that is when the intimacy begins to fade. Once that is gone the women who has little energy to start with now loses the desire and attraction. A vicious circle insues. Husband continues with head in sand and will not see Dr. with wife cause it seems to him it is not his problem and that it is the problem of the wife. Trust begins to break down on both sides and both partners truly begin to feel abandoned by the other. What I and my friends would like to know is how to stop this and fix it so that we can live out our remaining years with the person that we really do love.
I experienced pain for years before finally telling anyone about it. Luckly my husband and I went to the GYN together and got answers. I had surgery but got no relief. Now we have a "platonic" relationship. I would love to get the intamicy back in our lives.
Because I was unable to face the problem for so long I let myself go in an unconscious desire to be unattractive to my spouse,thus pushing him away.
It is important to talk with your partner and be honest.
Such an important topic, and so little response. This is sad. Sure, the doctors have their place in the solution, but the real solution is in yourself. If the first doctor isn't sympathetic or helpfull enough.. find another. Loss of intimacy is too big a deal to accept or look for a replacement of. Replacements aren't the answer. Sometimes, you just have to accept what is as it is.. or ask for more!
I am a 35 white single mother that has lost two (2) relationships over this topic. I was married to twins father and I've always had pain with sex but after they were born it was awful. We got further and furthre apart and 2 years later divorced. He is now married to a 21 year old. (LOL) Then I moved on years down the road...and again he left me - he felt I didn't show him any attention. So I have accepted the fact that I will die a single woman NOT having sex. LOL Why do it when I am in awful pain. I did try but it was a bad experience.
This is an important subject. My husband and I are dealing with chronic pain due to a back injury. We are celebrating our 35th anniversary in a few days and we are determined to keep the intimacy in our marriage. We are currently experimenting. Our "usual" method of making love caused greater pain, but, another position didn't.
I agree, communication is vital. If you truly love your spouse and they love you, then you've GOT to talk about the problem and do whatever you can to meet one anothers needs. Believe me, it's worth it.
For a spouse who has their "head in the sand".... that's a tough one. Perhaps if you said something like, "Because of the constant pain, I'm having trouble wanting to be close to you, because I'm afraid I'm going to end up hurting worse. But I love you and I want to be with you and show you that love. Will you help me do what it takes so that we can get back what we once had?"
You may have already tried something like that. It's hard when people don't accept that your pain is real, but...Don't give up!
Your love is worth fighting for!
God Bless....
Sufferinging from pain during sex is a traumatic experience. Sex is a gift when conducted properly. This problem can be circumvented by resorting to ORAL SEX and having a lot of FOREPLAY.
I would very much like Indie to e-mail me, as I have an important question and I need some advice. You seem, Indie, to be a modern "thinker" in approaches to pain management, and I need advice on how to approach my dr, who will not budge on discussing any kind of pain medication. I am in chronic pain and getting worse every few months. I have been this way for 3 years. My e-mail is: maggiefree50@hotmail.com
I really need someone to talk to about this. I hope you don't mind. I am getting desperate. Thank you for caring.
Hi Maggie,
I'm sorry, but our WebMD Health Professionals cannot respond to individual questions via email.
Perhaps you can find answers to your question in our Sexual Conditions Center.
Take care,
Kaytie, WebMD Community Staff
btvdlcoaanonyous said...
I have been with out intimacy for many years and would greatly appreciate help with this matter. Chronic pain is really hard to deal with.
chronic pain? yup i got it. going on 8 years. i go to a pain management doctor to help with some of the pain, but it doesn't help too much with sexual activity. i take a lot of meds and get numerous injections to ease the pain, but my injuries were so very severe. because of my partial disability in my hip and my knees due to an accident, we haven't been able to find a position that works for me.
we do have sex, i request "quickies" so it doesn't hurt as much, and we have intimacy in other ways. it's not perfect and we both have our own complaints, but it is working for us. i am lucky to have him.
my husband had brain surgury almost 3 years ago..at the age of 32..........it has ben very hard for us to deal with not having sexbecause we are both so young.......I am only 37 now......but having sex is about showing the person that you loe them and.......well ...it just hurts him so bad.......that we just don't have any ex for monthes at a time..........I am worries that he will have another stroke while we are doing it.....and he worries that I will find it elsewhere. How can I reassure him that I don't want it with anyone else..we did mutual masterbation a few times.......that worked while I was preggo with our kids(we have 3).........but he still woriies.......how can I reassure him that I am ok with this?
Hello, i'm just writing to be able to talk to other people who may understand what i'm going through i have scoliosis, degenerative disc deasise an fribromyalgia so i'm in 24/7 horriable crippling pain. I get some help from my kids and my husband is in Iraq so everyday and everything is hard for me but i have to keep going, but i gets hard and i was just hoping to be able to talk and share thoughts with someone out there. I have never blogged before so i'm so new to this. Well thank you for reading my story which there is so much more i would like to talk about but i just wanted to get started, cause like i said this is my first time,so hopefully someone will answer back!!! thanx again and take care!!!!!! My email for anyone who would like to talk is jodi0710@hotmail.com
Thanks for putting this out. I have had this problem for 7 years. I have had several surgerys for endometriosis and now have a bulging disc.Sex is not something I even think about because of the pain I experience. My husband doesn't quite understand the pain I experience when having sex. I just assume not to have it, this is the only way I dont hurt. I love my husband to death but I have become resentful because he just dosn't undstand. But now I realize that I need to see my doctor to see if there is something I can do to help with this problem, so I can at least try and save a dying marriage. Thanks for talking about this,it does help knowing that I am not the only one who has these problems as well
rmy hubby is in constant pain from degenerative disc disease scoliosis neck pain and knee pain..he is on the fentanyl patch and percocets.he has had 3 back surgeries and 2 knee surgeries. he has lost 20 lbs on his already thin body. but heis strong.
i understand his pain as i too have my own disability.
its not the idea of no sex because i know it does hurt his back and neck.
my problem is the lack of intimacy.
he is an "all or none" kinda guy..
not even a kiss just a peck hi snd bye..he loves me i know..he says it all the time.
even the fact i have gained serious weight doesnt mater to him.
but he feels if he cant give me all his attention then hed rather not start something he cant finish.
i have tried to talk to him about more foreplay type things we can do to please each other etc.
but he says he is too sore.
i have cried over being rejected at times. he says he is sorry.
he wont see his primary for depression and his back dr doesnt seem interested in our sex lfe.
so now what?
i have tried everything..nothing works..even on our anniversaries he doesnt even attempt to kiss me passionately.
i dont think hes being fair.
i think hes selfish at times.
i know he masturbates. so what is the difference with his masturbation or our having mutual masturbation or oral sex?
its that all or none thing.
i dont know a guy out there who would turn that down.
he wont seek counseling.
so any suggestons?
I have had pain with sex for over 4 years. I haev been married to the same man for over 30 years. I did not hurt till 4 years ago.
The lady that said her husband has had brain surgery. Talk to me about this. Has it messed up up teh sex life??? I had brain surgery in 1999. I was fine fro a few years and then I hurt. I haev Dr's in Alabama at this tiem. I did haev Dr's at Vandy @ Nashville.
Brain surery was done and very succesful.
I havew had pain with sex for years. Could being abused have anything to do with the pain. I was abused sexually when I was 6. Did not tell anyone till I was in 10th grade.This is physical pain with sex. Im getting counsling for the icident when I was 6, Ive had other sexaual abuse issues .some of it my counsler says I blocked out,magnetlady@verizon.net
Thank you so much for this article. I am a 43 yr old divorced female. My husband and I split up in 2003. I had problems for yrs with painful sex and in 1995 had a complete hysterectomy because of severe endometriosis. Praying this would make the difference I started HRT. The pain was slightly better but just continued to get worse to the point I was doubled over in pain. In 1999 our sex life disappeared. The GYN's could never tell me what was wrong. It still affects me to this day. I can not have an intamate relationship with any man. I would love to find some kind of solution to this issue so I can try and have a "normal" life. I would love to chat with people acctually going through this experience. My e-mail is danainca39@yahoo.com If you have Myspace look me up on there and messege me and put webMD article in the Even my Primary Dr looked at me with a wierd look when I tried to discuss it with him.
Not that this will help anyone, but I used to experience painful sex. Finally spoke to the dr about it, turns out I had a prolapsed uterus. Surgery fixed that. Now I can't get enough sex! It feels great! But now he's hardly ever in the mood. Go figure.
Post a Comment