Sticks and Stones...
The other evening I watched a TV show about a heavyweight teenager. She put up with a lot of ridicule and pain from her peers. But she also experienced a lot of ridicule from her own mother. The effect of this was very damaging to her. I was glad she became angry and determined to make something positive out of such a negative and destructive experience. It would have been so easy to turn her anger inward and become depressed. In that state, she might have tried to harm herself as a way to escape her pain; that would have been devastating. This girl made a lot of very important points about the fact that people link heaviness and obesity with ignorance and often use these victims as scapegoats to promote their own popularity.
I have been heavy most of my life. Pictures of myself as a kid showed I was a big kid for as long as I can remember. I remember being the brunt of other people's jokes on more than several occasions. I remember how it made me feel then and it hurts to this day when I think about it.
As a parent of a larger child, I made a point of letting her know on a regular basis how beautiful she was and how proud of her I was. She struggled through school and was also a victim of many cruel kids. Every time she came home in tears, I hurt right along with her. I wish for once people would stop before they speak and think about what they are saying.
One of my favorite sayings:
~Indie
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: teen weight, body image, healthy weight
I have been heavy most of my life. Pictures of myself as a kid showed I was a big kid for as long as I can remember. I remember being the brunt of other people's jokes on more than several occasions. I remember how it made me feel then and it hurts to this day when I think about it.
As a parent of a larger child, I made a point of letting her know on a regular basis how beautiful she was and how proud of her I was. She struggled through school and was also a victim of many cruel kids. Every time she came home in tears, I hurt right along with her. I wish for once people would stop before they speak and think about what they are saying.
One of my favorite sayings:
"What a person says about someone else, says a lot more about the person speaking than the one they are talking about."
~Indie
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: teen weight, body image, healthy weight
10 Comments:
Here, here Indie! The world is a harsh enough place without folks beating up on each other about .. of all things.. weight.
As an obese child and preteen I, too, was the subject of ridicule. The worst was from my mother who thought she would shame me into losing weight. At 13yrs I was 5'1" and weighed 212lbs. For reasons other than her sadistic comments I literally starved myself for a year and at 14 I weighed 107lbs. I've never forgiven her and the hurt is still there. I don't buy into her rationalization that she "did it for my own good."
For whose good your mother 'did it' for if it is not for your own good. And, to say the least, why does the attitude of others matter so much to you? You just think of it and take what is useful for you. By the way, what is past is past. It will hurt you more that others if you still have some sort of 'hatred' at your heart.
This is truly like reliving my past and present situation !
Well said, Indie, for these comments and what the others have..experiencing the mental pain is almost as bad as someone hitting us. It sticks with us , if we let it.
But it is difficult .
Especially when your mom is still at it. Especially when it comes to family dinners.
She said something to me about eating "too much" in her eyes..I forwarned her that she is EVER said anything in front of the family about my eating and my weight I would walk out of dinner and go..but not with out a comment back ! She has shut up then.
Acceptance is hard for some people.
My mom has control issues too. She needs to let go !
I can identify with the comment of "doing it for your own good" also.
Whos "own good" ?
Hers I am thinking !
Shari
Awesome Indie! I was a heavy kid and am a fairly hefty adult and I was once told during a Phys. Ed. class(playing shirts and skins no less-guess which I was this particular day?),by a good friend even,who had no idea how much his words hurt me,told me to "wear a bra" so of course I leveled him as we were playing touch football. Did I mention I'm a guy? Words do hurt.
I am nearly sixty yrs. old and have dieted for the last time. I have lost and regained enough weight in my life to equal about four adults. Two years ago I lost sixty pounds and truly felt I would keep it off 'for good.' That lasted nearly a year and a half but as always just like in the past, my 'true self' pushed its way to the top again and I regained every ounce. That is unnecessary torture to my body and mind so why keep doing it until I die? I've never been slim from Day 1, and any change I make to that end is merely temporary. You can't fight what you're born with and what your body is genetically programmed to be. At a size 16/18 I don't qualify for gastric bypass surgery, but even if I did it would not be an option; I know several people who have had it and they look positively awful. It's a struggle for them to keep even a snack down, and that sunken cheek look is not a good one especially as we age. My mother doesn't criticize me (to my face but I'm sure she does it to others) but the only time she compliments me is when I am dieting. What a shame she never realized I'm exactly the same great and nice person fat as I am thin. She has no tolerance for fat people we see in restaurants or in the store, and never misses an opportunity to whisper to me - loudly - God, look at the butt on that one. It shows what a pitiful and judgmental person she really is.
I can not stand the bullies too. The overweight people and children are already struggling, and then to put up with some idiotic comments and discrimination just hurts.
In my case, I was bullied mercilessly for my skin color. Luckily these days, there is more awareness in the elementary schools regarding teasing and bullying people of different races. I hope there will also be some campaign to stop discrimination towards people with weight issues too. We might have to start with the kids because adults are usually to set in their ways.
It is just so unfair, because many times you might not be able to prove discrimination by bullies in the workplace.
I realize this blog is about the problems overweight and obese childern and adults face, but as one person stated childern can be teased for other reasons.
When I was in elementary school, I was often teased for being the smallest person in my class. In second grade, the teacher measured everyone and I was the only kid that wasn't 4ft tall.
I came home that day very upset and my dad said I could let the other kids know that their remarks bothered me, I could learn to ignore them or I could learn witty comebacks. I chose to develop my sarcasm.
To this day when someone tells me that I am short, I reply that if I wasn't short how would they know they were tall.
I also feel sorry for the people that have commented and don't understand why it is extremely hurtful when a mother does not help a child have positive self-esteem. When a child is constantly told she doesn't measure up to mom's standards, she starts to feel ashamed and that mabye mom doesn't love me. This can be start of devestating problems.
Parents should always be offering encouragement, not put downs.
It isn't just with overweight folks - I've ALWAYS been thin and clearly remember being called, "Spider legs" or "Chicken legs"...it hurt a LOT and didn't do much towards good self esteem...
I just wanted to belong and be loved...instead I was ridiculed without any mercy...so much for the "cool" kids at school...
I'm older now, and like the one poster said, it tells me a LOT about the nasty person who does these things to others...
Once you stop caring about what others think, they loose the power over you...
It all begins with the mother and child relationship. My mother taught us to eat everything on our plates and be grateful that we had enough to eat because there were many children in the world who went to bed hungry every night. She served mostly high carb meals and was more concerned with starving herself to stay thin rather than eating and serving healthier meals. When I turned 16, she put me on her crash diet rollercoaster and convinced me that all girls should be thin-we had no real value unless we were thin. Now I'm in my late 40's, struggling with obesity while raising two small children and caring for my elderly mother whose heath is declining rapidly because she never took proper care of her diet. Few people understand that not every heavy person has an eating disorder-some of us are battling medical coditions like depression or an inability to get daily exercise. My husband understands the double standards this world burdens women with and we both believe that stress plays a large part in how well we manage our health. We need to teach our children better as a nation to take better care of ourselves and to display tolerance of those who are "different". What a wonderful world it would be if there were no more discrimination of any kind!
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