Joni's Journal

Knowing It's OK To Ask for Help from Others - Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (WebMD Blogs) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 13:15:00 +0000

As I mentioned, when I learned to ask for help it was such an enlightening moment for me that I decided to try it again.

I'm very fortunate to live very close to two of my friends, Julie and Kevin. As I mentioned earlier, I recently moved and of course was living out of boxes. It's okay to live like that for a little while, but at some point you just need to unpack. A large part of my move included donating items I was no longer using.

As I unpacked, the pile that needed to be taken to the donation center continued to grow. I could have loaded my car by myself, made the trip to the donation center and then unloaded the car by myself. However, it would have been an all-day event. Using my new found ability to ask for help, I asked Julie and Kevin for assistance. Of course they said "yes" and we were able to complete the task in only two hours.

It was extremely liberating to be able to ask for and accept help from others. I've definitely learned that I need to speak up and ask for help. Asking for help has not made me any less of an independent person.

Knowing It's OK To Ask For Help From Others

noreply@blogger.com (WebMD Blogs) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 13:15:00 +0000

I am a fiercely independent woman. Most of the time, I'm also extremely impatient. So rather than ask for help, I just do it myself. However, I learned that I was doing myself and those in my life an injustice by not asking for help.

For example, I remember when I bought a new house. Of course with any new home there were many things that needed to be completed. One of the biggest things was painting as much of the new home as I could before I moved in. This is a large task for anyone, much less someone suffering from MS-related fatigue. It was also going to be very expensive to have someone come in and do it for me. So I thought of the advice that I received from a very wise friend. He said that sometimes our family and friends want to help us.

If you think about it, many of our friends and family aren't sure how to deal with us having MS. For many of them, offering us help is their way of dealing with our MS. So I asked my parents if they would be available to help me paint and they were so excited to help!

We took our time and spent three days painting my new home. I moved out of my parents home many years ago so the best part of the whole deal was just getting to spend time with them. Getting my house painted was just an added bonus.

This was the first step to me learning to ask others for help.

Taking "Me" Time

noreply@blogger.com (WebMD Blogs) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 13:00:00 +0000

I really like to help others and it's very hard for me to say "no" to anyone. I often overbook myself, trying to spend time with everyone and accomplish all that I want to.

But even with all that I try to do for others; I have learned the importance of taking time for myself. Sometimes I have to travel a lot for work. One time, I had a day in between business trips in which I didn't have to work and most of my friends did. I seized this opportunity to take some "me" time. My "me" time was a trip to the salon to have a pedicure. The best part of the day was being able to leave my cell phone at home and just relax. It was good to have a day to recharge my batteries, so to speak, before I was off traveling again.

Another "me" time activity that I enjoy is going to the movies alone. I know most of you are thinking "I could never go to the movies alone!", but I'm telling you it is one of my favorite things to do. Again, it's great because you have to turn off your cell phone, allowing for a two-hour escape.

Whenever I do get some "me" time, I'm so passionate about it that I do whatever I can to protect it. If it's been a while since I've had some "me" time, I make sure to actually schedule it in my planner. That way I know that it will happen and I can tell people that I'm busy at that time and mean it.

Balancing Work and MS

noreply@blogger.com (WebMD Blogs) — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 13:00:00 +0000

As I mentioned earlier, I do work a full time job and occasionally it does get overwhelming. Over the past few years, I have learned a few tricks to balance my workload and my life living with relapsing Multiple Sclerosis.

The biggest thing that helps me is keeping a To Do list. Everyone forgets something from time to time, but by keeping my workload organized and maintaining a To Do list, I manage to keep most of it under control. Take today for example. There were four things that I really wanted to get done while I was at work. So I listed them in order of priority in my planner, starting with what needed to be done first. I only completed two things on that list and that's okay. I carried over the other two things in my planner to do tomorrow. I'm also not going to add anything else to tomorrow's To Do list so as to not be overwhelmed.

Another thing that I try to do is have everything ready to go the night before so that I can sleep in a little bit longer in the morning. I also keep my bag for work near the door, so I can grab it and go.

And finally, I know my limitations. I spend most of my day at work on my feet but by the time the afternoon rolls around, I know if I'm going to need a rest. I keep a chair nearby so that I can take a break and save energy to make it through the whole day.

By controlling what I can, I make sure that MS is as small an interruption as possible in my work life.

I Couldn't Blurt "I Have MS" (A Disclosure Story)

noreply@blogger.com (WebMD Blogs) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 13:00:00 +0000

Many of the people I work with on a daily basis know that I have relapsing Multiple Sclerosis. However, there are a few colleagues that I work with more through email and phone calls than face to face that I've never had the opportunity to share my diagnosis with. One of these people is my mentor Chris. We meet maybe once a month, but most of our interaction is done via the phone.

I knew I had to tell Chris that I have MS because we had a meeting with my former boss, who I had worked for when I was diagnosed with a relapsing form of MS. I was fearful that he would ask how I was doing or inquire about my health. I didn't want Chris to have a "deer in headlights" look if this were to happen. So I planned what I wanted the conversation to look like. I had learned from past experiences that you never want to blurt out "I have MS". I even practiced with friends to see what the least shocking approach was.

On the way to the meeting I said to Chris, "I have something to tell you. I didn't tell you sooner because I didn't think that my work performance dictated that you know." Chris' response was just "OK what is it?" I proceeded with "I have MS and I wanted to be the one to tell you instead of you hearing it from someone else." To my relief he just asked if I was okay and wanted me to know that he was there in case I ever needed anything. Through this experience, I learned that I should not be afraid to disclose my diagnosis. Should you choose to disclose your MS diagnosis to friends, family or co-workers, you should just make sure that it is at an appropriate time and that your message is tailored to your audience. It worked out well for me, but everyone has to make their own individual determination whether it's the right thing to do for them.

My Name is Joni...Oh, and I Have Relapsing Multiple Sclerosis

noreply@blogger.com (WebMD Blogs) — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 17:00:00 +0000

My name is Joni and I do have relapsing Multiple Sclerosis. I was diagnosed in my early 20s at a point in my life when I thought I had everything under control and my future was planned. Of course we all know what you can do with your plans once MS enters your life.

I, like everyone else, will never forget the day I heard those fateful words, "It's confirmed, you have relapsing Multiple Sclerosis". Of course I remember that day, but some days it's hard for me to remember what my life was like before MS. I often look at pictures of myself before that day to see how happy and carefree my life was.

Before MS entered my world, I lived to be happy. I would do whatever I could to ensure that my friends and I were having a good time; whether just hanging out or going on a road trip. After accepting my diagnosis, it took me a little while to get back on track. I did go on to graduate college and find a job that I love. I've also found time to plan some more road trips.

Today, I look at MS as a footnote in my life. Yes, I have to reference it and deal with it very often, but I do what I can to not let it dictate the story of my life.