Parents - Fear Predators, Not Safety

As I mentioned in my last post, Pattie Fitzgerald, founder of Safely Ever After, Inc., was a member of the Safety Panel at Baby Celebration, L.A. Pattie was among those surprised and concerned by the lack of interest on the topic of safety among parents. Here's what she had to say.

Note to Parents: No Need to Fear "Safety"

If knowledge is power, why then are so many parents reluctant to learn how to keep their kids safe from child predators? In the last few weeks I set off to find the answer to this burning question after participating on a Q&A safety panel with other safety experts, including Nancy Davis, resident blogger for Safety4Kids, at an event in Los Angeles.

The answers I found aren't particularly earth-shattering nor surprising, but they did make me realize that most parents are still in the dark about the realities of childhood sexual abuse and subsequently, how they can protect their kids from becoming victimized by a molester's tricks.

So...why are parents reluctant to learn about predator safety? Here are a few of the most recurrent comments parents shared with me (and my responses!):

1. We've already talked to our kids about stranger-danger, so we've covered this.
The truth is 90 percent of childhood sexual abuse doesn't happen by a "stranger". More often than not, it's someone the kids know. And, equally important, most kids don't have a clear idea of who a stranger is. Anyone who smiles and introduces themselves to a child, perhaps offering an enticing treat of some kind, may no longer be viewed as a "stranger" by that child.

2. We don't want to scare our kids, so we'd rather not bring up the issue at all.
I hear ya on the first part of that, but not the second part! There are plenty of ways that parents can empower kids with safety skills and concepts using effective, kid-friendly language, AND without ever using scary stories or fear tactics. Parents teach their kids about fire safety, pool safety, even safety about crossing the street all the time. You haven't made the kids terrified of swimming pools or cars, you just gave them clear guidelines. It's the same with teaching kids about "good touch/bad touch".

3. It's going to be too depressing, we just don't want to "go there".
Denial isn't going to make the problem go away or keep our kids safe. The good news is that by focusing on positive ways to talk to children, you can protect your kids without ever hitting a doom and gloom note or wallowing in depressing statistics.

As a Child Safety Educator, it's my job to help parents and caregivers teach their kids effective "safe-smarts rules" that work. It's as easy as 1...2...3!

So if you happen to be at an event that includes a FREE presentation in safety...come and check us out. It's a whole lot easier (and definitely less scary) than you might think.

Safety First? Not So Fast.

Recently I spoke on a Safety Panel as part of Baby Celebration L.A. I was invited there by Jill Starishevsy, founder of HowsMyNanny.com, which is an incredible idea/product/website and I urge you all to not only take a look, but sign up! Jill's work extends now beyond this initiative and she is in the process of publishing a book for parents and children that will no doubt become an essential part of any home library. Hopefully, Jill will blog about it here in the coming weeks. Jill has blogged before and generated lots of interest.

Meanwhile, back to L.A.! The Safety Panel was featured by the people who produced the event, Penny Domschot, Patrice Meluskey, and their team from Seascape Productions. It was a wonderful, extremely well attended two days and people literally lined up for an hour before the doors opened to get the first peak at the latest products and services available for new parents. The place was teeming with adorable children in strollers and snugglies and every form of baby transport! There were fashion shows, sing-alongs, and much more. Kudos to Penny, Patrice and everyone involved in making this a smooth and successful event. And for trying so hard to promote safety as part of any baby celebration.

But it brought to light again, the issue of safety and where that issue exists on the list of priorities for young parents. Judging from the attendance at our Safety Panel, it's not very high on the list. And this is of great concern to me and my colleagues on the panel. One of my fellow panelists, Pattie Fitzgerald of SafelyEverAfter.com was similarly struck by the apparent lack of interest about safety among the parents in attendance. And we've all tried to figure it out since L.A.

--Was it just that parents wanted a wonderful outing that was more fun and fashion than serious safety information?

--Do parents feel they already know about safety and don't want to hear people recount scary statistics?

--Are parents afraid of hearing about the real dangers that lurk in their children's everyday lives?

I've tried and tried but I can't answer these questions? More people showed up for the fashion shows than the seating could contain. Of course, many of them had kids modeling the fashions, and that's reason enough to show up! But I was struck by the decided lack of interest in safety.

I'm not going to list the scary statistics here--we have them all over our blog here and on our website at Safety4Kids.com. But the real question is: what do we do now, to get parents to pay attention and understand that prevention is the ONLY way to secure any child's safety. And without the information, there is no hope of eliminating those scary statistics.

Look for more about this in the coming weeks. We are determined to keep kids safe. Won't you join us?

(c) Photo of SeeMore the Safety Seal courtesy of Safety4Kids LLC.

Vaccine Update

Since we posted on the subject of vaccines (see below) 9 cases of measles have been reported in Arizona. According to Dr. Karen Lewis, a medical director with the Arizona Department of Health Services, "Just one case of measles in the community is an outbreak."

All those reported having contracted the measles had never been vaccinated.

People are afraid, in some cases, to vaccinate their children. But remember, there are consequences to opting out.

To Vaccinate or Not--That is the Question!

My parents never thought twice about my vaccinations. It was required by the schools way back then (I'm 51) and for the most part still is. I know my folks' generation saw this scientific advancement as another way to protect their children.

But there are different schools of thought now on this subject and recent articles, as well as an Op-Ed in The New York Times brought the subject to light again.

And whenever the subject turns to prevention, we turn to our expert, Dr. Carl Baum of The Center for Children's Environmental Toxicology--Yale-New Haven Children's Hospital. He took a brief stroll down memory lane and what he remembered might startle you.

Here is what Dr. Baum had to say:

In 1990, a large measles outbreak produced over 27,000 cases and 89 deaths in the United States. In Philadelphia, where I was training in pediatrics, there were over 1400 cases, almost one-third of which occurred among members of 2 church groups in Philadelphia. By the following spring, 6 people had died.

This was a disaster that highlighted the global importance of prevention. As in many other disasters, a natural process can accelerate because effective preventive strategies fail or are circumvented. In the 1990 measles outbreak, the disease spread rapidly, predominantly among preschool-age children. It turns out that the Philadelphia church groups claimed religious exemption and refused vaccinations for their members.

Why dredge up this memory? Because it is also the future: there will be more "exemptions" (read: failures) to vaccinate children against preventable disease, and therefore more disasters. In the recent case of Hannah Poling, the 9-year-old autistic girl with mitochondrial disease, a federal vaccine claims court ruled--contrary to the medical literature--that vaccines had worsened her condition. As Dr. Paul Offit, one of the great teachers from my residency, recently wrote in an Op-Ed column in The New York Times ..."the system worked fine until a few years ago, when vaccine court judges turned their back on science...."

The irony is that many of the parents who exempt their children from vaccines believe they are doing their best to protect them. In fact, when abandoning effective preventive strategies, they are doing just the opposite.

Do you agree with Dr. Baum? Have you vaccinated your children? Or do you opt out? Let us know...this is an important issue and we want to hear what you have to say.

(c) Leah-Anne Thompson. Image from BigStockPhoto.com

Toy Safety Gets A Boost at the Ports

Finally our government is taking serious action on issues of toy safety--putting their money where their mouths are...well...OUR money where their mouths are! Nonetheless, anything that seeks to protect children gets our vote.

The Consumer Product Safety Commission is going to have inspectors at the major ports of entry into the United States and hopefully they will be able to prevent, to some extent, the influx of lead-tainted and otherwise dangerous toys that all too quickly get in the hands of our kids. This is at nearly epidemic proportions. So we applaud these steps and hope that it makes a difference.

Here's an article about it from The New York Times. In this election year, it's important for those of us who care about safety, especially as it relates to children, to demand that candidates make clear their positions on these essential issues.

We all know you can't watch over your kids every second of every day; but increased port security might provide some much needed peace of mind.

Wouldn't it be nice to wrap a present for a birthday party and not worry whether or not you were giving lead poisoning with that toy truck?

(c) Scott Pehrson. Image from BigStockPhoto.com

Play It Safe--But Play!

I'm a grown up who is regularly accused of still acting like a child. While perhaps intended to jab, this has never really offended me. In fact, quite the opposite--I wear the moniker with pride. But that may just be me, behaving like a child. Hmmm...this does get confusing.

But now I, and all of my middle-aged-child-like friends have something to really boast about. The cover story in last Sunday's New York Times Magazine section is entitled "Taking Play Seriously". This article is filled with excellent information, both from a behavioral and academic perspective, as well as an emotional point of view. That's where I weigh in.

Play is an important part of my life, and always has been. I am lucky to have parents who encouraged it, grew up at a time in this country when it was widely accepted as the "right" thing to do, and I never lost my love of it. I admit that the 1960s might have been an easier time to make play "happen". There was no Internet--actually there were no DVDs, VCRs, or anything else to take my attention away from my three-dimensional world and replace it with a mere two dimensions. Uh-oh. I am seriously sounding like a person older than I feel. After all, I do remember dial phones fondly.

But here's the deal: I love all kinds of play--sports, parlor games, board games, card games and games and puzzles online as well. I love playing scrabble at the kitchen table but I also love playing it on Facebook, because it means I can play twenty games at once with friends all over the country.

Kids need play time. In this over-scheduled-over-indulgent-overly-scrutinized world, play- for play's sake gets the short end of the stick.

I think it's time to put play back into our lives--no matter your age or your geographic location. Play safely, of course, but play!

Bowling anyone?!

(c) Steven Brandt. Image from BigStockPhoto.com

Are All Smart Children Good Liars?

As a follow up to our last post, and because this seems to be a topic of great interest to people, we are taking a closer look at this subject. As I mentioned, in the New York Magazine article, "Learning To Lie", author Po Bronson explores the extraordinary phenomenon of children lying as a matter of course. And not only are they lying regularly, they are learning all about it from their parents.

Uh...that's us. You know you do it. We all do. Not big, bad lies that involve felonies! The little kind that we tell to spare someone's feelings. (See, I'm already qualifying the difference.) "No, I love your hair color," when really I mean, "Do you own a mirror, because if you did, you would not have left the house." Or, "This is delicious, may I have the recipe," when really I mean, "My dog wouldn't eat this." So as we navigate life, hoping to spare people from hearing the "real truth" we may be injuring our children, who hear us do this, make the connection, accept it as correct behavior, and then adapt it as part of their daily routine. After all, if Mom and Dad do it, it must be OK.

So where's the balance? How do we spare people unnecessary hurt over something minor--hair color--and not teach our children simultaneously that it's just fine to lie when you need to?

Unfortunately, it's not so easy. Especially if your child is smart, and who's child isn't? Mine is. Honestly.

Some experts believe that children, once they get a little older, will grow out this--they'll learn to make choices and be cognizant of right and wrong. Here's a little pin to burst that bubble, courtesy of Dr. Victoria Talwar, an assistant professor at Montreal's McGill University and a leading expert on children's lying behavior:

By their 4th birthday, almost all kids will start experimenting with lying in order to avoid punishment. Because of that, they lie indiscriminately--whenever punishment seems to be a possibility. A 3-year-old will say, "I didn't hit my sister," even if a parent witnessed the child's hitting her sibling.

Most parents hear their child lie and assume he's too young to understand what lies are or that lying's wrong. They presume their child will stop when he gets older and learns those distinctions. Talwar has found the opposite to be true--kids who grasp early the nuances between lies and truth use this knowledge to their advantage, making them more prone to lie when given the chance.

Great. Another thing to blame on parents! So what is the answer? Well, there's no magic bullet for this one. But as with most important parenting issues, TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN! A strong bond, an open relationship, and the feeling that the truth, no matter how unpleasant, might mitigate punishment rather than bring it on, may be the way to navigate this particular land mine.

Anyway, your kids don't lie, right?