Is Your Child a Good Liar?
If so, and statistically the chances are good, then congratulations! It means your child is smart. I'm not kidding.
I read with interest and horror the latest cover story in New York Magazine. It's about lying and just how adept our children are at it. Very disturbing, but the research is fascinating.
It raises issues about what we, as parents, unwittingly teach our children about "little white lies" and what message this sends. Seems the smarter the child, the more adept they are at lying at an early age.
Great. Now when we're bragging about how well our kids are doing at school, socializing and mingling, making lots of friends, it may just mean that they're consummate liars!
Honestly now, is there any good news out there?!
(c) Judy McPhail. Image from BigStockPhoto.com
I read with interest and horror the latest cover story in New York Magazine. It's about lying and just how adept our children are at it. Very disturbing, but the research is fascinating.
It raises issues about what we, as parents, unwittingly teach our children about "little white lies" and what message this sends. Seems the smarter the child, the more adept they are at lying at an early age.Great. Now when we're bragging about how well our kids are doing at school, socializing and mingling, making lots of friends, it may just mean that they're consummate liars!
Honestly now, is there any good news out there?!
(c) Judy McPhail. Image from BigStockPhoto.com
34 Comments:
I DON'T THINK THEY ARE SMART. A LIAR WILL BECOME A THEIF BECAUSE WHEN THEY WANT SOMETHING IN LIFE AND THEY CAN'T GET IT THEY WILL TELL LIAR TO ACHIEVE IT SO I BELIEVE EVERY LIAR IS A THEIF.
The Bible says that liars will have there place in the lake of fire
Lying can be a sign of elevated IQ, and elevated social IQ (EQ). It doesn't mean we should embrace it and teach our children to lie better, lol. This article seemed to be more about comforting those parents of really bright little children who have learned a PART of the lesson of getting along in society- but are too young to distinguish between social lies (little white lies, "Oh my NO you don't look like the broad side of a barn in those horizontal stripes") and outrageous tales to avoid taking responsibility. ("Oh NO I did NOT have inappropriate swinging with a bat that lead to the breaking of the window that I've never even met before!")
YES if our children are lying we need to correct them and teach them the difference between a little white lie and gobstopper.
That being said, it's not the only indicator. I have a 9 year old in the gifted program who doesn't yet lie. I was a little concerned about it, but my doctor pointed out that he's being raised by a woman with a traumatic head injury who doesn't lie- I don't even tell white lies. I wont remember it and I can't think them up really quickly. Friends have learned NOT to ask me if they look fat- if indeed they do. I certainly don't mean to hurt people and if I could change it, I would. But my 9 year old is a bit behind in this skill because he's not seeing it modeled. But thankfully, he can still be smart and thus, will pick it up in some other way no doubt.
RELAX PEOPLE- they aren't tell you to TEACH your child to lie in order to be smart. They're just pointing out that it's perhaps a sign that you have a bright little kid on your hands rather than a sociopath. LOL
A Liar is not a child's play. Lie is a very deadly game. Ananias and Saphira died within one hour just because of lieing. So a liar is a child of satan according to John 8:44. Liars will find their part in the lake of fire.When you discovers that your children is practicising this game rebuke them, counsel them and pray for them earnestly to deliver their soul from hell.
Mary
Clearly this is a skill everyone has to aquire in life, some people are better than others at distinguishing lies as well as telling them. This is just one more social skill.
Someone who lies becomes a thief? That is absolutely ridiculous. I wholeheartedly agree with this article. My son went through a phase where he would lie about the smallest silliest things, and my husband and I would say "what is going on with this kid?"! That was in elementary school. And guess what? My son is now 15, has grown out of it, and has had straight A's & B's since the 1st grade. And I doubt he is going to have his place in "the lake of fire". He is not a child of Satan for goodness sake. I'm actually scared of people like you, Mary.....
Anonymous two and Mary take your thoughts and comments and take them elsewhere. You are not posting anything that is beneficial to our children or to parents. This is about children and the everyday common things they do and what we can do to help them through it. Please do us all a favor and go put the fear of god into some other site.
I have to agree with Mary here..you Bible Belted peeps are scary. Lying is wrong yes,and needs to be addressed, however it doesnt mean the child is satan's spawn, or is going to burn in a lake of fire! Come on people! I'm sure all of you Bible crazed people live your lives perfectly wholesome right with no room for error! I doubt that very seriously!Children learn from YOU! Give chidren a break..Does anyone remember using your IMAGINATION..this is how children learn, telling stories, some true and some not.
Jen
Mom of 3
Jen and Nicole:
As a mother and a child of the Lord I am truly hurt by your comments. The TRUTH that was commented on comes straight from the Bible. Now I understand that you may not have accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior, but that is your decision. Rude comments to others doesn't make your opinion any more right, does it? Take into consideration the way you are treating Mary. Is this the way you promote your children to treat others? Now maybe you don't realize it, but if they over heard that then the answer would be yes. Now, not only have you taught your child to lie, but also to treat others poorly. Now, just because we believe in the Lord, does not mean we are any less human. Unfortunetly humans sin and are not perfect, therefore all we try to do, Jen, is to be the most Christ-like as possible. If that scares you, then I'm sorry, but please try to educate yourselves on the Bible before bashing It and It's believers when it's clear you don't understand what you are saying.
Erin:
I am not trying to prove who is right or wrong here. I am trying to understand and speak to other mothers on how we can support one another in regards to our children and the subject of lying. This discussion is not a subject and/or issue about God or your beliefs and/or truth. No one is calling you less human. You will always be hurt if you cannot have a conversation with someone when they do not have the same opinion as you. I am very proud how I treat others and am quite aware of the consequences of your words and actions. You accept your type of life as I accept mine. God’s word in the bible speaks about judging others, so you can disagree with people’s opinions / lives but please do not judge for it is not your place.
You have got to be kidding! How do we go from discussing children and NORMAL Behavior to burning in a lake of fire? I am a catholic,I was an altar boy in grammar school,and go to church almost every Sunday with my family. I have a Daughter and Son who both haved lied to me and my wife on several different occasions for various reasons, but there is no way I would allow either of them to get away with it if I catch them in it. But I also won't condem them either. I beleive that children will do whatever its takes to get ahead easier until their caught,that's when its up to us parents to do something about it. So all of you religous fanatics need to step back and look at big picture, NOT EVERY person who lies once or twice or even three times will go on to be theives, I'm sure some of the most respected people we all know have lied at one time or another, they are working for the goverment,private industry,and the like. If all of those people and the rest of us are all going to hell, well its going to be real crowded.
oh pleasseee enough with these bible talking. Liar's go to hell???? who really knows if there's hell? have u been there? is that what u will tell your child when they lie that they will go to hell. pleaseeee..... discipline them instead of scarying them. geezzz.....
Be fanatical about your religion but don't be a religious FREAK. I didn't see anywhere in this article where religion was questioned so why tout it? Oh, thanks Meridith, it was very refreshing to read your comment with its correct spelling and punctuation. Liars will have 'there' place in the lake of fire?? Please!!!!
Back to the topic at hand. I take the point to be that it is normal for kids to TRY lying. It doesn't mean that we are to allow it as parent/caregivers! We all know right from wrong - we need to pass it along to children through discussion AND example.
Suzanne
When I was young I tried my hand with swearing. I no longer swear, well hardly ever, there are just sometimes those words fit a situation. Same with lying. If our children learn about lying when they are "trying" it, they won't become liars later in life. I personally feel good about this article since my 3 year old has been fibbing recently, blaming things on her little sister. I know she will get out of this phase. Also, she has never lied to me about anything "important," many times telling on herself in those situations. She is testing the waters just like she tests the rules about everything else around her. This is how we learn.
I THINK LIARS ARE SMART IN LYING,NOTHING MORE.THEY ARE SELFISH AND MAY EVEN HURT OTHER'S SENTIMENTS.
AN INTELLIGENT PERSON MAY HAVE ADDITIONAL QUALITY OF BEING HONEST.
why should we belittle a person just because a person is honest.
anyway its impossible to live in a world without lying.liars have learned this great truth.lies make certain situation simpler,thats all.they might be successful in life as well.they are those who take life lightly.so they have chance of being succesful.
lying habit is cheap,think of a situation when your lie is caught.
children lie when they are in trouble
only. They hide what they have done to try to keep from being punished.
As ADULTS (who know better will do)
About going to "HELL" from lying I don't know. Hell can't be any worst then what this world is coming to.
They should be taught to know the difference of wrong or right!
Why do Adults Lie?
(TO KEEP SECRETS)
LSW
Children will learn to lie. It is something that most learn whether it is modeled or not. They pick up on it from subtleties in adult speech, television, and even other children. It is nothing to get over excited about. They call us parents because it is our job to teach our children right from wrong.
That being said, These are our children, I will not have you or anyone else twisting the Good Lord's word to their own ends. I believe in the bible and God and Jesus Christ. It says suffer the children to come unto me. It doesn't say all you perfect children come here, and all the rest of you get lost. Jesus says the least of these is me. God is the God of forgiveness, mercy, hope, and faith. Where is your faith that you have to so use the Lords perfect word for these evil ends. Where is the love of the Lord overflowing from your life to all others. Sorry to get all spiritual on you all, but it just gets me so mad when people just say words they haven't learned the meaning of yet. it is a matter of too much information and not enough common sense. God Bless, Prayers for all.
Every single human lies. It is our nature. To have a kid never lie means something is probably wrong, or they will just do it when they are older. Not all lies are bad, honestly, did you tell your kids where babies came from when they first asked?
Wow, religion is definitely a touchy topic. It was fairly disconcerting to read so many angry opinions on a website geared towards promoting positive parenting. Spirituality is meant to spread peace and harmony; it shouldn't be used to incite fear and hostility. Thank goodness Nicole and Feb 17th's annonymous christian calmed the discussion down. What is the world coming to? It appears that everyone agrees that lying is something to be avoided, so why is their such dissension? It's highly likely that if people stop and listen to one another and avoid espousing judgemental opinions, we'd all find that we're pretty much of the same mind (unless you're a sociopath, lol).
I think children should be taught from an early age that it's NEVER okay to tell a lie. It doesn't mean they aren't going to lie, but it does set an "HONESTY" standard that they should try to live by. It is our job as a parent to teach them why it's not okay to lie and not just chalk their lies up to having a higher IQ! I've taught my children that it's always better to tell the truth and face the consequences then to lie and not be trusted. They are 11, 5 & 3 and they all seem to "get it."
I consider children as be the product of their parents. Children
are very smart and they only act and react to the actions of their surroundings which could stem from
family,playmates, and school mates.
Our children listen to every word
that is said even when we think they are playing. Habits are picked up and our children imitate what they see. We as parents can only teach our children to be honest at all times because deep inside they know whats right and wrong. Think back to you own childhood. You would leave a situation when you know it was against your parents belief or you would take a chance on not getting caugth. Remember that old saying " What is done the dark shall soon come to the light. Just love your children and give it your best as a parent.
I am shocked! For all the people who are condemning others, I have a question for you. Do you tell your children that Santa is watching and to leave their teeth under their pillows for the tooth fairy? If so, aren't you telling little lies? When your child asks you about something that they saw on the news and it is not appropriate, do you outright tell them that people kill other people for no reason or do you pad the truth to protect the children that you love? We, as parents do need to teach our children to walk, talk , love and be good people and not to lie. But telling fibs is a part of normal development. When a child realizes that when they do something wrong that they get in trouble, they start to tell little lies. It is our job to teach them this is wrong and the truth is better. The bible says, "Thou shalt not judge." Use telling fibs as a teachable moment rather than a moment to teach your children that they will go to hell. How ridiculous!I am proud to know that my children know that no matter what they do and that includes telling lies, that they are loved and I think they are great!
Get a life!
Okay, in case nobody knew, some people may be offended by your choice to present your faith as the "right way". Jesus surely taught good things and helps people know what to do with themselves: "What would Jesus do? That is what I should do..." I am Wiccan (aka a modern religin based on witchcraft and nature, paganism...) with a Jewish background and do not think that there is ONE right god. I believe that whatever you believe is right for you. In general, I think people who lie aren't necessarily smart they are just developed... I also support the idea that you must try something and make sure its wrong, that you shouldn't do it... People learn from their mistakes!
these bible thumpers are sick. A child lies and they are a thief in the ring of fire!! Please!!! I have a 2 year old that has started to lie. I correct her if I know she is lying and try to point out that lying about stopping up the toilet is worse than the toilet overflowing. I am relieved to hear it might be due to her intelligence. she is smart. thanks.
I have an 11 year old son who is beginning to get caught in his lies and give you attitude galore (oh the joys!!) but just the same I don't believe my son will burn in hell, become a thief or burn in a lake of fire ... that's just silly! He is a good kid (even with the tude) and I attend to keep it that way. As a parent AND once I kid, I understand he is going to go through this behavior and learn, hopefully not the hard way, that it's not a good thing to lie or be sneaky ... and chances are, there may be at least one incident that could be a dozie. I do not believe we will ever face such an experience, but I'm not naive to think he is not capable of this behavior either. As parents we need to listen, communicate, pay attention to our kids surroundings, take appropriate action and have faith in our children that in a few years they will learn from their punishments/mistakes/actions and grow in to respectable young men and women.
"let he who is without sin cast the first stone" The devil sure is buzy on the internet too I see. Please don't let satan push your buttons or allow him to push you away from God. Jesus loves the little children no matter what, so instead of THREATENING THEM WITH ETERNAL DAMNATION, teach them that lying is wrong but if you pray and ask God for forgiveness and try not to lie again in the future I think that everything will work out and all kids will be smarter no matter what because you have taught them the right way. And one more thing - THERE IS NOT EVEN ONE CHILD IN HELL & NEVER WILL BE & that you can bet on.
"God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life." john 3:16
Children are innocent and will not perish, but its true that all liars will suffer in the lake of fire unless they repent and turn to God.
"At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, 'Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?' Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them and said, "Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me.
But whoever causes one of these little ones who believes in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!"
(Matthew 18:1-7)
I just wanted to reiterate the meaning of what I said on Feb 17th and answer a question. I know I came off a little too strong.
I am a Christian. Jesus is the center of my life. He comes into most of my daily speaking and thinking. When I have a question about child rearing or life in general I hit the books. I read on the internet, magazines, teaching guides, parenting helps, but the first book I read from is the Bible. That is my instruction manual. All the other advice I receive whether it is written or verbal is weighed by the love of Christ. I feel strongly that children need to be protected by things said without love.
As for Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and where babies come from I have always told my children the truth with as little information as is required to satisfy their curiosity(depending on their age and development level). I also let my children have the magic of childhood. I'm not going to destroy that. When I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter my first daughter asked where babies come from? She was 4. I told her babies come from God. When I was pregnant with our third daughter my oldest(now 5 1/2)asked more. How will the baby come out? How did it get in there? How does it eat? All of these were answered at her level of understanding without lying or giving her more information than she was ready for. Thanks for your patience. God Bless. And prayers to all.
Geez, y'all, where did this commenting get out of hand? I am a high school student, and as a child I didn't lie at all. In fact, I was brutally honest. Then I found out that society today does not seek the truth, or even like it. My parents hated it when I told them something they didn't want to hear. Maybe it's not the kids, but people around them that make them want to lie to you in order to please you. It's ridiculous to think that if you lie, you are automatically a theif(yes, I am a christian) as the two are not necessarily directly related to each other. I can tell someone I did my homework, when in fact I didnt, and resist the temptation to become a carjacker. lol
Lying is a natural as anything in our society. It is not uncommon for parents to lie to their children on a daily basis. What all parents have to realize is that children learn by example. Blaming a child for things they learn is like saying that school is the devil's handy work. Parents will lie to make themselves and their families look better. That is the major reason children lie. It isn't because the child is evil or plotting. They are just doing what is natural for their inviroment.
I agree with sophia as far as religion goes. It is ones own belief. I think people who spend (waste) their lifes trying to tell others what they believe is wrong is ridiculous. I think that to say if you lie you are a theif or going to hell is so sick and twisted. Everyone lies, nobody is perfect. I guarantee everyone of you who said that bullshit has told a lie before. I think that lying is part of social behavior.
Post a Comment