Play It Safe--But Play!

I'm a grown up who is regularly accused of still acting like a child. While perhaps intended to jab, this has never really offended me. In fact, quite the opposite--I wear the moniker with pride. But that may just be me, behaving like a child. Hmmm...this does get confusing.

But now I, and all of my middle-aged-child-like friends have something to really boast about. The cover story in last Sunday's New York Times Magazine section is entitled "Taking Play Seriously". This article is filled with excellent information, both from a behavioral and academic perspective, as well as an emotional point of view. That's where I weigh in.

Play is an important part of my life, and always has been. I am lucky to have parents who encouraged it, grew up at a time in this country when it was widely accepted as the "right" thing to do, and I never lost my love of it. I admit that the 1960s might have been an easier time to make play "happen". There was no Internet--actually there were no DVDs, VCRs, or anything else to take my attention away from my three-dimensional world and replace it with a mere two dimensions. Uh-oh. I am seriously sounding like a person older than I feel. After all, I do remember dial phones fondly.

But here's the deal: I love all kinds of play--sports, parlor games, board games, card games and games and puzzles online as well. I love playing scrabble at the kitchen table but I also love playing it on Facebook, because it means I can play twenty games at once with friends all over the country.

Kids need play time. In this over-scheduled-over-indulgent-overly-scrutinized world, play- for play's sake gets the short end of the stick.

I think it's time to put play back into our lives--no matter your age or your geographic location. Play safely, of course, but play!

Bowling anyone?!

(c) Steven Brandt. Image from BigStockPhoto.com

Are All Smart Children Good Liars?

As a follow up to our last post, and because this seems to be a topic of great interest to people, we are taking a closer look at this subject. As I mentioned, in the New York Magazine article, "Learning To Lie", author Po Bronson explores the extraordinary phenomenon of children lying as a matter of course. And not only are they lying regularly, they are learning all about it from their parents.

Uh...that's us. You know you do it. We all do. Not big, bad lies that involve felonies! The little kind that we tell to spare someone's feelings. (See, I'm already qualifying the difference.) "No, I love your hair color," when really I mean, "Do you own a mirror, because if you did, you would not have left the house." Or, "This is delicious, may I have the recipe," when really I mean, "My dog wouldn't eat this." So as we navigate life, hoping to spare people from hearing the "real truth" we may be injuring our children, who hear us do this, make the connection, accept it as correct behavior, and then adapt it as part of their daily routine. After all, if Mom and Dad do it, it must be OK.

So where's the balance? How do we spare people unnecessary hurt over something minor--hair color--and not teach our children simultaneously that it's just fine to lie when you need to?

Unfortunately, it's not so easy. Especially if your child is smart, and who's child isn't? Mine is. Honestly.

Some experts believe that children, once they get a little older, will grow out this--they'll learn to make choices and be cognizant of right and wrong. Here's a little pin to burst that bubble, courtesy of Dr. Victoria Talwar, an assistant professor at Montreal's McGill University and a leading expert on children's lying behavior:

By their 4th birthday, almost all kids will start experimenting with lying in order to avoid punishment. Because of that, they lie indiscriminately--whenever punishment seems to be a possibility. A 3-year-old will say, "I didn't hit my sister," even if a parent witnessed the child's hitting her sibling.

Most parents hear their child lie and assume he's too young to understand what lies are or that lying's wrong. They presume their child will stop when he gets older and learns those distinctions. Talwar has found the opposite to be true--kids who grasp early the nuances between lies and truth use this knowledge to their advantage, making them more prone to lie when given the chance.

Great. Another thing to blame on parents! So what is the answer? Well, there's no magic bullet for this one. But as with most important parenting issues, TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN! A strong bond, an open relationship, and the feeling that the truth, no matter how unpleasant, might mitigate punishment rather than bring it on, may be the way to navigate this particular land mine.

Anyway, your kids don't lie, right?

Is Your Child a Good Liar?

If so, and statistically the chances are good, then congratulations! It means your child is smart. I'm not kidding.

I read with interest and horror the latest cover story in New York Magazine. It's about lying and just how adept our children are at it. Very disturbing, but the research is fascinating.

It raises issues about what we, as parents, unwittingly teach our children about "little white lies" and what message this sends. Seems the smarter the child, the more adept they are at lying at an early age.

Great. Now when we're bragging about how well our kids are doing at school, socializing and mingling, making lots of friends, it may just mean that they're consummate liars!

Honestly now, is there any good news out there?!


(c) Judy McPhail. Image from BigStockPhoto.com

Would You Leave Your Child Home Alone with the Front Door Open?

Of course not. So why would you leave them alone on the Internet? After all, it's the virtual front door. And who knows anymore where it leads.

The latest study shows that social networking sites are not the culprit as much as chat rooms and instant messaging. Well that's just one study, and for every study that claims to have the answers, there's another one to dispute those answers.

Isn't this really about PARENTING? I know parents who won't let their kids watch television, but but have no idea what they are doing online for hours. The truth is there is great television for children (OK, I'm biased because I work in children's television!) and there are great web worlds, too. Moderation is the key, of course. Now I sound like my mother!

TALK TO YOUR KIDS. Find out what they like to do online, and while you're at it, why don't you find out WHY they like socializing online. I'm not suggesting that we parents become the police, but young children need supervision and they need to know we care about what they are doing.

Next time you hesitate asking your child what they're doing online, ask yourself this: would you hesitate asking them where they were going if they walked out the front door?

(c) Tom Schmucker. Image from BigStockPhoto.com