Abstinence-only Sex Education
I have strong feelings about teaching abstinence only sex education -- both as a sex therapist/sex educator and as a parent. Interestingly, I had these beliefs before I became a parent and they have only been strengthened by my experiences as a parent.
I think that the abstinence-only approach to sex education is an abomination on our children. (Is that strong enough? Almost.) They virtually guarantee that there will be unwanted pregnancies, high rates of sexually transmitted infections and shot-gun marriages that end in divorce (something that really does undermine the institution of marriage). These courses also guarantee that there will be no shortage of sex therapy clients well after my lifetime. Our culture transmits the most confusing messages about sexuality (and abstinence-only courses support the confusion).
Parents need to talk to children about sex and sexual feelings as good feelings early and whenever the opportunity arises so that these ideologically-ridden courses can be counteracted if one's child happens to attend school in a district that accepts the federal money and thereby sells out the children of that district. (I did warn you about the strength of my feelings.)
Parents also need to stress that while sexual feelings are wonderful, they should be shared with special people when the people involved have fully grasped the responsibilities and the potential outcomes of doing so.
Just as a parent would not have a pool in their back yard and never speak about how to swim, tread water and hold one's breath while under water -- a parent should never fail to address the sexual "pools" that are everywhere in the world.
I am a big fan of two books by Deborah Roffman: "But How'd I Get in There in the First Place: Talking to Your Young Child About Sex" and "Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking Sense About Sex." I would recommend them to parents who find themselves up against abstinence-only courses.
Abstinence-only courses will be out there for a long time unfortunately. That's because politicians who support them find it an easy way to score points in an uninformed community. Studies continue to show that abstinence-only courses fail and they fail miserably. It's just that we live with an administration that bases its decisions on ideology -- not scientific research. Until that this method of policy formation is abandoned, we will be stuck with ideological treatises disguised as courses.
Related Topics: Teaching sex education to teens, Teens and STDs
I think that the abstinence-only approach to sex education is an abomination on our children. (Is that strong enough? Almost.) They virtually guarantee that there will be unwanted pregnancies, high rates of sexually transmitted infections and shot-gun marriages that end in divorce (something that really does undermine the institution of marriage). These courses also guarantee that there will be no shortage of sex therapy clients well after my lifetime. Our culture transmits the most confusing messages about sexuality (and abstinence-only courses support the confusion).
Parents need to talk to children about sex and sexual feelings as good feelings early and whenever the opportunity arises so that these ideologically-ridden courses can be counteracted if one's child happens to attend school in a district that accepts the federal money and thereby sells out the children of that district. (I did warn you about the strength of my feelings.)
Parents also need to stress that while sexual feelings are wonderful, they should be shared with special people when the people involved have fully grasped the responsibilities and the potential outcomes of doing so.
Just as a parent would not have a pool in their back yard and never speak about how to swim, tread water and hold one's breath while under water -- a parent should never fail to address the sexual "pools" that are everywhere in the world.
I am a big fan of two books by Deborah Roffman: "But How'd I Get in There in the First Place: Talking to Your Young Child About Sex" and "Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking Sense About Sex." I would recommend them to parents who find themselves up against abstinence-only courses.
Abstinence-only courses will be out there for a long time unfortunately. That's because politicians who support them find it an easy way to score points in an uninformed community. Studies continue to show that abstinence-only courses fail and they fail miserably. It's just that we live with an administration that bases its decisions on ideology -- not scientific research. Until that this method of policy formation is abandoned, we will be stuck with ideological treatises disguised as courses.
Related Topics: Teaching sex education to teens, Teens and STDs
11 Comments:
i am dating a man without legs and when we have sex he climaxes but no semen comes out. what is the problem?
Talking to your children about sex and sexuality is fine and a good idea. However, there is no reason to eliminate abstinence-only education. The two approaches are not mutually exclusive. What we all want is healthy and loving kids.
Perry Hudson
This year I trained to teach Our Whole Lives (OWL) to 8th graders. This is sexuality education developed by the United Church of Christ and the Unitarian-Universalist Association. It is incredible! There are programs for first graders, which I am not familiar with, and fifth graders, which my son participated in last year. All of our children should get such excellent sexuality education!
I don't believE that teaching kids my age that abstinence-only. I didn't find out about being able to use condoms and birth control from a teacher but from other kids.
So no matter what your going to find out about other ways to prevent STDs and teen pregnancies from other kids.
I do choose abstinence though because I have my christian values. I also am not going to take the risk of the condom or birth control to fail and wined up getting pregnant or an STD.
Take a close look at our culture in particular. Kids are bombarded with sex even in cartoons, advertising, movies, video games, radio, television, billboards, clothing and adults are even culpable too. You have the ACLU defending NAMBLA men and the NAMBLA right to publish on their website very dispicable things. It's the culture that needs major repairs. Not having sex before marriage is actually called a virtue, did not say it would be easy to accomplish, but some do. All these experts may not make any real difference, just look at the abortion numbers and unwed parents.
Oh, I am not an expert so excuse me for posting. This culture is headed for damnation, just a matter of time.
Louanne,
In my view, your, ahem, abhorrence of abstinence is based on a pretty common prejudice of fundamentalist ideologies. Not the most ideal foundation on which to build a platform of insight.
We teach children to abstain from many, many behaviors and activities that could potentially expose them to harm. Safety requirements around swimming pools, for example, could be equated as behavior-based abstinence directives.
In the swimming environment, "abstaining" from jumping into three feet of water will most certainly ADD to a child's delight in the long run rather than detract from it.
Abstinence is tied to "voluntary" cooperation. How this can be viewed as an "abomination" insults my intelligence.
Teaching children to voluntarily abstain from sexual activity until they are mature enough to handle the emotional and phsical complexities associated with it is an extremely moderate approach.
A PHD an open mind not maketh.
I agree fully with the thought that Abstinence only is an abomination. I grew up in NW indiana and have moved to TN where I found that the bible belt has pushed kids into the realm of the sexual world armed with little knowledge, leaving them ignorant. Almost setting them up for teen pregnancy, and the fear that comes with it.
And to the comment about "abstaining" from jumping into three foot of water at the pool. That was a poor arguement, the fact of the matter is that children need to be told more than to just not do something. They're extremely comprehensive and can respect and obtain knowledge, and abstinence based sex education is an insult to their intelligence.
I agree fully with the thought that Abstinence only is an abomination. I grew up in NW indiana and have moved to TN where I found that the bible belt has pushed kids into the realm of the sexual world armed with little knowledge, leaving them ignorant. Almost setting them up for teen pregnancy, and the fear that comes with it.
And to the comment about "abstaining" from jumping into three foot of water at the pool. That was a poor arguement, the fact of the matter is that children need to be told more than to just not do something. They're extremely comprehensive and can respect and obtain knowledge, and abstinence based sex education is an insult to their intelligence.
i say this when it comes to sex my parents never talked about it neither did my school by 6th grade i was having sex and i knew nothing about condoms not that there was a way to get that stuff. my opinion is talk to them openly not just wait until marriage you have to put some trust in those kids and inform them but allow them to choose.
well, for the ones that spoke that arent experts, just because you dont have a PHD doesnt mean that you have an open mind. It doesnt matter who it is that has it, people are more likely and more willing to listen to them, then ones without.
this post is a mix between personal beliefs and some simple facts of when and why happens, happens.
if you dont like personal opinions, nor the world around you, crawl under a rock, because after posting some of the things i've read, thats where you guys just came out from.
Welcome to the real world! Abstinence is good, and ignorant folks shouldn't talk!
The irony of your article, is that STDs, unwaned pregnancies, divorces, abortions, and more, have sky-rocketed since the introduction of the pill. So precisely what the pill was going to save us from, has gone through the roof. The problem is when not only our culture, but also our teachers take the attitude "Well, they are going to have sex anyways, so why not teach them right?" This attitude is so wrong, because all it is doing is supporting destructive behaviors, and then the kids have sex and don't use the condoms they were taught to. Kids are very impressionable. If you tell them to have sex, they will. If you teach them chastity, teach them to respect their bodies in a true and beautiful way, and teach them what sex really is (the union of a man and wife in marriage) and its true beauty, people will learn. I spent the las 12 years of my life trying to live the American sexual dream and then through the grace of God recovering from it, from its destruction. I suggest you read Theology of the Body by John Paul II, which is the greatest exhortation of sex and its beauty. Our culture says its only for pleasure, the Church says it, in the right place, allows us to be brought closer to God. Anyways, not that you'll listen, but the objectification of our bodies as sexual objects destroys that person's dignity. Our children deserve better.
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