I have strong feelings about teaching abstinence only sex education — both as a sex therapist/sex educator and as a parent. Interestingly, I had these beliefs before I became a parent and they have only been strengthened by my experiences as a parent.

I think that the abstinence-only approach to sex education is an abomination on our children. (Is that strong enough? Almost.) They virtually guarantee that there will be unwanted pregnancies, high rates of sexually transmitted infections and shot-gun marriages that end in divorce (something that really does undermine the institution of marriage). These courses also guarantee that there will be no shortage of sex therapy clients well after my lifetime. Our culture transmits the most confusing messages about sexuality (and abstinence-only courses support the confusion).

Parents need to talk to children about sex and sexual feelings as good feelings early and whenever the opportunity arises so that these ideologically-ridden courses can be counteracted if one’s child happens to attend school in a district that accepts the federal money and thereby sells out the children of that district. (I did warn you about the strength of my feelings.)

Parents also need to stress that while sexual feelings are wonderful, they should be shared with special people when the people involved have fully grasped the responsibilities and the potential outcomes of doing so.

Just as a parent would not have a pool in their back yard and never speak about how to swim, tread water and hold one’s breath while under water — a parent should never fail to address the sexual “pools” that are everywhere in the world.

I am a big fan of two books by Deborah Roffman: “But How’d I Get in There in the First Place: Talking to Your Young Child About Sex” and “Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent’s Guide to Talking Sense About Sex.” I would recommend them to parents who find themselves up against abstinence-only courses.

Abstinence-only courses will be out there for a long time unfortunately. That’s because politicians who support them find it an easy way to score points in an uninformed community. Studies continue to show that abstinence-only courses fail and they fail miserably. It’s just that we live with an administration that bases its decisions on ideology — not scientific research. Until that this method of policy formation is abandoned, we will be stuck with ideological treatises disguised as courses.

Related Topics: Teaching sex education to teens, Teens and STDs