Delayed Ejaculation
When you are trying to be aroused by another person, if the physical stimulation itself isn't sufficient to lead you to orgasm, then what you are doing mentally becomes crucial. You will find that the best path to overcoming delayed ejaculation more easily includes thinking and visualizing things that are erotic to you. This could include: scenarios that you have imagined and have never (and would never) experience, situations from your past that really excited you, things you do hope for, and any combination of sensory input that you can personally concoct.
Second, it means that you do your best to avoid thinking about things that make you anxious during the sex. Many times people start a downward spiral that includes things like, "I'm taking too long" or "I wonder if my partner's bored?" or "Why can't I get over this?" These types of thoughts predispose a person to slowing down the arousal and increase the chance of everything being slower.
Though we tend to hear much more about men with premature ejaculation, quite a few men would like to learn ways to reach orgasm more quickly and with fewer feelings of "working" at it. Before considering the psychological issues that follow, be sure to check with your physician about any sexual side effects of medication you take, particularly antidepressants. Also, get screened for medical conditions that may affect orgasm, including prostate problems, diabetes, cancer and neurovascular conditions.
Second, it means that you do your best to avoid thinking about things that make you anxious during the sex. Many times people start a downward spiral that includes things like, "I'm taking too long" or "I wonder if my partner's bored?" or "Why can't I get over this?" These types of thoughts predispose a person to slowing down the arousal and increase the chance of everything being slower.
Though we tend to hear much more about men with premature ejaculation, quite a few men would like to learn ways to reach orgasm more quickly and with fewer feelings of "working" at it. Before considering the psychological issues that follow, be sure to check with your physician about any sexual side effects of medication you take, particularly antidepressants. Also, get screened for medical conditions that may affect orgasm, including prostate problems, diabetes, cancer and neurovascular conditions.
102 Comments:
My problem is very different then the problem mentioned in the earlier comment. When my girl freind and i engage in intercourse, it may take hours for me to reach orgasm if, if I even reach it at all. I try to blame it on my anti-depressents but i'm not sure. I also think it may be that im no longer attracted to my girl friend. However, i did notice that, if i close my eyes and use my imagination a bit... it doesn't take AS long... however it still takes awhile. Now i don't want this to effect our future. At this rate, we'll probably never have children because she usually tires before i reach orgasm. If i could get a little help from anyone who has overcome this problem it would be great! my email is tjsaccio@yahoo.com
-thanks alot!
Frustrated.
I have the same problem. Sometimes it can take for ever, and my partner and I have to stop before I am able to ejaculate. However, sometimes it can take not that long, but that is on the rare occasion. I have always had this problem, and it makes me feel uncomfortable, especially when I met my new partner. She knows about it now but still doesnt make me feel too good. If anyone has any help or information for me, please can you e-mail texansravens@hotmail.com
thank you very much
I’m having the same problem as these other 2 guys. I keep going and going like the Energizer Bunny. I’ve only have a couple women that could make me orgasm in under a half hour. Most of the time it takes at lest an hour and by the time I get there most women are exhausted. I don’t think I’ve ever had more then a dozen quickies in my life (meaning I orgasm with in minutes). Reading the other posts is like reading my own. What seems to happen is I start thinking “this is taking too long”. Then I start thinking about what she’s thinking then my thoughts just start to snowball into deep thought. That’s when I realize I need to really concentrate. The only thing I can do is think of something extremely erotic and make my mind travel there so I can climax. I really would like to climax because of the woman I’m with and not because I’m thinking of something different but that’s hardly ever the case. If anyone can offer me advice please write me at cptndude@hotmail.com
I've had the same problem since my later teens and now early twenties. It's probably the most frustrating thing ever. But now i'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who suffers from this time-consuming dilemma. Any advice would be most beneficial.
I recently became sexually involved with a man that is 15 years my senior. He seemed to believe that endless endurance was a "charming" quality. I DO give him credit where it is due, but I did express to him that "this was not a contest", and would like him to "let go" WITH me, or as close as possible to my own climax as possible. He DID oblige,during our next few "go-arounds" but my question to all you men out there is, why did he feel compelled to not climax on purpose? Bravado? A "May-December" insurance policy? Thank you for ANY insight.
my boyfriend, whom i love deeply, rarely ejaculates during intercourse with me. he says the sex is great. he seems happy and eager to engage in sexual activities, yet the vast majority of his ejaculations occur during masturbation. i dont want to say anything to him to make him uncomfortable, but i am so worried its me. i worry he's not really attracted to me physically, or that i'm not good enough, or doing it right. i want to please him. things are so good between us, i don't want this to be the thing that eventually causes our ruin. can anyone help me understand?
smallwonders-99@msn.com
thx
I have the same problem although I haven't always been this way. When I was younger, I seemed to have no problems. So, I am unsure how much of this is mental and how much is age. I also had a vasectomy and I wondered if that had an effect.
I think that things got hard for me when my first wife left me. I think it affected my self esteem and I know that I worried when I became intimate again I would climax too soon or wouldn't be good enough as a lover.
I was celibate for nearly 6 years before I had a girl friend I was intimate with. Then when we had sex, I could last for hours. She liked it at first but began to ask if I wasnt satisfied with her. Often it was easier to climax when I masterbated than when I was having sex with her.
After that relationship I was celibate another year and a half before I met my wife. I followed a similar pattern. We would have sex that lasted for hours but I would not climax.
My urologist was sympathetic but indicated that he didnt think anything was wrong with me physically. He thought that it was really an asset and not a problem.
I suspect a lot of it involves trust issues for me. I still take a long time and sometimes cant climax at all but I am able to climax more often than not. I think a number of factors created the problem but I think that after my first wife's betrayals, I really needed to work on trusting women.
My current wife had a difficult time with this at first although she was very patient. She had an enormous appetite for sex the first couple of years and I wasnt alway up for it. She would want to make love 4 or more times a day. I felt kind of stupid for not feeling up to it all the time.
I still am slow but things are much more comfortable for me now. We have settled into a more regular pattern of sex two or three times a week. I still wish I could climax more. Most of the time, I do not produce very much ejaculate and I rarely hit that totally exhausting endorphin high I used to get. I wish that I was more consistent.
It might seem silly or shallow but I also wish that I could consistently produce large amounts of ejaculate. I really enjoy it and my wife loves it when I do. She occassionally likes me to ejaculate on her and she likes to rub it on both of us.
I also sometimes resort to fantasies to arouse myself to climax but like one of you said, I feel a little guilty about not feeling aroused enough by my wife. Sometimes, I slip away to look at internet porn to arouse myself before we start sex to kind of jump start things. I have not told my wife I do this and I feel a little guilty about that as well.
Actually, in my 20's I didn't consider it much of a problem, but now that I'm in my 30's it's become noticable.
Sometimes I can ejaculate quickly, but other times, it's like I'm running a marathon. It can be very frustrating.
It raises all kinds of questions. Do I have mental issues? Could they be overcome with therapy? Is there something physically wrong with me? Is there a pill I could take?
My last girlfriend was very kind and didn't make me feel self conscious about the issue, but I'm afraid with someone new, they might be judgemental or express disappointment, and it could make it worse.
To be honest, it would make me feel better if I knew there was a team of scientists working on a drug that address this issue.
i have a hard time reaching my peek. when ever my girlfriend and i have intercourse it feels amazing but i still cant come. i really want to fix this because i fear that the girl might feel i dont care about her when i love her so much. i dont know what to do. i have had some spinal damage but i never thought it was that sirious. please help tgpnt@aol.com
i have a hard time peeking. when ever my girlfriend and i engage in intercourse it feels great but i still cant ejaculate. i have had aome spinal damage but i never thought it was that serious. i think that my girlfriend is beggining to think i dont care about her when i really do. please help tgpnt@aol.com
I just recently got over a heart & stroke. Could this be why I can't ejaculate during sex. If so is there any cures?
i have just started dating a new guy after a 3 year relationship and i am very happy and so is he, but for some reason when we are intimate it only lasts for about 1 minute. honestly, sometimes it's less then that and he tells me that he never had this problem before, now he is 7 years older if that means anything. and this is very different then my last relationship in which he could go forever with out a problem. if anyone could offer any advice i would appreciate it very much!
I am a 23 year old female and I am a diabetic. I didn't start having sex until I turned 22 but I have yet to reach and orgasm with my partner. Everytime we finish he always ask me if I came and I try to be mindful of his feelings but I haven't gotten one. Now wheni pleasure myself i get one but i akes a while at least 15 to 20 minutes. What is my prob;em?
i have the same problem as the last comment, the only thing is am not a diabetic. Am 28 years old and sometimes i can't reach a orgasm. I have to wait 2-3 weeks before i can have sex so i can have a orgasm and even then its take me a long time to cum. It like my mind be somewhere else. What should i do. How can I get help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I admit that I don't have the same problem, in fact I have the opposite problem... but one that I learned is that when I think about things such as the stages of Ricky Lake, The Cubs not winning their last game, or something off the wall and not directly related to intercourse that I last remarkably longer. Be that as it may, when I don't think about anything, completely relax my mind and just enjoy the experience, I ejaculate rather quickly. That being said, in theory if someone whom suffers from premature ejaculation thinks about something not related to sex they should be able to perform longer. My suggestion to you is to try to relax, don't think about anything, or think about relaxing your tongue. I know some of you are thinking I do that to go to sleep, but at that point in time your not aroused and in the process of sexual activity.
So my boyfriend and i have engaged in sex, and i know for a fact that it has nothing to do with the fact that we're not attracted to each other, however, it's the complete opposite. We love each other with all our hearts and are getting married in about a year! His problem is that he just returned from Iraq and over there he had to please himself...So now, it takes him a very long time, if he does it at all to ejaculate. He can do it by himself, but whenever it comes to having sex it's the complete opposite. I don't know if maybe i should get over my fear of him seeing me naked, and spice it up a little, or if something is wrong with him?
I am 18 years of age and ive engaged in intercourse but never get to the point of ejaculation. I seem to please my girl very much but i have never ejaculated while having intercourse. it is starting to aggrivate me. After about 30 minutes i start to loose my erection and cant continue. I have lower back pain that was caused by riding motocross. If any one has any info or help please email me at secretman121@hotmail.com
It's nice to know that I'm not the only one with this problem.... I worry about my girlfriend. We went 4 hours and then I thought, "Maybe it's the condom?".... come to find out, it was too tight. After loosing the Condom, My climax came, and with good timing. My girlfriend was really getting ready to tell me stop. So I suggest, if Condoms is being used. Maybe changing size would help.
Thank you.
My boyfriend has the same issue he enjoys the sex and we have tried for several times but he doesn't cumm not becuase he doesn't want to is there any thing that we can try or is there some thing wrong? email mizztorica@yahoo.com i would like you to please email me with A response
My Father(75 y/o) has been in remission from AML five years in June '07.He had 12 days of radiation and 14 days of chemo.His problem with not being able to ejaculate has been noted by two uriologist.His doctor has checked his prostate.No one seems to have an answer for this and it really bothers him.He doesn't have a problem getting an erection and has always had a very healthy sex life.He can't ejaculate.The doctors he has been to said they have never heard of that.I told him about this site and he asked me to write to you and see if you can come up with an answer.You can reach me @ carolbaker1955@sbcglobal.net.Thank you for your time.
Carol,
For answers to questions relating to your father-in-law's condition, I'd recommend visiting our Urology message board with Dr. Sheldon Marks.
Thank you!
I sure am glad that I came upon this site. My boyfriend has the same problem as most of these men, rarly ejaculating. He told me that he has been to the doctor several times because of this and they can not find a medical reason for it.I have often gotten very upset because I believed that he wasn't attracted to me physically, although he never has a problem getting an erection. He swore that he has always had this problem, and now I can finally believe it isn't me. Now we can just have great long lasting sex with no worries.
My boyfriend is the same way. When I first met him he never came than after dating for a couple of months he had no problem. Now lately, he hasn't been able to climax, but he will masterbate and climax. It makes me feel very sad.
my fiance has the same problem, when we first started having sex he would climax ussually within 45 min which was perfect for me b/c I usually take about 30 min to climax and then when he did 15min later I got to orgasm a second time. But latley he hasn't been able to at all. After about 2 hours I start to get dry and sore and I worry for him b/c he will get chaffed. I started to think it was me but after seeing that this happens to other guys I'm not worried any more. I love him very much and now I know not to pressure him or ask him why he didn't ejaculate, Even though I love the way it feels when He does.
Hi all,
I've been reading and understanding. I have the longevity problem, I get closure to climax when I feel its 'forced' out of me. Like its out of my control, otherwise I cant let go on my own efforts.
Deac.
My partner had a problem ejaculating during intercourse. After two years together we went to see a sex therapist. She recommended a three week course. It's called sensate focus, and relies on intimacy, not sex, for that period. The first week is naked massage without touching any private parts. You shower first then massage three to four times that week, with no alchol or drugs allowed. You do the second week exactly the same, except with massage oils, candles etc to set the mood. I don't know what the third week entails because after 10 days my parter had climaxed during penetration. We were both so horny by then that we couldn't resist. There are only certain positions that work for him, but it's a start at least. I hope this can help someone else x x
hey..anyone else tried sex therapy?..my guy has the same anorgasmic anejaculation problem..never reaches it except rarely..and not inside of me..just masturbating!..we tried vibrator and it failed..they said we should try sex therapy..any trials??
Wow I thought that i was the only one with this god awful problem. My girlfriend soon to be wife have had sex a few times. I have had other women in my life and everytime i have had sexual intercourse i have never ejeculated. But when i masturbate it just takes minutes. She thinks that she doesn't please me but its the complete opposite. She is wonderful in bed but doesn't believe me because I do not finish.
Plz any help would be great. jarradmax@hotmail.com
when me and my boyfriend have sex he ejaculates quickly and we always have to stop and i dont get to my peek because our sex is super short.CAN YOU PLEASE HELP AND TELL ME WANT WE CAN DO TO MAKE IT LONGER?!?!?!
thisgoodangel@yahoo.com
I did not realize i have fallen victim to this issue till recently. My girlfriend and I are constantly at it, but i have yet to ejaculate. I am 18, and she is my 1st. I was wondering if anyone could help me out, cause this is becoming a bit scary, as well as frustrating. Any advice would be highly appreciated.
Email gregorygmaster@yahoo.com
I have the same problem as many others have mentioned - not being able to ejaculate despite having enjoyable sex. I'm wondering if anyof you have received any beneficial advice, because all I seem to be reading is that many men having this problem, but I don't see a good solution.
I would just like to say its glad to see that I am not alone I am 26/m and I have had the same feeling for about a year or so I can NOT have an orgasm through intercourse...I have felt this way for a couple of years through oral sex or fellatio but some of my guys friends said the oral sex thing was normal as they could not reach orgasm through oral sex....no one expressed the same way i did about not being able to orgasm with intercourse and having to resort to masturbation next to my partner to finish the job. I recently did research and research on this subject and alot of experts and sites recommended a sex therapist. Yesterday I took my first step in doing so and visiting the sexual coach and he seemed great and I didnt feel like it was something so out of the norm. He pointed out a few things and will give me some assignments...I do feel alot of it is mental and the downward spiral is what has made it impossible for me...just the fact that I am going to the therapist and I know I will get it fixed has already provided me with a better and "closer" feeling to climaxing while in intercourse
Hi Guys,
I had the same problem; it was even hard for me to have a full erection
Let alone to come to an orgasm, my problem was guilt; I took off with my childhood Sweetheart leaving my wife, I knew it was wrong and that kept hunting me as we ware trying to have sex, after about two weeks I got over it.
So guilt plays a big part in love making, I hope this helps.
Ps.
By the way I’m back with my wife and now premature ejaculation is a problem
can you believe that, can someone help me?
My problem is that I sometimes ejaculate too quickly, before she or I have had enough time to enjoy intercourse. We usually participate in a lot of foreplay so I was thinking this may be part of the problem, but anyone that may have any suggestions please let me know.
The good doctor knoweth not what she says. Anorgasmia is often completley biological. Sometimes Oxytocin helps in small doses, but guys, don't feel like this 'is all in your head.' That's often what doctors say when the limited biological and pharmacological tools at their disposal simply aren't sufficient to solve the problem. Think of all those poor bastards who were impotent before Viagra/Levitra/Cialis who spent years being made to feel awful by shrinks and doctors who implied their problme was psychological -- that they were gay, or had bad mommas...only to discover that BOING! They had low nitric oxide levels and with Viagra/L. they got hard as rocks! and why did the doctors tell them 'it wasn't physical' ? Simple -- it's hard to admit you don't know shit -- that's why. Doctors are as susceptible to it, or more, than anyone else. This doctor is simply parroting what she's been told to parrot -- she hasn't a clue. God bless her, but don't listen to her. Try oxycontin, try vitamins mixes, try relaxation techniques -- but know it's gonna be a long haul, until somebody discovers a medicine that enhances the neural pathways that lead to orgasm...and good luck! (I'm down to 20 minutes orgasming with my wife, but it's taken a looong time to get there -- geez, maybe because my mommy beat me? Or, better yet...I'm gay! :))
Remember, doctors are great -- but they have their limitations, too...
I'm 34 years old and it seems when i try to orgasm i don't ejaculate the way i use to. I pretty much have to squeeze the remaining semen from my penis. Basically I don't shoot out the way i use to. Any suggestions?
After my husband's midlife crisis and subsequent affair(6 mo. duration) he begged me to stay with him. I did since we have a 20 year history. I am trying to work thru this all but add to that trouble dealing with his decreased libido and anejaculation. None of this was an issue before his affair.What do I do?
I'm 23 and I have the same problem, I can't ejaculate during intercourse, I can if I masturbate, within 5 minutes, and with extremely large loads. I've been celebate for the past year, even before that it took me a long time, but not like this. Usually after 30 min, I lose my erection. I've done a lot of recreational drugs during college, could that be the cause? If so what can I do now?
Help... my fiancee and i have been intimate together for 9 months... In the beginning he could reach orgasm fine but lately he hasnt been able to. He still gets aroused with NO issues but when we engage in sex he cant cum... and I mean we try for hours until I hurt. He swears its not me but i cant help but have my doubts..A couple of years ago he had an operation because there wasnt enough blood reaching one of his testicles.So now only one of his testicles "works" i guess you could say Im not sure if that could be having an effect on him or whats going on. All i know is that Im reaching my witts end I want to have children with him but i'm starting to become nervous that we wont be able to achieve that. Does anyone have any suggestions?? please email me at clucka828@yahoo.com
I read this entire board and didn't find any solutions beyond consulting a sex therapist, which unfortunately I don't have insurance or the money to do so. I'm 25 and had been celebate for over 2 years when I met my current girlfriend. I have no problem reaching climax when I masterbate in fact it can take only a few minutes. I really love this girl yet she doesn't believe me simply because I can't climax during intercouse. The sex itself is the best I've ever had. It's putting such a strain on the relationship that he is ready to call it quits and that makes it all the more difficult. I need all help or advise that anyone can give me. Please help, email me at toehead64920@yahoo.com
I had the delayed ejaculation problem and brought duration down to reasonable levels when we wanted to....some occasions call for hours of sex :)
The answer was a combination of things for me:
quit recreational drugs and don't drink too much beforehand
hydrate, get lots of water ahead of time
stop all masturbation (this is a big one guys, you desensitize yourself and her vagina can't deliver the pressure on the penis like your hand does...do you want her or Rosy Palm?)
I preferred different positions than my partner (she wanted to look into each others eyes, I like doggie style). We compromised on this, I explained I wasn't objectifying her, it's just my "kink". Now we do both, we do my position until I'm about to cumm and then we switch to her position for the finish (and actually quite erotic).
This wasn't easy, but it worked for me.
Good luck fellas!
dear smallwonders-99, he has too stop jerking off, and focus on intercourse, and please u, i had that problem too, i jerked off so much, that when i finally got together with a woman, i couldn't reach orgasom, through intercourse, she got off, and i went soft, when i pulled out, but had no problem getting off ,if i jerked off, so he needs to practice getting off through intercourse only, and it also helps if u go down on a man, for a few Min's, then have sex, he must stop relying on masturbation, to get himself off, hope this helps.
I'm bisexual and I have this same problem. I think it originally started with delaying to ensure my female partner also had an orgasm.
I think frequent masturbation is also a contributing factor. Condom use also decreases the sensation. Ultra thin condoms are better.
It doesn't really bother me because I've gotten used to it and I feel no one can make me cum, like I can, but it does bother my current partner because he feels it's something that he's not doing right.
I am not masturbating as frequent, which seems to help.
When I got married my husband had a problem with ejaculation also. On our honeymoon we had sex all the time, but he rarely went. I was worried of course that I was doing something wrong. But we both got so worried about it that we started stressing about it.
It actually got to a point in our marriage where I noticed he wouldn't want to have sex cause he knew he wasn't going to go and we were going to get frusterated.
Finally we stopped worrying about it and tried to put it out of our minds and just enjoy the moments and it got better.
Now he doesn't really have a problems. Sometimes it takes longer, but he usually goes now.
Something that I notice that helped him was 4 play actually...Im not a huge fan of it but I notice that is got him going better. So guys try letting your girl play with you for a while until you are dying to have her and then see if that helps :)
I'm a 52 year old male. Recently it takes 30-45 to reach orgasm. I've always been able to complete in 20 minnutes or less. My wife is a great partner but she gets tired and can't keep going. We stop and stop and start and stop.
Way to often I've had to masturbate to finish and that steals the couple intimacy.
My boyfriend has this problem as well. He has never ejaculated during sex. I know part of it is because he just doesn't want me to get pregnant (which I understand but I'm on birth control *and* we use a condom). But apparently, he's always had this problem. We've tried so many different things to try and get him to ejaculate but it just doesn't happen. He always has to do it himself and it takes so much for him to orgasm. It's gotten to the point where he has rubbed a spot on him that is raw and has a scab on it. He says that sex with me is great and that I'm doing everything right but I can't help but feel helpless. Sometimes I do feel like he isn't attracted to me because he can orgasm quicker (it still takes a lot) when he watches porn by himself (or so he's told me). I love him very much and this has become a problem between us because I start feeling inadequate and that makes him upset. But this isn't exactly a problem that I can overlook (I don't exactly have the best self-esteem anyway and add this on top of it). I've tried to convince him to see a doctor and I've mentioned going to see a sex therapist together but he just keeps saying that he'll think about it so that'll never happen. I just don't know how to get past this and allow him to relax enough to realize that I'm not going to get pregnant because we do take precautions. But I'm glad to see that this is somewhat of a common problem and it's just my boyfriend.
My husband and I have been together for going on seventeen years. He is the BEST sex I have ever had! He is a scorpio and I am an aries. Each time we make love I compare it to the last time. He is always fantastic! However, I am exhausted! He will not cum. He says it is beacuse he enjoys watching me and he loves to see how satisfied I am. When we first got married it bothered me a great deal and I felt like something was wrong. He swore it wasn't me. He says, he likes using the withdrawl method. I think it is something cultural with him. He said that his bothers told him when he was young this way you can not get a woman pregnant if you take it out before you cum. (Believe it or not the one time he left it in I got pregnant) Once he does take it out he still has to masturbate to cum and I have to ask him. Very rarely will he cum without me asking him, "are you gonna cum? Are you ready to cum?"
I just don't understand how a man can hold his stuff that long. Doesn't it hurt or get sore? He says that it doesn't hurt. Is this healthy or normal? I can't help but feel guilty... well only a tiny bit!!!!
First, make sure it's not related to any medication you may be taking. My Dr. switched me to a new antidepressant which caused me to "retain" as he put it. When he changed me back, the problem was diminished.
However, it still can take me a while. One of the women asked why guys would want to wait that long. Speaking from my own experience, I CAN'T cum until I know she has. Once I'm sure she has an orgasm, then it's "OK" for me to have mine. So, to help your partner, make sure he knows when you've orgasmed (yes. sometimes it's hard to tell. Depends on the woman) so he can feel OK about letting go.
To anonymous who wrote about Oxycontin: Are you serious? Oxycontin is the devil! It is a highly addictive central nervous system depressant that took away my sensation. Oxycontin is synthetic Morphine used to treat chronic pain, that should only be prescribed by a Pain Management Physician. Web MD, I am rather surprised that you did not delete this post! I lost 5 years from my life taking prescribed Oxycontin, became addicted and had to go to rehab to get off this drug. It is NOT a recreation drug, and with complete and total knowledge of this drug, have NEVER heard it prescribed for what this writer stated in his post. Readers should be cautioned about this drug!
I'm 26 and have same problem. I'm surprised that nobody offers a theory that some men might have same orgasm system as most women do. Most women can't reach orgasm very easily either. Some women have men traits and vice-cersa. Why can't this be a "womanly trait" that occurs in some men?
you lucky guys masturbating so much, that you cannot cum while intercourse...
i cannot cum because my testosterone-levels are so low. i don't get aroused, don't get erect. and i didn't cum for 10 years now, even with injecting testosterone 2 times a month for many years. i'm 45.
to the oxycontin comment:
do not think that oxycontin will help! I have had multiple back surguries, and dealing with pain right now. i am on oxycontin now for pain. it is the devil times 1000! i am stopping it on my own because of the horrible side effects. one being horrible sex side effects.when i am on oxycontin, i have no ability for erection, no sensation, little to no desire to have sex with my wife. my wife is very sexual, very hot, very beautiful. it's not my wife that has brought this problem to me, it is the oxycontin. do not even think of fooling with oxycontin to enhance your sex life. who in God's name told you that one?
My husband And I have been together for 8 years. He has never had a problem ejaculating until 1 month ago. We are both in our late 30's, and neither of us have the energy to go all night, so he can get off. He is starting to develop a complex about this problem. HELP
I am having a problem also. I am actually a girl, so shouldn't it kind of come naturally? My boyfriend and I have been having sex for a couple months now. I am running out of ideas because it's not like its bad.....I really like just haven't ever ejaculated. If anyone has ANY ideas, they would be much appreciated. Please just email me at beachbum1212@live.com. Thanks!!
I thought we were the only ones with that problem. I don't get frustrated but he does most of the time.He tried masturbation , videos and such but nothing seems to work.
I've been doing some internet search and I came up with a homepage about "milking your prostate"?Has any one heard about it or done it?
ty
Wow I'm glad I found this site, I didn't think anyone else had the problem I do. I went almost 4 years without sex and now my girlfriend and I have a very healthy sex life, it's incredible every time and I couldn't be more attracted to her, but a lot of the time, I just can't orgasm. It's almost like I lose the build-up and it just goes away, however, I have no problem maintaining erection or arousal, I just cant cum, then sometimes I have no problem at all. She is very understanding about the issues, but I don't want it to happen anymore. I can masturbate and orgasm without much problem, but I don't feel satisfied unless I orgasm from sex with her. I want to be able to do it every time because although she says I please her and satisfy her and she always orgasms, I worry that I'm dissapointing her and I don't want to do that. Any help would be much appreciated you can send it to my email Shadesablue1@yahoo.com Thanks
I wonder how many of these anorgasmic men overindulge in porn.
My husband is having a very hard time. He can get an erection and have sex long enough to satisfy me, but he is not able to have an orgazm. Not even with oral sex. Can anyone help me with what this might be? He says he's still attracted to me, but it makes me wonder.
I am so glad to have found this discussion board, but disappointed with the lack of suggestions. My husband and I had frequent, wonderful sex in the beginning of our relationship and it was not until later I realized that he very rarely ejaculates. The problem has only worsened as time has gone on and I feel like we have tried everything except prescription drugs which apparently do not exist. We have a healthy and fulfilling relationship, but sex is usually stressful for both of us. "Just relax" is not exactly the easiest thing to accomplish when the issue has gone on for so long.
No offense to anyone, but what's the purpose of a site like webMD and all of the comments left by concerned individuals if there isn't any medical expert to give advice or comment?
I "suffer" from two problems: The inability to keep an erection for very long and/or the inability to ejaculate while inside my partner.
She and I both use to think that I had/have ED and that's how we're treating it (with ED drugs). That helps with the length of my erections but DOES NOTHING for the inability to ejaculate.
Like a lot of the previous comments, I too, at times, can go on and on and on (until she tires) without ejaculating. Other times, I can't do either.
I was hoping that webMD offered more than just message boards where similar people share and comment on similar problems.
Frustrated in Fort Wayne
To the last post as well as others-WHERE ARE THE MEDICAL SOLUTIONS? I did see WEB MD answer the one post- posted about the 74 year old. But that was it. Is there no solution? Is that why there are no MD responses? I AM grateful to see that my boyfriend and I are not alone-this is a huge relief!my.cello@hotmail.com
To all who are asking questions about specific situations:
There are links within Dr. Cole Weston's post which lead you to more information about delayed ejaculation. Because of the nature of the Internet, it's not possible for her to give you any information that's specific to your situation, whether on a message board or in blog comments.
If you are concerned about your situation you need to make an appointment with a qualified health professional and ask those questions after a physical examination and discussion of your specific symptoms.
Here are some additional links to information which you might find helpful:
Overcoming Ejaculation Problems
When Viagra Isn't Helpful
Coping with Side Effects of AntiDepressants.
I have had a very active sex life with many sexual partners, all of which I shared satisfying sex with. However, I have recently begun taking anti-depression and anti-anxiety drugs which I find makes it difficult to ejaculate and reduces the amount of semen which I discharge. I can go on much longer than my partner needs for her to reach orgasm. Any suggestions for medication that can counter-act these symptoms? I do not have ED so please do not recommend Viagra, Cialis, etc.
Mr. marathon
OK this is working for me - first, I didn't masturbate for several days. When I finally did, I tired new things and I paid close attention to what I liked, and what got me close. What speed (pretty slow for me, rather than the fast pace I'd used before)? Where (the head, mostly; not a lot of reaction to the shaft, but interestingly enough, the pubic region was a winner, too)? How tight (held loosely vs the death grip)? etc. Then I didn't have sex again for a few days and while masturbating, just did the things I really liked. Finally, after a few more days, I was able to tell my partner what I liked him to do. It took a few times, but it was worth it. It doesn't work all the time - sometimes I have to roll over and just masturbate, and sometimes it just doesn't happen, but it's a good start.
To everyone, I once too had this problem. What I found out was that I had gotten use to the more firmer hold of my hand instead the looser feel of womans vagina. To solve my problem I reduced the amount of times that I masturbated, when I did masturbate I made certain to lubricate my penis and hold it less firmly. At first it took longer but shortly there after I was ejaculating sooner. In part of my foreplay with my wife I would rub my penis against her body firmly, building up the desire to have intercourse in me and her. I did this for 10 to 15 minutes while alternating positions and stimulating other parts of her body. Once we would have intercourse I would cum with in 15 minutes. Hopes this helps.
Reading these posts is amazing.
I thought I was the only one that had this problem.
I honestly have yet to meet a woman that complains but then again, I rarely end up in a relationship longer then a few months, so I have to assume that my partners ( both past and present ) never really reach that "comfort zone" of being 100% honest with me about something like this.
I do ejaculate when I have sex about 1/2 to 2/3 the time but only if I really, really concentrate on trying to. I have to literally close my eyes and let my mind lock on the one thing that gets me there. Not always easy to do depending on the woman you are with. I have to admit it used to make me feel like superman himself when I was younger... but not so much anymore.
About half the time now I acutally start going soft before I get off. That was never a problem in my teens and twenties, but now in my late 30s, I realize my body probably just can't keep an erection for two hours plus anymore.
About half the time now, I just get my partner off to the point where she can take no more and just stop and cuddle & talk or whatever.
I am not on any medication and never had any condition that would require any, so I know it's not related to anything like that. It just does get frustrating.
I do have one very close friend with the opposite problem who shakes his head when we talk about stuff like this and tells me he would kill to be able to go for hours and not get off.
I tell him every time... it's not as great as you think.
It sucks actually.
Hey I have the delayed/no ejuactlion issue. I have been on prozac for years and never had this problem really. But in the last 1-2 years I have not been able to cum. I have been with more then one girl and had the same issue. I can't eaven cum during masterbation. When I am with a girl I can go for hours on end (last time was over 8 hours) but still was unable to cum. The sex was great. So what is wrong? Anyone have any advice? E-mail me at revhayden@msn.com thanks.
Hi my problem is very similar to those that have posted comments
im with my girlfriend having sex or oral sex and i cannot orgasm
but when im masterbating i can come usually pretty quickly within like 5 minutes or so i even was masterbating in front of her and couldnt come
Any advice ?? i would really appreciate it i fell terrible for making my girlfriend doubt herself please help me email me with any suggestions at d_11184@hotmail.com
i cant orgasm when i have sex with my girlfriend well my last 3 girlfriends have never been able to make me come
but when i am masterbating alone i can orgasim within a few minutes
any help here? i feel terrible for making my girlfriend feel bad
please email me and suggestions i would really appreciate it knowing im not the only guy out here with this problem i mean im only 23
d_11184@hotmail.com
i have the same problem, my lack of orgasm has been getting worst i used to go pretty quick then i started getting longer and longer and some times not at all and lately i dont at all. some help please.also i have troule staying erect
I have recently started seeing the most wonderful man I have ever met, and sex is great between us, but he cannot orgasm. I have tried so hard to make him have an orgasm, but I can't seem to do it. He has been overseas and he has had some really horrible experiences in his life. I believe he has PTSD, and that may have something to do with it. Since he came back from Iraq he has been married and had a son. I have children of my own. I sometimes feel that he hasn't recovered from the breakup from his wife, and that he may want to be back with her. Then I think about the horrible things that he saw in Iraq and think maybe that could be the problem. I try so hard to get him to climax, just to plese him because I almost feel like I'm almost being selfish, because Ialways have at least one orgasm. my main insecurity is that since this relationship is so new, he may feel that if I can't please him, that he could easily find someone else that could. I am so insecure about the siuation, and he tells me that our sex life is amazing for me, but I really am starting to feel that he doesn't feel the same way. I've tried to block it out, but I now realize that it could be a bigger problem than just not getting off. I feel like he is the best thing that has happened to me in so long, and I don't want to lose him to his ex-wife or to this ejacuation problem. I am already head over heels for this man and I will do anything to keep him mine alone. Anyone with advise, please help.
-thanks
Vulnerable
Hi!
My boyfriend has the same problem/issue. He says it's not me and that he's always had this problem. I just want to know how we can fix it or at least make it so he can somewhat sooner. It's come to the point where it actually hurts me and then we have to stop or we'll keep going and it hurts even more. HELP! I want to "please" my man the way he can please me!
Please reply back: sunshine4673@gmail.com
Ive had this problem myself for many years. Its a great comfort to find out Im not the only one!! Is there a dedicated discussion forum for this?
i feel your pain when it comes to this certian problem. i have dated a wonderful guy over the last four years (on again off again.) but when we got back together within the last six months this "problem" has devolped. It has damaged our relationship, because quite simply i don't want to have sex with him if he doesn't get off. I have done a lot of research about delayed ejaculation and still feel like i come up short. Basically from i have read it seems that delayed ejacuation is a mental block. A lot of people don't overcome it easily. We have tried nearly everything, from role playing or watching porn... you name it we've tried it. if by any reason someone has overcome this "problem" and happens to come back to this page... PLEASE leave a comment.
Yours truly,
My boyfriend and I have been together a little less than a year now. He has only been able to orgasm like 4 or 5 times. This issue came up again. We can't understand what it is, b/c he says that he enjoys the sex as do I and we have sex at least 3 to 4 times a week. He's getting very frustrated b/c he can't orgasm. It would really suck to end it b/c of this b/c everything else is great in our relationship!
Can anyone help or give advice??
e-mail me @ cocostar14@yahoo.com
i feel that my girlfriend and i are in the same boat as smallwonders-99. she has a very...dark and emotional past when it comes to sex and it takes quite some time for me to Come although she will get three-five orgasms in. sometimes i do feel that i may be working too hard or my head's not in the right place, but she's been the first person i've EVER come with from sex in my 9 year history of partners. our love-making gets sensual, passionate, tantric and sometimes aggressive...she's only faked on me once. and i love that, i tell her all of the time just b/c i don't ejaculate it doesn't mean i didn't enjoy myself...but i may sneak away to masturbate just for a release. looking down the list of comments it's amazing to know i'm not the only one, but sheesh, we all could use some help, i'm thinking. i'm thinking of marrying her but we've discussed that this is a bit of a problem for her. sometimes i think she's seeing someone else who "appreciates" her. it's Hell. any advice? email me at slytenymph@yahoo.com
My boyfriend and I have sex on a regular basis, multiple times a week, several times a night. But he cannot ejaculate. His reason is known, it's Prozac. I know this medication causes anorgasmia, but it is difficult for a woman to deal with sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I love having sex with him and going for 3 to 4 hours at a time can be great, but it gets frustrating when you have no choice but to go that long and often still don't achieve the desired results.
There is a comment on here about "how many of these men overindulge in porn?". I have to say that this is ridiculous that our society automatically jumps to the conclusion that a man is getting off somewhere else, so that must be the reason he can't with his woman. My boyfriend does not own porn and does not watch porn, and still takes 4 hours to finish.
Those of you out there on this medication, please know you aren't alone. It does get better, but we have yet to find "the" trick!
My husband and I are on a 3-week abstinance because of a semen analysis test and we wanted to know will it hurt the test results if we make love and he not ejaculate?
Ive been with the father of my child 4 2 years. We have sex at least 3 to 4 times a week and for some reason I have never had an orgasim with him or anyone else. I love him and the sex is good so why is it that I have yet to reach the big O?
me and my bf have sex all the time...atleast 3 to 4 times a day, but ne never cums...ever. the only way he can reach his peak is when he masturbates and even then, he cant have an erection...i constantly ask him if im doing soemthing wrong but he says everything is good...and he is always eager to have sex. so i dont understand the problem...help.
baby90731@yahoo.com
To anyone who can't ejuclate with their partner (girl) don't know about same sex problems, I can say that if you masterbate a lot your brain can get to a point that it takes a lot of pressure on your equipment to get it to pop. So if you can do it yourself and not with your partner it may be due to the fact that she isn't ever going to be as tight as your had can be. My answer leave it alone for a long time and only let her do the touching. Your mind and body will change and you should be fine. This is of course if you are not using drugs for pain or have lower back/nerve problems which could cause actual damage.
So hands off and be patent so all will be good. Start with your partner getting you off with her hands or oral and or both. Also it doesn't hurt to spend a night of just pleasing her and getting horney but not trying to get off, very sensual.
I've been dating a man for almost 2 years and he's finished maybe three times. He kept saying "its not you...its me" and "its been like this my whole life"...come to find out he's a porn addict and has been masturbating so much no woman will ever be able to get him off, EVER! He generally lives in a fantasy world and when he gets close to a real vagina..can't produce. I read a posting on here at the beginning that said the poster thinks of other woman, or porn or fantasy to get off while being with his girl/wife...do you know what that will do to her if/when she finds out. Your selfish if your doing that and you should feel guilty. Instead of seeking out an answer to your problem, you just treat your girlfriend/wife like a Whore for your bidding and your not a man. Do you not think we notice the "look" when your no longer in our World and off in your own in your head! For those of you with legit medical issues, seek help, for those of you who don't think porn desensitizes you and objectifies women, your mistaken. You will only have casual partners and never have a caring,loving relationship. If your not man enough to openly speak to your women about an obvious problem, you need to seek couples therapy because you have no hope! If your a porn addict..actually its a compulsion your either a closet Gay/bisexual man or just a looser.
"but my question to all you men out there is, why did he feel compelled to not climax on purpose?" -
We as men hear so much talk and negative vibes about not lasting long enough, that the fear of being labeled a "minute man," stays in the back of our minds. For some the need, pressure, or desire to please our partner keeps us from enjoying simply being intimate with someone.
As for the idea of being desensitized by porn, I don't doubt that it happens. But in the same accord, people tend to look externally for what they are not getting at home. I'm not trying to make excuses, but if a person in a r