Sexual Curiosity
There are questions from time to time on the Sex Matters message board from concerned parents who have just caught Johnny or Janie in the closet with their friend checking out each other's genitalia. These parents are afraid that their child has somehow discovered sexuality at far too early an age.
Here are some tips for handling this situation and understanding what it's really all about.
With same-gender friends, if you happen to walk in on it, simply say, "I see that you are showing each other your penis (or vulva, if they're girls). They look very much alike, don't they? Since it looks like you've figured that out, let's have everybody get their pants zipped up. What should we do next? Let's go play some soccer [or whatever]."
If it's a female child with whom he's doing this and you walk in on it: "I see that you are showing each other your penis and vulva [I'm for using the actual words]. They look a bit different, don't they? Since it looks like you've figured that out, let's have everybody get their clothes back on. What should we do next? Let's go play some soccer."
The point I am making is that the event can be acknowledged for what it is -- a fact finding mission. That's what six-year olds want to understand. They are little scientists who want to understand.
Adults mistakenly often ascribe adult sexual meaning to what is often as sexual as a trip to a museum. So, calmly describe it as a fact-finding mission, have everyone get dressed, and then go do something kind of neutral -- like play soccer in the back yard.
If an adult treats this discovery as having caught the kids with their guilty hands in the cookie jar, the intrigue about doing it will be set in motion. If it's calmly acknowledged and then you move on, it might happen a time or two more (use the same strategy), you will be seen as the person to come to when there are questions about sex or the genitals. And, that's exactly what you want to be -- an askable parent.
Related Links:Talking to Your Child About Sex, Questions and Answers about Sex
WebMD abstracts:For additional information and resources on sexual health and sexuality information, The Kinsey Institute, named for famed researcher Alfred Kinsey, has information on sex education, gender issues, sex therapy and much more.
Here are some tips for handling this situation and understanding what it's really all about.
With same-gender friends, if you happen to walk in on it, simply say, "I see that you are showing each other your penis (or vulva, if they're girls). They look very much alike, don't they? Since it looks like you've figured that out, let's have everybody get their pants zipped up. What should we do next? Let's go play some soccer [or whatever]."
If it's a female child with whom he's doing this and you walk in on it: "I see that you are showing each other your penis and vulva [I'm for using the actual words]. They look a bit different, don't they? Since it looks like you've figured that out, let's have everybody get their clothes back on. What should we do next? Let's go play some soccer."
The point I am making is that the event can be acknowledged for what it is -- a fact finding mission. That's what six-year olds want to understand. They are little scientists who want to understand.
Adults mistakenly often ascribe adult sexual meaning to what is often as sexual as a trip to a museum. So, calmly describe it as a fact-finding mission, have everyone get dressed, and then go do something kind of neutral -- like play soccer in the back yard.
If an adult treats this discovery as having caught the kids with their guilty hands in the cookie jar, the intrigue about doing it will be set in motion. If it's calmly acknowledged and then you move on, it might happen a time or two more (use the same strategy), you will be seen as the person to come to when there are questions about sex or the genitals. And, that's exactly what you want to be -- an askable parent.
Related Links:Talking to Your Child About Sex, Questions and Answers about Sex
WebMD abstracts:For additional information and resources on sexual health and sexuality information, The Kinsey Institute, named for famed researcher Alfred Kinsey, has information on sex education, gender issues, sex therapy and much more.
7 Comments:
This is the first time I have ever posted a comment about anything online, as I usually avoid blogs, my space, et al. But I feel very fortunate to have discovered this article the same day my five-year old son was discovered "exploring" his genitalia with his best friend (also male) at pre-k.
Knowing both of these children, I had no doubt that either of them children were anything other than curious. I was, however, worried that this event would snowball into a much bigger problem that I definately did not want to face. I feared that they would have a hangup or regression or future promescuity... the list goes on and on. And the most intimidating part of all, was how my awkward response would be the trigger for it!
Thank you for providing the science to support what my gut was telling me all along, what any healthy and sane (those who would call a pre-schooler a degenerate, this is for you)adult would know without question. And for giving us some direction on how to approach the subject with the "big boys" we are hoping to help grow into intelligent, thoughtful men.
I walked in on my six year old twin nephews, one of whom was fellatiung the other. I was shocked and did not know what to say. It seems to me that they are beyond the curious stage. Sould I tell my sister about this incident? She and their father have recently separated and she doean't want us (her family) speaking to him.
My 6 year olds daycare "caught" her and some same sex friends showing their genetleia to one another, I (the father) was summoned to the office and felt accusations of wrongdoing from me were being insinuated. This is a government based daycare, and I feel as though these instructors need more information like this. They were in complete shock that this would happen...
Iam a mother of six year old boy who just caught him and his male friend next door eploring each other. I must say that... I was very upset and I did raise my voice at first and I spoke with them and made them tell me why?whose idea? Has this happened before? In the end I told them they were not to feel ashamed or bad but they are not permitted to ever do this again and they could tell I was very upset. Im not sure I handled the whole sitution right??? But I did stress to them that this was a normal curiousity. By the end of the evening I was talking with my son and asking him What did they do together when they got naked and to my surprise he said his friend told him to put his birdie to hiney. I dont think its possiable that could actually happen but, is this normal for a seven yr old to ask a six yr old to do this?? Im hoping Im just making a moutian out of a mole. I feel very sad over the whole situation and yes I did tell the other boys parents as I felt this was the right thing to do AS I do NOT want this to EVER happen again!
Thank you for any helpful polite advise!
I caught my six year old girl touching her self in her room by herself.. I was SHOCKED and scared not knowing what to do. My first reaction was to ask why and if she was sexually molested by someone else. She fist said no. Then 2 days later I caught her again and did the same. She then told me an 8 Y/O boy did touch her once in her private part. I don't know what to do or what to say to her. I can't believe a six year old can do this. I need some advise on how to handle my daughters situation. My girl told my she's touched herself twice only but Im afraid its been more than twice. She swears to me that boy has only touched her once. By the way I will talk to that boys parents.
PLEASE HELP.. can someone respond to this ?
to last poster called "mom"
I was six when I first discovered how to pleasure myself and I masturbated frequently for about a month, maybe two. And then I got a little bit bored and forgot about it for years. I am in my forties now and have a healthy sex life. I think most kids begin to masturbate around 6. She may not have been molested by the 8 year old but rather just told you that because you freaked out and suggested it. She may have been, of course. But I would not assume something like this triggered her masturbation.
Thank you for the information!
Our concern is we have caught our 6 yr-old boy asking our 3 yr-old girl to take off her clothes. Your response sounds like a good start, but to protect our daughter (or other younger girls), don't we need to go further? Even if she took her clothes off herself, she is still being taken advantage of because she loves her brother and would do what he asks. They had shared a room but now we're thinking separate rooms and separate baths etc. He's also horrified whenever she sees him change which is probably a good thing but perhaps there's too much concern there? He's only 6!
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