Sexual Responsiveness and Masturbation

A very common reason for delayed ejaculation is this: Most men have their first orgasm through masturbation. Many men go on to have quite a few more orgasms by continuing to take matters into their own hands. And, many men exert much more pressure with their hands than they are likely to experience during intercourse. In doing so, they essentially train themselves to sexually respond to lots of pressure.

One reason young males use strong pressure during masturbation is they're often rushing to finish so they don't get caught. Then, as adults, they mistakenly think they need that same pressure to reach orgasm. I've had quite a few therapy clients learn to reach orgasm with a partner if they practice self-stimulation slowly and with much less pressure than usual. You can do this any time, whether you're with a partner or not. Of course, avoid self-stimulation just before you're likely to be sexual with another person.

"Working" at sex seldom works well - whether you're doing the working or being worked on. At the root of this approach to sex is the belief that there is a formula for how sex is supposed to go. This belief is one of the main reasons that people get into sexual difficulties. Formulas are essential to create chemical reactions, but they nearly always stymie sexual reactions.

Teach your partner how to stimulate you by hand in the way you like best. Many think that most men like the same things. While there tends to be some common characteristics, good sex can become great sex if subtle nuances and personal favorites are part of it.

This means that you'll want to be in a state of mind that welcomes the sexual sensations your partner is offering you. Set aside concerns about how you look as you become aroused. Luxuriate in the physical gifts you're getting moment by moment.

Related Topics: Dr Ruth Talks About Sex, Sexual Fitness for Men

Sex Matters® on the Internet

I have not sought positions within the hierarchy of the sexuality organizations. I much prefer to attend the conferences, hear the sexuality research presented and then translate that information into something that is useful to people in their every day lives. That's why writing for WebMD has suited me so well. I find it particularly frustrating when scientists and physicians are unable to explain in plain language what their work means and its impact on the average person.

So, here I am now with a half-time therapy practice near Sacramento, CA and writing for WebMD. It suits me fine and works out well with my family. I feel involved in life as a professional person and still able to be the kind of parent and wife that I want to be. I feel quite fortunate about how my life has worked out.

One of the great things about this area of work is that it's recession-proof and has so much room for research -- there's never a lull or downturn. Anyone with the stamina to get through grad school and the licensing process (no small tasks) can really design their work in the sex field to suit him or herself -- there's research, education and clinical work to choose from or mix as one pleases. I have many colleagues whose professional lives look quite different from mine and who are yet quite fulfilled. It's a good field and it's a field that does some good. It's been a very fulfilling part of my life and it's easy for me to say that I have enjoyed nearly every day of my work a great deal.

Related Topics: Is Sexuality Hardwired?, Sizing Up Sex Lives

Foreplay - Don't Rush It

There's another common approach to sex that slows things down. Often intercourse is begun too soon in the sexual encounter. Often men with delayed ejaculation have the idea that they'd better start working at it early on because they fear that their partner will tire out if the whole experience takes what they think is "too long." This leads to missing many erotic experiences that build the arousal level - not to mention missing out on a lot of fun.

Rushing to intercourse, in essence, short-circuits things. Many people feel that going straight to intense genital stimulation numbs what could be intense pleasure if only one's partner built up to it.

I hope you'll come visit my WebMD Sex Matters® message board for answers to your questions!

Related Topics: Sex and Intimacy, Secrets of the Sexually Satisfied Woman